This is the transcript for the episode The Lunch Club.
(The episode starts at Mr. Maellard's Billionaire Brunch. Two guests get a drink as Maellard walks towards them)
Mr. Maellard: And that's what I call liquid assets!
(the female guest laughs)
Male Guest: Maellard, oh boy! Your brunch is the event of the season!
Mr. Maellard: Eh, it's okay. But no brunch would be complete without a little dessert! (he taps his cup with his cane) The most expensive sheet cake in the world!
(a giant sheet cake is being brought in by some guards, it has "$1,000,000" written on it)
Mr. Maellard: If you want to know how much it costs, take a look at the frosting.
(Everybody laughs as Maellard smiles, when suddenly, Rigby comes through the bushes, sleeping on a lawnmower)
Benson: (turning red) RIGBY!!
(Rigby ends up wrecking the cake, getting it splattered all over everybody)
Mr. Maellard: Aarrggh!!!
(Cut to Benson's office)
Rigby: What? I'll buy you a new cake!
Benson: (red and angry) YOU REALLY SCREWED UP THIS TIME!!
Mr. Maellard: Hold on now, Benson! You share as much to blame as he does! You are his manager.
Rigby: It's true, Benson! I told you I needed a nap.
Benson: You were tired because you were up all night PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!
Mr. Maellard: ENOUGH!!! Rigby's a screwup but discipline starts at the top. So here's what's gonna happen. (he opens a drawer, gets out some paper and a pen) One of you is going to write a letter of resignation by 5 o'clock. Nobody leaves this office until it's done, and if you can't work it out. YOU'RE BOTH FIRED! (he leaves and slams the door)
Benson: This is the last thing I need today! First, my car breaks down and I have to get a ride from my dad. And, now this. All right, Rigby, stop playing around and write that letter.
Rigby: (in the manager's chair) Why should I write it? Didn't you hear? Maellard said it was your fault. 'Cause you mismanaged me!
Benson: Come on, Rigby! We both know this is your fault.
(Rigby reads a book on the desk)
Rigby: Not now, Benson. I'm reading up on my management techniques, there's some really good stuff in here.
(Benson snatches the book away from Rigby)
Rigby: Hey, I was reading that!
(Rigby tries to take the book back)
Benson: Why can't you take anything seriously?
Rigby: Why are you so uptight?!
(The book splits in half as the two fight for it, just before Maellard barges in)
Mr. Maellard: What's going on in here?
(Benson and Rigby mumble. Maellard spots the torn book and takes it away)
Mr. Maellard: Give me that! This isn't "party" time, this is "write a letter to quit" time. And if I have to come back in here, I'm busting heads!
(Maellard storms out)
Rigby: I'm not writing that letter.
(A clock is shown as time flies to 1 o'clock. Rigby sneaks out of the office)
Benson: Rigby, don't you make me come out there! Ugh!
(Benson chases Rigby, who packed a bag on his bed)
Benson: Rigby! If Mr. Maellard catches us out of the room, we're dead!
Rigby: Well then go back so that you won't get caught!
Benson: That's it, Rigby, you march right back- -! (he hears someone coming) Oh, shoot! (hides under the bed)
Mordecai: (comes in with Skips) Rigby, what are you doing here?
Rigby: You can come out now, Benson.
(Benson crawls out of the bed)
Mordecai: Oh hey, Benson.
Mordecai: I thought Maellard was gonna fire you.
Rigby: (scoffs) Maellard's just bluffing.
(They hear footsteps from the hallway)
Pops: (offscreen) But Papa! You can't fire both of them!
Benson: Shh! (whispers) We gotta get outta here!
(Benson and Rigby climb out of the window and onto the roof of the house.)
Rigby: Which way is your office?
Benson: Uh... down there!
(They start going around the roof to Benson's office, but Rigby stops Benson when he saw Maellard looking out the window)
Mr. Maellard: (groans) So angry at those two! I think I'll just stare at my beloved park for a few long minutes.
(Rigby and Benson crawl under the window so that Maellard wouldn't see them)
Mr. Maellard: Nah, on second thought, I better check in on them
(On that note, Rigby and Benson quietly gasp in shock before they quickly ran off until they found the window for Benson's office)
Rigby: Oh yeah-yuh!
(Rigby opens the window and goes in the office, but when Benson tried to get in, he slipped on a loose tile and clung onto the window)
Benson: Aah! Rigby, give me a hand!
(Rigby hears the door being knocked on by Mr. Maellard and runs towards it)
(The door slowly begins to open, only for Rigby to push the door shut and lock it)
Mr. Maellard: What the- -?!
(Rigby grabs Benson's hand and helps pull him up into the office, before hearing Maellard banging on the door again. Rigby opens the door.)
Mr. Maellard: Rigby! What's the meaning of this?!
Rigby: Uh, the door was stuck. I was trying to help. You know, old house.
Mr. Maellard: (suspiciously) Benson?
Benson: (hesitates a little; nervously) Uh... yeah, it does that sometimes. The door... sticks.
(Mr. Maellard looks on suspiciously and closes the door)
Benson: (exhilaratingly) What am I feeling right now? What is this called?!
Rigby: It's called being alive.
Benson: Oh. Well... thanks for helping me.
Rigby: No problem.
(A clock wipe transition to the office. The time is now 2:00. Rigby plays his game on the couch while Benson sits on his desk with his hands on his head in despair)
Benson: Ohhhh, what am I gonna do? This job is my life! Okay, tell you what; if you write this letter, I'll write you a stellar letter of recommendation for your next job.
Rigby: Yeah, Benson, I'll think about it. But I can't think on an empty stomach. (pulls out a box of wings from Wing Kingdom)
Benson: You're not gonna eat those wings cold, are you?
Rigby: Geez, Benson, you're even uptight about how to eat hot wings! (takes a bite of a wing) You'll do a lot better at your next job if you loosen up a bit.
(Benson turns mad, runs toward Rigby and takes the box of wings)
Benson: Gimme that.
(Benson opens part of his office's floor, which leads to the ceiling ducts, and gets in. Rigby follows him)
Rigby: Benson, wait!
(Cut to Benson and Rigby climbing into the ducts)
Rigby: Where are we going?
Benson: The kitchen, Rigby. We're gonna cook these wings.
Rigby: But I'm fine with eating them cold.
Benson: We're better than that.
Rigby: I'm not!
(They look at the floor of the kitchen from the air vent)
Benson: Looks like the coast is clear.
(Benson opens the kitchen vent and he falls out and lands on his feet, striking a pose. Rigby, however, lands on his stomach)
Rigby: We're just gonna reheat 'em and go, right?
Rigby: (runs to the door) I'll look out for Maellard.
(Benson opens the kitchen cabinet)
Benson: Now where's the paprika?
Rigby: Are you-- Paprika? Are you kidding?!
(Cut to Benson, already gotten out the things needed to make his own style of the wings, with his apron on. He puts the wings in a bowl)
Rigby: I thought we were just gonna reheat 'em and go.
Benson: Uh, that's what I'm doing... (Looks at Rigby) ...the Benson way. (Winks)
(Rigby slowly turns to the door while Benson imitates an electric guitar riff)
Benson: (singing) Microwave wings, microwave wings. This is Benson's recipe for microwave wings. Dash of pepper, blast of curry, mixing 'em slow-woah, not gonna hurry.
Rigby: What are you singing?
Benson: "Microwave Wings", off of Cournitopia, Heir To The Throne's recipe concept album. It was a huge hit on the Adult Contemporary Prod Rock Soft Metal charts.
Rigby: Never heard of it.
Benson: (singing) Microwave wings, Microwave wings. Where did everybody go after the show? (Puts wings in the box) Benson's on his own again, don't ya know? Benson eats alone. (Puts box in the microwave and sets the timer for 90 seconds) Benson eats alone. (talking) Man, good tune. Weird bridge though.
(Rigby watches Pops and Mr. Maellard running)
Rigby: (gasps) They're coming!
Benson: But the song said it's gotta cook for 90 seconds, and not one second less!
Rigby: I'm bailing! (runs) Get outta my way!