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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Pam I Am".

(The episode began at the dome-sealed Park. Benson was walking with a clipboard in his hand.)

Benson: Need to get the carousel winterized. Also check into- -

(Then he bumped into a brown haired female scientist, Pam.)

Benson: Oh! Sorry about that.

Pam: No, I'm sorry. I just got so caught up in my work.

Benson: Me too. (picks up his and Pam's clipboard) Hey, wait a sec. I have the exact same (looks at Pam) clip... board...

Pam: (takes her clipboard back) You're Benson.

Benson: How'd you know?

Pam: I've been watching you. Er, not in a-a creepy stalker way. It's my job.

Benson: Right...

(It was an awkward pause for a split second before Pam spoke up again.)

Pam: So... how's that fax working out?

Benson: Oh. It's okay.

Pam: Well, I think it's really cool.

Benson: Yeah, I get a lot of important messages from Langer and the dome big wigs. And in an emergency, got the old speed dial here. If you hear this baby ringing- - (accidentally knocks Pam's protein bar out of her hand) Oh, geez! I am so sorry!

Pam: (picks up her protein bar) Oh, no worries. It's just one of Langer's terrible protein bars. He only allows "sanctioned food" in the dome-itory. What I wouldn't give for some hot wings.

Benson: Wait... you like hot wings?

Pam: Uh, yeah! It's literally my favorite food.

Benson: Me too! (flirty) Well, maybe I'll just have to swing by at your lab and drop some off.

Pam: Oh yeah? Heh, you're gonna sneak past the guards?

Benson: Maybe I will.

Pam: Well, if you do that, then you'll be my favorite person ever.

(They shared their first laugh together before Pam's pager beeped on her clipboard, showing Langer on her pager.)

Pam: Oh geez. Langer. I got to go.

Benson: Oh yeah.

Pam: (starts to walk away) Sorry. It was nice. (whispers) By the way, it's Pam.

Benson: What?

Pam: (runs off; shouts) My name is Pa-a-a-a-a-am!

(A short silence occurred until Benson broke it with a dreamy sigh, for he was now in love.)

Benson: (dreamy sigh) Pam...

Rigby: (singsong voice) Ben-son?

Benson: (turns around) Wha?

Rigby: (he and Mordecai walk towards Benson; eating popcorn) Dude, what's wrong with your face?

Mordecai: He's glowing. I've never seen him like this before.

Rigby: Yeah. It's weird.

Benson: I just met the most amazing girl. We had a real chemistry~!

Rigby: Gross! Benson, I'm trying to eat here!

Benson: Eat? (suddenly remembers) The wings! I gotta get her wings! How can I ask her out if I don't have any wings?!

(He ran to the cart, hopped in and drove off, leaving Mordecai and Rigby behind.)

Mordecai: Wait Benson, that's our stuff!

Rigby: Wanna go to the spot?

Mordecai: (with a goofy grin) Yeah I do!

(With that, they went over to "the spot" as they laughed goofily along the way. Meanwhile, at Wing Kingdom, Benson was trying to figure out what kind of wings to order for him and Pam, while a long line was behind him, annoyed with Benson for taking too long.)

Benson: Hmm... hmm, mmm, mmm... what would Pam want? Regular?

Wing Kingdom Cashier: One order of re- -

Benson: No wait, spicy.

Wing Kingdom Cashier: One order- -

Benson: What if she doesn't like spicy? I'll take half spicy.

Woman: (annoyed) They're just wings, buddy.

Benson: (turns around; triggered) "Just wings?" These wings might decide whether or not I get to go out with the girl of my dreams! (turns red) Everything has to be perfect!

Child: Mommy, I'm scared.

Wing Kingdom Cashier: Uh sir, if you can't decide, I'd recommend the Big 50 Special. It's a bucket of 50 different kinds of wings, and it comes with a liter of ranch.

Benson: (sweating) Yeah, that actually sounds pretty good. I'll get that.

Wing Kingdom Cashier: You want those crispy or crunchy?

Benson: How crispy is "crispy?"

Everyone in line: UGH!

(The scene changed back to the park, where Benson was driving in the cart with his wings and ranch. He stopped the cart and looked through the binoculars, seeing Pam entering the second dome.)

Benson: Gotta get in there. These wings aren't getting any warmer. Hmm... (takes out a jacket from the cart) Bingo.

(So he wore the jacket and approached the second dome, his wings and his ranch stuffed inside of his jacket.)

Benson: (casually) Fellas! Mondays... am I right?

(One of the guards coughed in response.)

Benson: Anyways, got an important fax from Langer. Just gonna pop in and see what the old boss man wants. (tries to walk through)

Bald Dome Guard: (stops Benson) Not until we frisk you, sir.

Benson: Guys, it's me. Benson. Manager... of the park... this park?

Orange-Haired Dome Guard: (shrugs)

Bald Dome Guard: Sorry, buddy, it's regulation.

Benson: (scowls for a minute) ...Cool. Cool. That's cool.

(He turned around and started to walk away a little, but he took a deep breath and came back around, trying to dash towards the second dome, only for the guards to hold him back and shove him away.)

Benson: (backs away; angrily) This is outrageous! Frisk me?! I should frisk you! This is MY park!

(He stormed away from the entrance and went around the back of the dome, hoping for another way inside.)

Benson: There's gotta be another way in here. (sees another door) Jackpot.

(Running to the door, Benson tried to open it, but he found our that it would be opened from a password.)

Benson: Oh... I see your little game, Langer. However, I happen to know that statistically, the most common passcode is... (as he presses the numbers) 1, 2 3, 4, 5.

(The camera showed that Benson only typed in five numbers in the passcode.)

Benson: Uh... 6?

(But when he pressed the number, he got shocked from the passcode, since he got it wrong.)

Benson: Aah! (groans) So, it’s a number game, is it? Let’s play.

(So he started pressing numbers, in hopes of getting the passcode right.)

Benson: One one one one one one one! (gets electrocuted) AAH! (tries again) One one one one one one two! (gets electrocuted again) AAH, geez! (tries again) One one one one one one three- -

(This time, it seemed that the passcode short-circuited, the force knocking Benson to the ground.)

Benson: (groans) This is crazy... oh, Benson! (laughs to himself) Have some dignity.

(Then he grabbed a big rock and yelled as he bashed it on the passcode, only to get electrocuted once more. Meanwhile, Mordecai and Rigby were eating snacks on a hill that was a few feet away from the second dome before Benson stormed to them, partially charred from the electricity.)

Benson: This is MY park! I should know the stupid code! (sees Mordecai and Rigby) What’re you two doing here?!

Mordecai: (whispers) Shhhh. Listen.

(They heard the two guards talking from the spot.)

Orange-Haired Dome Guard: Man, we should’ve just pounded him and took those wings.

Bald Dome Guard: Seriously. If I gotta eat anymore of that lousy dome-itory food, someone’s gettin’ a poundin’!

Benson: What the heck?

Mordecai: The sound from the guard post bounces off of the dome, and back to this exact spot.

Rigby: It’s science.

Benson: I don’t think you guys should be wasting your time eavesdropping on- -

Delivery Man: Delivery for Langer.

Bald Dome Guard: Take it around back.

Delivery Man: What’s the passcode again?

Bald Done Guard: (annoyed groan) The code is Langer; L-A-N-G-E-R! Got it?

Benson: (to Mordecai and Rigby) Nice work!

(So with that, Benson ran off to the dome laughing to himself with success. After he put the code in, he was finally in the dome, but now he had to get through the room, which had many doors and an elevator.)

Benson: Uhh...

(He went inside the elevator, but the doors automatically closed before he could walk out. Then the elevator rumbled, before plummeting down as he screamed. When the elevator reached the first floor, the doors opened and Benson was seen on his knees, holding his head in discomfort.)

Benson: What the heck is this place?

(Then he got up on his feet and started looking for Pam behind a corner.)

Benson: (whispering) Pam?

(He walked into another room.)

Benson: Pam?

(There was no sign of Pam in the room, so Benson walked into another one, where there were other rooms with experiments inside. He looked in Room 206 and saw a familiar brown-haired scientist, although, unbeknownst to him, the scientist had a thicker build.)

Benson: (knocks on the door) Hey Pam!

(But when the scientist turned around, it wasn’t Pam; the scientist had a green robotic eye and plenty of wrinkles on his face. Benson shouted in shock before he backed away from the door window, but then he heard the guards talking nearby.)

Orange-Haired Dome Guard: So what would you do if we actually caught someone trespassing in here?

Bald Dome Guard: Oh man, I’d give them a crazy beating. They’d be like, “No, please, don’t hurt me!” And I’d be like, “I have to, it’s my job!” (punching forward) Whomp! Whomp! Whomp!

(As they walked by, Benson was hiding in the vent before they could see him. He crawled through the vents while he was sweating, until he saw something bright through the vent grid. In another room was the security monitor room, where a dome guard was asleep on the job. Several screens showed the park guys and some of the scientists.)

Benson: (astonished) No way...!

(Something else caught his attention as he saw a certain scientist on one of the screens.)

Benson: It’s Pam! Room 309.

(So then he quickly got out of the vents and ran to Room 309. In there, Pam was working on an android hand until Benson barged in the room.)

Benson: Pam!

(Pam got startled from the sudden intrusion and accidentally shot out a laser from the android hand. The laser zapped Benson, covering him in ash, before he fell back on the floor.)

Pam: (shocked) Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

(Luckily, Benson got right back up and pulled out the wings and ranch.)

Benson: I brought wings~!

Pam: Ohh! Benson, no way!

(They went to the anti-gravity room to start their date.)

Pam: Come on.

(She took off her lab coat and laid it down on the floor, using it as a picnic blanket.)

Pam: The perfect spot for a picnic.

Benson: (walks over to Pam) It sure is. (sets wings down on lab coat) Now I wasn’t sure what kind of wings you liked, so I got a little bit of everything.

Pam: (picks up a wing) Mmm... first non-dome food in three weeks. (eats her wing) Mmm~! Oh my gosh. Mmm, this is amazing! Promise to sneak me a bucket of wings everyday?

Benson: (eyes widen; love-struck) Yes. Yes, I will.

(Benson and Pam laughed.)

Benson: Oh! And I got ranch.

Pam: Uh thanks, but I’m not really a fan.

Benson: (throws ranch away) Me neither. Get outta here, ranch!

Pam: Nobody likes you, ranch!

Benson: Go find a salad!

(They laughed again and they ate some more wings together, while “It’s Friday (I’m In Love)” by The Cure was playing in the montage. As they ate the wings, Pam playfully poked Benson’s nose, covering it in wing sauce. She giggled and ran as Benson got up and went after her with a playful smile. Once he caught her, they looked in each other’s eyes, smiling, before they saw wings floating in the air, meaning that there was anti-gravity in the room. Benson and Pam floated in the air as well and ate the floating wings. Pam took two wings and threw them at Benson, who was ready to catch them in his mouth, but instead they went straight for his eyes, blinding him with wing sauce. Pam took Benson to the eye wash station and washed his eyes to get the wing sauce out. In the next scene of the montage, Benson threw two wings at Pam, catching her by surprise. Pam retaliated by throwing wings back at Benson while he blocked them. As they kept throwing wings at each other, having fun, Pam grabbed the Wing Kingdom bucket and scooped up all the wings Benson threw. Then she tossed them back to Benson, splattering him with wings and covering him with more wing sauce. A clock wipe transition occurred and the song and montage ended with Benson and Pam floating together in the air, covered in wing sauce.)

Pam: Benson, this has been the best lunch ever.

Benson: Pam... there’s something I want to say. (clears his throat)

Pam: What’s that noise?

Benson: I was just clearing my throat.

Pam: (points up) No, that noise.

(The noise above was coming from a giant fan in the room, and Benson and Pam were floating towards it! They screamed and frantically tried to swim away from the fan, but they kept floating up.)

Pam: It’s not working!!

Benson: Grab something!

(They went to the wall and attempted to hold on, but because of their hands covered in wing sauce, they slipped off the wall, and they continued to float towards the fan.)


Benson: PAM!!

(Luckily Benson spotted a rail above the fan and grabbed onto it.)

Benson: Pam!

(Pam screamed as she floated closer to the fan, but thankfully Benson grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him.)

Benson: Oh Pam... I’m so sorry for getting you into this mess. I just wanted to get you some hot wings, because... Because I really wanted to see you again.

Pam: Oh Benson, you know, my life is just work, work, work. And even though we’re about to die in a horrific and entirely preventable death, I’m really glad I got to spend this time with you.

(They smiled, gazing at each other’s eyes. Then they leaned in for a kiss... until Benson belched in Pam’s face.)

Benson: (embarrassed) Sorry! Sorry, I’m so... Wha?

(Suddenly, he noticed that he started to float down, away from the fan.)

Benson: The burp! Pam, you gotta burp!

Pam: (covers her mouth and burps quietly)

Benson: You gotta let it rip!

(So Pam burped as well before she started floating down with Benson.)

Benson: Nice!

Pam: It worked!

(So with that, they kept belching and floating down, just like in Willy Wonka.)

Pam: (as she belches) Best lunch ever.

Benson: (as he belches) Except the fan.

(Finally they landed back on the floor.)

Benson: That was crazy!

Pam: (hugs Benson) Benson, you beautiful genius, you did it! You saved us!

(Benson smiled with glee, until some slow clapping ruined the happy moment. The slow clapping came from Dr. Langer.)

Dr. Langer: (sarcastic) Yes Benson, you’re very smart.

Benson: Langer! Did you just see that?

Dr. Langer: Oh no wait, I meant the other thing; you’re very dumb! You didn’t burp yourself to safety! Your ranch turned on this top secret anti-gravity machine! Look at this place!

(Benson and Pam looked at the mess they made during their date.)

Pam: (nervously) I-I’m sorry, sir. We were having lunch, and it-it got out of hand.

Dr. Langer: Lunch? Lu- Like a date?

Pam: Well, um... (she and Benson blush) Yeah. Like a date.

Dr. Langer: You told me that you were too busy to date! You know what? Forget it. I’m issuing a new policy effective immediately. There will be no dating test subjects in this dome!

(Benson and Pam got disappointed at this, now that they could no longer date each other.)

Dr. Langer: Both of you, report to the decontamination room, NOW!

(The next scene showed Benson being decontaminated by getting sprayed with a hose, which was held by some guy in a hazmat-like suit.)

Benson: (screams) HEY! Watch it! Not in the face!

(He got on the floor as he kept getting sprayed with the hose. The guy turned the hose off for a second, leaving Benson to cry on the floor, before he turned the hose on again, spraying Benson once more. The next scene showed Benson getting thrown out of the second dome by the guards, before they threw the jacket in his face. Benson sadly walked away from the dome, dragging his jacket along with him.)

Pam: I had a great time today.

Benson: (sighs sadly) Me too, memory of Pam.

Pam: (chuckles) No Benson, over here.

Benson: Huh?

(He turned around and saw Pam waving at him behind the second dome.)

Pam: Check your pocket.

Benson: (checks in his jacket pocket) A wing!

Pam: I snuck one out for both of us.

Benson: Aww, no way! Pam? Can we go out when this is all over?

Pam: (chuckles) Of course, Benson.

(They took a bite of their wing, before they started laughing as Pam waved at Benson. Their laughing turned into silly guffaws while Pam slowly started to leave. When she was gone, Benson was the only one guffawing goofily, but he stopped when he heard two certain people laughing goofily as well. He turned around and saw Mordecai and Rigby sitting on the hill, laughing and eating popcorn.)

Benson: ... (turns red) GET BACK TO WORK!!

(End of Pam I Am)