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This page is the transcript for "Park Managers' Lunch".

(The episode begins with the park workers outside)

Benson: Alright, listen up, something really big is really happening to me today. It might change my life forever, I won't bore you with the details, but you're gonna unsupervised for a few hours, so do whatever you want for lunch.

(Everyone gasps and begins talking to each other excitedly)

Benson: What was that?

Mordecai: We didn't say anything.

Benson: Oh, okay. Huh. You gu..you guys were asking how...

Mordecai: Nope. We're not asking you anything.

Benson: Fine, I'll tell you. Gene has formerly invited me to a park managers' luncheon!

Mordecai: Gene? As in Gene the rival park manager?

Rigby: Gene's lame!

Benson: That maybe true, but I've never been invited and it is a huge honor, not to mention very exclusive.

Skips: This sounds bad.

Muscle Man: I'm just gonna weigh in here for a second, [to Benson] this is a text book prank setup. Invite 'em out, get 'em comfy, then BAM! Egg in the face, or pie in the face. Something ends up in someone's face, and it's usually not good.

(Everyone worriedly mumbles)

Benson: So you think I'm not good enough to be included. It has to be a prank!

Mordecai: No, that's not it.

Pops: It's just Gene.

Benson: No, I get it, fine. I'm not a good enough manager to be recognized. I'm glad to have that cleared up! You guys enjoy your long lunch, and next time, don't pry into my private affairs! (He walks away)

Skips: So what are we gonna do about the lunch?

Rigby: I was thinking pizza subs.

Muscle Man: He means Benson's lunch, bro. Try to stay on the level.

Mordecai: Well, I don't trust Gene, we gotta follow Benson.

Rigby: And then we're getting pizza subs.

Skips: Let's keep that on the table, but first, rescuing Benson.

Rigby: Can we call it "Operation: Save Benson Before Getting Pizza Subs"?

Skips: Yeah, we'll vote on it in the car.

(Circle-wipe transfers to Hi-Five Ghost holding a green bug. Mordecai, Rigby and Muscle Man are raking leaves while Pops hold a bag of leaves open. Mordecai and Rigby are whistling as they're raking, then Benson comes out of the house)

Mordecai: Aw, man, raking? I'd rather play video games.

Rigby: Yeah, or how about Punchies?

(Benson glares at the two, then Mordecai nods at Pops, and he nods back at Mordecai and holds up the bag of leaves, walks over to Benson and falls over, as the bag open and leaves falling down)

Pops: Oh, I fell!

Benson: Augh! Leaves! I can't see! (He walks blindly, and Mordecai and Rigby are there behind Benson's car, raking) Wha.. What is happening? (Hi-Five Ghost throws the bug on Benson's back as it beeps) Leaves in my mouth! Huh? (He sees Mordecai and Rigby walking away) You're gonna rake up these leaves? (the wind blows the leaves, and the rake falls down) Hmph.

(He drives to go the park managers' lunch as The gang follows Benson in Skips' van)

Skips: Is the bug picking up Benson's voice?

Mordecai: I don't know. Let me check. (He turns on the walkie talkie)

Benson: (in walkie talkie) So ridiculous, can't even rake properly. Well, at least the other managers can get a kick out of it. Benson, how was your day? Oh, it was fine, taught some slackers a thing or two about proper rake usage. That's great, you must be good at it judging from those four-arms. Oh, nah. I used to be a drummer, so, you know it's part of the package deal, package set. No, wait, drum set! Ha! What's this on my... Ow! It's a hair. Ugh. It's so long. I knew I should've shaved this morning. Maybe, I can just pluck it out. Ah, it's bad for your pores.

Hi-Five Ghost: This makes me feel uncomfortable.

Pops: I'm not ready to know Benson like this.

(We are shown Boscoe's Chicken & Waffles. Benson parks near the curb and cilmbs out.)

Gene: Gah, 'bout six or one, half a dozen of the other, really. (Sees Benson) Hey hey! Benson's here, it's Benson, everybody!

Male Park Manager: Hey, Benson, good to see you, hello!

Female Park Manager: Hello, hi Benson, nice to meet you.

Benson: Haha, yeah, speaking of leaves, earlier today I was showing my workers how to pick up leaves, but, I was a drummer, so, you know.

Gene: Yes, of course, Benson. Let's sit down, I hear their chicken and waffles are to die for!

Benson: Ha, order up!

(Gene and the other two laugh. They walk inside the restaurant.)

(Shows the others in Skips' van.)

Rigby: Chicken and waffles? Ugh, I'm so hungry, I never had a lunch break! Skips, can we get lunch break; there's a pizza sub place two blocks away!

Skips: Pizza subs are not on the table, but we should really stay put for now.

Rigby: (Frustrated) Ugh, Fine! But if I starve to death, I blame you!

Gene: (From walkie talkie) Now, let's talk time sheets. Alphabetical, or chronological?

Benson: Well, I'm really more of an alphabetical kind of guy. You know what they say, A to Z, time ain't free!

(They laugh, still from the walkie talkie.)

(Transitions to later, where everyone is bored and tired in the van. Muscle Man is reading a book.)

Benson: (From walkie talkie) And so then I said, what are you, a man or a germaphobe?

(They laugh again, but then the sound from the walkie talkie stops.)

Mordecai: Where'd the sound go?

Pops: Oh, something must have happened!

(They sneak over to the window of the restaurant.)

(The park managers are laughing and Gene is slapping Benson's back.)

Muscle Man: Gene hit the bug! That sly devil!

Rigby: (Pretending to be disappointed) Looks like we'll have to go inside, closer to the food... Oh no...⸮

(The park managers talk and the park workers sit at a table nearby looking at menus.)

Waitress: (To Skips) Can I get you some drinks, some starters?

Skips: Uhh... No thanks.

Waitress: How about a cool Raspberry Breezenade?

Skips: No.

Waitress: Look, I'm just trying to make you guys happy.

Skips: Fine. Fine, we'll have a, uh... Raspberry bumblebee.

Waitress: That's the Boscoe's spirit!

Rigby: Ugh, why didn't you order any food?

Skips: Because we're not here to eat!

Rigby: But this place smells like... It smells just like food!

Benson: -Cameras, hidden mirrors, I try to keep an eye on them at all times.

Rigby (continued): And pizza subs are a kind of food! (slams his fists down on the table) I can't take it!

Skips: (Covers Rigby's mouth) Shush! Everybody down!

(Benson hears them ducking down under the table and turns around.)

Pops: We're in too deep!

Skips: Yeah, this was a bad idea Rigby had. Let's go!

(They crawl to the exit.)

Mordecai: Ugh! Stop hitting me! Your elbows are weirdly pointy!

(They run into Benson.)

Benson: Hey!

Mordecai and Rigby: [gasp]

Benson: (Whispering) Hey! You stop, you stop right there! What do you think you're doing? This is my special luncheon!

Mordecai: We're trying to help! We really think you're being set up!

Benson: No! They're just taking me out to lunch, someone's finally... (looks around anxiously) someone's finally recognizing my hard work!

Rigby: But Gene!

Benson: You don't get it! I've made sacrifices! Stick hockey, drumming, this is all I have left! Park managing is my life! You guys want to make me look like a jerk in front of my colleagues!

(They look at each other guiltily.)

Mordecai: Sorry, Benson, we didn't know!

(He reaches for Benson's shoulder. Benson slaps his hand away.)

Benson: No! You leave me alone! You go rake those leaves, don't make me tell you twice!

(Shows them in the van. They all sigh.)

Rigby: I'm feeling something almost as bad as hunger. I think it's guilt, guys.

Mordecai: Yeah, he is a great park manager. Why wouldn't they want to hang out with him?

Pops: It's us! We're the jerks!

Muscle Man: Chill, Pops! Let's just go home and try to forget this ever happened!

(Shows Benson with the other park managers.)

High Five Ghost: [Sighs] He looks so happy with them.

(Gene puts a sack over Benson's head. They throw him in their van.)

Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man and High Fives: What?

Skips: They got Benson!

(They drive after them into the woods to the Park Manager's Lodge. The managers take Benson inside. The other guys get out of Skips' van and look through the window.)

(Two robed men carry Benson up to the front of the lodge. Gene laughs. They tie him to a post.)

Mordecai: Oh man, what are they doing to him?

Skips: Looks like some sort of sacrifice.

Rigby: We gotta get in somehow!

Muscle Man: Jackpot, bro.

(He holds up robes. They walk in disguised as lodge members. Rigby notices pizza subs on a table.)

Rigby: [Gasps] They catered with pizza subs? At least they have taste!

(Mordecai punches Rigby in the arm. They walk over to the other lodge members.)

Masked Guy: (To another masked guy) Hey, why don't you turn that frown upside down!

Masked Guy 2: You know it's just my mask, Steve. You guys change up the masks and you didn't tell me. You make fun of me like this every Thursday, and it's starting to make me actually sad!

(He shoves Steve.)

Gene: Your attention! Attention, please!

(They take the sack off Benson's head and put a gag over his mouth.)

Gene: With the mask of silence secured, we may begin the ritual. Brotherhood, loyalty, discipline, these are not things you learn, these are things you are! Most people are like so much sludge in the gutters, filling space until they're expunged! But we are like the sunrise, cascading over the pines, silently illuminating the world, yeah!

(Muscle Man notices that Pops is smiling.)

Muscle Man: No, Pops, this is bad.

Pops: Oh no!

Gene: We are park managers, and what stands before us is litter, to be composted!

(He signals the masked men next to Benson. They raise their axes.)

Skips: Now!

(They take off their masks as they rescue Benson)

Gene: Huh?! Stop them!

(The masked men attack the gang as they untie Benson and someone throws an axe)

Mordecai: Thank us later! Come on!

(As the park workers retreat, Rigby stops and grabs a pizza sub)

Masked Guy: Hey! Hands off our pizza subs, those are special order!

(Rigby runs away with the park employees while holding the pizza sub)

Gene: Follow them! Follow them in your vehicles! Tear them apart!

(Gene and the masked men follow the van in hot pursuit)

Masked Guy: All terrain!

(One masked man rides and jumps on one side of the van as his four-wheel motorcycle makes a ramp for the other masked men to jump on top of the van. The masked man punches and strangles Skips, making him drive out of control, but he knocks the masked man out, making him roll into the ground. Another masked man breaks into the window and lands on Pops and Benson's laps)

Pops: Bad show!

(The masked man hisses, but Muscle Man throws the masked man out the window and sends him rolling into the ground. Masked Guy 2 uses his mask's nose like a sword blade to break through the rooftop)

Rigby: (screams and rubs the pizza sub on Steffen's face) You owe me a pizza sub!

(He screams as he falls and rolls into the ground. The van pulls for him, but closes on him)

Gene: Nope, you're taking a taxi, Steffen.

(He drives dirt all over Steffen and drives off, leaving him)

Steffen: I hate this club.

(The park employees and Benson arrive back at the park, parked the van next to the house and they get out)

Rigby: "Operation: Save Benson", success!

Skips: That's not the name we agreed on.

Mordecai: No need to thank us, Benson.

Benson: (removes the gag from his mouth) Thank you?! YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!!!

Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man: Huh?

(Gene and the masked people arrive as they get out of their van)

Gene: Benson! I can't believe I thought you were lodge material!

Rigby: Lodge material? See?! That's what "compost" means! They were gonna chop him up to build a cabin!

Gene: You work in a park, and you don't know what "compost" means?

Benson: (sighs; to the park workers) They were gonna cut me free and release me into the brotherhood of the lodge.

Gene: It's a very sophisticated ritual that I would expect a mere subordinate to understand. That's why they weren't invited, Benson. (Puts his hat on) You can't control your employees, so you're out!

Benson: What?!

Gene: Those are the worst employees I've ever seen! Therefore, you're the worst park manager I've ever seen! Those knuckleheads couldn't tell a lawn mower from a leaf blower!

Benson: Don't throw my employees into this! They were just trying to protect me because you're a crazy person who's done nothing but prank us!

Gene: Yeah, and...?

Benson: I thought I wanted to be a lodge member, but I wouldn't abandon my employees to fit into overblown kids' clubhouse! Now, if you would please excuse yourselves, we close at 6:00 on Thursdays.

(The park employees cheer)

Gene: Ha! Benson, you old so-and-so! That was the final test!

Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man: Huh?

Gene: You and your employees have truly displayed our core values! Welcome to the Lodge Benson!

Benson: I'm... In?

Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man: (Heckling) (Rigby: BOO! GENE'S THE WORST!) (Mordecai: Benson Doesn't Hate That Stuff!) (Muscle Man: Heh.) (Pops: No way, Gene!) (Skips And Hi-Five Ghost Are Silent)

Benson: If you think after all that, I would still join your club?! (Benson suddenly smiles) Then you're absolutely right! (Benson jumps in the air while the park employees are upset and Gene and other two masked people are proud of him) Yes! (80's victory music plays as it zooms into Benson's face)

(End of episode)

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