| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(Episode begins at the Space Tree with a commercial playing on the television. A man stretches his arms to spell out “Fist Pump”.)
Man: (screams) Fist Pump!
(He explodes and Fist Pump appears, performing on stage.)
Announcer: One night only, Fist Pump has come out of retirement-slash-prison, for one last show! Their Lasers For Life concert and laser light show extravaganza!
(Mordecai and Rigby sit in front of the television watching the commercial, whooping and pumping their Fist Pump toys. On the TV screen several world leaders appear, putting their thumbs down.)
Announcer: The UN banned Fist Pump from playing the show anywhere on Earth for being, quote, “incredibly dangerous!” (a man explodes) Well guess what Earth, Fist Pump didn't think you were even that cool anyways! (Earth explodes and a rocket flies through space) Fist Pump has left that dusty old marble and is bringing Lasers For Life to the vast expanse of space! (the Space Tree appears) Tonight, come pump your fists with Fist Pump in the Space Tree observatory at the very top of the tree! (reading text as it appears on screen) Space Tree is not liable for any harm, burns, explosions, smoke inhalation, blindness, eardrum degradation, boils, literal face melting or other injuries that may occur.
(Mordecai and Rigby continue whooping and pumping their Fist Pump toys.)
Mordecai: Man, I never thought I'd be so excited for a Fist Pump show. I must really be missing Earth junk.
Rigby: Well also, last time we worked all day to afford tickets and ended up sleeping through the entire show!
(Scene cuts to a flashback of the ending of the episode “Caffeinated Concert Tickets”, where Mordecai and Rigby are asleep at the previous Fist Pump concert. Flashback ends.)
Rigby: The universe is giving us a second chance for redemption.
Mordecai: Hm-hm-hm!
Rigby: This time we got our tickets two weeks in advance (scene cuts to Rigby throwing money at a receptionist), we took a long space nap (scene cuts to Mordecai and Rigby in cryostasis), we both downloaded this sweet lighter app (flicks the lighter on his phone screen) for slow power ballads and we still have two hours to get to the show early!
Mordecai: Let's do this.
Mordecai and Rigby: (pumping their fists) Fist Pump! (whooping as they walk off screen)
(Scene cuts to lines of people waiting to use the travel tubes to get to the top of the Space Tree.)
Mordecai: Aw, what? How come the tubes get you to the top of the Space Tree in five seconds but the line takes two hours?
Rigby: Don't worry dude, I've planned for this. I know a secret elevator. It'll take two hours to get to the top of the Space Tree but there's no line!
Mordecai: Dude, (punches Rigby with his Fist Pump toy) nice work.
Rigby: Follow me, dude.
(They walk over to an elevator.)
Mordecai: Whoa, a Lift Master. Classic.
Rigby: Yeah! The four thousand series is one of my favorite Lift Master models.
Mordecai: Oh it's in my top five for sure.
(They enter the elevator. Inside the elevator, Rigby activates the ride to the top of the Space Tree using his Fist Pump toy and then he and Mordecai start pumping the air with their fists.)
Mordecai and Rigby: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Fist Pump! Fist Pump! Fist Pump!
(The elevator rises. Some time passes.)
Rigby: No way, their best music video was where they drove that truck with the big fist on the front into that high school and they were all like (does an impression of playing guitar)
Mordecai: (laughs) Yeah, and then all the teachers get turned into swim suit models. (he and Rigby laugh) So stupid.
(Some more time passes. Mordecai and Rigby are listening to a Fist Pump song and rocking out, enthusiastically playing air guitar.)
Rigby: Here's the best part!
(They continue to rock out. Rigby starts banging on the walls of the elevator and accidentally hits the emergency stop button.)
Rigby: Huh?
(The elevator starts falling down and then stops, causing Mordecai and Rigby to be thrown to the ceiling before crashing back to the ground. They groan in pain.)
Mordecai: Rigby! What the heck did you do?
Rigby: Don't worry, I just hit the stop button, no big deal. All I gotta do is press the button for the top floor.
(Rigby presses the button. Nothing happens.)
Mordecai: Dude, we're not moving.
Rigby: (laughs nervously) Just press the button... (repeatedly hits the button and screams in frustration)
Mordecai: Try hitting the stop button again.
Rigby: Oh yeah. (hits stop button) Nothing!
Mordecai: Here, let me try. (repeatedly hits stop button) Come on, come on! We're gonna be late for Fist Pump!
Rigby: Dude! You gotta press it harder! (punches the stop button)
Mordecai: Rigby! You're gonna break it. Look, we'll try the call box. Maybe they need to reset the system or something. (presses the emergency call button)
(Scene cuts to an office where two Space Tree workers are having a dance party. The emergency phone beeps to the tune of the music and goes unheard by the workers. Scene cuts back to the elevator.)
Mordecai: (anxiously) Hello? Hello? Dude no one's answering.
Rigby: Okay, okay. Don't panic. What did we do when we were stuck in that meat locker?
(Mordecai and Rigby start panicking.)
Mordecai: Help!
Rigby: Help! Get us outta here!
Mordecai: The emergency phone's not working! Wait a sec, we got our own phones.
Rigby: Oh yeah.
(They reach for their phones. Mordecai's phone displays a “NO SERVICE” message.)
Mordecai: Oh man, I don't have any reception.
Rigby: Hm, I think I'm getting a little something over here. (holds phone up) Give me a boost.
(Mordecai lifts Rigby up onto his shoulders, grunting under the weight.)
Rigby: Almost got it. Ah, where'd it go?! (starts waving phone around)
Mordecai: (trying to hold on to Rigby) Rigby!
Rigby: Ha! One bar!
(A message on Rigby's phone appears, saying “LIGHTER 2.0 NOW AVAILABLE. UPDATE.”)
Rigby: Oh, sweet! There's an update for the lighter app. (flicks through images on the phone) Now they also have a blow torch, a glow stick, a-- Whoa, a tiki torch! See Mordecai? See? See? See the tiki torch?
Mordecai: (annoyed) Rigby, just call for help.
Rigby: Chill, man. This will just take a second. (presses update) Gotta have my sweet lighter for Fist Pump!
(Rigby's phone shuts off.)
Rigby: Hm.
Mordecai: What is it?
Rigby: My battery just died.
Mordecai: What?! (drops Rigby) Rigby you idiot, why'd you have to break the elevator? We were this close to seeing Fist Pump! Instead we're stuck here in this tiny little box, and it'll probably be hours before anyone notices we're gone. Plus, who knows how long it'll take them to get us out of here. It's just a good thing your claustrophobia's not acting up.
(Rigby, now panicked, starts noticing how small the elevator is.)
Rigby: I gotta get outta here. (runs over to the elevator buttons) I gotta get outta here!
Mordecai: (annoyed) Dude, will you relax?
(Rigby claws at the wall and hits the emergency call button. Scene cuts to the same office as earlier. This time, the emergency phone beeps to the rhythm of the two workers doing push ups.)
Colonel Rawls: Three! Four! Five! That's! The last! Time! You! Throw! A dance party, maggots!
(Scene cuts back to Rigby, who presses the call button a few more times.)
Rigby: (distressed) No one's answering, we're trapped.
Mordecai: It's cool man, we're gonna be okay.
Rigby: You don't know that! (hyperventilates) I can't breathe. This shirt's too tight. (gets tangled trying to remove his shirt, falls over backwards and starts weeping)
Mordecai: (sympathetically) Rigby.
Rigby: (crying) The only thing left to do is to pose our bodies so we leave behind cool looking skeletons.
Mordecai: We're not gonna die in here. Let me get that. (pulls Rigby's shirt back down)
Rigby: (continues laying on the ground) We had a good run, man.
Mordecai: We're gonna get out of here, okay? (sits next to Rigby) So just focus on thinking about good things, like hot wings, Strong Johns, Cheezer's...
Rigby: (happily) Cheezer's. (sadly) I wish they had a Cheezer's on the Space Tree.
Mordecai: Yeah, but we got most of the stuff we had back on Earth so it's still pretty cool.
Rigby: Yeah, but what are we gonna do when we leave the Space Tree to go on our mission?
Mordecai: I dunno, what are we gonna do? Who knows what it's gonna be like out there? It might totally suck.
Rigby: Yeah, and good luck getting Rawls to tell you anything about it.
Mordecai: And dude, we don't even know when we're going back to Earth, or if we're going back. (lays down on the ground next to Rigby)
Rigby: Mordecai?
Mordecai: You know, even if we get out of this elevator, we're still trapped inside a big metal box floating through space. Any illusions we once had of being masters of our fate have been forfeited to a man who would rather preoccupy us with push ups than prepare us for whatever horrors await us out there in the cold infinite abyss.
Rigby: (concerned) Dude, Mordecai, it's cool man.
Mordecai: No, Rigby, it's not. You know, Fist Pump's a dumb band but we may have just missed our last chance to ever see another rock concert. I miss Earth.
(Some time passes. Mordecai is singing along to a sad song on his phone. He and Rigby are slumped against the elevator walls, slowly pumping their Fist Pump toys.)
Mordecai: (singing) All alone in the world tonight... Got nothing left to even put up a fight...
(Rigby looks dejected until suddenly, he starts getting angry.)
Rigby: No! We're not missing Fist Pump again! (walks over to Mordecai) This might be our last chance to enjoy one of our favorite things from Earth. Get up!
Mordecai: (dejectedly) Dude, it wasn't meant to be. Let's just wait here until someone saves us or until we starve to death. I don't care. Whatever.
Rigby: Get up.
Mordecai: Dude, I--
(Rigby starts repeatedly punching Mordecai with his Fist Pump toy.)
Mordecai: I-- ugh-- okay! Okay, quit it! Sheesh. (stands up) Now I'm standing, happy?
Rigby: Hold still.
(Rigby climbs up the body of Mordecai, who protests to the action, and breaks through a panel in the ceiling with his Fist Pump toy. He climbs up on top of the elevator and looks up the elevator shaft.)
Rigby: I can see our floor. Get up here! We're climbing.
Mordecai: Ugh, fine.
(Mordecai pulls himself onto the top of the elevator as Rigby starts climbing his way up the elevator shaft.)
Rigby: Must! See! Fist Pump! (keeps climbing) This is the floor! C'mon, man!
Mordecai: Meh.
Rigby: (growls in annoyance and bangs on the wall) Hello? Anybody out there? Help!
(Scene cuts to the other side of the wall. A party is happening. There's music, colorful strobe lights and people laughing and dancing. Muscle Man and High Five Ghost run by.)
Muscle Man: Woohoo! Fist Pump! Woohoo!
(Scene cuts back to inside the elevator shaft.)
Rigby: Anyone? Dude, nobody can hear us.
(Mordecai shrugs.)
Rigby: Ah, useless. Uhh, (looks around and sees an opening in the wall) there's an open vent up here. Follow me!
(Rigby jumps into the vent while Mordecai stands still.)
Rigby: Dude, come on!
Mordecai: (sighs) Ugh, fine. (climbs up elevator shaft)
(Rigby and Mordecai start crawling through the vent.)
Rigby: Where do you think this thing goes?
Mordecai: I don't know, but it doesn't feel very stable--
(The vent gives way and they scream as they fall through. They groan in pain and then sit up.)
Mordecai: Uhh, are we still in the Space Tree?
Rigby: We can't be too far from the observatory. Let's keep moving.
(They start walking. After a while they start hearing strange noises and the room goes dark.)
Mordecai: What was that?
Rigby: I don't know dude, I can't see a thing.
Mordecai: Something's in here with us.
Rigby: Dude, get out that lighter app.
(Mordecai flicks on the lighter on his phone. The room lights up, revealing that they are surrounded by dozens of bats. They gasp in shock. A bat opens its wings.)
Rigby: Run!
(They start running and screaming as bats fly around them. The room goes dark for a moment and then the light returns, showing the bats flying away from Mordecai and Rigby who are laying on the floor.)
Unknown: (off-screen) You dare wake my children?
(Scene reveals that the person speaking is a giant bat who is hanging from the ceiling.)
Giant Bat: You dare disturb their peaceful sleep? You must be punished! I will throw you both into the bottomless pit of eternal darkness!
(The giant bat gestures to a big pit in the ground.)
Giant Bat: Ha ha, pretty scary, right?
Mordecai: Well, I mean, yeah I guess it is. Sure.
Giant Bat: (angrily) Come, man, it's terrifying! I put a lot of work into it.
Mordecai: Well, it's just that it--
Rigby: --doesn't look bottomless?
Mordecai: Yeah yeah, exactly what I was gonna say. You know, wait, I think I can actually see the bottom.
Giant Bat: Silence!
Rigby: Alright, alright. We were just trying to go see our favorite band from Earth play. It might be our last chance ever to see Fist Pump.
Giant Bat: I don't care what you wa-- Wait, what? Did you say Fist Pump? (lands on the ground) I haven't heard that name since I left Earth.
Mordecai: Yeah dude, they're playing at the top of the Space Tree tonight.
Giant Bat: I stowed away under their bus for their entire Fresh Out of Prison Tour three years ago. Those were good times. But then I met my wife, had a couple of hundred children, and then she wanted to move out to space to be closer to her family. So here I am, five minutes from the in-laws and a million miles away from the nearest rock concert, and all I have to show for it is a pit that isn't even that bottomless. (sighs) Sometimes I really miss Earth. Do they still have pizza there?
Mordecai: Yeah.
Giant Bat: Do they still not let giant bats into pizza parlors?
Mordecai: Yeah.
Rigby: Dude, Fist Pump is playing right now!
Giant Bat: Well, my wife's gonna be at her book club for another couple hours. What do you say we sneak off to a concert, huh?
Mordecai and Rigby: Whoaaa!
(Suddenly, Mordecai and Rigby are on the giant bat's back as he takes off through the vent towards the concert. Fist Pump is heard performing.)
Mordecai: Dude, watch out!
Giant Bat: (laughs) You better hold on, I don't know if this is gonna work!
(Mordecai and Rigby scream as the giant bat breaks through the bars of the entrance duct as he flies into the Space Tree observatory. They fly over the crowd of concert-goers.)
Mordecai and Rigby: Aw yeah!
(Fist Pump continues to perform. The roof of the Space Tree opens up, revealing the stars above.)
Mordecai, Rigby and Giant Bat: Fist Pump! Fist Pump! Fist Pump! Fist Pump!
(Two lasers hit the giant bat in his eyes.)
Giant Bat: Ow! My eyes! (the crowd goes quiet as he starts falling, but then they begin cheering as he swoops back up) Ha ha! Just kidding. I'm already blind. (he laughs as lasers continue to hit his eyes) Doesn't even hurt!
Mordecai: Dude, space is pretty cool.
Rigby: Yeah it is!
Giant Bat: Fist Pump!
(End of “Stuck in an Elevator”.)