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OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!
This page is the transcript for "Snow Tubing".

(The episode started at the Coffee Shop, where Eileen was giving Mordecai and Rigby bags of their breakfast.)

Eileen: Here you go, two breakfasts to go. I put extra syrup in your sausage scrambler wrap, Rigby, just the way you like it.

Rigby: Sweet meat! (rubs his stomach) Aww, yeah!

Eileen: So what do you guys have planned for your day off?

Rigby: Hmm! Hmm! Two words, six syllables.

Mordecai and Rigby: Snow Tu-Tu-Tu-Tubing!

Snow tubing is so awesome.

You go down the mountain, and hit all these sweet jumps.

Yeah, last year, I hit this snow bank so hard, I almost flipped over a boulder.

What about you, Eileen?

Got any crazy tubing stories?

Uh, I've actually never been snow tubing.

[GASPS]

What?!

You've never been snow tubing?!

But you love the snow, and you go tubing all the time.

Pool tubing is an entirely different beast.

Same thing-- just more thrills, chills, and spills.

But mostly spills.

We usually go up to Canyon Run Mountain.

You should come.

You'd love it.

Oh, that sounds great, but I have to work.

The coffee grinder's been acting up and the repair guy won't be here for quite a while.

There's probably zero percent chance I'll be able to go today.

But you guys have fun.

Oh, okay.

Well, don't work too hard.

See ya.

Later, Eileen.

Bye.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Phew.

[SNORING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Huh?

BOTH: Surprise!

[YAWNS]

What are you guys doing here at 6:00 in the morning?

Yeah.

We switched our day off so we could go snow tubing today.

Now we can all go together.

Snow tubing?

Whoa!

I haven't gone since I was little.

Thrills, chills--

And don't forget the spills.

[LAUGHTER]

Uh, thanks, but I'm not sure that I can make it.

I promised myself I would clean out my fridge today.

What?

That can wait.

But my milk is gonna expire soon.

The fun is gonna expire if you don't come with us.

Yeah, I can help you with the fridge when we get back.

Let's go, it'll be really cool.

Well, all right.

TOGETHER:

Yeah!

Snow tubing,

snow tubing.

Can we get some sausage scrambler wraps first?

So, you guys have been here before, right?

Tons of times.

It's far, but it's worth the trip.

Cannon Run Mountain has the sickest slopes.

It snowed yesterday, too.

I bet there's some fresh powder on the mountain.

Aw, yeah!

Got to get me some fresh pow-pow!

[LAUGHTER]

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Speaking of powder, does anyone need to use the powder room?

TOGETHER:

No.

You sure?

I want to hear you individually.

No.

Wait, a powder room is a bathroom, right?

Yeah.

No!

We've hit every bathroom since we've left.

Oh, okay.

I got to go.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Man, these things go right through me.

Hopefully, I don't have to go to the bathroom again.

[SLURPING]

[ALL GROAN]

[♪♪♪]

We usually hit a ton of traffic up here, but I know a short cut.

Take a right up here at the fork.

A left?

No, a right.

Left, got it.

No, right-- Right!

Ugh.

Oh, sorry, I heard "left."

Well, it's still pretty early.

We'll probably beat the traffic?

[TIRES SCREECH]

[HORNS HONKING]

All right, unlock the doors-- I'm walking.

Ugh, finally!

If we hurry, we can get 10 runs in before it gets dark.

I say we get some food first.

Can't go snow tubing on an empty stomach.

Yeah, I am pretty hungry.

I could eat.

But I want the pow-pow now-now!

[STOMACH RUMBLING]

Ah, stupid body.

Okay, let's get some food.

Yeah, after the first few runs, it's not so bad.

You'll go down the mountain and be like,

"Duh, duh, duh, duh-duh.

What? You call those bumps?

I didn't feel a thing."

And if you go fast enough, you'll feel wind on your face, and everything is like,

"Sheew, sheew."

And you'll be like,

"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!"

Mordecai: Oh, man, remember last year when we talked Thomas into going down that double black...

I still don't know why you picked this old, beat-up grandpa tube.

'Cause it's got the most character.

Yeah, and a bunch of holes.

[HISSING]

Aw, man.

Where are we gonna get another tube?

I guess we'll have to wait in line again.

[DRAMATIC NOTE PLAYS]

Well, good luck with that.

We'll see you guys up there.

Yeah, don't take too long.

Oh, look, there's a single-person tube!

Rigby, take that and I'll catch up with you later.

No way--

I'm not going without you.

Don't be silly.

I don't mind. Honest.

I moved this whole trip so we could go tubing together.

[SIGHS]

Come on, it's getting dark.

If we hurry, we can get two runs.

Keep it moving.

Keep it moving.

Oh, wait.

I forgot my-- agh!

Great view up here, huh?

Oh, look-- here come some people tubing.

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

You all right?

Just breathing in the fresh mountain air.

It's gonna be fun.

It's gonna be fun.

Keep it moving.

Keep it moving.

[LAUGHS, GRUNTS]

Whoa!

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

I've made a mistake!

Whoa, did you see that?

That guy must have been going 50, maybe 60 miles an hour!

With two people, our tube is gonna go way faster than that.

Keep it moving.

Can't back down now, so keep it moving.

Here we go.

Front or back?

Back. Definitely back.

Okay, knock yourself out.

What? Am I really gonna knock myself out?

Well, you're in the back, so maybe?

Oh, shoot, I left my scarf on the chair lift.

I can't lose it.

It's a family heirloom.

The scarf that I bought you that you're wearing?

Uh...

Wait!

Where are you going?

[PANTING]

Okay, ready?

Yep.

[PANTING]

Somebody's having fun.

Whoo, yeah!

So, yeah, I just keep it moving all day.

What about you?

Do you keep it moving around here often?

[PANTING]

Phew!

[GASPS]

Double black diamond?!

Wait, no!

Stop!

Turn this thing around!

I want to go down!

Eileen!

(?)

Rigby: [calling out] Eileen, what are you doing?!
Eileen: I told you-- I’m getting my scarf!
Rigby: Stop lying. Just tell me what’s wrong.
Eileen: I’ll tell you what’s wrong, the thrills, the chills, the spills-- snow tubing is not for me!
Rigby: How do you know? You never tried it.
Eileen: I did try it. When I was little, I went snow tubing with my dad. [Flashback to her and her dad] We tried to hit a jump... but the inertia worked against us. The cold air felt like death on my face. And then... [gasps] that’s when I got THIS! [pulls down her sleeve, revealing a scar on her elbow arm]
Rigby: What am I looking at exactly?
Eileen: A scar-- a bad one!
Rigby: Oh.
Eileen: Yeah. Ever since then, I’ve been afraid of snow tubing, I was just too embarrassed to tell you. I didn’t wanna ruin the trip. I knew how much it meant to you.
Rigby: You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I freak out over small spaces all the time. I’m not ashamed of my mucastaphobia.
Eileen: [giggles] Claustrophobia. And you’re right.

I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you from the start.

It's okay. I don't want to make you do something you don't want to.

Ready to go back?

Hot chocolate's on me.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, let's go.

Ooh, closing time.

So, you've, uh, seen how I keep things moving.

Let me show you how I slow things down.

[BUZZER]

Uh-oh.

No!

No, no, no! Hey!

We're up here!

Hello, anybody?!

Did you hear something?

[MUMBLES]

[LAUGHS]

Epic spills.

Hello!

Somebody, help!

Don't worry.

I'll just call Mordecai.

No service?

[GROANS]

[PANTING]

Wait, I got a bar.

Whoops.

Well, I needed a new phone anyway.

[CHUCKLES]

[PANTING]

What are we gonna do?!

Hm-hm! There's only one way out of this:

Snow tu-tu-tu-tubing.

Are you crazy?

A double black diamond in the dark?

That's a death sentence.

Look, Eileen, I know we can do this.

I won't let anything happen to you.

You just got to trust me.

This is it.

Get ready for thrills and chills.

And spills?

Not this time.

Hm-hm!

Okay, on three.

One, two...

[WIND HOWLS]

No, no, no!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

[ROARS]

Keep it moving.

Trees!

[SCREAMING]

Rocks!

Grizzly bear!!

[SNARLS]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Oh, no!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

They should've been back by now.

Do you think they're okay?

I'm sure they're fine.

Rigby knows this mountain like his hand.

Wait, what's that?

Like, this part right here.

No, that!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[BOTH GASP]

That...

was awesome!

I've never felt more alive in my entire life!

We were going so fast and ramped up a bear and flew over this crevasse and...

Wow, Eileen, no wonder you were so afraid to go tubing.

What am I looking at, exactly? Oh!

I'm sorry I was acting so weird yesterday.

Hopefully, this extra day will make up for lost time.

'Cause I need me some of that fresh pow-pow!

Whoo!

We're gonna hit every slope!

Uh...

I call front this time.

Bring on the thrills, chills, and spills.

Yeah!

That's it?!

(?)

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