| This article is under the scope of the Transcript Cleanup Project and has yet to be cleaned up to a higher standard of quality. It may contain errors, spelling, grammar and structure issues, or inconsistent formats, or be incomplete. Reader's discretion is advised until fixing is done.|
You can help clean up this page by correcting spelling and grammar, removing factual errors and rewriting sections to ensure they are clear and concise, moving some elements when appropriate, and helping complete the transcript.
Rigby: Aw, yeah. Listen to that engine purr! Thanks to the cart, we picked up this manure in record time.
Mordecai: Yeah, dude. With this cart, there's no lame job Benson can give us that we can't handle. Hey, speaking of jobs, we're late for the staff meeting.
Rigby: Punch it.
(Mordecai steps on the gas, and they yell excitedly. They drive up to Benson, who doesn't look happy)
Benson: Oh, look who decided to show up.
Mordecai and Rigby: Sorry, Benson.
(They take their place on the steps)
Benson: (annoyed) As I was saying, I crunched the numbers and the park has extra money this year. Mordecai and Rigby, you can take this hunk of junk to the dump.
Mordecai and Rigby: Wuh?
Benson: 'Cause I bought us this.
(Shows them the Smarten Karten as the screen cuts to it)
Benson (contiuned): Say guten tag to the Smarten Karten.
Smarten Karten: (Voice) Guten tag.
(Everyone jeers and heads to the new cart, much to Mordecai and Rigby's disappointment)
Benson: Modern, sophisticated, powerful. These are three adjectives used to describe this miracle of German engineering.
Skips: Whoa! This thing has 100 horsepower!
Pops: A device that holds beverages.
Muscle Man: (Gasps) No way! A butt warmer!
(Presses the 'seat warmer' button and relaxes. Pops laughs again.)
Mordecai: Who needs all that stuff?
(He and Rigby rush over to the old cart)
Mordecai (continued): Here are a few words to describe the cart. Reliable, uh, classic...
(Mordecai sniffs it and immediately becomes grossed out)
Mordecai: Won't smell like manure later.
Rigby: These seats are vintage simulated vinyl.
Mordecai: And look at these classic details.
Benson: Those are stickers.
Mordecai: Dude, Benson, the cart's been at the park forever. It's like a member of the family.
Rigby: It's the eighth worker of the park.
Benson: That cart's engine is on its last legs. It's releasing noxious gas fumes into the air.
Rigby: We're not taking Muscle Man to the dump and he releases noxious fumes all the time!
(Hearing this makes Muscle Man try to charge at them, only for HFG to stop him)
High Five Ghost: No! He's not worth it.
Benson: Guys, guys. I know you've had a lot of good times in that cart. But it's not cost effective. Who's gonna pay the bills for it?
Mordecai: We'll pay 'em.
Benson: So, you'll pay the gas bill.
Benson: And the repair bills. Not to mention insurance, tags, and the occasional tetanus shot.
(Benson hands them lots of paper, and one of them has a total of 2,000 dollars)
Mordecai and Rigby: $2,000?!
Benson: That's right. Paid in full every month for the rest of your life.
Mordecai: (Dejectedly) You've made your point.
Benson: Now take the cart to the dump by the end of the day or you're fired!
(Mordecai and Rigby are parked up at the airport drinking sodas. They see an airplane come in. Mordecai sighs.')
Mordecai: We'd better get going to the dump.
Rigby: It's not fair, man. It's not fair to the cart!
Mordecai: Dude, I love the cart too. But we can't afford to keep it. Now let's pour one out on the hood, for old cart's sake.
(They shed tears and pour soda on the cart. it goes through the engine, causing it to electrocute.)
Mordecai and Rigby: Huh?
(They jump out and back away as the cart appears to come to life.)
(It moves around a little.)
Cart (continued): Is this what it's like to be conscious?
(Mordecai and Rigby are stunned.)
Mordecai: How is this possible?
(Rigby looks at the soda. It is called "Thunder Jolt X: 10x the Caffeine".)
(They walk up to Cart.)
Mordecai: This is awesome.
Cart: I am happy also, entity Mordecai and entity Rigby.
Mordecai: Dude, you know us. Call us Mordecai and Rigby.
Rigby: Don't you have a name?
Cart: Well, according to the writing on my insides, it's Hecho. Hech en Mexico.
Rigby: We'll just call you Cart.
Cart: Wow, my first nickname! A lotta good that'll do me now that you have to take me to the dump.
(He turns away from them.)
Cart: I've only been alive for 30 seconds and I already know that life is cruel. And to think, I've still never felt a delicate touch of a lady cart.
Rigby: I can't stand it!
(Cart turns back to the guys.)
Mordecai: Cart, you deserve better than this.
Rigby: Before you go to the dump, we'll take you to experience all the thing you never got to do.
(They go into Cart.)
Cart: Wow, you'd do that? For old cart's sake?
Mordecai: Yeah, dude. For old cart's sake.
Mordecai and Rigby: Hmm hmm hmm hmm!
Mordecai: So what do you wanna do first, Cart?
(Cart plays his radio and straps Mordecai and Rigby in. They scream as he spins a donut and they drive off. As the music plays, a montage begins. At a concert, Cart appears on the stage and Mordecai and Rigby cheer him on with the crowd. He then gets crowd surfed all the way to the end of the crowd, to which Mordecai and Rigby hi five. At a bridge, Cart is connected to a cord and he bungee jumps off it. At a tattoo shop, Cart gets a tattoo with a US Flag, eagle and his name. Later, Mordecai and Rigby hook him up to a red Volkswagon New Beetle. They then take him to Cheezers, where they decide to orderr in. Cart goes inside after them, dismantling the door. They are now seen enjoying Cheezers together while the door is being repaired.)
Mordecai: I gotta say, Cart, you're a pretty cool guy.
Cart: Heh. Right back at ya, Brodecai.
Benson: (via walkie talkie) Mordecai, Rigby, are you there?
Cart: Dude, dude! Answer in a French accent.
Mordecai: What? No way. (to Benson) Hey, Benson.
Cart: Wa-wa-wait. Tell him we just picked up his mama!
(He snickers again, and Rigby joins him. Mordecai punches Rigby.)
Mordecai: Dude, shut up!
Benson: (via walkie talkie) You guys were due back hours ago.
Mordecai: Sorry, we-
Benson: (via walkie talkie) I don't care! Get back here or you're fired!
Mordecai: Alright. We better head to the dump.
(Cart is no longer with them.)
Rigby: Where's Cart?
Mordecai: Ah, what?! Did he ditch us?!
Rigby: Oh no! This is just like that time Benson had us take care of his dog, then we took the dog to Cheezers and then the dog ran away!
(Cart is seen near the trash can.)
Mordecai: Wait. There he is.
(They walk over to him.)
Mordecai (continued): Cart, what are you doing?
Cart: Sorry, guys. I was just throwing away our trash. Kinda like how you're gonna throw me away. You know, at the dump?
Mordecai: Come on, Cart, it's not like that.
Cart: Is that all I am? Just a...used up old taco wrapper?
(Mordecai sighs. Cart turns to the guys.)
Cart (continued): You know what'd make me feel better?
Cart: If I could get a view of the sunset.
(Rigby points at the sunset.)
Rigby: Yeah! That sunset is prime send-off material. Let's goooooooooooo.
Mordecai: I don't know.
Cart: Come on buddy, just one more drive. For old cart's sake?
Mordecai: I can't say no to that face.
(Cut to the three watching the sunset on a rooftop.)
Cart: Wow, it's....magnificent. Just seeing such beauty gives meaning to me short life, an even shorter life as a sentient being. I really feel at peace.
Mordecai: That's great, dude. Alright, let's get going.
(They try to get into Cart but he drives away from them.)
Cart: Y-You know, I've never been to a..a, a car wash. Yeah.
Mordecai: But we washed you all the time!
Cart: No, I mean a real car wash. Look, I know you wouldn't understand because you aren't a golf cart, but, I don't wanna go without experiencing this.
Rigby: But we'll get soaked!
Cart: Yeah, well I'm getting crushed. Seems like the least you could do, with me being crushed and all.
(Mordecai and Rigby feel guilty. Scene cuts to the City Car Wash, where Cart is passing through while Moredcai and Rigby are soaped, soaked and dried. They exit the car wash.)
Cart (continued): Thanks so much, guys. It really means a lot to me.
(Mordecai and Rigby come out of Cart.)
Cart (continued): And now that I'm clean, I'm ready for my final wish.
Rigby: Aw, what? You said the "last thing" was the last thing!
Cart: I promise this is it. One last wish, for old cart's sake.
Mordecai: Okay, fine. But that's it.
(Cart spins a donut.)
Cart: Nice! Let's gooooooooo!
(Mordecai and Rigby go back in.)
Rigby: Where to, exactly?
Cart: You'll see.
(They drive off. Cut to a restaurant where bikes are parked.)
Cart (continued): Seriously, you dudes are gonna love this.
Mordecai: Family Restaurant?
Rigby: Why is everything in quotes?
(The three enter the restaurant. Mordecai and Rigby look around in shock)
Hooligan 1: Hey! I asked for the dressing separate! Separate!
Owner: Take it up with the complaints department! Right here!
Puppies Man: Puppies!
Kittens Man: Kittens!
Puppies Man: Puppies!
Kittens Man: Kittens!
(Kittens Man punches Puppies Man)
Owner: Hey! You gonna order something?
Cart: Engine oil. Black.
Mordecai: Ooh, I get it! Oil's on me.
(The owner pours the cart a glass of engine oil)
Mordecai: You should have just us you wanted to find an oil change!
Hooligan 2: Hey! Don't you know that grade of oil causes unnecessary wear and tear on your engine?
Cart: Well maybe I've got a deathwish, pal!
Hooligan 2: Jokers like you should be taken to the dump.
(Hooligan 2 takes a drink)
Hooligan 2: You make me wanna puke!
(He walks off.)
Cart: Pfft. Jerk.
Mordecai: Okay, haha, you've had your last drink!
Rigby: Let's hurry to the dump, it's getting late!
Cart: Oh, this? This isn't the last thing.
Rigby: Huh? Then what is it?
Cart: Watch this.
(Cart drives off and runs over the hooligan)
Cart: I've always wanted to get into a fight!
(The Hooligan goes to punch the cart, but the cart dodges, causing the Hooligan to punch a random man)
Hooligan 3: Hence fighting words!
(The Hooligans start fighting, and Mordecai and Rigby get grabbed by some hooligans)
Hooligan 4: Hate this music!
(He punches two more hooligans next to him. Everybody fights)
Cart: Who wants some?
(Everybody attempts to attack the Cart, but he beats everybody easily. Mordecai punches a hooligan to free Rigby)
(Hooligan 2 throws a box onto Cart's roof and laughs)
(Mordecai and Rigby punch the Hooligan. The owner comes along and tackles them as Cart drives off. Mordecai and Rigby get thrown out the restaurant)
Owner: And stay out! This is a decent "Family Establishment!" Don't need you "low lives" messing things up!
(The owner heads back into the restaurant as Mordecai and Rigby groan)
Mordecai: Wait a minute, where's the Cart? I knew it! He ditched us! We should've taken him to the dump when we had the chance! We're so fired, dude!
Rigby: Mordecai, look! An oil trail!
(Mordecai and Rigby follow the oil trail to the edge of a cliff)
Mordecai: There he is! Cart...what are you doing up here?
Cart: I - I'm so sorry, you guys. I - I just didn't want you to have to see me like this.
Mordecai: It's alright, dude. Can we please just go to the dump now?
Cart: If I have to go, I'm gonna do it my way. I wanna be sent off this cliff, into the ocean, filled with fireworks from a third world country, to go out in a blaze of glory. That's my final - final wish.
Mordecai: That's - the coolest thing I've ever heard.
(Cut to later, the Cart is now filled with fireworks)
Mordecai: Alright. That's the last of them.
Cart: Thanks, you guys.
Mordecai: Do you have any regrets?
Cart: Well I never did write that novel. But I've seen things other carts wouldn't believe. I've started an all-out brawl at a family restaurant. I've watched sunbeams shimmer over the city from the highest parking ramp. My only regret is that I couldn't hold more fireworks.
Mordecai: Yeah, but it's still a lot.
Cart: Yeayuh, it is!
Mordecai, Rigby & Cart: OOHHHH!!!
Cart: Let's get this show on the road.
(The Cart revs its engine, while Mordecai prepares to light off the fireworks)
Mordecai: Good luck, old friend.
(The Cart drives off the cliff as fireworks go off. The cart lands in the water, creating a huge splash)
Mordecai: Coolest decommissioning ever.
Rigby: Totally cool.
(Benson rings in on the guys' walkie talkie)
Benson: Mordecai! Rigby!
Benson: There's been an accounting error. I forgot to carry a zero and it turns out we can't afford the new cart, and the seat warmer gave Muscle Man third degree burns on 70% of his butt.
(Muscle Man is seen screaming and burning while firefighters attempt to put the fire out)
Benson: We need you to bring the old cart back. I bet you two are glad to hear that. You know, it wasn't such a bad old cart after all.
(The cart's engine is heard failing, as Mordecai and Rigby watch over him. Mordecai sighs)
Mordecai: Let's go get it.
End of Episode