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This page is the transcript for "The Best VHS in the World".


Movie Shack Hut Employee: Huh, well if it ain't Mordo and Rigs. Hey, is it V-H-fest time again already?

Mordecai: Yeah, dude.

Rigby: Check out our picks.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Hmm, let's see what we've got here. (looks at the tapes, beginning with Ciao Chow) Ooh, great director. (looks at Future War 4) Ah, that's a good one. (goes to Re-Exploder) Re-Exploder was better. (finally moves on to Let Me Axe You Something, which has a "formatted to fit your TV" blurb on the box) Huh? What the heck, man? Pan and scan? Dude, letterbox! Always! Membership card, por favor. (scans card, error occurs)

Mordecai and Rigby: Beep, beep?

Movie Shack Hut Emplyee: Looks like you dudes have an overdue video. (He types in their card number for results) The Best VHS in the World. Out for 2 months?

Mordecai: What?

Mordecai and Rigby: The Best VHS in the World?

(Cuts to flashback of clip from the tape of a grey pug driving in a car being chased by the police. He drives off a dock and getting zapped into a spaceship. The pug barks and spaceship explodes. Cuts to title card with voiceover saying "The Best VHS in the...WOOORLD!")

Mordecai: Dude, this blows, take it out. Why'd you pick this one anyways?

Rigby: Dude, because it's called "The Best VHS in the World", plus it's made of gold plastic.

Mordecai: Next.

(Rigby throws tape at the wall and flashback ends.)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Look, you guys need to return the tape and pay the late fee.

Rigby: But we can't afford a late fee!

Mordecai: Yeah, and what it we can't find it?

Movie Shack Hut Emplyee: Then you leave me no choice. (He pulls out a pair of scissors and threatens to cut their membership card in half.)

Mordecai and Rigby: STOP!

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Why should I?

Rigby: All we have is a VCR and you're the only place in town that still rents tapes.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Oh, yeah. All those other places upgraded to "DVD".

Mordecai: Dude, we'll find it! I think I remember where it is suddenly.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Hmmm.

Rigby: Pleeeeease!

Movie Shack Hut Employee: (sigh) Fine, but it's only because you dudes appreciate superior video formats. Get it back here ASAP and I won't cancel your membership. I'll even waver the fee.

Rigby: You won't regret this.

(He and Mordecai run off.)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: I'd better not, OR YOU'LL NEVER RENT ANOTHER TAPE HERE EVER AGAIN!

Mordecai: (pointing at the wall) Didn't you throw it over there?

Rigby: (groans) I don't see it.

Mordecai: It's gotta be around here somewhere. Check the VCR.

Rigby: Nothin'!

Mordecai: (groans) Benson probably put it in our room. (they walk upstairs to their beyong cluttered room) Aw, man. Do you have any idea where it could be?

Rigby: No, I can't even find my bed.

Mordecai: There's just too much junk everywhere.

Rigby: Maybe it's in this empty pizza box. Aw, there's my butt-cheek pants! But, no VHS.

Mordecai: I know what we have to do.

Rigby: Skip count?

Mordecai Clean the room.

Rigby: (groans while rolling around on the floor) That's the worst, you're the worst. (groans) Why don't we just pay for the stupid tape?

Mordecai: That's not a bad idea.

(phone rings back at the Movie Shack Hut and the employee answers it)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Movie Shack Hut.

Mordecai: It's Mordecai.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Dude, the game is changed, I need that tape back by 9:00. My manager's doing inventory after we close and he'll call collections agency if he finds out it's missing.

Mordecai: What would it cost to just replace the tape?

Movie Shack Hut Employee: (sigh) You're not gonna like it.

Mordecai: Dude, just tell me.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: One...thousand...dollars.

Mordecai: A thousand dollars!?

Movie SHack Hut Employee: It's a rare and out-of-print VHS; a piece of film history!

Mordecai: It's a piece alright.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Just find it by tonight. I hear those guys break thumbs.

(Mordecai groans)

Rigby: What'd he say?

Mordecai: We either return the video, pay a thousand dollars, or have our thumbs broken.

Rigby: (starts hyperventilating and rummaging through junk) We don't have that kind of money! And I really enjoy my thumbs!

Mordecai: Dude, dude, chill. How are we gonna find the tape in here if you're just gonna panic and make a bigger mess?

Rigby: Give me one better idea than panicking.

Mordecai: We're gonna buckle down and methodically clean this room until we find that tape.

Rigby: (scoughs) Fine, we'll do this the "right way" or whatever.

(Montage of the two cleaning the room and searching through a drawer, under a pillow and the bed. They stuff all their junk in the closet and find one shirt lying on the floor. They walk over and pick it up, only to find an old peanut butter sandwich.)

Rigby: Woah, I remember this.

Mordecai: I guess that's it. There's no other place it could be. We only have a few hours left. Now what?

Rigby: (gasp) What if somebody in the house borrowed it?

Mordecai: Dude, yeah! Let's split up and ask everybody.

Muscle Man: Dude, where are the balls? you're supposed to bring them.

High Five Ghost: Well, where's your racket?

Muscle Man: I'm not talking about rackets! I'm talking about balls!

High Five Ghost: But, Badminton doesn't have balls.

Muscle Man: What?! I'm not playing a game that doesn't have balls in it!

Mordecai: Dudes, dudes, shut up and listen. Did you ever borrow The Best VHS In The World for me and Rigby?

Muscle Man: No way, loser.

Mordecai: [Sighs] Thanks for nothing.

Muscle Man: You're welcome for nothing!

Pops: Hmm... Now where did I put my winter hats?

Rigby: Pops! Did you borrow The Best VHS In The World from us?

Pops: V, H, Who?

Rigby: Never-mind.

Benson: No, I haven't seen your dumb movie, I have my own problems, like the extension cord for the drill I can't find, and this stupid ventilation system that rattles all the time! I think we might have rats. [The Ventilation System rattles, and Mordecai and Benson start coughing.]

Benson: Oh, great.

Skips: Hey, Have any of you guys seen my Bass AMP anywhere?

Mordecai: No. Did you borrow The Best VHS In The World?

Skips: No. That movie's terrible. [Mordecai runs away and sighs.]

Mordecai: Alright, let's re-group. Aww, what?! Rigby, you messed up everything!

Rigby: Dude, it wasn't me!

Mordecai: Yeah, right.

Rigby: What does that mean?

Mordecai: It means, I don't believe you.

Rigby: [Punches Mordecai] I said, I didn't do anything!

Mordecai: Dude,- [gets punched in the face by Rigby] That's it.

[Both fight and punch each other.]

Mordecai: This is all your fault! It was your idea to rent The Best VHS In The World!

(Door cracks open, revealing someone named Buttonwillow McButtonwillow.)

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Did you say, "The Best VHS In The World"?

Mordecai: Yeah?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: [Laughs evilly and unzips his front pocket pouch, revealing The Best VHS In The World tape.] That's my favorite movie.

Mordecai: Dude, that's ours! We have to take it back to the video store.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Huh?

Rigby: We need that tape!

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: No! NO! [Slams door shut]

[Mordedai and Rigby see Buttonwillow McButtonwillow closing the vent door]

Mordecai: Stop him!

[Mordecai and Rigby throw ventilation door away and Buttonwillow McButtonwillow pulls a scary face at them making his eyes straight lines and his mouth open with sharp teeth. and Mordecai and Rigby are shocked and moves away Buttonwillow McButtonwillow runs away and mordecai and rigby follow after him.]

Rigby: There he is! come on, Mordecai!

[Mordecai struggles to climb in but makes it, and they both crawl in ventilation following Buttonwillow McButtonwillow.]

Mordecai: Keep going!

[Buttonwillow Mcbuttonwillow turns left and is a 45 degree angle down. Mordecai sighs, then Benson hears banging in the Ventilation System.]

Benson: I'm gonna need bigger mouse traps.

[Mordecai and Rigby see him go down a 90 degree slope down.]

Rigby: Oh, man!

Mordecai: Where the tape goes, we go!

[Mordecai and Rigby do Paper Scissors Rock to see who goes down first. Rigby loses and sighs. Mordecai smiles and watches rigby going down then he goes down screaming and landing on some objects people in the house were looking for.]

Mordecai: Huh? Muscle Man's Badminton Racket?

Rigby: Pops' Winter Hat.

[Mordecai and Rigby See TV with tape cover.]

Mordecai: There it is. [Both run towards TV.]

Mordecai: It's not in the box.

Rigby: Nothing man.

[Lightning sounds are heard.]

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Get out of my lair!

Rigby: Show yourself!

Mordecai: Give us back the tape!

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: I'll never give you The Best VHS In The World, it's my favorite!

Rigby: Dude, it's not even yours! Give it back!

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: You don't deserve it! ! saw you throw it away!

Mordecai: That's only because it's horrible!

Rigby: We still want it back.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: BLESS ME! [An earthquake occurs and rocks start to fall. Mordecai and Rigby scream and run away from a huge pointy rock that destroys the TV, and everywhere turns to pitch black.] I'll prove to you it isn't lame! [Lights to a desk turn on.]

Mordecai: Huh?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Check out the desk. That's right! I'm a published author, and I think it's awesome!

Mordecai: Dude, you just stapled this together yourself.

Rigby: Nobody's gonna read your lame fan-zy man.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: For gaining readership.

Mordecai: Whatever. I bet this is the only copy.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: But, look at all this art I painted inspired by it. [3 Lights turn on to show 3 paintings of Buttonwillow McButtonwillow and The Best VHS In The World.] This one is of me, and The Best VHS In The World. This is me, pointing at it. And here's one of it in what I think Hawaii looks like. Well, what do you think?

Mordecai: Maybe, take some life drawing classes?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: [when the earthquake occurs again] I don't care what you have to say! RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Rigby: Dude, not again!

Mordecai: We gotta find the light switch!

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Art, is subjective, you know. You don't come into my lair, and sulk my art and my favorite VHS, and LIVE! Now DIE! DIE! DIE, DIE,-- Die?

[Mordecai and Rigby pulls Benson's Extension Cord from his speaker and he falls over.]

Mordecai: Dude, it's over! Give us the tape!

Rigby: Yeah.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: NO!

Mordecai: Dude, look at yourself. You're going crazy over that tape, and it's not any good.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: No! You're wrong! It is good! This tape is everything to me. And if I can't have it, NO ONE CAN!!!

[Gets Angry and Lights a Fire Straight out of his Finger.]

Rigby: No!

Mordecai: You can't do that! If we don't return that tape, we'll lose our video store membership!

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Video Store?

Mordecai and Rigby: Uh... yeah, yeah.

Rigby: It's a magical place filled with videos, and they're all better than that one.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: What?! Have you read the title?!

Mordecai: Dude, they just put that on a lame video to get people to rent it.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: SILENCE!!! I won't let you guys trick me!

Mordecai: I know you really love that tape. We love tapes too. We've seen hundreds of them, and that's one of the worst.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: So, everything I know was a lie?

Mordecai: There's a whole world of VHS tapes out there for you to see. Haven't you ever wondered what it's like outside your cave?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: It's true.There are times when I've pondered with other tapes my hold.

Mordecai: Dude, if you give us the tape we can show you.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: I could experience the outside world, where dogs drive cars, and UFO's pepper the skies.

Rigby: UFO's totally pepper the skies. Now will you please just give us the tape?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: Well, old friend, we had a good run. It's time you go back to where you came from. And me, well, don't you worry about old Buttonwillow McButtonwillow.

Rigby chuckles at his name and Mordecai punches his arm and then cuts to the scene at the Movie Shack Hut.

Movie Shack Hut Employee: Thanks for returning the video, hombres. (Hands Mordecai and Rigby their membership card) Here's your card back.

Mordecai and Rigby: Wooooooah!

Movie Shack Hut Employee: (hands Buttonwillow a card with his name on it) And here's one for you, dude.

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: What is this?

Mordecai: It's a membership card, man. With that, you can rent any video you want.

(Buttonwillow giggles and runs over to shelves of tapes, then runs back to the counter)

Movie Shack Hut Employee: So, what do you wanna rent, little dude?

Buttonwillow McButtonwillow: I would like The Best VHS In The World.

(End of The Best VHS in the World)

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