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This page is the transcript for "Rage Against the TV".

(Episode starts with Mordecai and Rigby playing a video game.)

Rigby: All right, Level 10! We better not lose this time.

Mordecai: Dude, quit messing around and we'll beat it.

Rigby: Last time wasn't my fault!

Mordecai: Whatever, just take it seriously.

Both: Triple thugs! Triple thugs! Beat them up! (Does so while saying "triple thugs")

(POW! POW! (500) POW! After defeating the Triple Thugs, a burly pink monster-like man comes across the characters in the game and roars)

Rigby: Oh no, not this guy! We never beat this guy!

Mordecai: Dude, we're gonna do it this time. Come on, hit him! Hit him!

Rigby: I am hitting him! Nothing's happening!

Mordecai: Aw, dude! Try kicking him in the junk! Kick him in the junk! Kick him in the junk!

Rigby: I'm kicking him in the junk!

Mordecai: Well, keep doing it!

(KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! BEEP! (1200) The monster is defeated)

Mordecai and Rigby: Ohhhhhhhhh!

Mordecai: I told you we were gonna do it! I told you!

Rigby: I knew we were gonna make it.

Mordecai: Yeah right. That's not what you said 20 hours ago when you were whining about how hard the game was.

Rigby: *Gasps* Look! We made it to the final level!

Mordecai: Dude, do you know what this means?

Rigby: We're dead?

Mordecai: No, we have to beat The Hammer.

Rigby: What was the slogan of this game again, "Nobody Beats The Hammer"?

Mordecai: Yeah right. More like nobody has even seen The Hammer.

Rigby: Well, get ready to live. He's probably gonna come out of those doors.

[(BUST!...) Goes the brick wall. Out comes The Hammer.]

The Hammer: Nobody beats The Hammer!

Rigby: It's The Hammer! (Mordecai and Rigby jump off he couch) Hit 'im! Hit 'im!

(KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! Nothing happens)

Mordecai: Man, our hits aren't doing anything!

Rigby: I know, my thumbs are killing me!

(KICK! KICK! Nothing still happens) 

(BAM! BEEP! BAM! BEEP! The Hammer punches both characters. It take both of their lives with ease.)

Mordecai: Just one of his hits takes a whole life!

(BAM! BAM! BEEP! The Hammer flings Mordecai's character onto Rigby's and and then lands on them. Both characters' second life is taken away at the same time. One more life gone, then game over for them.)

Mordecai: *Gasps* Run away dude, run away!

Their characters run away from The Hammer while he chases them in circles.

Rigby: Don't let him touch you, man!

Mordecai: I'm not, I'm not! (his character is cornered by The Hammer) AHH! RIGBY, HELP ME!

Rigby's character grabs a chair and slams it against the back of The Hammer

Rigby: YEAHHH!

The Hammer: Arrrrgh!

The Hammer's life decreases a little.....

Mordecai: Dude, his weakness is furniture! Furni-

The TV suddenly flicks off because The Hammer's been whooped and NOBODY can beat The Hammer

Mordecai: What just happened? (runs to the TV to quickly turn it back on)

Rigby: I don't know! (picks up the remote while panicking)

Mordecai: (moves the TV onto the side, and then slams the top of it to make the picture appear for about a second, and then it flicks off again.) Oh! Dude, the game's still on! Pause it, dude, pause it!

Rigby: ( presses a button) It's paused!

Mordecai: Aww Man! (While slamming the TV) Come on! Come on! (stops slamming) Rigby, you finish him off.

Rigby: What?!

Mordecai: Dude, we figured out his weakness, I'll keep the TV on while you beat The Hammer.

Rigby: Alright, let's do it!

Mordecai: Ready....Go! (starts drumming onto TV to keep the picture on)

(Rigby's character attempts to fight off the Hammer, but it proves too much for him to beat all by himself.)

Rigby: (grunting and freaking out) EEEAAAARRRGH!.. I can't do it!..(pauses the game again as his character's life has decreased heavily from he hammer's single punch.)

Mordecai: Awww man! We were totally gonna beat it!

Rigby: (sighs) I know. he's just too hard to beat alone.

Mordecai: Argh....dude, we gotta find another TV...

(Mordecai and Rigby go off to see Skips)

Skips: The Hammer? Nobody gets to The Hammer, but even if you did, I don't have a TV.

Mordecai and Rigby: Argh!

Skips: What's wrong with the TV in the house?

Mordecai: I don't know it's broken!

Rigby: Yeah the screen doesn't work!

Mordecai: Yeah. Come on Skips, you gotta have some mystical solution or some weird thing we could use for how we could get another TV.

Skips: Hmm... Did you ask Pops?

(Mordecai and Rigby go back into the house to see Pops)

Pops: Ooooooh! The Hammer, how exciting, is he a mallet or a gavel? (laughs)

Mordecai: Pops seriously, can we borrow your TV?

Pops: Of course!

Mordecai and Rigby: Yes!

Pops: Here she is! (Pops brings them his radio instead and places it on the floor)

Mordecai: Pops, that's a radio.

Pops: It's a TV if you close your eyes (He then switches on his radio and closes his eyes) Now hook up your game so you can defeat The Hammer. (laugh)

Rigby: We don't have time for this....

Mordecai: Rock, Paper, Scissors for who has to ask Muscle Man for his TV?

Mordecai and Rigby proceed with the short game with Rigby choosing Rock over Mordecai's Scissors

Mordecai: (knowing that's he has to do it) Argh!

Rigby: Hmm Hmm!

Mordecai: Come on Rigby, let's go get a real TV.

Pops: Wait! I want to see The Hammer too! (follows Mordecai and Rigby out the room)

(Mordecai, Rigby and Pops make their way to Muscle Man's trailer. Mordecai knocks on his door.)

Muscle Man: (From behind the door), who is it?

Mordecai: It's us.

Muscle Man: What do you want?

Mordecai: We wanna borrow your TV.

Muscle Man: Why?

Mordecai: Because... we're about to beat The Hammer.

Muscle Man: WHAT?! (he opens the door) NOBODY can't beat The Hammer! It's impossible!

Moredcai: Pft! Not for us. Are you gonna let us borrow your TV or not?

Muscle Man: Yeah, you can borrow it, if you can tell me what The Hammer looks like?

Mordecai: He's blue! With a black mullet.

Muscle Man: Fives!

(Hi Five Ghost looks in the video game manual and sees that the character matches the description.)

Hi Five Ghost: Uh huh.

Muscle Man: Oh man!

Rigby: So can we borrow it?

Muscle Man: Yeah you can borrow it, so we can watch you lose! Hahaha! Whoo, whoo! (runs back in to pick his TV up from the floor but without knowing that it is still plugged in) This is gonna be hilari- oh!

(The TV then smashes onto the ground.)

Rigby: (after a moment of silence) Does Benson have a TV?

(The group then travel to Benson's apartment. Mordecai knocks on his door.)

Rigby: Tell him we need it.

Mordecai: Shh!

Muscle Man: Yeah, tell him we need it to see you lose.

Mordecai: SHUT UP! (he and Muscle Man wrestle a bit until Benson comes out)

Mordecai: Oh, hey, Benson.

Rigby: Tell him we need it. (he then gets slapped by Mordecai)

Benson: What is it?

Mordecai: Oh, uh, we were just in the neighborhood-

Benson: Cut to the chase, I am busy.

Mordecai: Can we borrow your TV?

Benson: Hehe... No. (proceeds to close the door on them but is then blocked by Muscle Man and Rigby)

Muscle Man: No, wait!

Rigby: Benson, please! We're about to beat The Hammer, we neeeed it!

Benson: Yeah, The Hammer. When you say that, I think hammer and nails, but you couldn't possibly be talking about work.

Mordecai: It's a video game.

Benson: Oh. right, right, it's a video game!

Mordecai: Yeah, it's a video game.

Rigby: Yeah, so can we borrow your TV?

Benson: No!

Everyone: Awww, come on, please... (but Benson closes the door on them)

Mordecai: Argh! (Rigby kicks Benson's door and the light switches off above them)

Pops: Look! There's TVs on Benson's TV!

They look through the window revealing the inside of Benson's apartment, to see an advertisement of the TV Store Warehouse, who are selling TVs....literally free. Benson is seen here, sitting on the couch watching it too.

Man 1 (On TV): TV Store Warehouse! We've got TVs!

Man 2: Too many TVs! Take your pick! We're practically giving them away! No, wait! We're literally giving them away!

Man 1: We're literally giving TVs away!


Man 1: And the other TVs are really cheap!

Man 2: Yeah, so those ones were practically literally giving away for free too!


Man 1: You better be a truck with a big box in it, 'cause we're just throwing 'em away!

Man 2: Yeah, TVs are trash to us, and so are you...


Mordecai: Does anybody know how far that place is from here?

Muscle Man: Not far. I got a buddy who works there.

Mordecai: Let's do it!

(The group then drives on to the TV Store Warehouse)

Mordecai: (Inside the warehouse) We want one of those flat screens from the commercial.

Jimmy: The flatscreens are full-price.

(The guys are shocked.)

Rigby: What?! But your commercial said you were giving away free TVs.

Muscle Man: Come on, Jimmy, you gotta have something!

Jimmy: Sorry, dude, there's nothing I can do, Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: Jimmy.....come on, know you owe me and besides, this is worth it! These guys made it all the way to The Hammer, AND I WANNA SEE 'EM LOSE!

Jimmy: Whoa, are you serious?! (Looks around) Okay, look, I might have something, but don't tell anyone...

They follow Jimmy around the back and see an old ordinary TV on the ground.)

Muscle Man: What is that?

Jimmy: It's a TV.

Mordecai: Does it even turn on?

Jimmy: Yeah.....(switches the TV on, but the screen is in grayscale)

Rigby: What? It's not even in color! Lame!

The group is not satisfied with the model and they loudly complain.

Jimmy: Look, you guys wanted a TV for free! This is your free TV!

Mordecai: How much for your cheapest flatscreen?

Jimmy: $1,200.

(Knowing that they can't afford it, the group take the free TV with them back home. Mordecai places it near the TV they usually use.)

Rigby: Make sure the game's still paused.

Mordecai slams onto their TV, revealing The Hammer

Muscle Man: Whoa! You really did get to The Hammer!

Rigby: Yeah....that's what we've been saying the whole time!

Muscle Man: I thought you were lying.

Rigby: Why would we do that?!

Muscle Man: Cause you're not good enough at anything to get to The Hammer, This is just a fluke! (he shoves Rigby)

Rigby: (shoves Muscle Man back) You're the fluke!

They start to wrestle until Mordecai interrupts them

Mordecai: Guys, stop! stop!! We've got a problem! This thing doesn't have the right hook-ups!

Rigby: What?! Well, what does it have?

Mordecai: I don't know! It's like a weird...thing.... but it doesn't match this other, it doesn't even plug in! I mean, look at this!

Mordecai shows them the strange looking plug

Rigby: What kind of plug is that?!

Muscle Man: Forget this man, you guys aren't even gonna beat The Hammer anyway, just turn it off. (he procceeds to turn the video game console off but Mordecai stops him)

Mordecai: No! We can't just give up! I wanna beat this thing. We may never get this far in the game again. Now come on, will you please just help us....please help us....(his attention is actually on the TV instead of the others, Muscle Man puts his hand on his shoulder to assure him that they will help out)

Muscle Man: Let us try...bro!

Muscle Man rips the cord from his smashed TV back at his caravan home and returns with it while Rigby and Pops visit Skips asking for his aid, he's reluctant but is willing to help them out. Muscle Man connects his TV cord while Skips breaks Pops' radio to bring out the speakers and places both on either side of the TV. He even plugs in the small hook-up.

Mordecai: Keep your fingers crossed. (he looks around Rigby and switches on the TV, which then works, despite being grayscale, The others are happy about it. They cheer.).

Mordecai: (Looks at Rigby, they both have the controllers in their hands) Ready?

Rigby: Ready?

They start the game while the others cheer them on....until everything in town starts to switch off.....soon their TV as well as their console fuse together to become the character in their video game....The Hammer

Everyone: Whoa....

Muscle Man: It's The Hammer! (He runs to go near him) He's real!

(The Hammer looks questionably at him)

Muscle Man: Dudes, take my picture with- (He gets knocked out by The Hammer) Oh no, bro-- (The Hammer squashes him with his leg)

The fight begins when The Hammer breaks the couch in half causing the others to run, Skips remains standing ready to face but he gets knocked over easily to the side onto the wall.

Mordecai and Rigby: Skips!!

Skips spits after being knocked over and roars as he tries an ineffective shoulder charge.One by one they all try to combat him, but he proves to be too much of a challenge for them. He easily beats the group with a single punch, kick, squash, smashing them to the wall, even jacking Pops up in the face with a wood plank. Then, The Hammer creates a powerful ball of energy ready to aim it at them.

Rigby: That doesn't look good!...

Mordecai: What's he doing?!...

Skips: Everybody get down!

They all proceed to take over cover and unexpectedly Muscle Man's friend, Jimmy, comes into the house.

Jimmy: Yo, Muscle Man, my boss found out that I gave you guys that TV and he fired me. Is it cool if I crash here for a couple day—what the--? (he's stunned to see The Hammer in view and then he is blasted away by the energy ball while screaming, and which kills him instantly by explosive)

Skips: How are we supposed to hurt him?

Mordecai: I don't know! He was invincible in the game too until we hit him with...*gasps* furniture! Everybody quick! Grab whatever you can and smash it on him!

(So they all grab furniture items around the room and one by one, they procceed to hit The Hammer. Soon The Hammer starts to weaken after taking in so many hits.)

Mordecai: Dude, he's almost dead!

Skips: Quick, find something else!

They look around for an item to deliver the last blow but most of the furnture items have already been used.

Rigby: There's no more furniture!

The Hammer then targets Skips and chases after him

Rigby: Skips, his legs-- Watch out for his legs!

Skips sees that the Hammer is about to attack him until Mordecai spots an unused chair in the room

Mordecai: Skips, catch! (he throws the chair in his direction and Skips guards himself with it. The Hammer gets hit in the groin area and falls to the floor)

Skips: The control pads! Grab the control pads!

(Mordecai and Rigby run towards The Hammer to take hold of his hands which are the control pads while the others hold onto both of his legs. The Hammer tries to break free, but he remains restrained and his face transits to the video game in color.)

Mordecai and Rigby: *gasp* The game!

Skips: Play it!!!

(Mordecai and Rigby finish off the game, hitting The Hammer with chairs and gain an easy win with the words "YOU WIN" in the screen. Then,The TV falls then breaks and the power comes back on. Everyone gathers together, to celebrate their victory on defeating The Hammer)

Mordecai: Yeah we did it!

They look over to hear the door opening and Benson comes through with his TV

Benson: Hey guys, there was a blackout at my place, so I figured that- (he is shocked to find the house in a mess and without saying another word, he leaves)

They resume their victory celebration by reaching out and giving each other high fives

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