Regular Show Wiki
Regular Show Wiki
Broom.png This article is under the scope of the Transcript Cleanup Project and has yet to be cleaned up to a higher standard of quality. It may contain errors, spelling, grammar and structure issues, or inconsistent formats, or be incomplete. Reader's discretion is advised until fixing is done.

You can help clean up this page by correcting spelling and grammar, removing factual errors and rewriting sections to ensure they are clear and concise, moving some elements when appropriate, and helping complete the transcript.

(Episode begins with a screenshot of the exterior of the house. Video game music is heard playing. The scene cuts to the TV, where it shows a tan baseball player, a green baseball player, and a fire pit. The green baseball player releases a projectile and the tan baseball player jumps into the fire pit. The scene cuts to Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, HFG, and Thomas, who is still in his pizza costume. They all groan in disappointment. Then everyone stares at Thomas.)

Muscle Man: I told you to jump over the fire pit Thomas, not fall into it.

Pops: (Off-screen) Happy Park-iversarry!

(He runs into the living room with gifts, laughing)

Thomas: (Looking at Mordecai and Rigby)  What's a Park-iversarry?

Rigby: Dude, "Park-Anniversary". Just break it down.

Mordecai: (Whispering to Thomas) Pops is gonna give out really lame gifts, but just pretend like you like it or you'll hurt his feelings.

(To Pops)

Mordecai: (continued) Hey, Pops! Happy Park-iversarry!

Pops: I come bearing gifts! I've picked out just the right presents for all of you.

(Pops gives presents to Muscle Man, HFG, and Thomas)

Pops (continued): Oh, I can't wait! (Waving his arms) Open them! Open them!

Muscle Man: (Pulls out a can) Oh ho! Gag Peanut Brittle where a snake pops out!

(He opens the can of peanut brittle with his eyes closed, but nothing comes out)

Muscle Man (continued): ...Or regular peanut brittle. Thanks, Pops.

Hi-Five Ghost: (He goes through his bag to find green socks with red toe tips, a smiley face, and text saying "Be Smiley") Wow! Novelty socks.

Thomas: (He pulls out a mermaid figurine) A mermaid statues made of shells? Man, this is...super neat! Thanks, Pops!

Pops: When in doubt, buy shells. (Ducks down) Now for Mordecai and Rigby's gifts.

(He lifts up two gift bags)

Pops (continued): I think you're really going to like these.

(Mordecai and Rigby grab their gifts)

(Rigby begins ripping the wrapping paper. He sees a box with the text "TANTS CO." in red and sees a man eating a turkey with tants on. He begins reading the text on the box.) 

Rigby: ''Tants. Dare to dine anywhere with flare in Tants!" "The pants that are also a table!"

Mordecai: Uh, they're great, Pops.

Rigby: Yeah, thanks, Pops

Pops: (laughing) Wonderful! I knew they'd be a hit. Well, I still have gifts for Skips and Benson. Happy Park-iversarry

(Everyone says bye to Pops as he exits the room).

Mordecai: What are gonna do with 'tants'?

Muscle Man: I think you hit the jackpot this year. Those tants are pretty fresh (pulls the 'nice' gesture) You know, I could take those tants off your hands for ya. Free of charge.

Mordecai and Rigby: Hmmm

(Mordecai agrees 'hm, hm')

Rigby: Yeah, sure. Go for it.

Muscle Man: A wise decision, bro.

(Scene moves to Mordecai playing video games and Rigby spectating. Pops enters the room.)

Pops: Ta-daaa (He is wearing the tants)

Mordecai: Woahhh, what are you wearing?

Pops: (spinning so they can get a glimpse) Tants! I'm wearing tants! You must have not tried them on yet.

Mordecai and Rigby: (both laugh awkwardly) Yeah, you got us.

Pops: You know, I didn't want to make a big deal in front of the others, but I gave extra-heart into picking out your presents.

Rigby: (confused) Really?

Pops: Oh yes! I wanted to use the Park-iversarry as an opportunity to thank you for being such good friends to me.

Pops (Continued): I thought we could all wear our tants and have lunch together!

Mordecai: Uhhh, we...uh...kinda-don't...have the tants...anymore.

(Pops makes a whining sound after hearing the response, crinkling his face so it looks like he's going to cry)

Mordecai (continued): We gave the tants-

(Pops is on the brink of a tantrum)

Mordecai (continued): -Uh-huh, we gave the tants-

(Tears well up in Pops' eyes)

Rigby: We gave them to the dry cleaners!

Mordecai: -uh, yeah-yeah! We took them to the dry cleaners to make sure they would be clean the first time we'd try them on!

(Pops immediately recovers from his to-be tantrum and gasps in relief)

Pops: Good show! Then let's do lunch tomorrow when you pick up your tants.

(M&R agree with replies)

Pops: Splendid! (He laughs as he exits out of the room, hitting the wall due to his tants, but runs through at the end, laughing with joy)

(We hear more noise from M&R's point of view, with Pops having several collisions and laughter fades away)

Rigby: Dude, did you see his face?

Mordecai: Yeah, we can't make Pops cry. Those tants are really bad, but hurting Pops' feelings is worse. Come on, we gotta see Muscle Man about those tants.

(Scene cuts to Muscle Man's house. Mordecai knocks on the door.)

Muscle Man: Yes?

Mordecai: We really need those tants back.

Muscle Man: Yeah, okay. Me and Starla are done with them anyway.

(Scene cuts to the tants. They are ruined.)

Mordecai and Rigby: AH! WHAT THE?!

Rigby: Gross, what did you do?!

Muscle Man: All I did was have a pizza dinner, with Starla.

Mordecai: Ugh! Did you even eat any of it?

Rigby: There's like a whole slice in the pant leg!

Muscle Man: You don't need to get all worked up about it, just wash them, they'll be fine.

Mordecai and Rigby: Ugh!

(Scene cuts to the dry cleaners).

Mordecai: More up!

Rigby: Wait, let me switch my grip.

Mordecai: Alright, now, turn the tants to the right.

(Rigby turns the tants to his angle of right)

Mordecai (annoyed): No, my right!

Rigby: It's not fitting.

Mordecai: Because you need to turn the tants!

Rigby: I am turning it, you just have to push it more!

Mordecai: It's not gonna work like that! The tants won't fit.

Rigby: Why do you keep saying 'tants' so much?

Mordecai: Just turn them.

Rigby: Just shove 'em in!

(He seizes Mordecai's side of the tants and attemps to push them in the washing machine. He gets the large parts to fold on each other and pushes, but the force of his push caused the cardboard to rip. Rigby panics)

Mordecai: Agh! You're breaking them! Take them out!

(Rigby grunts as he and Mordecai attempt to remove the tants from the washing machine. As he lifts a part, Mordecai unwillingly hit the 'start' button with his arm on the machine. The sound of water was heard within the machine)

Rigby: What was that?

(The machine starts rumbling).

Mordecai: Dude, look out!

(He pulls Rigby to his side and they both fall to the ground. The machine starts spinning, as the fatal crunching sounds of the tants is heard. M&R watch in distraught).

Rigby: Maybe we can fix it?

Mordecai: There's nothing left to fix!

(The tants are completely destroyed.)

Mordecai: We gonna have to buy new tants.

(Scene cuts to a computer screen where 'tants' is searched)

Rigby: There it is! Click it, click it!

Mordecai: Alright, Lets see.

Rigby: Which one is it?

Mordecai: Uh, this one!

Rigby: Two hundred dollars?!

Mordecai: The ergonomic cup holder makes it limited edition?

Rigby: Ugh. I can't believe Pops spent so much money on us.

Mordecai: We're not limited edition friends, we're just standard issue jerks. We're gonna have to tell Pops

Pops: (suddenly enters the room) Mordecai! Rigby!

(The duo jump out of their chairs in suprise)

Pops: I've been looking all over for you! I've been so excited about tomorrow!

(Pops starts to laugh in excitement M&R look at reach other. Pops starts to cough due to his laughter. He recovers and takes a breath and wipes his mouth with a hankie)

Pops: Anyway, I forgot to ask which beverage you'd like. Lemonade or Pink Lemonade?

Mordecai and Rigby: Uhhh...

Pops: Oh, what am I saying? (flaps his arms in front of him) I'll get both! Let's go wild, it is our first tants lunch together. (Laughs) I "tant" wait for it.

(Pops runs out of the room, laughing in joy as he chants,'Tants lunch! Tants lunch!' constantly till the noise fades away)

Mordecai: We can't tell Pops.

Rigby: Ughh...What're we gonna do?

Mordecai: Just let me think. It's just pants in a table. Maybe we could just make some tants

Rigby: Make 'em? How?

Mordecai: Remember that one time Benson made park uniforms for everyone?

Rigby: Oh, the ones we only wore once?

(Flashback showing M&R wearing golf-like park uniforms, both unhappy, and Benson is smiling at his work)

Mordecai: Yeah, those. Anyway, if we use that sewing machine, we can make new tants.

Rigby: Oh yeah!

Mordecai: Where was that thing again?

Rigby: The basement?

Mordecai: Yeah! The basement!

(Scene cuts to M&R standing and staring towards a sewing machine in the basement).

Mordecai: Dude, I don't know how to use this thing.

Rigby: Well neither do I!

Mordecai: What are we gonna do?

(M&R gasp and snap their finger, for an idea came to mind)

Mordecai & Rigby: Eileen!

Eileen: Wow! A diamond crown Stitch Horse 5000 double-diamond series?! You know they stop making these in '75. It's the last of its series to have a solid steel throat-plate.

Rigby: So does that mean you can do it?

Eileen: With a workhorse like this (pats the machine) I think I can manage. But if we're gonna get these tants done by tomorrow, you guys will need to help.

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm hm!

(Montage begins of Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen creating the tants. After some research, mistakes and construction, the trio slide the cardboard into the 2 tants).

Rigby: Whoa, Eileen, they look great!

Eileen: They really do, don't they?

Mordecai: Awesome! Now we just have to add the logos and make them look legit.

(Mordecai comes back with a trash bag and opens it, revealing the damaged tants. One of them has the logo spelling 'Tants Co').

Eileen: Are you sure about ripping off the logo? The warning seems pretty specific

(Inside the tants, a label says 'Warning: Tampering or removal of Tants co. logo is punishable by TantsCo law').

Mordecai: But if we don't use the real logo, Pops would know they're different tants. We have to take it. For Pops' lunch.

(Mordecai tears of the logo, revealing a red button that starts beeping ominously and emitting noise.)

Mordecai: Huh?!

(The button then flashes subsequently. The trio yelp and run as a laser comes shooting out of the button. The laser then draws a door shape in front of the trio, which becomes a portal. Two arms come out, a leg, and then a man's face. He comes out of the portal followed by 4 tant-wearing men in soldier uniform. The man in the black suit, who was unusually tall, stood in the middle of the pack).

Tants Co. President: Cease and desist!

Mordecai: Who are you?!

Tants Co. President: Hm, only the active president and founder of Tants Co., maker of tants! I'm here to investigate a grave violation of Tants Co. company rules: Tampering or removal of the official Tants Co. logo is forbidden by law - of my company, and is punishable - by my company.

Tants Soldier #1: Uh sir, you better take a look at this.

(Two of the Tants soldiers pull the prepared tants towards the Tants Co. President, who takes a deep breath)

Tants Co. President: Do you know how many Tants Co. laws you're violating with these off-brand tants?!

(Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen murmur unknowingly)

Rigby: A couple?

Tants Co. President: Well, its at least seventeen-easily! The Tants Co. company makes subsequent products on my families bread and butter. Heck, those products are family to me! It's like you're walking into my home and taking the food right out of my wife's mouth! Well, I can't let this continue. Today, it's Bootleg Tants, but will it be tomorrow! Bootleg Glups?!

(The trio, aside from Rigby, look at each other)

Tants Co. President: know, the gloves that are also a coffee cup?

(A Tants soldier is seen wearing Glups on both hands)

Tants Co. President: Or, maybe you wanna make Sombrasses, the sombrero that's also glasses?

Eileen: Ugh!

Tants Co. President: And what about Shtilts? The shoes that are also stilts! Are you gonna bootleg these?

(He pulls down his long trousers, to which M&R prefer not to look at)

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa, whoa!

Eileen: It's okay. He still got pants on.

(M&R sigh in relief. The camera tilts from the bottom to the top of the shtilts, up to the President, who is much smaller than expected)

Tants Co. President: If these fraud tants exist, it will open a floodgates to all kinds of bootleg Tants Co. products! But I'm not about to let that happen to my company! I'm destroying these imposters.

(The President advances towards the unofficial tants. M&R and Eileen make a dash to stop him, protesting)

Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen: NO! STOP! YOU CAN'T!

(The Tants soldiers come to stop them from advancing. Mordecai faces the 'glups'- wearing soldier, who Mordecai can't attack due to the mugs and almost has coffee spilt on him).

Rigby (punching): IN YOUR FACE!

(It shows Rigby trying to punch a soldier but due to his size he can only reach the waist he's not even hitting).

(Eileen is seen trying to overwhelm the soldier with sombrasses but no luck, whilst grunting).

(The trio are overwhelmed and are pushed back by the tants soldiers who surround them as the Tants Co. President laughs modestly).

Tants Co. President: You know, brand-made Tants Co. Tants are fireproof Did you make yours fireproof?

(He takes the Tants to a furnace)

Mordecai: Don't do it!

Eileen: No!!

Tants Co. President: Hmph. Before I torch these imposters, just tell me one thing. Why on this good green Earth, would you make fake tants?

Mordecai: Because we had to!

Tants Co. President: Ha! Liar, liar, tants on fire! There is no good reason to bootleg tants!

Mordecai: Pops! Pops is a good reason. He bought us real tants from your company. He just wanted to have one lunch with us in tants, but we didn't appreciate Pops or his gifts, and they got ruined. We were just trying to fix things.

Rigby: And Eileen worked really hard to help us!

Mordecai: I'm sorry we ripped the label off. And I'm sorry we made fake tants. But we couldn't let Pops down and still call ourselves his friends.

(Mordecai and Rigby look down in guilt)

Pops (o/s): But that is the reason I consider you my best friends.

Mordecai and Rigby: Pops!

(Pops is seen at the front of the basement steps)

Pops: I heard everything.

Rigby: Pops! We're so sorry!

Pops: No! I won't hear it. The lengths that you went for my sake mean more than any lunch in tants! That is true friendship.

Mordecai: Thanks, Pops.

(The Tants Co. President is crying. He dries his tears with an oddly-looking tie with and end shaped like a hankie).

Tants Co. President: (Sad voice) Tiekercheif. The tie that's also a handkerchief. (The President tucks it in his shirt) I've never seen such a touching display of friendship in all my life. This is why I started TantsCo...for the people. It's more beautiful than any product my company can make!

Rigby: Does this mean we can have our tants back?

Tants co. President: NO!

(He suddenly pushes the tants right inside the furnace incinerating them)

Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen: NO!

Eileen: MY WORK!

Tants co. President: Hahaha! Real friends deserve real tants! Tants all around!

Mordecai: Nice!

Rigby: Aw, Sweet!

Eileen: I don't even know what's real and what's not...

(Scene cuts to the afternoon. Mordecai, Rigby and Pops are wearing tants, all wielding a dish on their table. Pops is holding lemonade, and Mordecai and Rigby are holding glasses filled with it)

Mordecai: You know Pops, these tants are pretty choice.

Pops: Yes, isn't the fabric nice and breathable?

Rigby (chewing): Yeah, totally!

(Muscle Man and Starla appear holding each other and have their legs in a four legged trouser fuse).

Muscle Man: Check it out! The Tants Co. President gave us this prototype frelt!

Starla: It even came with these four-legged acid wash jeans!

(Mordecai and Rigby and Pops look astonished).

Muscle Man: It's okay if you're jealous. Tants are pretty last season.

(The couple take off, with their arms in each other's back trouser pocket).

Mordecai: Pops, I know we're friends, but please don't ever buy us frelts.

Pops: Oh. I'd never do that! Those look ridiculous!

(The trio laugh)

(End of Tants).