(The episode begins with a depressed Mordecai trekking on the partly snowy ground. Mordecai sighs and drops on a pile of snow flashbacking his kiss with Margaret and the moment CJ runs out the door from the Christmas party)
Mordecai: Man, I hate mistletoe.
(The scene cuts to Mordecai at the coffeshop. The coffeshop door opens and CJ begins the enter)
Mordecai: Uhhh, hey CJ. Thanks for coming.
(They both sit down)
Mordecai: It's great to see you. How's your week been going?
CJ: So you wanted to tell me something?
Mordecai: Oh uh right, one sec....(he pulls out some presents for her) I got you something.
(CJ takes a giant piece of candy shaped like a butt saying "SORRY I'M SUCH A BUTT" Mordecai hands her a tape)
Mordecai: And I made this mix tape.
(The title of the tape says " SORRY I'M SUCH A BUTT")
Mordecai: All of the songs are apologies.
CJ: I'll listen to them in the car.
(A short silence occurs)
Mordecai and CJ: Look I wanted to....
Mordecai: Augh! CJ, I'm really sorry! I don't know what happened.
CJ: You don't? (souding sarcastic) Because I can refresh your memory.
Mordecai: No, no. I just mean it was crazy. It didn't mean anything, I swear. Margaret and I.. all that stuff is in the past. It was just.. it was midnight and we were under a mistletoe, I was bound by mistletoe rules. I think that's a real law in some countries. (He turns his head) Eileen, back me up on this.
(Eileen shakes her head and runs away, not wanting to get involved.)
CJ: Mordecai, what you did was really lame. It took me this whole week to start feeling like I could look at your face without wanting to break a chair over it.
Mordecai: Understandable. (while nodding his head)
CJ: But if your being honest about this mistletoe thing I mean, I missed you. I feel like I'm ready to forgive and forget.
CJ: As long as you swear there's nothing going on with you and Margaret.
Mordecai: I swear, honest. I just want things to go back to how they were before.
CJ: Yeah, me too.
(They both reach out to hold hands. Just then, the song from Butt Dial is heard and a selfie of Mordecai and Margaret appeared on Mordecai's phone)
CJ: Margaret? (She turns dark and becomes angered) Oh in the past, huh?!
Mordecai: I thought it was.
CJ: Then why is she calling you?!
Mordecai: I don't know! Why IS she calling me?
(Mordecai immediantly picks up his phone to end the call and CJ throws the bouquet of flowers on the table)
CJ: NICE CUSTOM RINGTONE, YOU JERK!! (She runs out the door)
Mordecai: CJ, WAIT!
(Mordecai is again seen depressed and sighed, he heard some saxophone music and saw a man on a bridge playing his saxophone with the moon in the background. He notices Mordecai.)
Sad Sad Guy: Oh hey, Mordecai. I haven't seen you in a couple of days, how're you doin'?
Mordecai: Hey Sad Sax Guy, what're you doing here?
(He jumps off the bridge and lands near Mordecai while playing some dramatic saxophone music)
Sad Sax Guy: I go whenever I needed. Let me guess, girl problems?
Mordecai: Actually yeah, how'd you know?
Sad Sax Guy: Brother, they don't call me Sad Sax Guy just because I play the sax and cry a lot. I know a broken heart when I see one, you tell me all about it and let's see if we could get this mess sorted out.
Mordecai: Well, I was at this party and...
Sad Sax Guy: Aaahh... mistletoe incident. Say no more, bro, I know all about it. I'll tell you what? Because I'm a man of romance, I'm gonna get you two back together.
Mordecai: You are? How?
Sad Sax Guy: I know a guy. He'll hook you up.
(He hands him a card in his sax saying "Bowler Hat Singing Apology Gram" with the number. Cut to CJ's apartment. CJ is reading a book when she hears the doorbell. She goes to answer, and the bowler hat guy is there.)
Telegram Guy: (singing) Ohhh, here's a singing telegram, apology and song. Mordecai was quite a jerk, he knows he did you wrong. But let's be fair, he....
(CJ stops him, unamused.)
CJ: Ok, ok. Hold on a sec. Do you know what he actually did to me?
Telegram Guy: Well, they don't give us that information, ma'am.
(Mordecai is watching the conversation from a bush. CJ leaves and the telegram guy looks at Mordecai. The two approach each other.)
Mordecai: So, did it work?
(The telegram guy slaps Mordecai in the face.)
Telegram Guy: You disgust me.
(He walks off, beginning to sing. Cut to Mordecai and Sad Sax Guy at the Snack Bar in the Park.)
Sad Sax Guy: Oh it is worse than I thought. That guys successfully apologized for arson. (pikcs up a hot dog from the trash) This is a tough one. No worries, though brother, lucky for you, I'm full of brilliant ideas.
Mordecai: So, what should I do next?
Sad Sax Guy: Well, if I know women, and, lets be honest, I do. There's one thing women love more than anything else. Embarrassing elaborate public displays of affection. Here's the plan.
(Scene transitions to a grocery store where CJ is at and there are cheerleaders with Mordecai performing cheerleading tasks. Mordecai falls over and CJ leaves the store annoyed as Mordecai is confronted by the cheerleaders. He asked the Sad Sax Guy for more advice. Scene then shows Mordecai and CJ running across the street and wave at each-other. CJ laves angrily after Mordecai fakes his death by being hit by a bus. The bus driver toots his horn at Mordecai. Scene then transitions back to the park. Mordecai is walking through the park and Rigby tackles him.)
Rigby: Mordecai stop don't do it
Mordecai: Rigby, get off, what are you talking about?
Rigby: Don't act like you don't know. You've been talking to that Saxophone Guy again. Admit it
Mordecai: So what if I have
Rigby: Dude he gives the worst advice in the world. Remember when he gave you advice in art school because you were failing a sculpture
( Flashback showing sad sax guy giving advice to Mordecai for an art sculpture)
Mordecai: Yeah didn't go so well
Rigby: You think
Mordecai: It will be different this time. He said he understands women.
Rigby: He dosen't even understand how to put on a shirt.
Mordecai: Whatever dude talk to me when your relationship advice is any better
Sad Sax Guy: Dang man I cant believe faking your death didn't work. Okay okay i got this CJ is mad because you smooched another lady right. So just call up this other lady and get her to talk to CJ to clear the air.
Mordecai: Get Margaret to talk to CJ. That sounds pretty risky.
Sad Sax Guy: You don't get anywhere in life without risks brother and i take stupid risks all the time and look at me.
Scene transitions over to Mordecai and Margaret at a bench in the park.
Mordecai: Thanks for coming Margaret.
Margaret: I'm just glad we can finally talk. I'm sorry for any trouble I caused you guys. But I don't think its a good idea for me to get involved.
Mordecai: Yeah your probably right
Margaret: If its any constellation, I think CJ will come around
Mordecai: Thanks Margaret. Your a good friend and hugs Margaret
CJ: (In the Car) Listen Mordecai maybe i shouldn't have broken that sign on your head and i guess the cheerleader thing was kind of clever.
CJ drives past the park and sees Mordecai and Margaret hugging and slams on the brakes.
CJ: ( Toots her car horn ) OH COME ON
Mordecai: Huh CJ
CJ gets angry and puts her foot on the accelerator and drives off
Mordecai: CJ, wait! I can explain! It was just a hug!
Margaret: Sorry Mordecai. I better go before i somehow make things even worse. Good luck
Sad Sax Guy: Man bummer week huh no offence but your game could use some serious tweaks brother.
Mordecai: ( Grabs Sad Sax Guy) YOU, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Sax Sax Guy: What did I do?
Mordecai: I never should have listened to you! You don't know anything about art and you definitely don't know anything about women! I did everything you told me, and it just made everything 10 times worse!
Sad Sax Guy: Ahh! It's true! I'm m a total fraud! I dont know nothing about nothing. (starts to cry) I just tell people what to do to try to feel like a big man.I dont even know how to play this thing (saxophone) except for one song. and I wouldn't even know that if my mom had forced me to go take a lesson. I'm a mess. Wait, of course. Mordecai. that's it. Your mom!
Mordecai: Dude, you're calling my mom a mess?!
Sad Sax Guy: What? No, no, I mean go ask your mom for advice, brother. They know Everything! Especially when it comes to women.
Mordecai: (Puts his arm on Sad Sax Guy's shoulder) Dude, that's the only good advice you ever gave me.
(Scene changes to his parents house with his mom riding on an indoor fitness bike).
Hilary: You got yourself on a hornets nest with this one Mords. I will let you in on a family secret. Your dad and i have been married for a long time now. And i attributed our success to one rule.
Mordecai: No lies
Hilary: Thats the one a good honest conversation can solve any problem. No texting no emails just the truth face to face.
Mordecai: She wont answer my phone calls
Hilary: You just have to get her attention first. Then just follow my other rule. Go big or go home or make some food in the shape of her face.
Mordecai: Thanks mom. Huh your super sweaty.
( Scene changes to where Mordecai is peaking through the window of CJ,s apartment watching tv with Rigby and Eileen. Mordecai picks up a hammer and some christmas lights.
Mordecai: Time to go big or go home ( then goes up a scissor lift)
Construction Workers: Lets hurry boys. We still have six nativity machines to take down tonight. Hey that guys messing with the scissor lift. HEY STOP THAT WE JUST TOOK ALL THAT STUFF DOWN. Quit screwing up our provercorgens bro.
Another Construction Worker: Yeah come down with those lights so we can punch yours out.
Construction Worker: Nice threat dude.
Another Construction Worker: Thanks
Mordecai: Im sorry i gotta do this to get my girlfriend to talk to me.
Another Construction Worker: Nobody cares bro get off the lift and take your beating
Construction Worker: Yeah didn't you see the truck. The party's over we don't get paid until we take all of these lights down.
Mordecai: The party's not over
(The Construction Workers shake the scissor lift)
CJ: What's going on out there?
Rigby: I don't know
Rigby: What the heck is he doing? (Finishes his pizza, and Eileen comes over)
Eileen: Rigby, you're missing the part where the dracula shows up. Woah
As Mordecai struggles he texts Rigby to tell CJ to look out the window and the Construction Workers continue to shake the lift and throw stuff at Mordecai. He falls off but manages to get hold of a rail.
Mordecai: Rigby please
Rigby: Ahh ( Tears off the curtain
CJ: Rigby, what the heck, are you crazy?! Mordecai?
Mordecai plugs in christmas lights saying CJ im sorry ive been a total dingus i want to make things right can we please talk and shows a angry face then a happy face of CJ and she looks from the window with a smile on her face.
Another Construction Worker: (Crying) It's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life
Construction Worker: (Crying) Me too
Mordecai and CJ look at each-other and Mordecai lets go of the scissor lift. The Construction Workers grab him and beat him up with Sad Sax Guy playing his Saxophone on the top of the roof. Mordecai wakes up in the hospital with him bandage wrapped everywhere and being unable to move. CJ is there at the hospital.
Mordecai: Uhh my head huh
CJ: How you doing
Mordecai: Never better i didn't think you were ever going to talk to me again
CJ: Yeah nice trick putting me down as your emergency contact
Mordecai: Yess im so smart
CJ: So look i am glad your ok but we need to clear the air. I have to know whats going on between you and Margaret. No more weirdness no candy no teddy bears. Be straight with me.
Mordecai: Margaret and i. Margaret means a lot to me. I was in love with Margaret for a long time and when we broke up it hurt for just as long. Seeing her at the Christmas Party brought up a lot of stuff for me that i wasnt ready to deal with and i acted like an idiot. CJ i screwed up and i feel terrible for hurting you but Margaret and i are over now. I understand if you hate my guts but i hope you know that i dont want to be with anyone but you
CJ: Thanks for being honest Mordecai. I think we can give this one more shot.
There is a small piece of mistletoe on the cieling and CJ lifts up the hosptial bed Mordecai is in and they both kiss and the Sad Sax Guy is seen watching them from the window and going down using the scissor lift.
(End of Sad Sax Episode)