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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Space Escape".

(Episode starts with the Space Tree Station cadets about to be graduated. We see the park crew doing some tasks, with Skips and Eileen on maintenence, Muscle Man and High Five Ghost cooking, and Benson piloting the dome.)

Colonel Rawls (voiceover): A few months ago, you folks were scrawny, weak, confused, drifting aimlessly in space-- utterly useless, until the Space Tree graciously took you in. Was it a mistake? Only time will tell. And now those worthless, scrawny cadets stand before me as moderately serviceable Space Tree Rangers! And today, you'll graduate the Spark Initiative and soon by on your way to terraform your first planet. I've already sent the coordinates into your dome's navigational computer, along with your personal fighter ships!

(Mordecai and Rigby do stunts in their fighter ships.)

Rawls: Today... is graduation day! There will be a ceremony tonight with light refreshments, compliments of the Space Tree. Hope to see you there!

(The cadets cheer, the park crew included.)

Mordecai and Rigby: WHOOOOOOA! Graduation!

Rigby: Wow, one minute I'm graduating high school, and now I'm graduating space? Take that, Dad!

Mordecai: Hm-hm! I don't think "light refreshments" are gonna cut it.

Both: Comet Stop!

(At Comet Stop, the duo decide on what snacks to buy for the ceremony.)

Rigby: Dude, should we get Moon Cheddar and Onion or Milky Way Mesquite Barbeque?

Mordecai: What about Super Nova Nacho?

Rigby: Eh, I'll just get 'em all. (he picks up all the Super Nova Nacho bags) It's not a party until you have chips that taste like three different things!

Voice: Come on, man! Hurry up with the change! (Mordecai and Rigby peek over the aisle and see an armored soldier talking to the cashier.)

Cashier: Sorry, bro. My boss makes me count back all the change.

Soldier: Well, my boss will freak out if we're late for the attack on the Space Tree, so hurry up!

(Mordecai and Rigby gasp. Just then, a strange figure with a huge head like Pops' approaches the door and melts it down. He ominously floats to the cash register while Mordecai and Rigby watch on with wide eyes.

Soldier: (gasps) Sir!

Ominous Figure: What's taking so long?

Soldier: I-I got your Cherry Space Splushee just as you requested, but this guy is taking too long to give me my change!

(The figure takes a sip from the splushee and smacks his lips)

Ominous Figure: Keep the change. (he chuckles evilly and waves his hand, making the panicked cashier flicker away into whiteness. With horrified faces, Mordecai and Rigby run out of the store.) Bad show. Jolly bad show! Ahahahahaha!

(Back at the Space Tree)

Mordecai: And he looked just like Pops! But evil!

Rigby: Yeah, like an opposite Pops!

Both: Anti-Pops!

Mordecai: Jinx.

Rawls: (gasps) He Who Will Erase Us... (He turns on a microphone.) Attention, Space Tree! This is your captain speaking! There's been a change of plans! You're all graduated, effective immediately! Congrats! Your first mission as Rangers starts now! Leave the Space Tree and get to your rendezvous points as soon as possible! Godspeed and good luck!

Space Tree Personnel: Sir! An unknown ship just docked with the Space Tree!

Rawls: We're too late...

(An alarm blares. Four figures breach the Space Tree: a robot with a blaster, an ape-like alien, a lizard-like creature, and a humanoid holding a laser rifle and an eyepiece. Armored soldiers similar to the one seen at Comet Stop capture all of the Space Tree personnel and cadets. Outside the Space Tree, a large, sinister spaceship is attached to the Space Tree with smaller ships surrounding it. Someone tries to break through a door, but Rawls runs up to it and tries to hold them back.)

Rawls: (growls in effort) Protect Pops! Make sure he gets off the Space Tree! (At his words, the park crew is confused.)

Pops: Why me?

Rawls: No time to explain, just go!

Skips: (Moves a vent aside) Everybody, come on! (Everyone climbs inside the air duct and runs off just before the door is blown open,)

Rawls: No! (he screams as he is thrown to the floor. The ominous figure from Comet Stop- Anti-Pops- arrives with soldiers in tow. Meanwhile, the park crew runs through the air duct.)

High Five Ghost: I'm so confused! What's going on?!

Muscle Man: Yeah, why's Pops so special?

Pops: Oh, I didn't ask for this! Why does everyone on the Space Tree have to suffer on my account?

Benson: We'll figure it out later, Pops. Let's just do what Rawls said and get you out of here! There's a ship in the hangar we can take.

(In the Space Tree's food court, everyone onboard, including Spacey McSpaceTree, is rounded up as hostages and Anti-Pops is telekinetically holding Rawls in the air.)

Soldier: Sorry, sir. There's no sign of Pops anywhere.

Anti-Pops: Where is he?

Rawls: I told you, I don't know! (Anti-Pops clenches his hands into fists and pulls them inward, causing Rawls to scream in pain.) AAAAARGH! ALL RIGHT! He... he's on his way!

Anti-Pops: (releases Rawls) You lie.

Rawls: No, no! He'll be here in two minutes! That's like... a thousand push-ups!

Anti-Pops: (scoffs) A thousand push-ups in two minutes? Impossible!

Rawls: Watch me. (he starts doing push-ups at a fast rate before quickly switching to different variations.) One, two, three, four, five, one-handed! Clapping! Double-clapping! Fingertips! Fingertip! Aztec push-ups! Triple dip push-ups! Toe-toe-toe push-ups! Riding push-ups!

Soldier: Should I take him out, sir?

Anti-Pops: No, no. I want to see how this ends...

(Meanwhile, the park crew reaches the hangar. Skips looks through a grate.)

Skips: There's the ship, and it's not alone. (Down by the ship, the four minions from earlier are guarding it.)

Ape Alien: This is so boring!

Humanoid Alien: Oh, hush up! Keep an eye out for the one with the big head!

(A Super Nova Nacho bag falls to the floor, alerting the reptilian alien. He picks it up and shows it to the others, speaking in a lizard-like language.)

Droid: Wow, is that Super Nova Nacho? (Irritated, the ape alien snatches the bag.)

Ape Alien: You holding out on us, Jeff? (The lizard-like alien- Jeff- tries to deny it and waves his arms.) C'mon, Jeff. You know we don't speak Lizarkian. (He opens the bag and tries to eat a chip, but the grate falls on top of all four of them. Skips moves the unconscious minions while everyone else tries to board the ship.)

Mordecai: Come on! Let's get out of here!

Pops: I'm not going!

Benson: Come on, Pops! We gotta go!

Pops: We can't just abandon everyone! I'm going back to save them! It's what a real Space Tree Ranger would do! (Mordecai and Rigby see helium tanks and a balloon nearby that reads "Happy Graduation".)

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-hm-hm!

Mordecai: I've got an idea.

(Back at the food court, Rawls continues to distract Anti-Pops with push-ups.)

Rawls: Barrel roll! Toe touch! Somersault!

Anti-Pops: Grrr! ENOUGH! (He sprays white lightning into the air and turns to the cadets with a ball of lightning in his hand.) If someone doesn't bring me Pops right now, you can say farewell to your Space Tree AND YOURSELVES!

Soldier: Sir, look! (Outside, a ship flies away from the Space Tree.)

Rawls: (exhausted and chuckling) You're too late.

Anti-Pops: Guards! Get to your ships! We cannot lose them! (he boards a small ship with some of his men and catches up to the escaping ship. His entire fleet departs from the Space Tree to pursue. Anti-Pops boards the ship and sees a huge circle in the chair. He turns the chair around... and sees that it is a graduation balloon tied to a brick. The balloon has been spray-painted to read "Happy Graduation, Suckerz".) UUUUAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHH!

(Meanwhile, the park crew is back with Rawls.)

Rawls: I told you to get Pops off the Space Tree!

Pops: We couldn't leave you behind! It's not the Space Tree Ranger way.

Rawls: Hmm. That's very noble of you, Pops. Stupid, but noble. You're a true Ranger. It's a shame we have to cut the graduation short, but you have no idea what danger lies ahead of you. (to the cadets) Everybody, we don't have much time! Get to your domes and warp out of here as fast as you can!

(Everyone runs for the dome room to take off. Chance Sureshot, Toothpick Sally, and Recap Robot join the park crew.)

Sureshot: Follow us! (They run down a hallway, only for a soldier to block their path.)

Sally: There's a guard ahead!

Sureshot: Don't worry, I got this! (He aims and shoots at the soldier, who notices and dodges the shot. Sureshot's laser ricochets down the hall. With a groan, Sally flings her toothpick at the guard, which explodes and takes him out.)

Sally: Keep running! (Most of the cadets reach their domes and take off, flying away from the Space Tree. Still on board the shuttle, Anti-Pops grow furious at the sight of the escaping domes, knowing Pops could be on any one of them.)

Anti-Pops: No, no, no, no, no, NO! (two ships fly by with two of his minions inside each one. He contacts the one piloted by the humanoid alien.)

Humanoid Alien: What should we do now, sir?

Anti-Pops (on hologram): Destroy them all! But leave Pops to me.

(Back in the Space Tree, the park crew is almost at the dome hangar, but the door begins to slide shut.)

Mordecai: (gasps) The dome room door is closing!

Rawls: Not on my watch! (He runs underneath the door and holds it up in a push-up pose.) Cadets, move! (Everyone runs into the dome room, but stop.)

Benson: Come on, Rawls! Let's get out of here!

Rawls: You guys go! I'm staying here!

Rigby: Rawls, no!

Rawls: Just go! (The park crew head to the dome, take off, and leave. Rawls gives them a salute before succumbing to the weight of the door.) Hoo-yah! Oh!

(In space, Anti-Pops' ships are attacking the domes. The Park Dome flies around other domes, hostile ships, and explosions. Aboard the bridge, Eileen calculates a jump to warp speed.)

Computer: Warp drive activated. One minute and counting.

Benson: Sureshot, give us your status!

Sureshot: We're right behind you, Benson!

(Sureshot's ship flies close behind the Park Dome. The minions' ships fly overhead.)

Jeff (in Lizarkian): No way out now, Pops! (The minions perform an attack run, peppering the dome with laser fire. Everyone is flung to the side.)

Sally: Benson, warp out of here now! We'll hold them off!

Recap Robot: Brace yourselves! (Sureshot's ship flies towards the ship piloted by Jeff and the droid. It fires a green laser, sending the minions' ship flying out of control. The humanoid alien grunts and flies after Sureshot.)

Humanoid Alien: Aah! Who are these guys?! (He slams his ship into Sureshot's.)

Benson: Sureshot, what happened? Sureshot?!

Sureshot (over comms): Need... backup! (His end is now nothing but static.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-hm-hm!

Mordecai: We got this. (Their seats lean back and they are sucked into tubes that send them to their fighter ships. Mordecai lands perfectly while Rigby botches his landing. Meanwhile, the last minion ship is still attacking Sureshot.)

Recap: I can't shake 'em! (The minions laugh before a laser shoots past their ship.)

Humanoid Alien: What the-?! (Rigby is behind them and continues to shoot.)

Rigby: How about some of this?! Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm! (He hambones, shoots at the minions some more, and flies ahead of them.)

Ape Alien: Let's take that dweeb out! (The minions chase after Rigby and shoot at him. A panicked Rigby tries to shake them off, but can't.)

Rigby: Mordecai, help! (the minions laugh again as the lock on to Rigby's ship. Before they can fire, Mordecai comes in from behind them and blasts a laser at their ship, taking them out of the action.)

Mordecai: In yo face! (He and Rigby loops their ships back around.)

Both: WHOOOOOOOA! (They are cut off by the sight of Anti-Pops' main flagship, which dwarfs their own fighters easily. It blocks the dome's path and Anti-Pops laughs aboard the bridge.)

Anti-Pops: This ends now! (A giant cannon comes out of the ship with a soldier at the controls. He targets the Park Dome and Eileen's screen flashes a warning.)

Eileen: They've locked onto the dome with a tractor beam! (The Park Dome is pulled closer to Anti-Pops' ship, its main cannon charging up.)

Skips: Warp us, Benson!

Benson: (he mashes his control panel) I can't! The controls are disabled! (The cannon continues to charge. Sureshot's ship flies up to Mordecai and Rigby's fighters.)

Sureshot: You two head back to the dome! We'll take it from here!

Rigby: No, we're not leaving you!

Sureshot: Just do it! We'll meet up with you guys later!

Mordecai: But you could die!

Sureshot: (dramatically whips his hair) Hey, there's nothing more sure... than death.

Sally: Ugh, don't be so dramatic. We'll disable the tractor beam! Mordecai, Rigby, just go!

(Mordecai and Rigby reluctantly fly back to the Park Dome.)

Computer: Thirty seconds to warp speed. (Mordecai and Rigby land and join the others on the bridge as an alarm blares. The cannon finishes charging up.)

Anti-Pops: So long, Pops. (Sureshot, Sally, and Recap approach the cannon. Sally squeezes the triggers, but a display comes up.)

Computer: Ship ammo depleted.

Sally: We're out of ammo!

Sureshot: I'm not out of ammo! (He holds up his blaster.)

Sally: Yeah, but with your aim, you don't have a chance, Sureshot!

Sureshot: That's my name. Don't wear it out. (He presses the eject button and is launched into space.)

Benson: Sureshot! NOOO!

(In the vacuum of space, Sureshot points his blaster and fires. His shot hits the soldier operating the cannon in the chest. The soldier's head lands on his controls and the cannon aims upward just as it fires. The shot obliterates a nearby planet to space dust. Just before he is consumed by the explosion, Sureshot gives a thumbs-up. The park crew watch in horror while the countdown finishes.)

Computer: Warp speed engaged.

(The Park Dome turns around and blasts off at warp speed.)