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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Operation: Hear No Evil".

(Episode starts on the Space Tree where everyone is watching the show Laser Hunters)

Blue Alien: Promise me.

Angelo: I promise you! I'll search the entire galaxy to find out who poisoned your entrée. It's the least I can do now that I know you're my mother.

Muscle Man: What?! What?! No way! What?! (cries)

Rigby: Whoa, Muscle Man, are you crying?

Muscle Man: Yes, I'm crying. I'm feeling deep emotions and they're expressing themselves physically on my face. It's part of what makes me a man.

Rigby: Ugh! Are you guys watching "Lazer Hunters"?

Mordecai: Why is everybody at the station addicted to it?

Rigby: Yeah, it's so cheesy.

Hi Five Ghost: Oh, get over yourselves. This show is a cultural phenomenon. It's ending next week. Give it a chance.

Mordecai: Mm.

Rigby: I don't know.

Angelo: Brick? Yes? Mother never wanted us to meet, but now that she's gone, I can tell you I'm your identical twin Angelo.

Mordecai: Whoa.

Rigby: Okay. Maybe we can give it a shot. Ooh! That was really good.

Mordecai: Dude, we gotta catch up before the finale next week.

Rigby: How many seasons are there?

Muscle Man: Eight. If you start watching now, you just barely have enough time to catch up. But only if you use this mayonnaise jar as a toilet.

Mordecai: Thanks.

Rigby: Dude, weren't we supposed to do something for Benson before we walked in here?

Mordecai: Uh vacuum the floors? But we could put that off till later.

Rigby: You're probably right.

Angelo: No, Mr. President! Don't open that birthday present! No! No!

(Scene cuts to title card ONE WEEK LATER)

Muscle Man: Bros, you did it! You watched 168 hours of "Lazer Hunters." And you're just in time for the finale.

Mordecai: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! So many questions!

Rigby: Like, what was the deal with the space lizard cold open?

Mordecai: Was Brick's cousin's salsa in the safety deposit box?

Rigby: Why was there a squid in the percolator?!

Mordecai: Who made the holotype that tipped off the colonel?!

Hi Five Ghost: Not so dumb anymore, is it?

Eileen: And now, finally, the finale will answer all our questions!

Benson: Mordecai and Rigby.

Mordecai: Oh, hey, Benson.

Rigby: We were just about to watch the "Lazer Hunters" finale.

Benson: No, you're not, because you and Mordecai are going to go vacuum the floors in the house right now! Just like I told you to a week ago!

Mordecai: Aw, Benson.

Rigby: Can't we just vacuum after?

Benson: Now.

Mordecai: The house is all the way on the other side of the station!

Benson: Don't care.

Rigby: The finale will be over by the time we get back!

Benson: Go.

Mordecai: How are we gonna get back here without hearing spoilers?

Benson: (Angrily) GO VACUM THE HOUSE!!!

Mordecai and Rigby: Ugh!

Muscle Man: Whoa, tough break, guys.

Pops: Whatever shall you do?

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-Hm-Hm-Hm!

Eileen: You want me to record it for you so you can watch it later?

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-Hm-Hm-Hm!

Eileen: Give me the tape.

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-Hm-Hm! Hm-Hm-Hm-Hm!

Eileen: I just hope they can make it back before they hear any spoilers.

59 minutes later

Rigby: This is gonna work.

Mordecai: Yeah, The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can watch that tape.

Rigby: Oh, no! "Lazer Hunters" is ending right now, dude!

Mordecai: Dude, don't panic. We got some time before we're at risk of spoilers.

Muscle Man: Bros! Bros, you won't believe how "Lazer Hunters" ends!

Mordecai: Operation: Hear No Evil phase one.

Muscle Man: Bros! Bros?

Mordecai: Here it is, Operation: Hear No Evil. Everything you need to avoid spoilers. Two years ago, the ending of the Carter and Briggs movie was spoiled for us, and what did we vow, Rigby?

Rigby: That it would never happen again.

Mordecai: That it would never happen again. Okay, step one Go off the grid.

Rigby: Phone.

Mordecai: Whoa! You could have just turned them off!

Rigby: I mean, either way. What's step two?

Mordecai: Headphones. Okay, step three Get to the tape!

Rigby: What?!

Mordecai: We have to go back to the barracks for the tape!

Rigby: Oh, yeah.

Mordecai: And remember, everyone and their brother is gonna be talking about this, so we gotta get there as fast as we can!

Rigby: Got it!

Muscle Man: Guys? Guys?

Benson: Where are they?

Muscle Man: I don't know the answer to that question, bro. But I can tell you that these floors have not been vacuumed.

Benson: I see. How does it end?

Muscle Man: What?

Benson: "Lazer Hunters." I'm gonna ruin it for them.

Muscle Man: But-

Benson: How... does... it... end?

(The scene cuts to the Space Tree, where Mordecai and Rigby are running around screaming La la la la la la la! The music player then stops working.)

Rigby: Huh?

Guy: When the beam kills…

Guy: How about that.

Girl: Never saw that coming in a million years!

Mordecai: The batteries must be dead!

Rigby: What do we do now?!

Mordecai: Operation: Hear No Evil back-up plan Earplugs! Bleah! Bleah! Hah!

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm-Hm-Hm-Hm!

Eileen: It's not the texture so much, it's the smell. Oh, hey, Benson. What are you doing here?

Benson: I'm waiting here so I can spoil the "Lazer Hunters" finale for Mordecai and Rigby.

Eileen: Why do you want to spoil it? It's gonna totally ruin their day.

(Benson and Eileen don't see it, but in the background, Mordecai is lowering Rigby head first through an air duct so that he can grab the "Lazer Hunters" finale tape from the VCR. The action happens simultaneously as Benson speaks his next line)

Benson: Oh, boo-hoo-hoo! You know my day was ruined when Rawls got on my case about getting the dome in shape. Vacuuming the house was the last step! Mordecai and Rigby don't take anything seriously.

(Around this point, Rigby has grabbed the tape and the VHS case, however Rigby accidentally slips up and starts panickingly fumbling the case.)

Benson: I mean, we're supposed to take the dome out on our own soon! Spoiler alert for our mission we fail out there! We fail spectacular...(SLAM) ly?

(The slam in question is the case as Rigby finally loses his grip and drops it. Benson turns around and becomes furious at the sight of Rigby.)

Benson: (charging) RAAAHHH!!!!

(Mordecai pulls Rigby back into the air duct and they both flee. Benson gives chase)

Benson: Fine! I'm glad we're in the air ducts! The acoustics in here are perfect for spoilers!

Mordecai and Rigby: La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la! La la la la la la la! La la la la la la la! La la la la la la la la la la!

Benson: No!

Sureshot: Nothing but net. You catch that finale, Sally?

Toothpick Sally: I couldn't believe Zolthar's bones were in the -

(M and R crash through the celling. They get up and continue saying La la la la... !)

M and R: La la la la la la la la la la la la la! La la la la la la la la la!

Rigby: What now?!

Mordecai: "In case of emergency, get to a safe room!"

Rigby: If we loop back to the barracks, we can lock Benson out!

Skateboarder #1: Hey!

Skateboarder #2: Whoa!

Mordecai: Sorry! We're just borrowing them!

Benson: Excuse me. Have you seen two idiots? It's very important that I spoil "Lazer Hunters" for them.

Space Tree Worker: Spoilers, huh? That's cold. You know, I used to teach quantum physics. Then my brother-in-law spoiled the "Egg Baby Bonanza" finale for me. I tell you, I fell into a pit of despair. Quit my job, lost my house, rolled a big rock down a hill onto my brother-in-law. Just made some bad choices. Now I sweep up trash for scraps like a gutter urchin. Because of those spoilers, I have nothing.

Benson: That's perfect! So have you seen them?

Space Tree Worker: Yeah, right over there. (Benson hops into the car) Hey! Hey! I live in that!

Benson: Get ready. You're gonna to hear this spoiler! Huh?

(A truck honks the horn and passes by)

Guy: And now, for the losers who missed it, here are all of the best scenes from the "Lazer Hunters" finale!

(The duo cover their eyes)

Mordecai: Ahh! Spoilers!

Rigby: Where do we go?!

Mordecai: Shortcut! Shortcut! Get ready. Jump! Whoa! Oh!

(The duo jump through the fan)

Rigby: I think I'm really hurt.

Mordecai: No time!

Rigby: Locking barracks! (Closes door) We're safe! Let's do this!

Mordecai: Yes! Finally!

Benson: I just wanted the carpets vacuumed. Pack it up, you guys. You failed.

Rigby: Hey, buddy. Let's not do anything rash.

Benson: All those hours spent planning and planning and running away from me. All that time and energy wasted on Operation: Hear No Evil. Now I'm gonna spoil "Lazer Hunters" once and for all.

Rigby: La la la la -!

Mordecai: No. Benson's not gonna do that to us.

Benson: And why is that?

Mordecai: 'Cause you don't know the last phase of Operation: Hear No Evil.

Benson: Oh, give it up. You and I both know there's nothing in that backpack that's going to change my mind.

Mordecai: Not even the finale of "Dr. Whiskers, M.D."?!

Benson: (Gasps) Okay, wait. Uh, let's not do anything we'd regret.

Rigby: Dude, what?

Mordecai: Oh, just Benson's favorite show. He was binge-watching it right before we left Earth, but...

Benson: I never got to see the finale.

Rigby: Wait, so what's on the tape?

Mordecai: The last 10 seconds of that finale, Dr. Whiskers' big reveal!

Benson: Mordecai.

Mordecai: It's up to you, Benson. Let us watch the "Lazer Hunters" finale in peace, or we spoil your cat show.

Benson: You're bluffing.

Dr Whiskers: And so, after months of unbelievable twists and turns, I will finally reveal whose paws were behind the murders of the Calico Crew!

Benson: No! Stop it! Stop!

Mordecai: Truce?

Benson: Truce. You can vacuum the floors after you watch the finale.

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoooooa! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Rigby: We did it, dude! It's happening!

(Sureshout walks into the room)

Sureshot: The "Lazer Hunters" finale! You get to the part where LeFever dies yet?

Mordecai and Rigby: Ugh!

Mordecai: Dude, I told you to lock the door!

Sureshot: Whoops. My bad. Seriously, though, that ending's almost as good as the end of "Dr. Whiskers, M.D." Can you believe Fuzzmaster Fuzzball killed the Calico Crew? Well, bye. (Leaves the room)

(End of Operation: Hear No Evil)