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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Not Great Double Date".

(The episode starts off with scenes of "1000th Chopper Flight Party" being shown. CJ, in storm cloud form, eats Margaret. Margaret then wakes up from her dream. She takes a deep breath, coughs then takes out her retainer and puts it back in its case. She then rests her head on her pillow. A moment later, there's a soft knocking at her bedroom door. She sits up again.)

Margaret: (uncertainly) Come in...

Eileen: (opens the door a crack) Uh...Margaret? CJ's at the door.

Margaret: CJ's HERE?!..(looks around)...At this apartment.

Eileen: (fastly) She's at the door to this apartment, yes. (Scene then cuts to CJ at the front door talking to herself)

CJ: *sigh* Alright CJ you've got this. (Sees Margaret) Margaret! (Margaret is shown walking to the door, still in her PJs) Hey! I haven't seen you since I ruined your dad's party, heh heh (Margaret's face is shown, clearly upset and nervous. CJ notices this).....Ok, bad joke. (Scene shows the two of the again) Look I just need to say...(Scene shows CJ)....I'm really sorry about before.....And before that........And-and before that. Pretty much the whole time I've known well do I know you? Let's go on a double date!

Margaret: (Scene shows Margaret's shocked face) Double date?!

CJ: Yeah! So we can get to know each other. Me and Mordecai, you and your boyfriend. Double date!

Margaret: (looks to the side and speaks slowly, still uncertain) Oooooookaaayy. I mean, are you sure that's ok?

CJ: Uhh (thinks, then smiles) ...We should make it ok. (Walks up to Margaret) Its important to me that we're all...(gestures her hands to Margaret then herself, smiling)

Margaret: Heh, alright cool.

CJ: (speaks fast) Cool! Great! It'll be great! You're great, (points to Margaret) ok? Ok.

Margaret: (nods, understandingly)

CJ: (gives two thumbs up) Ok! Side Line at seven! (leaves)

Margaret: See ya then! (Closes the door and leans against it) *sigh*.....(brings a wing to her face) *groans* (puts both wings covering her face) Eileeen! (Flops on the couch, her face hitting a pillow) (muffled) EILEEEEEEEEEN!

Eileen: (puts a hand on Margaret's head) (comfortingly) I heard your muffled screams. What's the matter?

Margaret: (her face is out of the pillow, but still laying down, distraught) I made it all up. I don't have a boyfriend.

Eileen: (eating an egg on bread) So you're not dating weekend sports anchor Del Hanlon (bites)

Margaret: (still distraught) No. But saying I did felt like the only way at Eileen) not die?

Eileen: Ok. Well why did you agree to that double date thing?

Margaret: (gets up and is now sitting on the couch, still distraught) I don't know! CJ was really excited about it, so I just, went along with it? This is really bad. If they find out I lied, it'll make everybody feel all weird again, what should I do?

Eileen: (fast) Tell the truth.

Margaret: But then, they'll know, I lied!

Eileen: (slowly) Ok, well, that was kind of the only sensible option. You could...(thinks)...ask Del Hanlon to pose as your boyfriend?

(Scene changes to a playground where middle school kids are playing tetherball. Del is scene in front of a camera, reporting about a tournament)

Del: Tetherballs screen through the air as do the dueling egos of these athletic titans. This has been regional junior high tetherball, I'm Del Hanlon, bidding you adieu. (Bows at the camera)

Cameraman: And cut!

Del: Aaah, (straightens tie as he walks over to the refreshments) you've done it again Del. Aaah. (Notices Margaret waving and Eileen) Well, hey, Margaret, Eileen, what brings you here? Most people just see tetherball as a more boring version of "ball in a cup".

Eileen: I do feel that way about tetherball. But actually, Margaret has a favor to ask.

Margaret: (nervously and slowly) Yeeeaaaahh. Could yooooouuuu....(fast)...hand me that water bottle?

Del: (Grabs one and gives it to Margaret) Hey, you got it!

Margaret: Thanks! Well, (fast) that's all I needed see ya Monday!

Eileen: (Stops Margaret from leaving) Margaret accidentally called you her boyfriend (Margaret slaps her face, blushing) Could you pretend to be her date tonight?

Del: *gasps* eeeeeeeeeeh...uuuugghh. (Shows Margaret's worried face) Yes! I have always wanted to be an actooooor!

Margaret: *sigh of relief* Wow, thanks! (Looks at Eileen) Sooo, how do we know what to say?

Eileen: Let's test it out. (Margaret goes to stand by Del) So, where'd you guys meet? (They answer at the same time)

Del: Air.

Margaret: Water. (They look at each other, they back at Eileen) Ugh, I'm really bad at lieing. I don't know what to do at all.

Eileen: (Nods) I know who can help.

(Scene changes to "The Non-Descript Coffee Shop", where they are meeting Rigby. They are sitting at a table. Rigby sits out of the light, giving a detective feel. The others sit in the light, waiting)

Rigby: (Calm at first) So you're telling me that I'm meeting at this Non-Descript Coffee Shop to help you lie to my (gets angry and is shown in the light) best friend?

Margaret: Yeah.

Rigby: (Calm again, like he wasn't angry at all) But it's to keep him happy?

Eileen: Definetly.

Rigby: Awesome! (turns on another light, making the atmosphere less suspicious. He pulls out a handful of papers) Well, here's a little something I just whipped up. (Gives the papers to Del and Margaret. They look at them) Give it a once over, see what you think. (A paper is shown to be the beginning of a script) Some backstory, how you guys met.

Margaret: I don't mean to criticize, because, I mean, you're writing is really good, but this seems too complicated. Couldn't we have just met at work?

Del: I LOVE it! It has everything! Action, intrigue, hot air baloooons! Excellent work Rigby! Or should I say, director! *weird laugh*

Rigby: *confident laugh* See, Del gets it. If you don't commit to this lie, Margaret, they'll see right through it, (Margaret is shown, worried) and ALL our lives will be ruined.

(Scene then changes to The Side Line. Del and Margaret are about to walk in)

Del: *sigh* I know we just spent seven hours practicing, but I can't get rid of these moths in my stomach!

Margaret: Moths?

Del: (Starts to sweat) See, I'm getting the lines wrong already!

Margaret: Look, it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be convincing. (Puts her hands on his shoulders and looks at him in the face) If one of us goes off script, we'll just go with it, ok Del?

Del: (Still sweating and speaks fast)........I think I love you.

Margaret: (They start to walk towards the door) See, acting. Just like that.

(Scene cuts to the inside of The Side Line, where CJ and Mordecai are waiting at a booth. Music is playing in the background)

Mordecai: ya feeling?

CJ: Fine.

Mordecai: (Starts to ramble) Sooo, you're sure you wanna do this? Cause, we don't have to do this. We could still cancel. I'm gonna cancel.

CJ: Shh, they're here. (Enthusiastically) Hey! (Everyone greets each other, all saying hey at around the same time. Del and Mordecai shake hands)

Del: Del.

Mordecai: Mordecai. I think I've seen you on TV.

Del: Please, tonight I am not "Del, Sports Anchor". I'm "Del, Margaret's Boyfriend"

Mordecai: (Concerned look) That's......that's cool. (Margaret and CJ begin to sit down) Oh hey, we're sitting.

CJ: (clears throat) We're all here.

Mordecai: Yep, yep, we are.

CJ: So, Del...Margaret, did you guys meet at work, or....

Del and Margaret: Oh, it's a funny story.....(They look at each other nervously. Margaret continues)

Margaret: It's a funny story......(Scene changes to a jungle. Margaret is seen in a safari outfit, walking) So there I was, studying abroad in the jungle, when BAM! A lion popped out of a lion hole. And then it roared so I ran. I ran...and ran..and ran. Luckily there was a hot air baloon there...

Del: ...Because there was place.

Margaret: Yeah, I hopped in and flew away, but then I saw it. Another hot air balloon!

Del: And that was me. That was me, I was being attacked, by-by birds.

Margaret: Bald eagles. We tried to stop the bald eagles...I mean..balloons!...from..crashing. It was too late, they crashed.

Del: Our bodies collided, and we rocketed to the ground in a ball of flames, KABOOM! The doctors say we only survived because we held each close. So then I looked her in the eyes and I said those immortal words..."You wanna hang out some time?" (Flashback ends and we're back at The Side Line) Aaaaand, scene.

CJ: Wow...that's a really crazy story.

Mordecai: I don't know, that kind of stuff happens to me all the time. (Drinks water)

Margaret: Yeah, it does. I can't even believe I survived going out with you. (Mordecai has a nervous look, while Del is not amused and CJ is not phased by it) Ahaha, that guy.

CJ: This guy.

Mordecai: Hehaa, meeee.

CJ: Hehe. So tell us, about your guys first date.

Del: Of course. (Gets into acting mode) It was a cold winter's day.....(Scene then goes later into the night, everything seems to be going well. Del seems to have gone into "full acting mode" with an Australian accent) And so that's why I had to change me exit for American audiences. (Everyone laughs, except Margaret, who is fake laughing)

Margaret: Oh Del, your memory of our first date is so different than mine. It's been a long night. Maybe we should get the check. (Stands up)

CJ: (Also stands up) I was hoping we could shoot some pool or something. Couple against couple! Mordecai?

Mordecai: Uh....yeah, pool, heh, yeah.

Margaret: I should probablyyyyyy.......

CJ: Huh? (Makes a motion of hitting a ball with the stick and making a crashing sound, trying to convince her) Huh?

Margaret: Uuuuhh.....say yes. (To herself)

  • sigh* I said yes...

CJ: Cool! Let's go. (Starts to set up the table) So, how are things at the station?

Margaret: Oh, you know, still learning the ropes. (Grabs a stick) But everyone's been really supportive.

CJ: That's awesome. Hey, speaking of news, did you hear that Muscle Man and Starla are getting married?

Margaret: Heh, yeah, I'm actually part of the wedding party. Does that mean they're gonna move in together or something?

CJ: I guess so. They'll probably have to get a trailer for the trailer.

Margaret and CJ: Hahahaha (Del shows up)

Del: (Australian accent) Hello loves. You know, Marge always said when we get hitched, we'd have a charming bungalow in Connecticut.

Margaret: Haha, oh Del, (takes Del's hand off her "waist" and puts in on her shoulder) well, you know, we haven't really talked about that yet.

Del: Oh twaddle! We talked about it on the blimp, the day we meet!

Margaret: Uh...

CJ: (with Mordecai behind her) Didn't you say you met on two separate hot air balloons?

Margaret: Oh,'s a regional thing. They call them....blimp....blimpos....(to Del) can I talk to you for a second.. (they walk to the side)

CJ: ......This is fun!

Margaret: Del, what are you doing?! Things were going well and then you come in and change the story?!

Del: (Slight accent still) I'm sorry Marge, it's just....I've never felt so alive! I can't tell where Del ends and (makes quotes) Del begins!!

Margaret: What?

Del: I mean, maybe we should move to Conneticut, (his eyes are bloodshot, his accent coming back fully) I hear they have a real good school system! (Looks at his hands, his eyes darting)

Margaret: Uuuh.....ok....I think you might need a little break. Why don't you go get us some drinks?

Del: Two ripupits, coming right up! (Leaves)

Margaret: (pulls out phone and calls Rigby) Rigbyyyy........(he answers)

Rigby: Hello?

Margaret: Rigby! I need your help.

Rigby: Sure, what's up?

Margaret: Del's going way off the scri-(Rigby's voice cuts her off)

Rigby: PSYYYCH! This isn't me, it's a recording of me. I got you goooood. Leave a message after the beep. RigBEEEEEEEP.

Margaret: (frustrated and angry) Rigby, where are you?! I need you here-(she's cut off by Mordecai)

Mordecai: Hey! (Notices she was on the phone) Oh, sorry! (Begins to walk away)

Margaret: No, it's ok.

Mordecai: (Walks back) I didn't see you were...

Margaret: Yeah, no, it's cool.

Mordecai: Are you sure?

Margaret: (In a better mood) Yeah, yeah.

Mordecai: Ok, hah. (Makes motions with his hands) whoop, whoop.

Mordecai and Margaret: Hahaha.

Mordecai: (mumbles) yeah. (Regularly) I just wanted to say....I like Del, you know? He seems like a really nice guy.

Margaret: (a little nervous) Uuuuuuh, yeah. Thanks Mordecai.

Mordecai: I was a little surprised, I guess seem really happy.

Margaret: Yeah. (Mordecai smiles) Yeah......well (gets nervous) he's..great, but..I..just.......UGH (smacks face). The truth about Del is-(a horn sounds off)

Announcer: K-K-K-K-KISSCAM! Who'se been spotted by the Kisscam?! (Couples are shown kissing, then Margaret and Del are shown)

Margaret: *GASP* Del?


Random Guy: ON THE LIPS!

CJ: Woooooh, do it!

Del: This'll look great on my reel! (Throws drinks and grabs Margaret's waist and dips her, the crowd still chanting "kiss" in slow motion)



Margaret: (Turns away from Del)......NO! YOU'RE NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!!

Crowd: *GASP*

CJ: What?

Referee Guy: (not on intercom) Change the slide Marcus! (Changes)

Announcer: D-D-D-D-DUMPCAM! You're dumped!

CJ: What do you mean he's not your boyfriend?

Margaret: I'm sorry. I lied about the whole thing. Seemed thing the only way to make you ok with me being around. I was just...scared and tired of everything being awkward. I'm sick of feeling like a tourist around my own friends (Mordecai is seen looking down, sad/shocked)

CJ: So let me get this straight (starts to get real angry, getting grey), you're single, you dated Mordecai for a while, and you keep trying to hang out with him, even though you don't have to, cause its not like you kept in touch with him after you left. (Thunders, but is able to keep calm) *Slowly exhales* All those things are fine...*sigh*..except that you lied about it. There's only one reason you would lie about something like that. So as long as we're all just....all out here telling the truth, why don't you just tell me right now. Do you still have feelings for Mordecai?

(Everything is silent for a moment. The crowd is on the edge of their seat, and Margaret is shown, on the screen still)

Margaret: I think.......(Mordecai is shown, looking back at her and waiting).....I do.

Crowd: *GASP*

Margaret: I'm sorry......I just wanted to start over.

CJ: Seems like everyone always wants to "start over", why don't you guys just get it right the first time? (Leaves)

Margaret: ......Mordec- (Mordecai is shown running after CJ) *sigh* (sits down at a booth and puts her head down, ashamed)

Del: (still in the accent) You broke me 'eart, Margaret. Good luck getting that bungalow in Conneticut by yourself. I'm keeping the kids! (walks off)

Margaret: *groans*

Del: (comes back) Aaaaaand, scene.

(End of Not Great Double Date)