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(The episode opens at the house with everyone laughing at Mordecai, who is trying to lift a box)
Muscle Man: Dude, I can't believe you can't even lift one box.
Mordecai: Shut your face! I can lift it!
(Continues struggling with the box and everyone laughs at him again)
Muscle Man: Dude, you sound like Pops crying.
Mordecai: Fine. You try.
Muscle Man: Fine.
(Goes over to the box and tries to lift it)
Mordecai: See? It's not so easy.
Muscle Man: (Struggling) Shut...your...face!
(Picks up the box and goes flying backwards. Something falls out from one of the boxes, and Mordecai picks it up.)
Mordecai: Dude, it's 21-12 Time Attack director's cut on Laserdisc!
Muscle Man: Whoa, whoa! Hold on! If I know better, I think you just said "That's 21-12 Time Attack on Laserdisc."
(Mordecai shows the front side of the laserdisc, and they all look on in surprise)
Rigby: That's the director's cut. It's an incredibly rare!
Muscle Man: Which means we incredibly have to watch this right now.
Rigby: But how are we supposed to play it? We don't have a laserdisc player.
Muscle Man: Don't worry, dudes. I know a place.
(Scene changes over to TV Store Warehouse)
Muscle Man: Alright, let me do the talking.
(Walks up to an employee)
Muscle Man (continued): Hey, Timmy!
Timmy: Muscle Man! How's it been?
Muscle Man: Oh, you know. Just taking it easy. Listen, we're looking for a laserdisc player.
Timmy: Oh! You mean "lamer-disc player". (Snickers) You're out of luck, dude. Nobody carries those things anymore.
Muscle Man: Come on, man! You gotta have something!
Timmy: Sorry. Those things are ancient. Why don't you go check in a library?
Employee: (Slides down the nearby ladder) Heyo! (High fives Timmy) Because the Library's where all junkie stuff goes!
Timmy and Employee: Heyo! (The continue to high five each other and laugh)
Muscle Man: (Annoyed) It's not funny!
Mordecai: Come on. Let's just go. (Leaves)
Muscle Man: They keep laughing but it's not funny!
(Rigby and High Five Ghost take him away)
(Scene changes over to the Library)
Mordecai: (On a computer) Okay, we can search for one here. (Starts typing) "Laserdisc Player".
(Two men overhear Mordecai talking about a laserdisc player)
Muscle Man: Why is it taking so long?
Mordecai: Give it a second. (The men appear beside them)
SP: Hello, friends. We overheard you looking for a laserdisc player! How about a VCR instead?
LP: VHS: "The VH-Best."
Mordecai: (Confused) Uh...no thanks.
Rigby: The laserdisc is what we want.
SP: Hah! Good luck finding one of those. There's plenty of VHS tapes out there.
LP: VHS: "Quanity!"
Rigby: Laserdisc's are higher in quality though...
SP: Well, true but did you know that brain can only process so much information?
LP: VHS: "Can't tell the difference."
Muscle Man: Hey, losers! You're all up in our business! Leave us alone!
SP: (Upset) You're making a huge mistake. (He and LP walk off and the other guys notice the computer found a laserdisc player)
Mordecai: Yes! They have one! (Writes down the information a piece of paper)
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: Hm, hm, hm, hm! (They all walk up to the Librarian's desk)
Muscle Man: Hey, old man.
Mordecai: Get us your laserdisc player. (Gives the Librarian the piece of paper)
Librarian: (Takes the paper and looks at it) "Laserdisc player?" No, no. We don't have one here. (Balls up the paper and throws it away)
Mordecai: What? They said there's one in the basement!
Librarian: The computer's out of date kid.
Muscle Man: Look at his face, Mordo! This dude is lying!
Librarian: (Angry) So I'm a liar am I?! I'll SHOW ya!
(The Librarian leads Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost down an elevator to the basement)
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: Whoa...
Mordecai: There must be thousands of different formats here.
Librarian: Of course. This is a library. But as you can see, (Shows the empty space for the laserdisc player) no laserdisc player.
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: Aw...
Librarian: Not that it will do you any good, even if you could find one. All the laserdiscs were destroyed. Wiped out by the VHS.
Rigby: Nah uh!
Mordecai: (Takes out the laserdisc tape) See?
Muscle Man: Yeah, See?
(The Librarian looks over at the shining tape)
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: See? See? See?
Librarian: (In compete shock) "21-12." The last laserdisc...(Kneels down) The prophecy!
Muscle Man: What?
Librarian: Years ago. It was foretold, four chosen one would reunite that last laserdisc, with the last laserdisc player, and end the Format Wars once and for all!
Rigby: Look, we just want to watch the movie.
Librarian: In time. (Walks over to a sign) For you are...(Removes the sign and points to an inscription that resembles Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost)...the Disk-Masters!
Mordecai: No, no, no, no, no.
Librarian: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This new format was perfect. (A flashback occurs back to scientists holding a laserdisc) Too perfect. (Five men wearing white coats, shades, and carrying guns soon enter the room and their presence cause one of the scientists to drop the laserdisc and break it. The men soon start shooting down more laserdisc players) VHS needed to stop laserdiscs superior imaging, sound developing spread throughout society. Sadly, consumers heard of it though whispers and rumors. But VHS wasted no time in snuffing it out. (The men enter a family's house and destroys their laserdisc player) Oh, we tried to preserve laserdiscs for future generations. But failed... (A man walking down an alley way is soon cornered by the men and they take out his laserdisc and shoot it. The men are then seen burning a pile of laserdiscs and a person takes an non-destroy laserdisc player and runs off) When their attack was done, only one laserdisc player remained. I am the last of my order. (Another seen shows the laserdisc player getting passed until it reaches him. The flashback ends) Sworn to protect the final laserdisc player. You, you're the chosen ones who set me free.
Mordecai: (Amazed) Whoa...When did all of this happen?
Librarian: Two years ago, May I?
Mordecai: Fine...(Hands him the laserdisc)
Librarian: (Takes out the laserdisc and looks at it) Good heavens... (Walks over to the door and places the laserdisc tape on the spot and it starts spinning. The entire room begins to shake as the door suddenly opens. He along with Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost enter as SP is seen hiding just behind)
SP: SP to LP! SP to LP! Time to fast forward.
(The group enters a room with four giant statues)
Rigby: What are those statues?
Librarian: They're the Guardians of Obsolete Formats. Betamax, 8-track, Floppy Disk, Reel-to-Reel. You see, one just not take the last laserdisc player, you must awaken the Guardians first. (Pushes a tray with four items on it in front of the group and they are lifted up)
Muscle Man: What the? (two pegs emerge from Reel-to-Reel's chest) Aw, man...sick!
(Mordecai activates Betamax, Rigby activates 8-track, High Five Ghost activates Floppy Disk, and Muscle Man activates Reel-to-Reel. The Guardian then reveal the last laserdisc player)
Rigby: It's amazing!
Muscle Man: We did it!
Librarian: Disk-Masters, behold! The last laserdisc player!
Mordecai: Cool... (Grab the laserdisc player and the Guardians of Obsolete Formats begin moving)
Betamax: My liege...
8-track: My liege...
Floppy Disk: My liege...
Reel-to-Reel: My liege...
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: Whoa...
Librarian: They are your protectors. The laserdisc format has many enemies. Who will stop at nothing to destroy those who wield its power. Knowing the dangers, would you still take the player?
Rigby: We just really want to watch this.
(As Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost attempt to leave, Betamax suddenly stops them)
Betamax: One more thing.
(The group all groan in disappointment)
Muscle Man: What now, bro?
Betamax: Library card please.
(Mordecai is then seen filling out an application for a library card)
Muscle Man: (Pushes Rigby) I can't believe you don't have a library card!
Rigby: (Pushes him back) You don't have one either!
(Mordecai finishes signing the application and the Librarian gives Mordecai a library card)
Librarian: Okay! All set!
(The group start walking down the hallway and they are suddenly stopped by SP, LP, and a group of men wearing white clothes)
SP: Hold it right there!
SP: We told you you were making a mistake!
Rigby: Ah, COME ON!!!
Muscle Man: Didn't we tell you losers to get lost?
SP: We can't "get lost". For you see, (Pulls down his shirt) we are the Ancient Order of the VHS. Thank you for revealing the location of the last laserdisc player. (Laughs) Now, hand it over or die!
LP: VHS: "Your VH-Death."
Librarian: Hah! Laserdisc will rise again! For they are the chosen ones and they would gladly die for laserdisc! Isn't that right Disk-Masters?
(The group talks about it nervously)
Rigby: I don't know about "die" for say...
SP: Very well...(He and the rest of the Order take out guns )
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: AH!
SP: Fire! (He and the rest of the Order begin firing at the group but the Guardians shield them from the shots) Charge! (Members of the Order being moving closer)
(The Guardians begin to power up)
Reel-to-Reel: Boomer-Reel! (Throws two reel-to-reel tapes at some of the members of the Order knocking them out)
Betamax: RGB-Beam! (Fires a colorful beam at some of the members and vaporizes them)
Floppy Disk: Random Access Mayhem! (Tosses floppy disks at the members and the rest of the Guardians begin to overpower the Order)
Ancient Order Member: Send in the Tape Rewinders! (Two small robots enter from the sides and fires missiles at the Guardians)
(Mordecai and Rigby dodges the missiles but drops the laserdisc player. Muscle Man then catches it)
8-Track: I got this. (Punches the Tape Rewinder and runs down some of the Order members)
(Another member is seen trying to hurt Betamax with a gun but doesn't work. He then tosses a VHS tape grenade at him which damages him slightly. Betamax then grabs the member and slams him onto the wall many times until he passes out. The member is brought back to life with a shock)
Ancient Order Member: Huh? Where am I? (Gets slammed through the wall)
(Muscle Man is seen running with the tape and punches away some Order members. One of them knocks Muscle Man down but High Five Ghost grabs the tape. The Order member kicks HFG causing the tape to fly out and Mordecai catches it. The fight between the group breaks out even more)
Librarian: Yes! We're doing it!
8-Track: The day we've worked for is upon us!
Librarian: Indeed! (Spots something) Gasp! Oh no...
(A large robot suddenly appears)
8-Track: The VC-Arbitrator! (Looks at his wrist and notices he is at full power) I'll handle this.
Librarian: 8-Track! NO!!!
8-Track: "8-Track Attack!" (Fires green tapes at the VC-Arbitrator but has no effect. The VC-Arbitrator then fires a red beam at 8-Track completely vaporizating him)
Librarian: 8-TRACK!!! He was two weeks from retirement...
(The Librarian suddenly gets blasted and the VC-Arbitrator starts firing at the rest of the Guardians)
Muscle Man: Everyone, okay? (He, Mordecai, Rigby, and High Five Ghost notice the Librarian moving and rushes to his side)
Librarian: Disk-Masters...I'm done for...(Coughs) I didn't think it would come to this but we're running out of options. It's time I shed this weak, human form. Place the laserdisc on my chest.
Rigby: Ok. (Places the laserdisc on the Librarian's chest)
Librarian: Now, touch hands and chant "Six Simper Fidelity."
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: Uh...
Librarian: JUST DO IT!!!
Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost: (The all place their hands on the Librarian's chest and they start chanting) Six Simper Fidelity! Six Simper Fidelity! (The laserdisc begins spinning on the Librarian's chest and he begins to float in the air) Woah...
(The Librarian then transforms into a large, crystal-like creature)
SP: The Laserdisc Guardian! It's...beautiful...
(The Laserdisc Guardian speaks in a weird language trying to communicate with Mordecai and Rigby)
Mordecai and Rigby: What?
Reel-to-Reel: Disk-Masters, cover your ears!
Mordecai and Rigby: Ok! (They cover their ears and the Laserdisc Guardian lets out an ear-piercing sound wave which blows back members of the Ancient Order)
SP: (Has his ears covered) Hey, you! Cover your ears!
LP: (In a trance) Forty-four point one, killer sample ray...! (His head is suddenly blown off)
(The Order continues to shoot at the Laserdisc Guardian with no success. The Laserdisc Guardian fires an electrical ray that zaps into the eyes of SP and the rest of the Order. Timmy suddenly enters)
Timmy: Dude, Muscle Man. My boss heard me making fun of you, and totally fired me. So, it's cool if I hang out with you guys-(His eyes get blasted as well)
(The VC-Arbitrator attempts to punch the Laserdisc Guardian but he dodges out of the way)
VC-Arbitrator: (Blasting at the Laserdisc Guardian) Inferred Blast! Inferred Blast!
(The Laserdisc Guardian laughs at the VC-Arbitrator's failed attempts and flies off to the ceiling. The VC-Arbitrator follows but the Laserdisc Guardian fires an energy beam at the VC-Arbitrator completely destroying it)
Guardians of Obsolete Formats: Huzzah!!!
Betamax: Disk-Masters! The Format Wars are over!
(The Laserdisc Guardian speaks in it's strange language)
Floppy Disk: Agreed!
Reel-to-Reel: All hail the Disk-Masters!
The Guardians and the Laserdisc Guardian: Hail!
Muscle Man: So...can we watch "21-12 Time Attack" now?
(Scene changes back to the house with the movie playing)
Actor 1: Sweet mother of mercy, dear. Attacking but they're from another time.
Actor 2: I guess it's just like my grandfather Bob said: "In 21-12, anything is possible."
Actor 1: This truly is a 21-12 Time Attack. We're gonna need a lot more hover-bikes!
(Views over to Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, High Five Ghost, the Guardians, and the Laserdisc Guardian looking at the movie)
Mordecai: Dude...it's getting late...how much is left?
(Rigby presses the remote and the group notices it's over 2 hours left and they all groan)
Mordecai: Two and a half hours...
Muscle Man: The Directors Cut original vision blows...
(The Laserdisc Guardian says something which gets the group pretty excited)
Muscle Man, Rigby, and High Five Ghost: Yeah!
Mordecai: The picture's amazing.
(End of "The Last Laserdisc Player")