| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(The Park Dome is still in space. Sometime after the events of "The Ice Tape", Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Skips, Muscle Man, Hi Five Ghost and Eileen are sat in the house's living room with a new face, Earl, an ancient powerful trainer, destined to train Pops in his eventual battle against his twin brother, Anti-Pops)
Earl: (sighs) Like I've been saying, Pops is the chosen one! He must begin his training immediately, or Anti-Pops will destroy him and the universe as we know it!
Benson: Why should we believe any of this nonsense? How do we even know you're telling the truth?
Rigby: Yeah, are you sure our Pops is the chosen one? Maybe you, uh - maybe you got the wrong guy. I mean, look at him.
(Pops is sat on the floor fascinated by a jar of butterflies)
Pops: Ooh! (laughs) Huh?
(Pops looks over to his friends)
Pops: Ooh, hello!
(Everybody stares at Pops for a moment)
Earl: Pops is much stronger than he looks. You cannot begin to comprehend the power he has within him.
Muscle Man: What kinda fighting style are you gonna teach Pops? I think you should teach him Krav Maga.
Hi Five Ghost: Or Death Kwon Do!
Earl: Pops has no need for such insignificant -
Skips: Maybe he could use the Fists of Justice.
Earl: He -
Mordecai: Is Pops gonna get cool powers and stuff?
Earl: I thi-
Rigby: Oh! Is he gonna shoot fire outta his fingers?
Earl: That's not a thing!
Muscle Man: What kind of award does Pops get if he wins?
Rigby: Yeah-yuh! We gotta go on a world tour with Pops!
Eileen: Is he gonna have to go somewhere?
(Everybody starts mumbling at the same time. Earl begins to growl in frustration as Pops slides over to the group. Earl stands up)
Earl: Enough! We need to take this seriously! Pops and Anti-Pops are the reason for the universe as we know it. Everything that exists is but a battleground for their celestial forms. Every fourteen-billion years, they battle for dominance, but they are two sides of the same coin. Their powers in perfect balance. Every time, the battle ends in stalemate, and the universe resets anew. But this time, it can be different. With my help, Pops can break the cycle and save this universe.
Everyone but Pops: Whoa...
Pops: Titan? Universe? I'm just Pops! This doesn't seem right.
Benson: I dunno, Pops. This sounds really serious. I think you have to do this.
Pops: But I don't wanna fight anyone!
Earl: You can and will!
Mordecai: Wait a minute, how do we know this isn't all a load?
Rigby: Yeah, we want proof!
Earl: Oh, you want proof? Every time the cycle starts over, I get a tattoo on my...
(Earl grabs his cloak in preparation for pulling it off)
Mordecai: Uh...
Rigby: What's happening right now?
Earl: ...body!
(Earl pulls open the cloak, to reveal countless tattoos of Pops' face across his body. Detailed close-ups appear of Pops tattoos on Earl's lower back, the inside of his lower lip, his right ear, one of his elbows, both of his nipples and his right foot)
Earl: Frankly, I'm running out of space. I will unlock your power, Pops.
(Pops frowns at Earl)
Earl: Training starts now!
(Sometime later, Pops is sat on the sofa. Earl approaches him with a basket of socks. He drops the socks onto the table)
Earl: Let us begin.
Pops: Socks?
Earl: Yes. My socks, Pops. We must fold them.
Pops: Okay...
(Pops grabs two pairs of socks and slowly folds them)
Pops: Chase the rabbit 'round the tail, then insert his fluffy -
(Earl hits Pops' hands with his stick. Pops drops the socks)
Earl: No! Do as I do!
(Earl uses his stick to flip the socks into the air. He karate chops them, making them fold into each other. He then hits the pair with his stick again to complete the folding, before hitting them into the basket)
Earl: Now, you try!
(Pops attempts to do the same as Earl)
Pops: Fold...tuck...then place in hamper...
(Pops weakly hits the socks towards the basket, but they fall apart and miss)
Earl: (sighs) Again. Again!
(Mordecai and Rigby are watching Pops and Earl through the living room window)
Rigby: What the heck? This is lame!
Mordecai: Yeah! Where's the cool training we were promised?
Mordecai & Rigby: Hmm...hmph, hmph, hmph, hmph, hmph!
(Later in the kitchen, Earl grabs a lemon from a box)
Earl: Now it is time to make lemonade.
Pops: That sounds delightful!
Earl: No! Not delightful! Grab a lemon!
(Pops grabs a lemon)
Earl: Now squeeze it.
(Pops whimpers as he squeezes the lemon over a jug)
Earl: Clear your mind. The lemon is your foe. He does not want you to yield his precious golden fluids, so you must crush him!
(Pops squeezes the lemon hard, causing it to drip lemon juice into the jug)
Earl: Good. Yes...now do that a million times!
(Pops groans. Later, Pops and Earl are outside by two tall bushes. Earl takes a sip of lemonade)
Earl: Ahh...Pops. Look at these bushes. So unkempt! Now, simply do as I do.
(Earl punches a bush, making several leaves fall off, tidying it up)
Earl: You see? Easy.
Pops: But, I don't want to hit a tree.
Earl: Just do it!
(Pops weakly punches a leaf on the bush)
Earl: Okay, okay. This feels like a good place to take a ten minute break. But, before we resume, I want you to ponder this ancient haiku: Darkness ahead strong, my body frail like dried leaves, wise master so cool.
Pops: Okay...
(Mordecai and Rigby are hiding in a nearby bush watching over Earl)
Mordecai: This guy is full of it!
Rigby: Yeah! I think Earl's a big fat fraud!
(Suddenly, Earl appears behind them)
Earl: Oh, you got something to say?
Rigby: Yeah, when are you gonna teach him something useful?
Earl: I am.
Rigby: Whatever, dude. While you're folding socks, Anti-Pops is probably off somewhere learning how to shoot fire out of his fingers!
Mordecai: You're really hung up on that fire out of the fingers thing.
Rigby: Because it's cool!
Earl: Remind me again, how many intergalactic champions have you trained, huh? Is it zero? It's zero. Right?
(Earl pokes Rigby with his stick twice)
Earl: Right?
Rigby: Knock it off, dude!
Earl: (laughs) I bet you couldn't even knock this lemonade out of my hand. Huh? Huh? Huh?
(Earl pokes Rigby three times with his stick. Rigby focuses on the glass of lemonade in Earl's hand, then runs towards him screaming. Earl jumps into the air, performs a backflip, and lands on Rigby's head, balancing perfectly still)
Earl: (laughs) I could stand here all day. You make a nice foot stool.
(Rigby punches Earl's foot, but in return he is hit on the back with Earl's stick. He falls to the floor as Earl jumps off him. He then spins his stick in the air while laughing, before holding it against Rigby's head)
Rigby: Okay! You're legit!
(Earl laughs and takes a sip of lemonade. Meanwhile, Pops is hiding out in a shed deep in the park's woods. He has pictures of all of his co-workers hung up inside, with butterflies flying all over the place. Pops stares at a picture of the park crew)
Pops: I don't wanna let you down, but I'll never be as strong as Anti-Pops.
(Earl suddenly appears, slamming the door of the shed open)
Earl: Stop talking to that sad picture! Break's over!
(Pops frowns as a montage begins of Pops doing seemingly meaningless tasks for Earl. First, he is seen cleaning the inner-part of the dome over the Park. Next, he continues to squeeze a lemon into the jug as aforementioned. While he does this, Earl throws more lemons at him. More tasks continue: He files Earl's nails as he laughs, then he waxes the floor in the house)
Pops: Wax apply, wax remove, wax apply, wax remove.
(Next, Pops is seen carrying two buckets on a pole behind his back across the park, until he reaches Earl)
Earl: Now, let's try it with water in the buckets.
(Next, Pops is continuing to squeeze the lemon into the jug. This time, he is wearing a basket on his back, with Earl sat inside, who whacks Pops on the head twice. Next, Pops is seen polishing Earl's dishes. The lemon squeezing then continues, this time outside by the lake, with Pops balancing on one foot on a log. As Pops tries to squeeze the lemon, Earl throws lemons at him. The montage ends with Pops looking exhausted while sat on the couch, folding a t-shirt for Earl, who is sat right next to him, taking a last sip of lemonade)
Earl: Mmm...time to freshen my cup. Keep folding my undershirts. It is a very important part of your training.
(Earl walks off to the kitchen. As he leaves, Rigby whispers to Pops from behind the living room door. He is joined by the rest of the crew)
Rigby: Psst, Pops!
Pops: Huh?
Eileen: How's training going?
Pops: Terrible! Earl hasn't taught me anything!
(Earl suddenly appears behind Pops)
Earl: Haven't taught you anything!?
(Pops gasps)
Muscle Man: Busted!
Pops: Uh...I'm sorry, but it's the truth! Your training makes no sense! I think you're simply too lazy to do your own chores, and I'm fed up with being your personal chambermaid!
(Earl's eye begins to twitch)
Pops: Also, I think you are thoroughly unpleasant!
Mordecai: Oh, snap!
Rigby: Dang!
Hi Five Ghost: Oh, burn!
Muscle Man: Oh, man!
Benson: Whoa...
Eileen: Oh, no, he didn't!
Pops: I don't want any part of this! You can fight Anti-Pops for all I care!
Earl: Even I wanted to, I cannot! You are the chosen one!
Pops: I don't want to be the chosen one!
Earl: If you do not become stronger than Anti-Pops, he will he will erase everything you hold near and dear from existence!
Pops: I refuse to train!
Earl: (sighs) Pops, I understand your frustration. It is good that your will is strong. I was going to wait to show you this, in fear that it would be too overwhelming. But this is my last resort to convince you.
(Earl reaches into his pocket and pulls out a shining purple crystal)
Pops: What is that?
Earl: A fragment from a previous universe. It will show the consequences of your decisions.
(Pops touches the fragment. Suddenly, Pops enters the universe in which it comes from, right at the end. Pops is standing on a mysterious planet, reduced to rubble)
Pops: Where am I?
(Suddenly, a giant titan almost identical to Pops rises from one side of the planet)
Pops: Oh my! It's...it's...me!
(Behind the regular Pops is Earl, wearing a giant foam pointing glove)
Earl: Yeah! Go! Go, Titan Pops! Remember our training!
(Titan Pops swings his fist forwards, smashing through several planets. His fist is then suddenly grabbed by another titan's hand...Anti-Pops)
Pops: (gasps) Anti-Pops!?
(Titan Pops is suddenly blasted away. Titan Anti-Pops pulls off his cloak. Titan Pops then growls as he floats towards Anti-Pops, with his fist swung forward. Anti-Pops growls back at him. The regular Pops cries from the planet)
Pops: Stop! Stop fighting!
(Titan Pops punches Titan Anti-Pops in the face, causing him to spit out saliva. The saliva falls into space, and then forms a new galaxy. Titan Anti-Pops grabs Titan Pops' head and headbutts him away. Anti-Pops then emits a red light and growls, floating towards Titan Pops. He pushes his hand through a planet, then a red eye is formed inside his palm, which blasts a laser towards Titan Pops, who flies towards Titan Anti-Pops, emitting his own power from his fists. Titan Pops manages to knock Anti-Pops, who stops in his tracks and grabs a meteor flying through space. He pulls it, turning it into a sword-like weapon, then blasts himself towards Titan Pops, who is recharging. Regular Pops watches in horror)
Pops: Bad show!
(Titan Anti-Pops kicks Titan Pops in the face, sending him flying towards a black hole. Regular Pops gasps, as Titan Pops begins to get sucked in)
Pops: No!
(As Titan Pops gets sucked into the black hole, he closes his fist and boosts himself forwards towards Anti-Pops. Anti-Pops gasps, along with regular Pops. Anti-Pops then also closes his fist and boosts himself towards Titan Pops. Their fists collide, ending the battle, and the universe)
Earl: Oh, dang it. This part always hurts.
(Pops screams as the universe explodes. Pops then wakes up back at the Park on Earth. He turns around to see Skips, Benson, Mordecai, Rigby, Hi Five Ghost and Muscle Man working)
Pops: Huh? Fellows! The universe, it's vanishing!
(A white light appears in the sky and erases Pops' friends from existence. Pops then finds himself floating in an empty white void)
Pops: No!!!
(Pops suddenly awakens in his own universe, still in the living room with his friends and Earl)
Pops: (screams) Bad show! Bad show!
(Pops' friends gather around him)
Mordecai: Pops, are you okay?
Rigby: Pops, dude, what is it?
Skips: Pops, you alright?
Hi Five Ghost: What happened?
Eileen: Pops, what happened? Are you okay?
Pops: I just want things to go back to how they were!
(Pops runs out of the house crying)
Mordecai: Pops, wait!
(Mordecai turns to Earl)
Mordecai: What do you show him?
Earl: Only the truth.
Mordecai: Not cool, Earl.
Earl: Sometimes, the truth is not cool.
Mordecai: Ugh, whatever. Let's go get Pops.
(The park crew leave the house and search for Pops, who is running through the woods. As he runs, he passes by the decomposing skull of Huge Head, still on display for $5)
Pops: Get to my safe place! Get to my safe place! Get to my safe place! Get to my safe place!
(In the woods, Pops' friends search for him)
Everyone: Pops!? Pops!?
Hi Five Ghost: Where are you?
Muscle Man: Hey, don't run away!
Benson: Pops!?
Skips & Eileen: Pops? Pops!?
Benson: Pops, come back!
Mordecai: Pops!?
(Rigby suddenly notices a shed in the distance)
Rigby: Hey, what's that? Dude, over there!
(Inside the shed, Pops is once again looking at pictures of his friends as butterflies float around him. A butterfly lands on his finger. Mordecai and Rigby enter the shed)
Mordecai: Hey Pops, you okay?
Rigby: What is this place?
Pops: I brought my things here when my room was turned into the control room. I've been coming here to get away from all this destiny nonsense. (sighs) Everything's changing, and it's up to me to stop it, but what if I can't? What if I can't do it?
Mordecai: It's okay to be scared, Pops. We're all scared.
Rigby: Yeah, I'm like, super scared.
Mordecai: I'm not gonna pretend that we can relate, but we know you can do this, and we'll be with you every step of the way.
(The rest of the park crew, plus Earl, enter the shed)
Benson: That goes for all of us.
Muscle Man: Yeah, we got your back, Pops.
Earl: Yes, Pops. We are all here to help you. You needn't be afraid. Hey Pops.
Pops: Yes?
Earl: Catch!
(Earl throws a lemon at Pops, who gasps, then throws his hand out to stop it. The lemon suddenly stops in mid-air. Pops notices this and gasps, then telekinetically crushes it with his fist, causing it to fall to the floor)
Muscle Man: Whoa.
Rigby: Cool...
Mordecai: What the...?
Earl: (laughs) Very good. Now, your real training can begin.
Muscle Man: That's way cooler than Krav Maga.
(End of "The Key to the Universe")