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This page is the transcript for "Maellard's Package".


(Mordecai is flying a plane to an unknown destination. He grabs his microphone and notifies the passengers that it's not too long before they land.)

Mordecai: Hey, folks, I wanna tell you that we’re 20 minutes off from our destination, and it looks like smooth sailing. So just sit back and relax. You're in good hands.

(After listening, the passengers respond quietly to themselves in a positive and calm manner.)

Man: Mr. Mordecai, sir, I just need your approval on these new logo designs.

Mordecai: Uh-huh. I approve.

Man: Thank you, sir. Great work, sir.

(The underling who showed Mordecai the new logo designs leaves the cockpit.)

Flight Attendant:: On behalf of our crew and our pilot, we just like to thank our CEO Mordecai International Airlines, Mordecai, for making the skies that much safer and being so responsible and dedicated to his job. Let's give three cheers for Mordecai!

Passengers: Mordecai! Mordecai! Mordecai!

(As the three cheers start to quieten down, Benson yells at a lost-in-thought and smug Mordecai.)

Benson: Mordecai! Mordecai! Hello?!

Mordecai: Huh? Wha-?

Benson: Can you tell me what I just assigned you to do?

Mordecai: Uhhh...

Benson: (groans) The gutters! Clean them! Pay attention next time. Anyway, that about wraps it up. (His phone rings.) Hello? Yes, Mr. Maellard, uh-huh, important package. Today? Be there from ten to twelve? Yes, a big responsibility - of course. We'll get it done, sir. (Hangs up the phone) OK, change of plans. We're gonna need someone to assign for an important package at Mr. Maellard's mansion. They'll have to be there from ten to twelve. Any takers?

Mordecai: Important?

Rigby: Mansion? (raises and waves both his hands in the air) Oh! Oh!

Mordecai: We'll do it.

Benson: Anyone? Any takers? Muscle Man? Hi Fives?

Hi Five Ghost: Sorry, but we got a brunch date with Starla and my infrequently-seen girlfriend, Celia. Her globetrotting lifestyle makes her difficult to get a hold of.

(Mordecai and Rigby block Muscle Man and High Five Ghost's view as they try to get Benson's attention.)

Mordecai: We'll go!

Rigby: Right here!

Benson: Uh, Skips?

Skips: No can do. Got an appointment at the DMV. But I still have to wait in line. What is that about?

(Mordecai and Rigby continue to respond to Benson)

Mordecai: Helloooo...

Rigby: We don't have to go to the DMV!

Benson: I guess I'll have to do it.

Pops: Oh you can't. We have a schedule appointment to pick up my grandfather clock from the repair store.

(Both Mordecai and Rigby block Benson's view.)

Mordecai: Hey, Benson, we'll do it!

Rigby: We'll do it, Benson!

Benson: (groans) Ugh, fine. You're all a disappointment.

Muscle Man: Sorry, we didn't do anything.

Skips: But I gotta be in line at the DMV.

Benson: Mordecai and Rigby can pick up the package, here's the key for the door. (hands Rigby a small piece of paper) And here's the security code for the front gate. But you better be serious about this job. It's a big responsibility, you've got to stay focused.

Mordecai: (to Rigby) What did he just say?

Rigby: (Rapping) He said to stay F-O-C-U-S-E-D! Focus is our middle name - you better believe!

Mordecai: (Rapping) Our brains are working overtime to get what we need!

Rigby: We got psychic powers with telekinesis! You know we will beat this!

Mordecai: When the robot revolution comes you know (slows down) we would...

Benson: You can't even stay focused for your own song! (puts his hand over his face in embarrassment) Just pick up the package!

(The scene circle-wipe transitions to Mordecai and Rigby arriving at Maellard's mansion in a golf cart. Upon stopping at a gate keypad, Rigby reads the gate code aloud to Mordecai.)

Rigby: Five, zero, zero two.

(After Mordecai finishes typing the code, the steel gate bars are lowered.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Woahhhh...

(As they continue driving, the duo pass by a grove of trees shaped like an "S" with the long driveway bisecting through the letter, forming a dollar sign. Upon entering the mansion, they spot a horse eating a pile of cash before uttering a neigh.)

Mordecai: I almost forget how huge this place is.

(It is not too long before the duo spot a table full treats.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Woahhhh...

(The two continue to look around and notice a hologram juggler.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Woahhhh...

(The duo turn around to see a collection of "Door Knobs of the Old West".)

Mordecai & Rigby: Eh...

(A roaring tiger in a golden cage alerts an astounded Mordecai and Rigby.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Woah!

Mordecai: This place is insane.

Rigby: (walks up to the piano) Look at this futuristic piano!

(Rigby kicks the piano. As a result, it starts playing a random piece of music.)

Mordecai: Hey, Rigby, (grabs a suit of armor and moves it around by imitating the Moonwalk) Check out my medieval moves, Sir Rigby.

Rigby: (puts on a captain uniform) I think you mean Captain Rigby. It's gonna have to wait, I'm gonna sail this mini yacht. You ready Captain Mordecai?

Mordecai: "Captain Mordecai"? (shakes his head) We should wait outside so we don't miss the package. Gotta being responsible.

Rigby: (groans) fine.

(Mordecai and Rigby are now sitting outside on a small set of stairs)

Mordecai: Yup, don't wanna mess this up.

(A point of view of the driveway is shown before the scene cuts once again to show Mordecai and Rigby sitting down.)

Both: (scene fades to Mordecai and Rigby leaning on each other) Don't wanna... (fades to the duo lying on the stairs) mess this... (fades to Mordecai and Rigby slurring lying down in a different position) up...

Mordecai: ...ah.

(The duo start to smell something nearby)

Rigby: Something smells amazing.

Mordecai: Yeah, I think it's coming from the gate.

(The duo make their way to the front of the gate and spot a food truck with the words "Buddy Bahn-mi" printed on the side. A chef blasts a small high pitched air horn through a megaphone.)

Announcer: It's the "Buddy Bohn-mi" truck open for business!

Mordecai & Rigby: What's Buddy Bohn-mi?

Announcer: It's a really delicious Vietnamese sandwich. Come on down!

Mordecai: (to Rigby) Aw man, that sounds good, but the delivery truck's gonna be here any minute.

Rigby: Dude, there's nobody in line. We'll make it in and out two minutes tops. I mean it is right across the street. Trust me.

Mordecai: Hmm... (looks around to see if the delivery truck is nearby) Ok let's go.

(The duo make their way towards the food truck)

Mordecai: Two Bohn-mi's please.

Announcer: Ah, customers, finally. Comin' right up.

(The scene quickly pans to two chefs, one of them has his hands behind his back whereas the other chef is behind him with his hands passing through the front cook's arm gaps preparing a Bohn-mi sandwich.)

Cook 1: Hey guys, I think you're really gonna like this sandwich. Betcha haven't seen a sandwich made like this huh? But that's our thing here. The patented Buddy Bohn-mi system. Two people for one sandwich. Ah... (the chef behind him throws a small block of tofu into the air and slices it into quarters) Chop-chop!

Rigby: (whispers) Why are they making the sandwich like that?

Mordecai: I don't know. Let's never come back here ever again.

(The duo hear the steel gates being lowered to allow the delivery truck to enter.)

Mordecai: Dude, it's the truck, we're gonna miss it!

Rigby: Augh! I hate you Buddy system!

Announcer: Uh... it's the Buddy Bohn-mi system!

(Mordecai and Rigby fail to make it to the gate in time. After it automatically closes, Mordecai starts asking for the code.)

Mordecai: Gimme the code!

Rigby: (looks for the code) I can't find it!

Mordecai: Seriously?! Augh!

(He incorrectly guesses the gate code, which causes the gate to raise it's steel bars. Mordecai's attention is then drawn to the delivery man ringing the doorbell.)

Mordecai: Let's hop the fence. Here, I'll boost you! (After giving Rigby a boost jump, Mordecai follows by jumping over the wall.) Ok, let's-

(The truck passes by Mordecai and Rigby and drives off.)

Rigby: No! No! Stop!

(The duo attempt to chase after the delivery truck but their plan is thwarted by the rising steel gate bars. Mordecai watches the delivery truck drive off in the distance before the scene cuts to an irritated Benson having a telephone conversation with Mordecai and Rigby.)

Benson: YOU MISSED IT?! ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SIT THERE! You do that all day anyhow, so WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT WHEN I TELL YOU TO?!

Mordecai: We're sorry, Benson, we -

Benson: Just reschedule the delivery and fix this, or YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!

(A thud of the telephone can be heard as Benson ends the call.)

Rigby: I'd say that was only a five-out-of-10 on the chewed out scale. Not bad.

(Mordecai looks down in embarrassment. Both he and Rigby then enter Maellard's office so they can reschedule the delivery.)

Mordecai: Let's look up the number of the delivery company... ugh!(Mordecai clears a bunch of papers relating to the SPARK project so he can use the keyboard.) Ok, reschedule. Here we go.

(A ew seconds after calling the company, a female office worker responds.)

Office worker: Customer service.

Mordecai: Hello? I need to reschedule a delivery for 6932 Richmoney Way. We only just missed the truck, so could you turn around real quick?

Office worker: If you were so close, how did you miss it?

Mordecai: We were waiting in line for a Bon-me.

Office worker: What's that?

Mordecai: (raises his voice) It's like a Vietnamese sandwich! Urgh! Can you turn down that old music?

Office worker: This is my personal music. (continues typing) It will arrive today between two and four-o'clock. If you miss this one, it's going back to the sender. I suggest you do not wait for any sandwiches during that time, sir.

Mordecai: (annoyed) Thanks. Bye. (hangs up the phone)

Rigby: So this is our last chance to get the package? Oh... if we miss this one, that'll definetly be a 10-out-of-10 chew out.

Mordecai: Worse than that, we'll get fired. So we gotta be serious and wait at the door for the package.

Rigby: Yeah. Serious. When's the delivery window? Two hours from now?

Mordecai: Yeah...?

Rigby: So we'll be serious in two hours. Let's go check out more of the house!

Mordecai: What? No! We gotta be responsible.

Rigby: Come on, we got all that time to get the irresponsibility out of our system. Then, when two-o'clock hits - Boom! All business. Whadya say?

Mordecai: (skeptic) OK, but as soon as it's two-o'clock...

Rigby: All business.

(A montage of Mordecai and Rigby enjoying and entertaining themselves in Maellard's mansion starts off with the duo riding a horse through the mansion, followed by scuba diving (along with the horse) in a giant fish tank, visiting the personal grocery store to buy golden food with encrusted diamonds, (upon eating the food, they stick out their tongues only to find them covered with a bunch of scattered diamonds. They continue to mess about and engage in various activities. After the montage ends, Mordecai and Rigby are shown to be sitting on the roof of Maellard's mansion wearing shiny knight armor and drinking sodas.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Ahhh...

Mordecai: Rigby, what're we doing?

Rigby: Hanging out on a mansion, wearing armor, drinking sodas-- The usual.

Mordecai: No, I mean with our lives, man. This? This is really dumb. I thought we could handle more responsibility, but we just ended up goofing off the first chance we got.

Rigby: Relax! We'll get it together! Remember our song from earlier? (starts rapping) ♪ You gotta focus. You gotta Fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-focus ♪

Mordecai: That's not even how it went! It was a rap! (groans as he stands up) If we can't even handle this, how are we ever gonna own our own airline?

Rigby: Wait, what?

Mordecai: Never mind. What about you? Do you have any plans for after you graduate?

Rigby: I don't know. I never think that far ahead. Don't worry so much about the future. You got time to figure it out. It's not like the park's going anywhere.

Mordecai: But maybe that's the problem. I mean, we've had this job for... I don't even know how long. I just wonder...is this it? Is this the best we can do?

Rigby: Mm... No? (drinks his soda)

(Mordecai checks the time by looking at his gold watch with encrusted diamonds. A shimmer can be seen on the right of the screen as Mordecai notices that it's ten minutes till 2pm.)

Mordecai: It's 1:50. We should go wait by the door. The package will be here soon.

Rigby: Whoa! Ten o'clock!

Mordecai: Uh, I just said it's 1:50.

Rigby: No, dude! The package! 10 o'clock!

(After Rigby points in a specific location, Mordecai grabs his binocular holder to see what all the fuss is about and notices that the delivery truck is back.)

Mordecai: Dude, we can't miss this again. We gotta get down there.

(Mordecai and Rigby run up to a rooftop doubledoor so they can gets downstairs but Mordecai has trouble opening it.)

Mordecai: Aw, man! We're locked out, dude! Whoa, chill! I got a plan.

(Rigby jumps and smashes through the doubledoor, which sets off the alarm. Mordecai and Rigby both cover their ears.)

Mordecai: Ugh, forget it! We gotta go!

(The siren continues blaring as Mordecai and Rigby continue to make their way towards the front door downstairs. The scene then cuts to the control room and then a close up of one of the computer screens.)

Security: Breach detected. Releasing guard dogs.

(The scene cuts to the guard dogs being released from their kennels followed by a close-up of a dog snarling. Mordecai and Rigby are then shown slowly running in armor and panting.)

Mordecai: Why are we still wearing these?

(Mordecai and Rigby hear two guard dogs barking in the distance. After noticing them at the top of the stairs, they run off.)

Mordecai: Keep going!

(Mordecai and Rigby run through a series of rooms before coming across a dead end. Both the two guard dogs pounce on Rigby and start licking him.)

Rigby: Aah!

Mordecai: Rigby! Are you okay?

Rigby: Yeah. They're just licking my face, but it's still really scary.

(Mordecai looks out the window to see the delivery truck.)

Mordecai: The truck!

(He then turns around and notices a Space RV on display, giving him an idea.)

Mordecai: I've got an idea!

(The scene cuts to Mordecai driving an RV. Sitting beside him is a terrified Rigby and the two guard dogs who continue to lick him.)

Rigby: Aah! We're not gonna make it! (looks in the distance) Look out!

(Mordecai gasps and turns right, which results in the dogs flying off the space RV. He then notices a large red button with the words "LUNAR PARACHUTE" on there.)

Mordecai: Parachutes? (The scene cuts to the delivery man knocking at the front door and then to Mordecai looking at Rigby.)

Mordecai: All right, on the count of three, we hit the button. Ready? (Rigby nods) Let's do it.

(Mordecai pulls the gar back and drives through the railing.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa!

Mordecai: One! Two!

(The RV crashes onto the ground. A few seconds later, Mordecai and Rigby get up and run towards the front door. Outside, the delivery man sticky tapes a note on the door with a note in capitals saying "RETURN TO SENDER". We then cut to Mordecai opening the front door with Rigby beside him.)

Mordecai: Stop!

Rigby: Wait! We're here!

(The delivery man walks up to the duo with the package and an electronic signature device.)

Delivery Man: Package for Mr. Maellard.

Mordecai and Rigby: Yes! (Rigby grabs the package as Mordecai records his signature.) Yes!

Delivery Man: Yes. I guess. (walks off)

(The scene cuts to Mordecai and Rigby putting various cleaning items away in a cabinet and cupboard.)

Mr. Maellard: (off-screen) Hello... anyone here?

(Mordecai and Rigby walk up to Maellard as he is hanging his coat up.)

Mordecai: Uh, yeah, we're here, Mr. Maellard.

Rigby: We got your package!

Maellard: Oh, good, good! I simply couldn't wait another day. (opens the package) A banh mi-- Fresh from Vietnam.

Mordecai and Rigby: What?

Maellard: You see... A banh mi is a type of sandwich. (takes a bite out of the banh mi as he speaks)

Mordecai and Rigby: We know!

Maellard: Well, you boys did a bang up job getting this for me. You're really going places... (A pleased Mordecai and Rigby look at each other with their mouths open.) Like home. Go home.

(End of Maellard's Package)