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This page is the transcript for "Marvolo the Wizard".

(Episode opens with Pops' room as his alarm clock rings and he gets up. Cut to Pops taking a shower, then to him walking out of the house, whistling, as a huge cardboard of a castle with a banner that says "Kingdome of Parklandia - Est. 1452" gets put up, covering the front of the house. Pops stops walking and sees medieval props and people set for a Renaissance fair)

Pops: Aah! What in the dickens?! (He gets scared, backs up and sees the castle carboard-covered house) Where did the house go?! I've gone back in time. (A guy on stilts walks in front of him)

Guy on Stilts: Watch where thou doth walketh! (continues walking)

Pops: Oh, my! (bumps into a dwarf)

Dwarf: You like tomatoes? How about these tomatoes?! (starts throwing tomatoes at him) How about another?! And another?! (laughs)

(Pops starts running only to run into three gypsies attempting to charm him only for him to continue running away)

Pops: BAD SHOW!!!!

30 Minutes Later

(Cut to the Park staff sitting on the stairs with Benson carrying a box of costumes)

Benson: Alright, now, I know things have been crazy with the dome and everything, but thanks for getting up early and setting up for the Renaissance fair. This is gonna be a big money-maker for us. One last thing: As of this moment, your modern selves are no more. (Starts throwing the costumes to the guys) Mordecai and Rigby, you'll be Mordicus and Rignatius, lowly street vendors. Skips, you'll be Barnaby the Ripped, guard to the king. Fives and Muscle Man, you'll be Palom and Porom, gatekeepers.

Muscle Man: I'm not wearing this, bro. This cut isn't flattering to my butt.

Benson: And, of course, I will play King Edmund of Parklandia. (puts on a crown and robe and takes out a wizard costume) Where's my wizard? Where's Marvolo?

Skips: If you mean Pops, nobody's seen him all morning.

Benson: What?! (groans and holds up a scroll-like poster) He's the star of our big closing ceremony, Marvolo vs. the Dragon!

Rigby: We have a dragon?

Benson: Yes! (points behind a huge box containing a mehcanical dragon inside it) Without a big closure, the commoners will demand refunds! Find Marvolo and don't breaketh thy character or I'll smite thee with unemployment!

(The guys groan as they start putting on their costumes except Muscle Man and Fives)

Skips: Eh, the things I do for a paycheck.

Muscle Man: I'm still not gonna wear this.

Rigby: I hope the power doesn't go to his head.

(Cut to a different area of the Renaissance fair with a poster on a tree that says "Bow to King Edmund, The Lord & Protector", then it pans over to Pops sitting on a rock with a sword on it, looking worried.)

Pops: (trying to talk to a fairgoer walking by) Uh, excuse me, help? I'm trying to get to my own time.

Wench: (approaching Pops with another wench) What's the matter, love, you lost? (they laugh as they walk away)

Minotaur: (approaching Pops while holding a corn dog) Freak! (walks away)

Pops: Oh, another fine mess I've gotten myself into. How will I ever get home? (sees Mordicus and Rignatius at a nacho vendor cart)

Rignatius: (offscreen) Augh! This costume is making my butt itch.

Mordicus: Rignatius, stay in character or we're gonna get fired.

Rignatius: Oh, sorry. Mine butteth itcheth. No, wait. My bottometh? Me cheeks?

Mordicus: Yeah, that worketh.

Rignatius: Me cheeks itcheth!

(A knight awkwardly walks away with a tray of nachos as Pops approaches them)

Pops: Mordecai and Rigby, I thought I'd never see you again!

Rignatius: Oh, dude, Pops! (Mordicus elbows him) Uh, I mean, Marvolo!

Pops: Marvolo? No, It's me, Pops.

Mordicus: No, no, you are Marvolo, huh? (winking his eye) The wizard, yeah?

Pops: What's wrong with your eye?

Rignatius: Listen, Marvolo, you have a very important job to do: you have to defeat the dragon, or everyone will demandeth a refund.

Pops: Dragon?! I won't fight a dragon, Mordecai and Rigby!

Mordicus: Marvolo, do you wanna be sacked? Call us Mordicus and Rignatius.

Rignatius: Yeah, the Mordecai and Rigby you know haven't have born yet. (winking his eye)

(Pops gasps as Mordicus punches Rignatius' arm)

Mordicus: Cometh with us, and we shall explain everything. You don't wanna make King Edmund mad, do you?

Pops: Mad king?! (screams and runs away)

Mordicus: The king's not gonna like this.

(Cut to the King's box seat inside medieval-themed colosseum)

King Edmund: RAAAAAGH!! What doth thoust mean you lost him?! (eats grapes fed by Starla, dressed as a tavern wench, as she walks away)

Mordicus: He got frighten and fled. He seems really confused, my liege.

King Edmund: Impossible. This doth be unacceptable!

Rignatius: Hey, man, don't yell at us! Pops is the one flipping out!

Woman: (gasps) Flipping out? Mine ears ache from period-inappropriate prose.

Kid: Mayhaps a refund is in order, Auntie.

King Edmund: (gasps) Pay no heed! The king wishes good tidings on thee all! (throws a bunch of coins on the woman and kid)

Woman and Kid: Huzzah! Huzzah!

King Edmund: Now, go forth and and encourage others to spend coin of their own! (turns red and turns to Mordicus and Rignatius) What did I say about breaking thine character?!

Mordicus and Rignatius: (bowing down to the king) Forgiveness, forgiveness!

King Edmund: No matter. It appears I must fetch Marvolo mineself.

(Cut to Muscle Man and Fives in pillory stocks with a squire, the dwarf and the gypsies standing)

Muscle Man: Augh! This is bogus, like, super lame-o deluxe!

Hi Five Ghost: Yeah, totally whack, guys!

Squire: By order of Mad King Edmund, these two shall be punished for the crime of not staying in character!

Dwarf: You maketh me sick! (throws tomatoes at Muscle Man as they walk away)

Muscle Man: Fine, I'll wear the costume.

Pops: Oh, Muscle Man, Hi Five Ghost, you are stuck in this dreadful place, as well?

Muscle Man: Our names are Palom and Porom, sir.

Hi Five Ghost: The mad king's reign of terror must end, Marvolo.

Pops: I'm not Marvolo! Why does everybody keep calling me that? I just wanna go home.

Muscle Man: Only you can end this. End this, Marvolo.

Hi Five Ghost: Yeah, end this.

Squire: (spots Pops) Hey! Seize Marvolo by the order of Mad King Edmund! He's, like, really, really upset about this. Seize him!

(Two knights who are drinking with a viking and a centaur start chasing Pops who runs away)

Muscle Man: Go, bro!

Squire: Quiet, oaf! (throws a tomato at Muscle Man)

(Pops continues running away as he runs into a blacksmith who is hammering a sword, then into an executor's eagle that screeches at him, then he sees a poster for "Marvolo vs. the Dragon", starring himself as Marvolo)

Pops: NOOOOOOOO!!!

(King Edmund and two knight, who are riding on horses approaches Pops)

King Edmund: Marvolo the Wizard. A powerful dragon hath decsended upon us, and only ye can stop it.

Pops: Oh. You must be the mad king.

King Edmund: Look, Marvolo, if you don't slay the dragon right now, the commoners will demand refunds, and my Kingdome shall crumble!

Pops: For the last time, stop calling me Marvolo! (starts running again only to bump into the poster and fells the ground, knocked out as the screen goes black. He wakes up in a room and sees Barnaby dressing him up in his wizard costume.) Skips, am I back home?

Barnaby: I know not of this Skips, I am Barnaby the Ripped. King Edmund hath sent me to prepare ye for battle against the dragon, Marvolo.

Pops: What? (screen pans to a mirror where Pops is in his Marvolo costume.) Oh, no.

Barnaby: Take this. (gives him a wand) For the closing ceremony, all you have to do is point it at the dragon and press ye button to defeat it. You can end all of this, and we can go home. The Kingdome of Parklandia awaits thee. (leaves the room)

Pops: Everybody's telling me I'm Marvolo. (goes to the mirror) Maybe, I am Marvolo. Who am I?

Marvolo: You are Marvolo.

Pops: No, it can't be.

Marvolo: It is so. I am you, and you are me.

Pops: Then it doth be true. Oh!

Marvolo: Yes! You are ready. It is time to face your destiny. End this.

Pops: I... am Marvolo!

(Cut to the colosseum where trumpet players play a fanfare)

Squire: Presenting King Edmund of Parklandia!

King Edmund: My loyal subjects, thank ye for joining me on this glorious day! I trust your experiences in my Kingdome hath been most pleasurable. May we rejoice in hopes that nothing bad should ever happen. (silence) I said, "May we rejoice in hopes that nothing bad should ever happen"!

Palom: Yeah, yeah, I heard you.

(He opens a gate and the dragon comes out, just standing as the crowd is barely impressed)

King Edmund: (turns to Mordicus, who is holding a controller) Fire, the fire!

(Mordicus presses the "fire" button and the dragon breathes fire, making the crowd really impressed)

King Edmund: Oh, no! This is truly the greatest calamity in the history of Parklandia! There is only one wizard who put an end to reign of terror! Presenting Marvolo the Wizard!

(Marvolo comes out and faces the dragon. He tries to charge, but falls down as the crowd boos at him.)

Knight 1: Man, this is lame.

Knight 2: We should've gone over to the Ren fair over at East Pines instead.

Knights: (chanting) Ye olde refund! Ye olde refund!

Crowd: (joining in the chant) Ye olde refund! Ye olde refund! Ye olde refund!

King Edmund: Fight, Marvolo, fight to the death!

(Marvolo gets up and charges at the dragon, but it swats the wand right under the King's box seat)

Rignatius: Here, give me that! (He grabs the controller as he and Mordicus are struggling for it)

Mordiucs: Leteth go, man!

(They toss the controller as it lands on Rignatius' tray of nachos on the ground, making it short out, causing the dragon to malfunction, move on its own and go crazy as the crowd cheers, then it breathes fire as the crowd runs away)

King Edmund: (jumps into Barnaby's arms) Servant, save ye king!

(Pops watches the mechanical dragon breathe fire on the colosseum)

Barnaby: Marvolo, get thine wand and press the button!

(Pops sees a ladder goes to a hammer, breaks the glass and uses the ladder to grab the wand as the dragon faces Pops)

Pops: Alright, you big brute, this ends now! (He presses the button, which the wand flies out and lands in a puff of smoke, which annoys the dragon) I did it. Good show! (the dragon knocks Pops off the ladder)

Mordicus and Rignatius: POPS!!

(Pops hangs onto the dragon's snout as it flings him off, sending him flying to a tower where the knights are as is starts to fall)

Knight: Best Ren fair ever!

(A chain of towers fall as everyone runs away, and the last tower falls collapses right on the dragon. Marvolo emerges from the rubble and walks up to the now-destroyed dragon.)

Marvolo: I did it, I defeated the dragon! Now, I get to go home!

(The dragon's lower jaw breaks and falls on Pops, knocking him out as the screen cuts to black. Pops wakes up in his bed in his room as Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, Fives, Benson and Skips are standing there, watching him)

Rigby: He's waking up.

Pops: King Edmund? Barnaby? Rignatius and Mordicus?

Benson: No, Pops, it's us. Everything is back to normal. The Park broke even and all is well.

Pops: But I was in medieval times. It was so real. (points at Benson) You were a mad king. (points at Rigby, Skips and Mordecai) And you were there, and you, and you, and I was... (gasps dramatically as he sees Marvolo in his mirror)

Marvolo: Shhhhhhhhh. (leaves and drives away in an off-screen vehicle)

(End of Marvolo the Wizard)

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