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This page is the transcript for "Really Real Wrestling".

(The episode begins with a scene in a movie Mordecai and Rigby are watching)

Cop: What did I tell you, Mannetti? The cream always rises... (Takes sunglasses off) the cop! (Laughs as we zoom out to Mordecai and Rigby watching the movie)

Mordecai: Boooo. Who writes this stuff? (Eats some chips and passes them to Rigby)

TV Announcer: Tonight, and tonight only, at the City Arena Center, it's Double R-W's Wrassle Frassle VII live! Come watch all your favorites battle it out for the championship belt! It's Really Real Wrestling at its best! Tonight at 8! For tickets, call your momma and cry about it, 'cause this event is sold out!

Mordecai: Augh! I can't believe we didn't get tickets.

Rigby: Dude, I told you we should've left early to stand in line, but no, you wanted to finish your work.

Mordecai: Dude, Benson would have snapped his crank if we just left work. You gotta be responsible sometimes.

Rigby: (Flatly) And that's why we don't have tickets for wrestling, because all you can think about is Benson's crank.

Mordecai: (Gets up) Oh. You're asking for it, man.

Rigby: You're asking for it, man.

Mordecai: You trying to get me mad? You know what happens when I get mad.

Rigby: Oh, I know.

(Pause. Mordecai and Rigby run off, and suddenly, they're wearing wrestling clothes as they mock dramatic entrances and growl.)

Mordecai: Listen up, Mysterious Mr. R, Mad Man Mordo's gonna take you down. (Rapping) And I'm not talkin' downtown, I'm talkin' six feet underground! (Rips shirt)

Rigby: Mad Man Mordo? More like Bland Man Bored-o. When I'm through with you, people will be all like, "Ah, what happened to his face?", and I'll be like, "Mysterious Mr. R is what happened to his face."

Mordecai: That's it!

(Mordecai and Rigby begin fighting, and start mocking slow-motion strikes. Then, Mordecai knocks Rigby to the ground and pins him there before Rigby gets up to pick up a nearby chair, and then hit Mordecai's back with it. Rigby starts running around in circles as Pops comes into the room. He runs up to Mordecai and pins him to the ground.)

Rigby: Dude, Pops, chill! Let him go!

Pops: Oop! (Laughs) Oh, I just love to wrestle! (Lets go of Mordecai, and gets off of him. Mordecai was unconscious for a bit, but was waken by Rigby.)

Mordecai: (Gets up and groans) That wasn't wrestling! You were actually hurting me! (Starts rubbing the back of his head and left arm)

Rigby: Yeah, Pops, what's your problem? Wrestling's totally fake. You weren't doing it right.

Pops: Uh, fake? No. no, no, I assure you, it's real. I used to wrestle back in my schooling days. (Pulls out wallet and takes out picture) Look, here I am. (Shows black-and-white picture of a young Pops in a helmet and singlet) We learned how to wrestle just like the Greckos and the Romans!

Mordecai: Whoa, cool!

Pops: (Reaches further into wallet) Oh, I'm so glad you think so! Because I thought you two might want to accompany me to... (Pulls out three tickets) ...this. (Shows that they are WFVII tickets)

Mordecai and Rigby: (Gasp) Double R-W Wrassle Frassle VII? You got tickets?

Rigby: Pops, you're a legend! (Pumps arms) Really Real Wrestling!

Mordecai and Rigby: Really Real Wrestling!

Mordecai, Rigby and Pops: (Pops' timing is slightly off) Really Real Wrestling! Really Real Wrestling!

Mordecai: Aw, you gotta teach us some of your moves, Pops. (Rigby pushes table away)

Pops: Okay, I will go easy on you boys this time. (M&P face eachother)

Rigby: And, go! (Pops lunges towards Mordecai and pins him down)

Mordecai: Impressive, Pops, but you forgot about this. (To Rigby) Rigby! (M&R high-five eachother. Then, Rigby screams before jumping onto Pops, cracking his back)

Mordecai and Rigby: WHOAAAAA!

Pops: My back... (Right then, Benson comes into the room)

Benson: Hey, do you guys-- (Gasps, then runs to Pops) Pops! What happened, are you okay?

Pops: Yes, yes, all is fine. Just not as limber as I used to be.

Benson: (To M&R) What did I tell you about wrestling?

Mordecai: Sorry, we didn't mean to.

Rigby: Yeah, come on, Pops! Shake it off, you gotta take us to Wrassle Frassle!

Benson: What? No, you guys aren't going anywhere. Pops can't even get up. He needs to take it easy.

Pops: No, no. I can get up. (Tries to get up, but falls flat on his chest again)

Mordecai: But Pops already got us tickets!

Rigby: It's the biggest wrestling event of the year!

Benson: I don't care.

Pops: Wait, Benson, surely we can all still go. (Falls again)

Benson: I'm sorry, Pops. It's not gonna happen. You have to stay home for your own good.

Pops: Oh, boo.

Benson: (To M&R) Now, help Pops upstairs, and don't even think of leaving him alone. 'Cause if you leave, don't bother coming back.

Mordecai: Fine. We get it.

Benson: Does that one get it? 'Cause sometimes, I wonder.

Rigby: I get it, I get it. Watch out for Pops and don't go to wrestling. (Sighing) Yeah.

Benson: Good.

(Clock transition to nighttime. M&R are tucking Pops into bed)

Pops: Why are we going to bed so early?

Mordecai: It's the easiest way to make sure you don't get hurt again.

Rigby: Yeah, sleep is the best medicine.

Mordecai: I thought laughter was the best medicine.

Rigby: Not when you're telling the jokes.

Mordecai: Pfft, whatever. You wanna hear a joke, Pops?

Pops: I better get some rest. (Mordecai sighs and turns off the light. M&R go into their sleeping bags under Pops' bed)

Mordecai and Rigby: Good night, Pops.

Pops: Sleep speed to all.

(The clock fades from 7:32 to 8:13. Rigby is snoring before he suddenly opens his eyes and looks up to the bed)

Rigby: (Whi​spering) Mordecai, come on. (Shakes him awake)

Mordecai: Hm? What?

Rigby: Come on, let's sneak out and go to Wrassle Frassle.

Mordecai: What? (Looks at the bed) What about Pops?

Rigby: He needs his rest anyways. He'll be fine.

Mordecai: You sure he's asleep?

Rigby: Yeah, look. (Whispering as Mordecai and Rigby turn to Pops) Pops. Pops.

(M&R turn to each other and nod, and proceed to exit the bedroom. Mordecai looks onto the bed to a few seconds before leaving the room. We pan over to see that the pink shape was not Pops' head, but a big pink teddy bear. Outside, Pops grunts as he crawls his way to the garage and opens the door slightly before he enters and knocks down the door with his taxi and flies off. We then cut to the City Arena Center. A fat wrestler pins two-headed wrestler's heads between his arms. The wrestler escapes and weakly punches the other wrestler before he throws them into the ropes. On top, M&R find their seats.)

Rigby: Row Z, seats 97, 98 and 99! (They sit down)

Mordecai: Man, we made it! This is awesome! (Watches on big-screen view) So close to the action! (The two-headed wrestler runs to the ropes and rams into the fat wrestler, knocking himself to the ground. The fat wrestler then pins him to the ground as the referee comes in.)

Referee: One, two, three! (The crowd cheers)

Mordecai and Rigby: OHHHHH!

Rigby: See man, we couldn't have missed this! Totally worth sneaking out!

Mordecai: Totally. Still though, (Turns to the empty seat beside him) it's pretty lame Pops couldn't be here.

Rigby: Don't worry, man. We did the right thing. Pops is totally safe back home in his bed.

(Cut to the inside of Pops' car. Pops laughs as he approaches the arena. Down outside the arena, two guys are wondering where the new wrestler is.)

Manager 1: Hey, bro! Ladder Match is about to start! Where's that new wrestler, Huge Head?

Manager 2: Eh, I don't know. He hasn't shown up yet.

(Right then, Huge Head's limo drives up. Huge Head steps out. He looks like a younger Pops. He checks his watch and quickly runs to the arena before Pops' headlights shine on him. He gasps before the car crashes on him)

Manager 1: Well, did you call him?

Manager 2: Yeah, I called him. What, do you think I'm a moron?

Manager 1: Hey, who's this?

Pops: (Limping out of car) Hello!

Manager 2: Yeah, this is him, right?

Manager 1: He's gotta be. Look at the size of that thing! (To Pops) Hey, Huge Head, you're late!

Pops: Oh, I'm sorry. Would you mind helping me inside?

Manager 1: What?

Manager 2: His dramatic enterance!

Manager 1: Oh yeah, sure.

(Cut to inside the arena)

Referee: Okay, get ready folks, because it's time for the main event! The Ladder Match! (A manager sets up the ladder as a belt is lowered from a wire below)

Mordecai and Rigby: Aw, yeah! Yeah!

Referee: Who's gonna be the one to reach the championship belt at the top of the ladder? Will it be... (Shown as said:) The Fire Marshall? (Breathes fire) Hissy Fit?(Hisses) The leading champion, Four-Armageddon?

Four-Armageddon: Yeah, yeah! Come on!

Referee: Or, making his Double R-W Wrassle Frassle debut, give it up for... Huge Head! (Fire machines blaze as the managers, carrying Pops, come into the arena.)

Rigby: Ha ha, look at that guy's head!

Mordecai: That guy's head is almost as big as Pops'!

Rigby: It is as big as Pops'!

Mordecai: (Gasps) Dude, that is Pops! (Watches on big-screen view)

Rigby: What? How did he—what?

Mordecai: Dude, he's gonna be pummelled! Come on! (Mordecai and Rigby run down the stairs to Pops) Pops, what are you doing here?!

Pops: Mordecai, Rigby, I thought you two were back at home sleeping! Looks like we both couldn't stay away!

Mordecai: Pops, we gotta get you out of here.

Pops: But I just got here! And look, I got here late, and they upgraded my seat!

Rigby: No, Pops, they think you're a wrestler!

Pops: But I am a wrestler. Besides, you said all this was fake. (Four-Armageddon watches from above)

Four-Armageddon: Fake? Who said this was fake?

Pops: (Pointing to Mordecai and Rigby) They did. (Four-Armageddon jumps over the ropes to Mordecai)

Four-Armageddon: Is this fake? (Slaps Mordecai, sending him into the bars. He then goes to Rigby)

Mordecai: Uh, n-no.

Four-Armageddon: How about you, little dude? This seem fake to you? (Double-kicks Rigby into the bars)

Rigby: Aah! No.

Four-Armageddon: Why do you think it's called really real wrestling? 'Cause it's real!

Mordecai: Okay, we were wrong. We're sorry.

Rigby: Yeah, just let us take our friend and go.

Four-Armageddon: "Sorry" doesn't cut it. There are only two ways you guys are getting out of here. In a bodybag, or by beating all of us in the Ladder Match. (Points to ladder, then grabs a microphone in the ring) Listen up! Huge Head and his friends here think all this is fake. (The audience boos) What do you say, we teach him how real this really is? (The audience cheers, then, the bell rings. 4-AG, The Fire Marshall and Hissy Fit get the audience going.) Come on! (To M&R) You better get in the ring, or we're coming out there after ya!

Mordecai: Okay, Rigby and I are goin' after the belt. You stay here, Pops.

Pops: But I can help.

Mordecai: No! Stay here! (Mordecai and Rigby enter the ring) Dude, I'll distract him. You get to the ladder.

(The three wrestlers laugh as Mordecai approaches The Fire Marshall. The Fire Marshall picks up Mordecai and throws him to the ground, following up with a pile driver. Rigby approaches Hissy Fit, but Hissy Fit picks him up and pounds him against his knee as Pops watches in horror. Mordecai tries to climb up the ladder before he is pulled off by The Fire Marshall, then, Rigby attempts to climb before he is pulled off by Four-Armageddon, then thrown to the ground, where Hissy Fit body-slams him. Pops decides to enter the ring, but, when he gets up, he cracks his spine and lands to the ground. He then starts to crawl up the steps. Four-Armageddon punches Mordecai in the stomach as he is held by The Fire Marshall. Just as Rigby is thrown by Hissy Fit, Pops crawls his way in and approaches the ladder, then climbs up. Four-Armageddon is still punching Mordecai as Rigby comes over and elbows him, making him twist Rigby with his legs. He then notices Pops on top of the ladder.)

Four-Armageddon: Hey! (Goes over and pile-drives the ladder, sending Pops to the ground)

Mordecai and Rigby: Pops! (Four-Armageddon watches as Pops stands up and cracks his pelvis into place)

Pops: Who wants to wrestle?

(Pops goes over to grab Four-Armageddon by the leg and pins him down, surprising Mordecai. Then, he throws Hissy Fit over his head and to the ground. Rigby then growls as the Fire Marshall breathes fire at him. Pops takes Rigby to duck for cover before he goes over to Four-Armageddon to throw him over his head and squeezes Four-Armageddon's head with his legs before Mordecai and Rigby come and pull his arms to send him to the ground)

Rigby: Real enough for ya? (Pops puts the ladder back in place and climbs up to the belt as he is cheered on. He then finally grabs the belt off the wire)

Referee: And the winner, Huge Head!

(M&R climb up the ladder to Pops as we zoom out to the the big screen view, with the audience still cheering him. Cut to the park, later. Pops' taxi, carrying a police line ribbon, flies down and stops in front of the stairs. Mordecai, Rigby and Pops sneak up the steps to the door. Mordecai reaches for the doorknob, but gets suprised to see Benson on the other side.)

Benson: I knew it. I had a sick feeling, so I came to check on you, and I KNEW it!

Mordecai: Wait, listen, Benso-

Benson: No! You guys are fired! That's it!

Rigby: Wait, what? Come on!

Benson: No! I told you guys but you didn't wanna listen!

Mordecai: Come on, Pops. You gotta help us.

Pops: I cannot tell a lie. Benson, it was all my fault.

Benson: What?

Pops: I snuck out to the wrestling match on my own, and Mordecai and Rigby had to come and get me. I'm sorry.

Mordecai: Yeah. Most of that is technically true, somewhat, so...

Rigby: Plus look, Pops' back is all better.

Pops: It's true!

Benson: This is your last warning. (Leaves and slams door behind him)

Mordecai: Wow. Thanks for taking the blame, Pops.

Pops: (Yawns) I'm just glad it's over.

Mordecai: Yeah. Time for bed, Huge Head.

Rigby: Yeah, Huge Head.

(The real Huge Head looks on from a bush. He's covered in tire tracks and bruises.)

Huge Head: So you think you can steal my name, huh? Well, let's see how you like it if I steal yours... (Puts on hat) ...Pops!

(Zoom into Huge Head's eyes as he laughs evilly. End of "Really Real Wrestling")