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This page is the transcript for "Ugly Moons".

(Episode begins at the Space Tree.)

Colonel Rawls: (Doing push-ups) Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine.(The phone rings, interrupting Rawls' routine. Growling in irritation, he picks it up and answers)

Rawls: Rawls speaking. What's that? Meteor? Heading right towards the Space Tree? Activate space binoculars! (He sits down, looks inside the binoculars and then he sees a face of himself) What in the--? Decrease magnification!

(The space binoculars zooms out to see space bush men pulling their pants down with Rawls' face on their underwear)

Unknown Man: Got you again, Rawls! (Laughs)

Rawls: (Groans) SPACE BUSH!!!

(cut to Muscle Man in Rawls' office)

Rawls: Do you know why I brought you here, Muscle Man?

Muscle Man: If this is about the quantum toilet, it was backed up when I got there.

Rawls: What? No! This is way bigger than that! I'm talking serious stuff here! I'm talking pranks.

Muscle Man: Sir?

Rawls: Allow me to explain. (he brings up a hologram of the man from his watch) This is Carlton Tanner of the Space Bush station: our long-time rivals. He's been pranking me since our days in the academy. So many stink bombs! So many wet willies! I can still feel them in there, squirming around!

Muscle Man: What does that have to do with me?

Rawls: I've tried to get back at Tanner for years, but he's just too good! (he switches off the hologram) Muscle Man, I believe you're the greatest prankster in the galaxy! I need you to prank Tanner!

Muscle Man: What's in it for me, Rawls?

Rawls: What's in it for you? Equipment! Personnel! The power of the Space Tree at your disposal! And the opportunity to pull off the biggest prank in space history.

Muscle Man: Pranking in space? I'm in!

(Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, and Rawls enter the Space Tree's Prank Division, and it is packed with scientists and pranking gear.)

Muscle Man: Whoa...

Rawls: Oh, yeah. We don't mess around. (he leads Muscle Man to a scientist examining something through a microscope) How's everything coming, Professor Prankenstein?

Prankenstein: I've told you, it's pronounced Pronk-en-steen! Here, have a look for yourself. (Muscle Man looks through the microscope and sees...)

Muscle Man: Ugh! It's puke!

Prankenstein: Correction: FAKE puke! It looks real to the untrained eye, does it not? It even smells like the real thing! (he sniffs it and grows nauseated. He then leads the three over to a table) This is my latest creation. It may not look like much, but when combined with an average dinner mint, it becomes so much more!

(Muscle Man watches as a robotic arm drops a dinner mint into some green slime. When the mint hits the slime, it begins to expand quickly. He dips his hand and tests the slime, making faces as he does so.)

Rawls: Does he always do this?

High Five Ghost: Sh! Don't break his concentration.

Muscle Man: I got a plan. But I'm gonna need my team to pull it off.

(In a montage sequence, Muscle Man goes around the Space Tree to recruit the guys. He meets up with Benson and Pops as they hang a cat portrait in the barracks, joins Skips in fixing a space cart, and pops out of a plant Eileen is watering. Chance Sureshot admires himself in a mirror in a room with Toothpick Sally and Recap Robot, noticing Muscle Man in the reflection. Lastly, Mordecai and Rigby are shooting hostile fighter ships in a simulator until Muscle Man pulls the plug. Later, Muscle Man is dressed in a Space Tree uniform and addresses everyone in a meeting room.)

Muscle Man: Okay, bros. As you may or may not know, the Space Tree has fallen victim to a ruthless prank by the Space Bush. We've been mooned. (Everyone gasps and Mordecai and Rigby laugh) Hey! You wouldn't be laughing if you had a butt staring you in the face! Luckily, I have devised an elaborate prank to put Space Bush in its place. (he switches off the lights and a floating camera acts as a projector)

Muscle Man: I present to you Operation: Slime Bomb. Props to Mordecai for the sweet graphics. (Mordecai gives him a thumbs-up and Muscle Man starts scrolling through the presentation.) First, we will infiltrate the Space Bush and shut down their force field from the inside, allowing us to easily board their ship. Then we'll go in with these bad boys: fifty-five gallon drums filled with Dr. Prankenstein's secret formula. Each drum is rigged with a timer to give us enough time to drop them off at key points around the ship. Then, we'll make our escape and BOOM! Total slime coverage! And then we celebrate like champs! Any questions?

Rigby: Uh, that seems pretty complicated. Can't we just moon them back?

Muscle Man: Who's in charge of this operation? Me, that's who! And if you don't agree with my methods, then you can walk!

(Later, Muscle Man walks through the underground portion of the Park Dome. Beside him, Fives holds a clipboard.)

Fives: Everything is in order, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: Good. Systems check. (he approaches Pops, who is stirring a large vat of slime. Muscle Man dips in a ladle to test it.) Keep stirring, Pops. We gotta get the right consistency here. (A loud crash is heard, and Benson cries out near a toppled forklift.) Benson, I thought you knew how to drive this thing!

Benson: Why?! Why would I know how to drive a space forklift?

Muscle Man: (throws a book at Benson) Read the manual! I'm sure you'll figure it out. (Next, he comes up to Recap and Sally near some slime drums.)

Recap Robot: The timer mechanisms are installed as you requested. (Muscle Man measures them and frowns.)

Muscle Man: Not level. Start over! (he throws the instrument to the ground while Sally groans. Just then, a monitor receives an incoming transmission. Muscle Man answers it.) Commander Rawls?

Rawls: Muscle Man, it's the Space Bush! They're at it again! Look! (he moves the camera to see Tanner and Space Bush members mooning in open space.) How can their bare butts withstand the vacuum of space?! There's no more time, Muscle Man!

Muscle Man: No time to spare, guys! Time to do this now!

(cut to a shuttle leaving the Space Tree and a space cart departs. Inside, Mordecai and Rigby are dressed as delivery men with a TV box in the back.)

Rigby: (rubs his fake moustache) Dude, this could be a good look for me. (Inside the Space Bush, a crew member notices them.)

Space Bush Personnel: Sergeant Tanner, we have an unknown spacecraft approaching the- AAH! (Tanner gives the man a wet willie.)

Tanner: HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, don't worry. They won't get past the force field. (The duo's cart bumps into the force field and stops.)

Mordecai: This better work.

Space Bush Personnel: Welcome, carrier ship. Please state your purpose.

Mordecai: Uh, we're, uh- (Rigby snatches the communicator from him)

Rigby: Congratulations! You just won a free flat-screen TV!

Space Bush Personnel: No, thanks. We've got more flat-screens than we know what to do with here.

Rigby: Are they ultra-HD?

Space Bush Personnel: Of course.

Rigby: Intergalactic channel access?

Space Bush Personnel: Duh. We're in space.

Rigby: (nervously) This TV makes pancakes? (The man is quiet for a moment... and a part of the force field opens.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-hm-hm-hm! (Mordecai flies the ship inside the hangar and unloads the TV box. The duo starts to carry it out and whistle innocently, but are stopped by more Space Bush men.)

Space Bush Officer: What do you two think you're doing? Only Space Bush personnel past this point! We'll take it from here. (They take the box and leave. As soon as they're gone, Mordecai talks into a wrist communicator.)

Mordecai: Muscle Man, the package is in the pen. I repeat, the package is in the pen.

Muscle Man: Phase One complete. Standby. (the men leave the box and Eileen, in a ninja suit, pops out.)

Eileen: I'm in. (she makes her way to a console and accesses it, coming across a security grid.) Recap, I'm sending the code your way. You take it from here. (she transfers the security data from the Space Bush to the shuttle, disguising herself as a Space Bush officer. On the shuttle, Recap begins hacking into the code.)

Recap: Code received. Now hacking security system mainframe. (the force field vanishes) Force field down! (feeds of security cameras turn to static and go black, surprising a man.) Surveillance system down!

Muscle Man: Phase Two complete! Let's roll. (he pushes up on the throttle, flying the shuttle into the hangar. Once aboard, the team splits up into three forklifts carrying slime drums. One holds Benson, Skips, and Pops. Another holds Sureshot, Sally, and Recap. The third holds Mordecai, Fives, and Rigby. Muscle Man holds a laptop and a pack on his back.)

Muscle Man: Alright, we've got about sixty seconds before they get their systems back online. Everybody head to your assigned drop points! The sooner we dump the slime, the sooner we get to celebration time. (he hops into Mordecai and Rigby's forklift) Now let's move.

(The forklifts drive out of the shuttle and down three separate hallways. Immediately, an alarm starts blaring.)

Muscle Man: An alarm? But how?

Space Bush P.A.: Space Bush security system compromised. Comb the Bush for intruders. (Space Bush personnel walk out of a room with Eileen, having discovered her.)

Eileen: Muscle Man, they're onto us! You gotta hurry!

Muscle Man: Copy! (he looks at his laptop to check the team's progress.) Come on! (On the screen, Benson's tracker stops moving.) What? (into communicator) Benson, what's the hold up? (Space Bush personnel detain Benson, Skips, and Pops, their forklift toppled over. Benson's icon vanishes from the screen.) No! Sureshot, gimme your status! (he doesn't get an answer) Sureshot? SURESHOT! (On the other end, Space Bush men have captured Sureshot, Sally, and Recap.)

Sureshot: Hey, watch the hair!

(As Sureshot's icon fades away, Muscle Man looks up from the laptop to see fourteen Space Bush men blocking their way.)

Mordecai: Ah! (He brings the forklift to a stop. He looks behind him for an opportunity to escape, but sees more men block them off from behind. They all run towards the forklift.)

Muscle Man: I've gotta set this thing off manually! (he jumps for the drum, but falls and is swarmed by the men. The screen cuts to black.)

(Some time later, the team is placed in handcuffs and is back in the hangar.)

Tanner: Well, well. So this is the infamous Muscle Man. I gotta say, I expected more from Rawls. Looks to me he got an amateur to run this operation!

Muscle Man: Don't be so sure of yourself. You may find that I'm full of surprises. (he takes out a remote and arms a slime drum for thirty seconds) In a few seconds, you and your whole Space Bush are gonna be covered head to toe in slime!

Tanner: (in mock surprise) Huh? Did you hear that, everyone? (he walks up to the drum) Muscle Man is going to slime the Space Bush! What are we gonna do? I'm so scared! (Tanner takes out a pair of scissors and cuts the wires to the timer when one second remains. Everyone gasps.)

Rigby: You can do that?!

Tanner: Ha ha ha! Aw, don't be so glum. It's not like the whole Space Tree was counting on you or anything. (he chuckles) Now, you have two choices. You and your friends can either rot in the Space Bush jail... (his men raise their laser guns) Or you can admit that I am the best prankster in the galaxy! What's it gonna be?

(A nervous Muscle Man looks over his friends in hesitation, groaning.)

Muscle Man: You're the greatest.

Tanner: What was that?

Muscle Man: You're the greatest prankster.

Tanner: I can't hear you!.

Muscle Man: YOU'RE THE GREATEST PRANKSTER IN THE GALAXY! (he falls to his knees, sobbing)

Tanner: Well, then. As the greatest prankster in the galaxy, I feel like I owe myself a little reward. (he opens Muscle Man's pack and takes out the celebratory bottle) Now get these Space Tree hacks off my bush!

Space Bush Personnel: (salutes) Yes, sir! Off your bush, sir!

Tanner: Oh, and Muscle Man... (Muscle Man looks up as two men take him) Cheers!

(On the shuttle, Muscle Man stares out into space with defeat. The shuttle flies back to the Space Tree and head into Rawls' office, where Rawls learns of the mission's outcome. Muscle Man hangs his head low.)

Rawls: UNACCEPTABLE! Do you realize how much I invested into this operation?! (a tear falls from Muscle Man's face) I thought you were a master prankster!

(On the Space Bush, Tanner holds a victory party with Muscle Man's bottle and his men cheer.)

Tanner: And now, we toast! To the best prankster in the galaxy, me! Hahaha! Now crack this baby open so we can celebrate! (the men cheer again)

Rawls: I hope you're proud of yourself, because you're a FAILURE!

Muscle Man: (with a knowing look) Am I?

(The Space Bush crew member rips open the bottle's cover... and sees that it is a bottle-shaped slime bomb with five seconds remaining on the timer. The crew members gasp.)

Space Bush Personnel: Uh... sir? (Tanner walks over and sees the bomb with one second remaining)

Tanner: Oh, no... (the timer hits zero, dinner mints drop into the bottle, and slime expands across the Space Bush. At the Space Tree, Rawls watches through his space binoculars.)

Rigby: We got 'em! (the guys cheer and Rawls turns to Muscle Man in disbelief)

Rawls: Well, I'll be darned! Muscle Man, you sneaky so-and-so! I never should've doubted you!

Muscle Man: You're right, you shouldn't have. Now, if you'll excuse me... (With "Ode to Joy" playing, he drops his pants and presses his butt against the window. A picture of Tanner's face is on his underwear as he moons the Space Bush. On the Space Bush, Tanner and his men see the whole thing while squished against the window from the slime.)

Tanner: Oh... he really is the best!

(End of "Ugly Moons")

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