| This article is under the scope of the Transcript Cleanup Project and has yet to be cleaned up to a higher standard of quality. It may contain errors, spelling, grammar and structure issues, or inconsistent formats, or be incomplete. Reader's discretion is advised until fixing is done.|
You can help clean up this page by correcting spelling and grammar, removing factual errors and rewriting sections to ensure they are clear and concise, moving some elements when appropriate, and helping complete the transcript.
(The episode opens with Mordecai and Rigby eating cereal, and then they run off, leaving their bowls on the table. Benson enters the kitchen and puts the bowls in the sink and begins washing them. Pops is seen watching Benson from outside and has an idea. Muscle Man and with High Five Ghost are seen trying to dig up a tree stump with a shovel. Muscle Man wipes off his sweat and Benson pulls up beside him in the Golf Cart. Benson offers drinks to Muscle Man, but Muscle Man only pours them all over his head and he and High Five Ghost run away. The scene changes back over to Benson's office, where it's now five o' clock and Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, and Pops are seen running by the door. Pops stops by Benson's office and tells him something. Benson doesn't seem interested and Pops slowly walks away. Benson continues his work through the night and eventually leaves. The others are seen by a campfire where Pops notices Benson driving away so late. Pops then comes up with a plan and the scene changes back over to morning with everyone talking. All but Benson sit on the steps to the house.)
Benson: Alright, everyone. Quiet down. We got the usual same old same old today... (He flips through papers on his clipboard as he reads aloud.) Muscle Man and High Fives, mow the lawn. Skips, prepare the garbage disposal. And Mordecai and Rigby, I need you to get rid of the possums living in the attic.
Mordecai: Aw... again?
Rigby: Those guys are back like every week!
Benson: Like I said: the usual same old, same old. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my office. (Walks back toward his office)
Mordecai: Come on, dude...let's get the hose...
(Everyone walks off, but Pops stays behind and watches as Benson heads back inside.)
Pops: Everyone, wait!
(The others stop walking.)
Mordecai: What is it, Pops?
Pops: Shhh... Follow me. (Leads the others behind some bushes) I've brought you to my secret place to discuss Benson. Tomorrow marks the tenth anniversary of his employment at the Park!
Thomas: Ten years?
Rigby: No wonder he looks so used up...
Pops: I'd like to present him with a gift at tomorrow morning's meeting as a token of our appreciation.
Mordecai: That's a great idea, Pops.
Muscle Man: Yeah, guys like Benson need recognition to feel good about themselves.
Pops: Well, then, what should we get him?
(Everyone starts thinking aloud)
Mordecai: How about a wallet?
Skips: A new plaque for his desk?
Pops: Porcelain cufflinks!
Thomas: A box of-
(He gets cut off)
Hi-Five Ghost: A gold-plated clipboard.
Muscle Man: A snow globe.
Thomas: A box of-
(Gets cut off again)
Mordecai: A monogrammed business shirt?
Skips: A box of chocolates.
Thomas: A box of-
(Gets cut off)
Hi-Five Ghost: A pair of socks.
(Thomas stares, annoyed)
Thomas: A box of-
Muscle Man: A glow in the dark business tie.
Thomas: (Angry) A box of pens!!
Pops: Hmm... There must be something more meaningful we can give Benson.
Rigby: (Snerks) Oh, I know. Why don't we get him a mug that says, "World's Best Boss"? (Snickers) Am I right?
Muscle Man: (Laughs) Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Pops: I agree. That's the perfect gift for Benson.
(Everyone except for a surprised Rigby agrees.)
Rigby: Wait, what? But he's not really the world's best boss. He's an okay boss. Not the best boss. That's the joke.
Mordecai: Dude, there's no such thing as the world's best boss. It's just a cool gift.
Pops: Then it's settled. To the mall!
(Scene shifts to the Mall. Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost and Thomas walk to a mug stand called MUGS 'R' US, with it's clerk reading a magazine.)
Mordecai: Aw, yeah! Mug shop! Let's find this thing and then head to food court for some cinnamon buns.
(Scene shows a slide of the different mugs, but none of them are the World's Best Boss Mug.)
Mordecai (continued): Dude, I don't see it.
Rigby: (Grabs a mug) Me either.
Skips: Keep looking. We'll find it.
Muscle Man: (Taps Rigby's right shoulder) Hey, Rigby.
(Rigby turns and walks right into a mug in the shape of a butt. Muscle Man laughs, and Rigby wipes his face in disgust.)
Muscle Man: Aw, sick, Rigby just touched this butt with his face. (Laughs)
Rigby: Knock it off! (Slaps Muscle Man's mug away)
Muscle Man: Whatever, dude, just keep your face away from my mug.
(Pops walks over to the mug kiosk's clerk.)
Pops: Excuse me, do you have any World's Best Boss mugs?
Clerk: Sorry, we're all out, bro.
Pops: Oh, no!
Rigby: (Grumbles) Let's just go home.
Mordecai: No, dude, one of these stores has to have it. Let's just split up and find it.
(Everyone starts walking in different directions. Muscle Man and Rigby walk away together.)
Muscle Man: (Laughs) I still can't believe you touched that butt with your face.
Rigby: (Annoyed) Stop talking!
(A montage begins with Mordecai searching for the mug. It then cuts to Pops, and switches to Muscle Man, who spins a mug stand and stops when it shows mugs in the form of butts and starts laughing. Then a slide shows the different mugs, such as World's Best Secretary, World's Best Janitor and finally World's Best Boss, but it has a sign of Sold Out in it. After Mordecai grabs a mug off a shelf, Pops is seen holding a mug that has a mustache similar to his. Rigby then shows Pops and Mordecai a World's Best Janitor mug with the word 'janitor' crossed out and replaced with 'boss'. Then it shows Mordecai, Rigby, Pops and Skips pointing at the mall map. Each one then enters a different store and comes out, disappointed. The Park workers walk around the mall for a bit, then we cut to them sprinting through a strange mug dimension, leading them into a giant mug. Finally they arrive to a store called 100¢ AND MORE.)
Skips: This is the last store. If they don't have it, we're outta luck.
Mordecai: They have to have it. Come on.
(Everyone enters the store and walks towards the clerk)
Mordecai: Do you have any mugs that say "World's Best Boss"?
Clerk: (Scratches chin) "World's Best Boss", huh? Yeah, we have one more.
Clerk: Yeah, check the glasswork in the back.
(Everyone walks past the clerk)
High Five Ghost: I can't believe we finally found it.
Man: (Off-screen) Hey man, you got any, uh, World's Best Boss mugs?
(Everyone suddenly stops and looks shocked)
Clerk: Yeah, but I think those guys want it. (Points out the Park workers)
(The man and the workers stare at each other, then begin to run towards the mug. The man dashes ahead of them through a stand filled with basketballs. Rigby tries to catch up to him, but slams against a passing mall cart. We cut to Pops and Thomas chasing the man in a toilet paper section, but the man throws the paper across the floor and Thomas slips, making Pops falls onto him. Skips, Muscle Man and High Five Ghost are looking for the man when they see him running into a section.)
Skips: That way!
(They follow the man, but he then throws an entire stand onto them, trapping them. Cutting to Mordecai, he sees the mug a few steps away, but both him and the man run up to the stand and grab the mug.)
Mordecai: Let go!
Man: It's mine!
(As the two continue to fight, they both fling the mug into the air.)
Mordecai and Man: NOOOOOOO!!!
(In midair, Rigby tries to catch it)
Rigby: (Slow-mo) I got it!
(But he fails to catch it, and the mug smashes into a stand. The three of them look at the remains, shocked.)
Clerk: (Off-screen) You're gonna have to pay for that.
(The man then runs away.)
(The scene shifts back to the house's kitchen, where Skips is fixing the mug with glue and adding the last part of broken mug. Muscle Man is holding a coffee pot, with Pops and High Five Ghost in the kitchen as well.)
Pops: Did it work?
(Muscle Man pours coffee into the mug and is initially pleased, but the coffee spills from the mug's broken cracks, making it break. This annoys Muscle Man, who throws the coffee pot to the kitchen's wall and flips the table, proceeding to stomp the mug pieces.)
Pops: What are we going to do? We don't have anything to give Benson at tomorrow morning's meeting!
Skips: We'll think of something.
(Rigby enters the kitchen)
Rigby: Guys! We found it!
(Clock transition to the computer room, with everyone gathered around Mordecai on the computer.)
Mordecai: They're selling it on this website. Check it out! (Plays the website's video)
Announcer: Most bosses are horrible.
(A man is working on the computer and his boss enters his work station.)
Boss 1: Your wife and kids can wait, Johnson! I need those reports NOW!
Announcer: Some are good.
(A woman working in a fast food restaurant is frying fries, and her boss comes to see her.)
Boss 2: Nice work, Holly.
Announcer: A few are great.
(A business meeting is being held, and the boss enters with a pizza box.)
Boss 3: Pizza party!
(The meeting becomes a party)
Announcer: (The screen changes to a figure of a man. It then shows "World's Best Boss" in red, with a question mark slowly appearing in the middle.) But only one can be the "World's Best Boss". And doesn't the world's best boss deserve the world's best mug? (The question mark shifts into a mug spinning around, and a man grabs it and starts drinking out of the mug.) It's not just any mug, it's the best mug. The best mug in the world. (He then throws the mug to the ground, rips his shirt off, and begins to play a key-tar.) Order Now!
Pops: That's perfect!
Rigby: Yeah, and they guarantee overnight shipping.
Muscle Man: What are you waiting for, bro? Order it!
(Mordecai clicks the Order button.)
(Clock transition to the next morning, and everyone is waiting outside of the house.)
Mordecai: Argghh! What's taking so long?
Skips: It should be here by now.
Pops: I hope it arrives soon. Benson will be here any minute.
Muscle Man: It's probably just stuck in traffic.
Rigby: Dude, Muscle Man, what's with the tie?
Muscle Man: It's called business casual. I'm just trying to look nice for Benson's anniversary.
Thomas: Were we suppose to dress up?
(A horn is heard and the delivery truck arrives.)
Delivery Man: Delivery.
(Mordecai walks to the delivery man and takes the signing paper.)
Delivery Man: Sign here, please.
(Mordecai signs the paper and two man carry out the package, which is unusually large.)
Skips: Ehh... We ordered a regular size mug, right?
(The delivery truck leaves)
Rigby: That box is huge!
Mordecai: It must be full of packing peanuts or something.
Pops: I'll open it! (Walks to the package)
Pops: Benson will be so delighted wi- (As he opens the package, he is hit by an arm inside it.)
(A second arm then appears and both of them tear the box in half, revealing a man. He smirks and drinks from the World's Best Boss coffee mug, sighing after a sip. Mordecai, Rigby, and Muscle Man come to check on Pops.)
Muscle Man: Pops, are you okay?
Pops: (Grumbles in pain)
Mordecai: Dude, what's your problem?
Man: (Smoothly) If you order the World's Best Boss mug, you have to be prepared to meet the world's best boss. (Raises arms) Woo! (Walks towards the Park workers) Doug McFarland. At your service.
Muscle Man: Who cares who you are? Give us the mug!!
Doug: I'm afraid I can't do that. Only the world's best boss can drink from this mug. (Drinks from the mug)
Pops: Well, Benson is a far greater boss than you!
Rigby: And even if he isn't, we paid for that thing, so hand it over!
Doug: (Laughs) Or else what?
(The Park team huddles and Skips talks first.)
Skips: We don't have time for this. Benson will be here soon.
Muscle Man: He's only one dude. Lets just take it from him!
Thomas: Uhhh, do I have to do this too?
Mordecai: Alright, Doug. Hand it over.
(The team starts to walk up to Doug, but he pulls out his phone and dials for help. Four vans and a Motorbike reverse and dump boxes: one man breaks out of a box, then two more men break out of another box, then another man who is carried in by two people rips through packaging. The last box on the motorbike breaks open with a strong man coming out of it. The Park team stands together, looking shocked.)
Rigby: (Quietly) Uhh...
(The men who have broken out of boxes come together and line up next to Doug. He takes another sip from the cup.)
Doug: Oh, did you meet my staff? The best in the biz. They got me this mug, so you're gonna have to work it out with them.
(The Park team clenches their fists and raises them.)
Mordecai: Not a problem.
Doug: Ok, team. Top priority on today's agenda: teach these losers how we do business.
(Doug's employees and the Park team line up and face each other. The employee at the front of Doug's line then shouts, and the Park team does the same, starting the battle. Both lines then charge at each other and begin to fight. Mordecai punches one of the employees, but Pops gets punched by one. Rigby flings himself onto the strongest employee's face, growling. The employee swiftly pushes him to the ground, however. Muscle Man tackles an employee, but gets punched right after. Thomas and another employee walk by, tussling.)
Doug: Looking good, gentlemen. (He raises his mug in the air and takes a sip out of it, whilst walking forward.) Extra vacation days for the guy with the most knockouts!
(McGinley punches Mordecai to the ground.)
Doug: I'm liking the initiative, McGinley. (Takes another sip out of the cup)
(Muscle Man is being held down by one of Doug's staff when the employee receives a telephone call answers it.)
Doug: (On phone) Rogers, shred the T.I.E. report.
Rogers: T.I.E. report?
Doug: (Points to Muscle Man's tie with his cup) Yeah, the T.I.E. report.
Muscle Man: (Looks down at his tie) Oh no, bro.
(Rogers is on the phone to Doug)
Rogers: I'm on it, sir.
(Rogers brings in a transparent paper shredder, switches it on, and places Muscle Man's tie into the shredder blades, with him still tied to it. Muscle Man's tie is being shredded bit by bit, with Rogers holding him down. Muscle Man then starts to squeal in worry. Benson suddenly comes walking in the scene with his clipboard, looking at the papers.)
Benson: Guys, none of the chores were done yester-- (Benson briefly pauses to look at the chaotic fight unfolding in front of his eyes.) What the...? (He then holds both hands up in the air, the clipboard being in one, and yells:) What are you guys doing?!
Mordecai: (Being strangled by one of Doug's staff, he speaks hoarsely) Uhhh... (Grunts) Can you come back in a couple of minutes? (Grunts again) It's suppose to...be a surprise...
(Mordecai gets punched, making him groan. Doug then turns around after seeing Benson, and walks towards him.)
Doug: Oh. So you must be Benson. Can't say I'm impressed with what I've seen so far. (Raises arms) Wooo!
Doug: I can't believe your employees thought you deserve this mug.
Benson: Mug? (To the Park workers) What is this guy talking about?
Rigby: (Struggles with an employee) We wanted to get you a World's Best Boss mug for your anniversary! (Gets punched down and shouts in pain)
Benson: That's ridiculous, I'm far from being the world's best anything. And why would I want a mug? Just stop, guys.
Mordecai: (Has his arms held back by an employee) No! You deserve it, Benson! You're a good boss! (Gets punched by a different worker)
Pops: (Stands off with an employee) Indeed! You've never missed a day of work! (The employee punches him, and he falls down the house's steps.)
(An employee sweeps his leg under Skips, and he falls flat under the garage door.)
Skips: And you stayed later than anyone else. (The garage door of the house is dropped onto him.) Oww!
(Thomas is kneed into the chest and he falls to the ground, holding the hit spot.)
Thomas: (In pain) You always remember my name...
Rigby: (His head is being held by a hand) And even though you're mad most of the time, its usually our fault...! (He groans as he's elbowed into the ground.)
Doug: Aw, how sweet. (Takes a sip from the mug)
Benson: What are you doing? Call off your guys!
Doug: You can't stop in the middle of a job. Let the employees work it out.
(Benson looks at his reflection on the World's Best Boss mug, and frowns. He then sees Muscle Man being held down by Doug's staff, his tie nearly shredded while he continues to squeal. Benson becomes angry, runs towards Muscle Man, and punches the staff holding him down. The employee loses grip, and Muscle Man grabs the shredder and puts it over the staff's head. He then kicks the employee's head and he falls to the ground. Benson and Muscle Man run towards Skips.)
Doug: What are you doing?
(The strong employee is about to step on Skips' head, but Muscle Man lunges towards the him from behind and crushes his head into the side wall of the stairs. He grabs the man and throws him down on the ground while Benson frees Skips.)
Doug: Stop them!
(Benson and Pops are back to back, punching any of Doug's staff that approach them, and High Five Ghost frees Mordecai by pulling on one of the employee's shirts and pushing him off the balcony of the house.)
Benson: Everybody together!
(Benson, Mordecai, Pops, and High Five Ghost break the banister and use it as a charging pole. They push three of Doug's employees into the other banister and they fall into the bushes.)
Doug: No, you can't do that! (The Park team gathers together and approaches him, who is still holding the mug in his hand.) What kind of a boss are you?
Benson: The world's best boss.
(Benson punches Doug and he falls backwards, dropping the mug and landing in the delivery van. He then falls on the hand brakes, hits the side window, and falls onto the acceleration pedal. This drives the delivery van forwards, where it collides with a passing truck and turns into an obliterated black mess. Mordecai then picks up the mug and wipes it with his hand.)
Mordecai: Here, Benson. You earned this.
Muscle Man: (Swings his jumper in the air) Woo-woo!
Benson: (Takes the mug) Thanks, guys. I know that I'm not the best boss in the world, but it's nice to have a mug that says that I am. Now... (Shows the field of employees laying on the ground) CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!
(Benson walks away with the mug in his hand, and the Park employees stand in silence.)
(End of "World's Best Boss".)