| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(Somewhere in deep space, Anti-Pops is sat in his space station. One of his workers enters through a door with a bag of noodles)
Worker: Sir, your noodles are here.
Anti-Pops: Finally. Any word on locating Pops?
Worker: We're still scouring the Bleisdorf Quadrant, sir.
(The worker passes a box of noodles to Anti-Pops, who opens it up)
Anti-Pops: Any word on locating the special sauce?
Worker: Scouring the bag, sir.
(The worker checks in the bag for the special sauce)
Worker: Uh, there doesn't seem to be any, sir.
Anti-Pops: What!?
(Anti-Pops closes the noodle box and throws it at the window, causing noodles to go everywhere. He then turns to his computer to give Noodle-Verse a bad review on the website, Yello)
Anti-Pops: Noodle-Verse is the worst! There were no packets of special sauce in my bag. Never ordering from you again!
(Anti-Pops clicks the "Submit" button, leading to a screen reading "CHOOSE YOUR STAR RATING", which a choice of between one and five stars)
Anti-Pops: Huh? Where are the negative stars!? Noodle-Verse deserves negative stars!
(Anti-Pops growls as he grabs a phone to call up Yello's Customer Service)
Anti-Pops: Yes, Yello Customer Service? I'm trying to leave a negative star review, and - what do you mean the lowest review is zero stars? They deserve negative five stars! Your archaic rating system does not reflect my level of hate!!
(Anti-Pops flips the table over, knocking the phone to the ground. He then telekinetically lifts it, and erases the phone from existence. Meanwhile, in the Park Dome, Earl is telepathically watching Anti-Pops in his mind)
Earl: Oh, dear. He has grown more powerful than a five star rating system can contain.
(Later, Pops is training in front of the house, with the help of Skips, Eileen, Benson, Muscle Man, Hi Five Ghost, Mordecai and Rigby, who are all holding a plank of wood)
Mordecai: Alright, Pops. Go!
(Pops weakly hits Skips' plank three times, then weakly hits both Eileen and Benson's planks at once. He then moves forward to weakly hit Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost's plank, which causes his hand to weakly slide off. He falls forward and attempts to hit Mordecai's plank, but narrowly misses it. He then gets up and pretends to hit Rigby's plank)
Rigby: Wait, did you even hit it?
Pops: I don't wanna break it. This board could one day grow up to be a beautiful dinette centerpiece.
Mordecai: Pops, we're supposed to be training you!
Rigby: Come on, Pops! Fly like a butterfly, sting like a -
(A butterfly flies past and distracts Pops, who chases after it, laughing)
Rigby: Hey, wait! Pops! Sting like a bee, Pops! A bee!
(Everybody except Mordecai and Rigby leaves)
Skips: This isn't working.
Muscle Man: Ugh, I'm hungry.
(Rigby sighs, as Earl walks over to the duo)
Earl: Our Bs are about to be stung, and by that, I mean "our butts".
Mordecai: Why?
Earl: Anti-Pops forever grows in power. We must hasten our training.
Mordecai: How are we gonna do that? Even with everyone helping, it's still going slow.
Earl: Have you heard of the ancient technique of training montage!?
Rigby: Montage?
Mordecai: No. What is it?
Earl: Masters of it could condense time and space to train faster. They could skip right over the parts where they took a break to pee or fart.
Rigby: Wait, that sounds familiar.
Mordecai: Oh yeah. It's a film technique in which a collection of shots, cut with wipes and dissolves in quick succession, is used to condense space and time. I went to art school.
Earl: Yes, exactly! By doing this, they were able to do weeks of training in mere days, to reach the next level.
Rigby: Is Pops gonna level up like in a video game!?
Earl: Something like that.
Mordecai & Rigby: Cool...
(Later, Earl, Mordecai and Rigby are with Pops at the front of the house next to a plank of wood propped up by two benches. Earl puts down a boombox)
Earl: Ah, music! With the right track, these lessons will fly by.
(Earl pulls out a tape)
Earl: This is my favorite song!
(Earl puts the tape in the boombox, then presses the "play" button. An ancient training song plays as the montage begins. Earl conducts a blue flame from his hand and karate chops through the plank of wood, then picks up a new plank and lays it on the benches. Pops tries to replicate the karate chop, but just ends up hurting his hand. Clock wipe to Pops and Earl are by the kitchen oven, with a pancake in a pan. Earl flips the pancake into the air, then turns around 180 degrees, and catches the pancake backwards. Push slide to Pops' attempt, he flips the pancake into the air, but too hard, and it hits the ceiling. The pancake falls down, creating a band wipe transition into the next scene, where Pops holds two filled goldfish bowls, each with a goldfish inside. He drops them both after a moment. Goldfish transition to the next scene, in Mordecai and Rigby's room. Earl makes Mordecai's bed within a matter of seconds. Pops then makes his attempt, tucking the quilt into the lower end of the bedframe, then crawling up the bed to tuck the rest of it in. He fails this however, and falls off the side of the bed. Clock wipe to Pops and Earl back in the kitchen, this time by the fridge with a soda can. Earl shakes his can, then passes it to Pops, and signals towards his own head. Pops makes the soda can levitate, but accidentally faces it towards himself and opens it, causing it to spray soda over his own face. Bubble transition to the next scene, where Earl hops between a series of logs on one leg effortlessly. Pops attempts this but falls off immediately. Push slide to the next scene, where Earl effortlessly maneuvers a quarter between each of his fingers. Pops tries this, but instantly drops the quarter. Coin transition to the next scene, where Pops and Earl are once again in the kitchen, this time with Pops writing his signature on a piece of paper with the heading: "SIGNATURE". He simply writes "POPS". Earl then shakes his head. Push slide into the next scene, where Pops is trying to attack a combat stand. He falls instead. Push slide to the next scene, where Pops and Earl are stood by the park's organic fuel synthesizer, next to a puddle. Earl runs over the puddle without splashing, then stands out of the way for Pops to try. Pops does this and causes a large splash. Cut to the next scene, where Pops is doing push-ups, with his feet propped on one chair, and both of his hands on two others. Beneath Pops face is a birthday cake with lit candles. As Pops performs each push-up, he must attempt to blow out the candles. He is successful in doing the push-ups, but is unable to blow out a single candle. Cut to the next scene, where Pops runs with Earl on his back. Push slide to the next scene, where Pops and Earl are stood next to a large tree with a bucket of water. Earl is holding two cups, which he dunks into the bucket to fill them both up. He then jumps up onto various branches of the tree until he reaches the top, without losing a single drop of water from the cups. At the top of the tree is another bucket of water, which Earl pours the two cups into, while balanced on one foot. Vertical band wipe into Pops' attempt. He fills up the cups then carefully climbs onto the first branch of the tree. As he does this, he loses big drops of water from the cups. When Pops reaches the top of the tree, he is left only with a couple raindrops-worth of water to fill the bucket with. Dissolve into the final scene of the montage, back where he started, by the plank of wood at the front of the house. Mordecai and Rigby are watching as Pops begins to emit a purple light, and the phrase "LEVEL UP" appears above his head)
Big Voice: Level up!
Mordecai & Rigby: Whoa...he leveled up!
Earl: Again!
(Earl presses the "play" button on the boombox and another montage begins. Pops and Earl disappear with a clock wipe, then reappear by the logs with a giant goldfish, as Pops attempts the goldfish challenge. They then disappear and reappear with a clock wipe onto the logs, where Pops is once again balancing on one foot. Mordecai and Rigby watch in amazement)
Mordecai: This montage technique is nuts, dude!
Rigby: Yeah, man. It's crazy! First, they're like, over here, and then they're all - wipe! Boom! Hey, we're over here!
Mordecai: Yeah, I bet Pops will be ready in no time.
(Later, Mordecai and Rigby are raking leaves, still discussing the montage technique)
Mordecai: I even like the song, it's catchy.
(Mordecai immitates the song, going "Hwah!" Rigby does the same, and they both laugh. Later, Mordecai and Rigby are both sleeping in their room, when they are both suddenly woken up by the song playing once again)
Rigby: Ugh, it's so early.
(In the kitchen, Mordecai and Rigby are eating breakfast, groaning at the repetitive nature of the training and the song. Pops suddenly teleports in as part of the montage to write his signature, knocking both Mordecai and Rigby to the floor. Later, Mordecai and Rigby are both walking through the park, when Pops suddenly teleports in front of them as part of the montage, and punches them repeatedly with his eyes closed)
Mordecai: Wait, stop! Pops! Wait! No! No!
Rigby: Pops! Wait! No! No!
(Later, Mordecai and Rigby are playing video games in the living room, when Pops runs in with Earl on his back. He runs through the wires between the console and the controllers, causing the console to fall to the floor, and the controllers to be taken away with him)
Mordecai: Whoa!
Rigby: Hey!
(As a result, Mordecai and Rigby lose at the game they're playing)
Game Voice: You lose!
Rigby: Aw, man!
Mordecai: Ugh, how long is this gonna take?
(Outside at the end of Pops' montage, he once again emits a purple light as the phrase "LEVEL UP!" appears above his head)
Big Voice: Level up!
(Later, Mordecai and Rigby walk into their room)
Rigby: Dude, I can't handle that song anymore.
Mordecai: He played it like a hundred-and-twenty times. What are we gonna do?
Rigby: I have an idea. Let's change the tunage...
(The next day, Pops is running on the spot at his start point for the montage. The rest of the park crew are stood at the other side of the house, and Earl walks over to Pops)
Pops: I'm ready for today's training montage, Earl!
Earl: Ah, you've caught the montage bug. If we keep this steady pace, we should be ready in two weeks.
(Earl presses the "play" button on the boombox, but instead of his ancient training song, "Through the Fire and Flames" by Dragonforce plays)
Earl: What?
(The fast nature of the song causes Pops to run on the spot even faster)
Pops: It's so...strong!
(Earl retreats to the rest of the park crew)
Earl: Where is my music?
Mordecai: I dunno, we might've changed it a little bit.
Rigby: Get something a little different, I guess.
(Earl grabs Mordecai)
Earl: Don't you know what you've done!?
(The boombox blasts out a beam that blows the park crew and Earl away, as Pops disappears, and his next montage begins at a much faster pace. Earl is thrown into a tree, then looks up)
Earl: Huh?
(Pops shows massive improvement with the new music. He is able to make his away across the logs with ease. He flips the pancakes multiple times. He rapidly does push-ups. He is able to lift the filled goldfish bowls with no trouble multiple times. He shows no signs of trouble with maneuvering the quarter between his fingers. The park crew approach Earl, who watches in horror)
Mordecai: What's the problem? It just looks like he's training faster.
Earl: Don't you see? Montages are more powerful the faster the song is!
(Pops rapidly hits the plank of wood at the beginning, causing him to once again emit a purple light with the phrase "LEVEL UP" appearing above his head)
Big Voice: Level up!
(The purple light is incredibly bright, so the guys look away. Once the light disappears, they all turn around to see Pops still running on the spot. Mordecai and Rigby approach him)
Rigby: Alright, Pops, you chopped the board. That's enough montage for now!
Earl: No! Don't get near him!
(Pops disappears as part of the montage, but this time, Mordecai and Rigby join him too. At the log-hopping challenge, Mordecai and Rigby spawn on two logs and fall off, as Pops manages his way between them with ease. Next, they are in the basement with the combat stand, which Pops rapidly karate chops)
Rigby: Pops, you gotta stop!
(A clock wipe begins, pushing Mordecai and Rigby into the next scene, where they land on a tree branch, as Pops climbs the tree)
Mordecai: Pops!
(Earl calls to Mordecai, still from the side of the house)
Earl: How long is this song!?
Mordecai: It's five and a half minutes!
Earl: You have to turn off the boombox from within the montage! We can't do it, or we'll get sucked in too!
(Pops once again reaches the start point once again, and for the first time is able to karate chop through the plank of wood. He emits a purple light from his eyes, as the phrase "LEVEL UP!" appears above his head)
Big Voice: Level up!
(Rigby jumps to the boombox, but the scene cuts away to the lake before he can grab it, causing Rigby to fall underwater. Behind Mordecai and Rigby, Pops effortlessly runs across the lake, and Mordecai and Rigby swim after him)
Mordecai: After him!
(Band wipe to the next scene, where they are next to the bucket tree. Rigby is now holding a fishing pole. The duo look up to see Pops running up the tree, and pouring his cups of water into the tree's bucket)
Rigby: How'd I get this fishing pole?
(Earl shouts to the duo from his location)
Earl: Montage logic! Just use it!
(Rigby uses the fishing pole to grab the boombox, but is interrupted by an upwards wipe into Mordecai and Rigby's room, which cuts Rigby's fishing pole's line as the duo land on Mordecai's bed)
Rigby: Dang it, the wipe cut my line!
(Pops suddenly appears and rapidly tries to make Mordecai's bed, despite it already being made)
Mordecai: Pops, the bed is made. You can stop!
(Meanwhile, Earl is trying to come up with a solution along with the rest of the park crew)
Earl: Alright, our next step is -
(Suddenly, Mordecai, Rigby and Pops pass the rest of the crew as the scene wipes into the kitchen, causing everyone else to get caught up in the montage too. Pops is quickly flipping pancakes by the oven)
Earl: Oh great, now we're stuck in the montage too!
(Cut to the basement, where Pops is doing push-ups over the birthday cake)
Earl: Way to mess everything up with your young, hip, fast music!
(Cut to the kitchen, where Pops grabs a soda from the fridge, shakes it up, opens it and throws it away)
Earl: This is dangerous! You can't just throw fast music around!
(Pops grabs another soda can. This time, he taps it on both sides then opens it. It doesn't explode)
Mordecai: Whoa, it didn't explode.
(Pops lifts the soda can to his face, and telekinetically makes the soda enter his mouth. Benson, Eileen and Skips groan as they watch. The scene then cuts to the front of the house at the start of montage once again)
Earl: Go, get the boombox!
(Pops karate chops through five stacked planks of wood, emits purple light and briefly enters a void where the phrase "LEVEL UP!" appears above him)
Big Voice: Level up!
(Mordecai jumps towards the boombox, but is blasted away by the loud music, and falls into the rest of the crew. Earl then turns around to see Pops now levitating from the ground, constantly emitting purple light. He pushes his hands forward and fireballs are fired from them, setting three trees on fire. Pops then turns around and fires fireballs at four more trees. Everyone screams as the montage cuts to Pops levitating through the park while setting everything on fire, as everybody chases him. He ends up firing at the dome, causing a slight crack)
Earl: He's montaging out of control! If we don't stop him, he'll destroy everything!
(A pointed wipe sends the crew into the next scene, where Pops telekinetically lifts the two goldfish bowls without even touching them. An upwards water wipe then takes everyone to the side of the lake, which Pops splits into two halves, creating a clear path to make his way through. Back in the basement, Pops performs a push-up and perfectly blows out the candles of the birthday cake with ease. By the bucket tree, Pops telekinetically lifts the bucket of water and levitates it, along with himself, to the top of the tree, to empty into the tree's bucket. At the log challenge, he simply blasts over all of the logs, blowing them up. He is able to navigate the quarter between his fingers without even touching it. Suddenly, the ground begins to vibrate as a large rumbling can be heard)
Mordecai: (gasps) What's that sound?
Earl: It's a thematically appropriate transition!
(A giant quarter rolls towards the crew, who run away from it. It then transitions them into the void)
Muscle Man: That coin was huge!
Eileen: Are we breathing in space?
Earl: This isn't space! It is the void! This is where you end up when you reach peak montage! Color cards, morphing, split screens, anything can happen here!
Mordecai: Where's Pops?
(Everyone turns to see various versions of Pops performing each challenge in the montage. One version telekinetically explodes a lemon and a brick by squeezing his fist. Another blows up various logs on a small island. Another telekinetically lays a quilt over Mordecai's bed, followed by two pillows, then two mats (one on each respectively), and a chocolate mint on each mat)
Earl: He's perfecting every exercise!
(Mordecai and Rigby float towards a version of Pops rapidly hitting the combat stand)
Mordecai: Pops, slow down!
(A split screen is formed, with a version of Pops doing push-ups over a birthday cake on the other side. Mordecai and Rigby float over to this version)
Rigby: Pops, just -
(The split screen expands, with one version of Pops using a pan telekinetically to flip a pancake beneath the version with the combat stand, and another version of Pops holding out his fist as bricks move towards it, only to explode, beneath the version with the push-ups)
Mordecai: What are we supposed to do!?
Earl: Every training montage has a place that appears repeatedly to show someone's progress! If we find the nexus point, we can turn off that boombox!
(Benson turns into an opaque overlay over the scene of Pops karate chopping the combat stand)
Benson: Huh? Agh! I'm a ghost!
(The scene behind Benson cuts to two close-ups of Pops smashing through a piece of the combat stand, which makes Benson flinch and scream. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost have also turned into opaque overlays)
Muscle Man: Bro, is this what it's like for you all the time?
Hi Five Ghost: Pretty much.
(Skips passes in front of Muscle Man & Hi Five Ghost, also as an opaque overlay)
Skips: I'm, uh - I'm getting a little sick here.
(Earl shouts to them, still as his regular self)
Earl: You are not ghosts! You are overlays! Now figure out Pops' nexus point!
(Eileen turns to see Pancake Pops set a pancake on fire, perfectly cooking it. She then looks down to see the plank of wood on the benches)
Eileen: The wood chopping! He always levels up when he chops wood!
Earl: Rigby! Get to where the boombox will be when we come out of the void!
Rigby: Throw me, Skips!
(Skips picks up Rigby and throws him to plank and benches. Mordecai turns to see Pops perfectly morph a coin between his fingers)
Mordecai: Uh, a little faster, Rigby!
(Pops does a push-up and blows the candles on the cake, which causes the cake itself to explode. Rigby desperately floats towards the plank and benches. Pops then telekinetically shakes a can of soda, then dissolves the can around the soda, lifting up the soda alone, and making it enter his mouth. He disappears, ready for the next exercise)
Earl: Oh, no! All he has left to do is write the perfect signature!
(Pops telekinetically uses a pen to write his signature on the paper, as Rigby reaches the plank and benches. The boombox is not visible, so Rigby tries to estimate its location)
Rigby: Is the boombox about here?
Mordecai: Dude, it's to the left!
Skips: To the left!
(Rigby moves to the left)
Rigby: Here?
(Everyone gives Rigby directions, but their joined-up distant voices are too unclear. Pops tries out signatures, first simply writing his name, then writing it in joined-up handwriting, then writing his name in all caps with a star in place of the "O". Meanwhile, Rigby is still trying to figure out where the boombox is)
Rigby: Here!?
Mordecai: That's it!
Eileen: Stay there!
(Pops writes the perfect signature, once again using a star instead of an "O", adding lightning bolts to the lines of the "P"s, and the "Cool S" in placement of the "S")
Earl: (gasps) The perfect signature!
(The star on Pops' signature turns into a transition that brings Pops to the benches at the front of the house. The plank of wood has been replaced with a tree on its side. Rigby is sat underneath the boombox, and the rest of the park crew and Earl fall to the ground. Pops boosts himself into the air, and lifts his hand up, ready to perform the ultimate karate chop on the tree)
Benson: Rigby, the boombox!
(Rigby looks down at the boombox and throws it to Benson, who places it on top of the tree's branch. Pops flies down to the tree with his hand ready to chop it in half, as the rest of the crew and Earl run off. Pops chops through the boombox, ending the song and the montage, and finally chops through the tree, lighting himself up. With the montage over, the entire park is on fire, and various cracks are placed around the dome. A big puff of smoke appears as the phrase "LEVEL UP!" appears one final time)
Big Voice: Level up!
(Everybody is on the ground. Mordecai and Rigby get up)
Mordecai & Rigby: Huh?
(Benson gets up, holding his head in pain, shortly followed by Skips)
Skips: Pops?
(A large pit has been formed in the park. Everybody races over to see Pops laying in the pit, on fire. His eyes are still glowing purple)
Pops: Rain.
(Rainclouds are suddenly formed within the dome, and cause rain to pour over the park, putting out the fires. Pops' eyes return to normal as he laughs)
Earl: He is ready.
(Pops laughs uncontrollably inside the pit)
Pops: Good show...
(End of "No Train No Gain")