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This page is the transcript for "Rigby Goes to the Prom".

(Episode begins at West Anderson High School. Cut to the cafeteria.)

Jayla: I cannot wait for prom.

Allison: Oh, I know! I hope Alvy asks me.

Kim: Eww! Alvy Scimmelphening?

Allison: What? I think he's cute. (turns to Rigby) What about you, Rigby, did you ask your girlfriend to prom?

Rigby: Yeah.

Kim: Was it romantic?

Rigby: It was totally romantic. (Flashback to Rigby and Eileen at the Coffee Shop eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) Hey, you wanna go with me to prom?

Eileen: Like, as a chaperone?

Rigby: No, as my date.

Eileen: Oh, totally. I never got to go since no one ever asked me.

Rigby: Nice.

(The two return to eating their sandwiches as the flashback ends)

Girls: Awww!

Aiden: So, what kind of ride we talking here? Limo, hog, hot rod, what?

Rigby: Oh, uh, we're just gonna take the bus.

(Aiden and the girls laugh)

Aiden: Good one, bro. If somebody actually showed up in a bus, they'd look like such a loser. Man, Rigby's jokes are so good.

Rigby: Heh heh, yep, just another one of my jokes.

(Circle-wipe transitions to the Park where Skips is washing his van as Rigby walks to him)

Rigby: Hey, Skips. Can I borrow your car for prom?

Skips: (turns to Rigby) It's a van, and no.

(Cut to Benson in his office)

Benson: Hmm, let me think. (turns red) NO!

(Cut to Muscle Man at his trailer)

Muscle Man: No.

(Cut to Mordecai in his and Rigby's room)

Mordecai: Rigby, you know I don't I have a car.

(Cut to Don at his house)

Don: Sure, anything for my big bro. Give me some sugar first. (Rigby sighs and gives Don a hug) There's just one problemo, you totaled my car last week.

Rigby: Augh! You mean I just gave you sugar for nothing?

Don: Yeah, I've been riding the old recumbo to work every day. (shows him his recumbent bike) I gotta say, It's working miracles on my calves. (shows him his claves on his legs)

Rigby: (sighs) Well, great, you were my last shot. There goes prom. Thanks for nothing. (starts to walk away)

Don: Hey, hey. Hey, hold up. There's still someone you could ask.

Rigby: (turns to Don) No.

Don: Bro...

Rigby: No!

Don: Bro...

Rigby: NO!!

(We cut to them at their parents' house where a picture of Sherm, Rigby and Don's father, washing his car is shown and the camera pans out to Sherm polishing his picture)

Rigby: (softly) No.

Don: Bro...

Sherm: Would you two pipe down?! I'm trying to polish my picture of my prized car!

Barbara: (comes in with two plates of food and sets them down to Don and Rigby) What a surprise for you boys to drop in!

Sherm: "Drop in". Ha! You really think Rigby would just come to dinner? I know you just need something.

Barbara: (sits down) Oh, hush, Sherm. (to Rigby and Don) So, how are things at work?

Don: Great! We just picked up Cheezer's as a new client.

Sherm: That's our Donny!

Rigby: I ate at Cheezer's yesterday.


Sherm: That was a good update, Don.

(They settle in and eat their dinner, except Rigby)

Rigby: Yeah, so, anyway, I just got all my credits for high school. Yep, getting ready to graduate. (clears his throat) Moving up, accomplishing stuff. (Don elbows him) In fact, I'm, um, actually going to prom... with Eileen. You know Eileen.

Sherm: Yeah, and?

Rigby: That's it. (Don elbows him again) And I was wondering if I could borrow your car.

Sherm: Oh ho ho! There it is! Now, it comes out! See, Barbara? Of course he needs something! No, you cannot borrow my prized 1964 Luxury Sedan!

Rigby: Augh! This is so typical! You care more about that dumb car than you care about me!


Rigby: FINE!!!! (goes to his room)

Sherm: So, Don, you ready for some dessert?

Barbara: (sighs and comes upstairs and knocks on the door that says "Rigby's Room!!!") Rigby, you this is a walk-in closet now. (opens the closet to find Rigby sitting there)

Rigby: I know.

Barbara: (walks to him with a tissue) I brought some tissues.

Rigby: I'm not crying.

Barbara: Oh, good. (sits down next to him)

Rigby: (sighs) Why does Dad still have to be such a jerk all the time? It's just, neither me or Eileen went to prom, and I want it to make it special.

Barbara: Hmm. Alright, I'll make you a deal. (takes out Sherm's car keys as Rigby gasps) No scratches, and I'm not involved. (gives the car keys to him)

Rigby: Thanks, Mom.

Barbara: You show that girl a good time. (leaves the closet)

Rigby: I will, Mom.

(Scene circle-wipes to Rigby driving his dad's car to Eileen's house and knocks on her door as Eileen, in her prom outfit, answers it. Rigby smiles and puts a corsage on her wrist)

Eileen: Wow, hydrangea macrophylia, my favorite! (sees Sherm's car) Whoa, who lent you that thing? (goes to the car)

Rigby: My dad. Pretty cool, right?

Eileen: Wow, that was nice of him. Let's go crazy like teens!

Rigby: (chuckles) But not too crazy, you know, 'cause of my dad's car.

Eileen: Hmm?

(Scene cuts to prom night at West Anderson High School. Rigby and Eileen walk as he gives the car keys to a valet)

Rigby: Now, be careful.

Eileen: Come on, let's have fun!

(They run inside the school's gymnasium as they pose silly for their prom picture and dance on the dance floor with the other prom dates with Mrs. Kessler as the DJ playing music. Rigby and Eileen dance to funk music, which draws the students' attention and cheer at them)

Aiden: (offscreen) Hey, Rigbone.

Rigby: Yeah, Jablonski?

Aiden: A bunch of us are gonna go hang out at Lookout Mountain. See you there.

Rigby: Cool.

Eileen: Ooh! Lookout Mountain. That sounds fun, huh? Let's go get the car! (leaves)

Rigby: The car. Oh, right.

(Scene cuts to Rigby's parents' house where Sherm and Barbara are in their room as Sherm is trying to fix a small TV and Barbara is reading a book)

Sherm: (groans) Darn tiny TV! Can't fix it! Why can't you be more like your brother, the big TV downstairs?

Barbara: Sherm, I can't help but hear some metaphors in your insane ranting.

Sherm: Barb, you're killing me with this psychobabble! I'm gonna go get my 318. (goes to the garage to find his car gone) RIGBY!!!!

(Scene cuts to Rigby driving Eileen up the mountain, looking nervously)

Eileen: Are you okay? It looks like you're stewing. Rigby, please tell me what are you stewing about?

Rigby: My dad didn't loan me the car.

Eileen: What? You didn't steal it, did you?

Rigby: No, my mom gave me the keys, but it's my dad, you know? He doesn't trust me with anything. I was hoping he'd finally ready to see me as a real person. (raises his arm and lowers it at each category he says) It's always Don, car, everything else, me.

Eileen: I know how you feel. My mom can get pushy, too, but she still cares. I'm sure your dad cares, too. There's no way this is more important to him than your happiness.

(Scene cuts to the prom at West Anderson High School where Sherm bursts through the doors looking for Rigby and his car while the prom dates looks at him skeptically)

Sherm: WHERE'S MY CAR?!?!? IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME!!!! (starts searching the gym for Rigby) WHERE'S RIGBY?!?! (runs to a prom couple) You seen Rigby?! I'm his father! He's the grown adult who goes to school! (the prom couple shrug) Usless! (continues to search) WHERE'S RIGBY?!?!?

Male Prom Date #1: Who let a homeless guy in here?

Sherm: I'M HIS FATHER!!!!

Feale Prom Date: He's not wearing any pants.

Sherm: I'M HIS FATHER!!!! (runs to Principal Dean) Where's Rigby?!

Principal Dean: Rigby was here? Augh! I gave him all his credits and I still can't get rid of him!

Sherm and Principal Dean: I CAN'T STAND HIM!!!!

Sherm: RAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (continues to search as Milton talks to his prom date)

Milton: So, do you like prom?

Sherm: (grabs Milton by the suit) WHERE'S RIGBY?!?! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!!!!

Milton: Oh, please be careful. This is my dad's suit. He cherishes it, but he let me borrow it just for tonight because he really really loves me.

Sherm: You're not making any sense! Where's my son?!

Milton: (stuttering) I think he and the guys went to Lookout Mountain!

Sherm: Take me there!

(Scene cuts to Lookout Mountain where Aiden throws rocks at a sign that says "No Parking After 7 PM" while Rigby, Eileen and the other prom dates are relaxing on their cars and looking up the night sky)

Aiden: Yes! This never gets old! (throws another rock at the sign)

Tony: Do you ever look out at the night sky and think about how each one of those stars represents the infinite possibilities of our lives?

Eileen: Why, yes, Tony, I do.

Aiden: Shove it, Tony! (laughs with the prom dates) Yo, Rigby, sweet wheels. They yours, bro?

Rigby: Uh... (sees Sherm and Milton driving to them)

Sherm: No, they're my wheels! RAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (jumps out of Milton's car and runs to Rigby)

Rigby: Dad! What are you doing here?!

Sherm: I'm taking back my stolen car from my no-good son!

Male Prom Date #2: Why's Rigby's dad in his underwear?

Sherm: (points to Tony and his prom date) You kids, get off my car! (points to Rigby and Eileen) You two, get in! Prom is over!

(He gets in car and activates the water in the windshield wipers to make Tony, Eileen and Rigby get off his car)

Tony: Bye, Rigby.

Aiden: Uh, good luck, man.

(Sherm drives off with Rigby and Eileen)

Sherm: Rigby... Oh ho ho ho ho, Rigby. (to Eileen) Eileen, close your ears. (Eileen grabs ear muffs and puts them over her ears) I always knew you were a liar and a loser, but I never thought you'd be a thief! I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Seems like every day you find some new way to mess up our lives, and now, you've found someone new to mess up their life, too!

Rigby: What?!

Sherm: You heard me!

Eileen: Look out!

Rigby, Eileen and Sherm: AAAHHH!!!

(Sherm drives off the road though a guardrail and roll down the hill until they hit a tree near a cliff)

Sherm: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! AAHH!!!

Eileen: I'm just gonna go ahead and take these off, now. (takes off her ear muffs)

(Milton, Aiden and the prom dates run towards the guardrail)

Milton: Rigby!

Sherm: Oh, no, this is really high!

Rigby: (unbuckles himself) Dad, give me the wheel!

Sherm: Rigby, now's not the time to-- (the car moves a little more) AAH! Rigby! And look what you did to the windshield!

Rigby: Dad, are you serious right now? Dad, I do stuff like this all the time. Just let me help!

Sherm: Of course you do stuff like this all the time. (gasping) It's, uh... uh... it's your fault we're here in the first place! (continues gasping)

Rigby: Augh! Dad, stop! It doesn't matter if I ever get a big job or my G.E.D. You're still never gonna trust me, and that's on you! You're so focused on your car, you never noticed me growing up! Also, it's totally your fault 'cause you were the one driving and you weren't watching the road! (grabs the wheel) Now, give me the wheel!

Sherm: No, it's my car, you'll crash it!

Rigby: (grunts) Give it!

(They continue to struggle for the wheel until Eileen grabs Sherm's arms)

Sherm: Eileen, you, too?

Eileen: I'm doing this for your own good, sir. (pulls Sherm to where Rigby was sitting)

Sherm: NOOOOO!!!!!

Rigby: (moves to the driver's seat) Thanks, Eileen. (buckles himself) I promise I won't mess this up.

(Rigby starts driving as they fall off the cliff and he drives off a chasm and continues driving down the hill)

Sherm: AAH! Go left, go left! AAH! Not right! AAH!

(Rigby flips the car off another chasm and continues driving as Milton, Aiden and the prom dates cheer)

Sherm: AAAHH! huh? (sees Rigby still driving) Huh. (laughs) Go, go, go!

(The car hits huge rocks, which causes a rock slide and they get caught in the rock slide and fall off the cliff as they land on the ground, following the rocks)

Sherm: (groans) Rigby?

Rigby: (gasps) The car!

Sherm: Forget about the car. Are you okay?

Rigby: Um, yeah.

Sherm: Eileen, you okay?

Eileen: Yeah. (smiles)

(Circle-wipe transitions to Sherm, Rigby and Eileen out of the car)

Rigby: Eileen, did you have a good time?

Eileen: Oh, Rigby, that was the best and only prom I've ever been to! (hugs Rigby)

Sherm: What you did back there was really impressive, Rigby. I mean, it showed initiative. Maybe you have changed. So, uh... I guess you can borrow the car whenever you want.

Rigby: Thanks, Dad. (looks at the car) Though, I should probably get a driver's license first. (The car breaks into pieces)

(End of Rigby Goes to the Prom)