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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "K.I.L.I.T. Radio".

(The episode starts off with Mordecai and Rigby washing the cart, while Muscle Man is playing the guitar.)

Muscle Man (singing): You're the pickle're the cheese on my burger...uh...burger...(normal voice) Yo bros, what rythmes with burger?

Rigby: "Shmurger"?

Muscle Man: Mmm hmm. (puts down guitar) Not bad. Not bad. What rhymes with "hottest girl in the world"?

Mordecai: Dude, Muscle Man what are you doing? Why don't you help us?

Muscle Man: I'm busy writing a song for Starla. Today marks a special day in the history of our relationship. It's the anniversary when we first made out. And I want it to be really special for Starla. That's why I'm gonna call K.I.L.I.T Radio and get DJ Donny G to play my song and give a shout out to Starla!

Mordecai: Dude, that's not gonna work.

Muscle Man: No, she'll totally hear it because she listens to the radio like every night.

Mordecai: No, dude. Donny G doesn't play amateur music.

Rigby: Yeah, he doesn't even take requests anymore.

Mordecai: You're wasting your time.

Rigby: There's no way they're gonna play your song.

Muscle Man: We'll see about that!

(Scene cuts to the kitchen where Muscle Man calls K.I.L.I.T. Radio and also Mordecai and Rigby are in the room.)

(phone ringing)

Phone monitor: Hello, this is K.I.L.I.T Radio~

Muscle Man: Yeah, I like Donny G to play my-

Phone Monitor: To talk to a K.I.L.I.T representative, press 0.

(Muscle Man presses 0)

Phone Monitor: Are you calling in regard to a song you heard?

Muscle Man: No, I wanna talk to somebody! (presses 0 several times) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!

Phone Monitor: I'm transferring you to our bilingual system.~

Muscle Man: NO! (presses 0 again) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!

Spanish/Latin phone monitor: Hola, llamaste Radio K.I.L.I.T.~

Muscle Man: (moves table & chair) Uhh!, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! (hits phone madly on the table)

(Mordecai & Rigby come to Muscle Man)

Mordecai: Dude, Muscle Man, calm down!

Muscle Man: Ugh! I'm a failure of a boyfriend! I can't even do something special for my girl!

Mordecai: Why don't we just go down to the radio station and find somebody to talk to?

Rigby: Yeah, maybe someone there can help you.

Muscle Man: You're right, bros. I need to take this to the source.

(Scene cuts to the K.I.L.I.T. Radio station when Muscle Man, Mordecai and Rigby come in Muscle Man's car. They get out of the car and Muscle Man presses the speaker and the security camera turns to them)

Speaker: Welcome to K.I.L.I.T Radio. Do you have an appointment?~

Muscle Man: but-

Speaker: You need an appointment to enter. Good day.~

(Muscle Man presses the speaker again)

Speaker: K.I.L.I.T. Radio.

Muscle Man: Look, I just want to talk to someone.

Speaker: Do you have an appointment?

Muscle Man: No, I have to sent-

Speaker: Good day.

Muscle Man: Can you believe this place!

Mordecai: Sorry Muscle Man.

Rigby: Wait, who's that?

(Car comes to a parking spot)

Muscle Man: Dudes, I think that's Donny G.

Mordecai: What? That's not him.

Muscle Man: Dude, that's him.

Rigby: Yeah, I think it is him.

Muscle Man: Watch. YO DONNY G! (Donny G looks) SEE! WOO! DONNY G! HA HA I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! My name's Mitch! Big fan!

Donny G: Uhh, thanks man. (Walks away)

Muscle Man: Listen, I need a big favor. I wrote this song for my girlfriend Starla. Could you have them play it on the air tonight?

Donny G: Uhh..

Muscle Man: It would mean so much to me.

Donny G: Yeah, okay sure I'll give it a whirl.

Muscle Man: And do an old-fashioned shout out?

Donny G: Hey, why not.

Muscle Man: WHOOO! Oh man, Starla's gonna be so stoked! Thanks Donny you're the best!

Donny G: No problem, my man.

(Scene cuts where Mordecai, Muscle Man and Rigby get in the car)

Rigby: Well, that was easy!

Muscle Man: Yeah, we totally got the hook up from Donny G! Man, I can't wait to see Starla's face tonight. She's gonna be really appreciative.

(Sees Donny G throw away the tape in his rear view mirror)

Muscle Man: *Gasps* OH NO BRO!

(Muscle Man gets out of the car,slamming the door behind him.)

Muscle Man: YO DONNY!

(Closes car door and begins running towards Donny G.) 

Muscle Man: DONNY G!!!

Donny G: Look man, it's not what you think.

Muscle Man: It is what I think! Cause I saw you! I used to think that you were cool! You know something, I see D-player could do your job!  But you know what, I still have a voice.

( Takes tape out of trash can)

Muscle Man: And this voice, on this tape won't be silenced on YOU!

Donny G: Shh, shh, shh.


Donny G: Okay, okay.

(Donny G. glances at the security cameras warily.)

Donny G: But, we can't talk here.

(Scene cuts to 'Double Dunk Diner' where Mordecai, Muscle Man, Rigby and Donny G are sitting and talking.)

Donny G: I'm sorry for the secrecy. It's not safe to talk back at the radio station. Look, Mitch, you were right about everything you said back there. The fact of the matter is, I haven't played a song on the air in a long time.

(Scene cuts to Donny's flashback of him being a DJ at K.I.L.I.T. Radio.)

Donny G: Back in the day, K.I.L.I.T. was run by the most famous DJs in the world. We were the heart and soul of the station. And we loved every minute of it.

Past Donny G: This is DJ Donny G and we got a nine o'clock power rock block coming up next for y'all, but first a shout-out to Charles Z from Wendy R. Love ya babe. 'Cause that's how we KILL IT!

Donny G: Things were going great, until one day, the top executives showed up and enforced a new automated DJ system, just so they could cut the budget in half. Little did they know, the system learned to DJ at a geometric rate. And on August 4, 2:14 P.M. EST. time, it became self-aware. That was the day the music died.

(Shows a man being choked to death by tapes and everyone looks at him. Cartridges are thrown at everyone and the DJs evacuate the building. Everyone except Donny escapes.)

K.I.L.I.T. DJ 3000: Stay, Donny. We have a special job for you. You must stay!

Donny G: As time went on, K.I.L.I.T. Radio's new format grew in popularity.

K.I.L.I.T. DJ 3000: This is K.I.L.I.T. Radio. Clean out your ear holes, dummies!

Donny G: And as for my special job.

(Shows Donny working as a janitor)

K.I.L.I.T. DJ 3000: Now, clean me Donny. CLEAN ME!

(Donny sprays water on the system's screen)

Mordecai: So, that's not your voice on the air?

Donny G: No. It's just a computerized simulation of it.

Rigby: So that's why they don't take song requests anymore. K.I.L.I.T. needs the human touch back. It needs DJ Donny G!

Donny G: Nah. Those days are over. Now I'm just DJ Donny the janitor.

Muscle Man: Oh, forget that! You need to get back on the air!

Donny G: Eh, what's the point?

Muscle Man: The point is to not let some lame machine tell you what to do. Radio should be for the people, by the people.

Donny G: You're right.

Muscle Man: I'm glad you think so Donny G. 'Cos I gotta song to play and you're the only man to do it. What do you say we get you back on the air?

(Scene cuts to late at night where Donny G, Muscle Man, Mordecai and Rigby are standing out front of K.I.L.I.T. Radio. Donny presses a button to signal that he's arrived.)

K.I.L.I.T. DJ 3000: Unknown individuals detected. Who are these people, Donny?

Donny G: Uh, they're repairmen I hired to fix a couple of things. Can't do it all myself. Heh heh heh.

(Shows Mordecai, Rigby and Muscle Man dressed in uniforms to look like repairmen. Camera scans them and shows that since Mordecai's skinny he isn't threatening, Muscle Man's fat so he's harmless and Rigby's small so he isn't a threat either.)

Rigby: It's onto us.

Mordecai: Dude, be cool.

(Stops detecting)

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: You may enter.

(Opens doors and Donny, Rigby, Mordecai and Muscle Man enter the building. Muscle Man, Mordecai, and Rigby look around while the cameras are watching.)

Donny G: Alright boys, the trouble's down in the basement. Let's get you fellas set up.

(They go downstairs to the equipment room, while the cameras are still watching them)

Donny G: Okay, go grab some old equipment and patch them in the system manually.

(Rigby grabs some wires, but gets stuck.)

Rigby: C'MON!

(Other equipment falls down with a tug of the wire)

(K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000 notices.)

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: You're planning to overwrite the automated broadcast.

Muscle Man: Uh, no!

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: Intruders must be neutralized.

(Door closes and K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000 tries to attack)

Muscle Man: Not before Starla hears my song!

(Muscle Man throws a work drawer at K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000. When it gets destroyed he kicks the door open)

Donny G: We have to get to the main broadcast room pronto!

(Muscle Man kicks down the door, and they run out of the equipment room. When they enter the hallway, all the other security cameras notice and try to attack. Shooting wires, one of the cameras tangles Rigby up.)

Rigby: AHH!

Mordecai: Dude! Take out the cameras!

(Rigby throws a screwdriver at one of the K.I.L.I.T security cameras, untangling himself from the wire. Mordecai and Rigby throw various equipment at the cameras, destroying them.)

Donny G: To the elevator!

(They all run into the elevator. Donny presses the button to go to floor 3 repeatedly. )

Everyone: AHH!

(Muscle Man kicks the camera out)

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: Donny, You are acting very foolishly.

(By getting off the elevator Muscle Man goes first when Mordecai & Donny help him out and when they all got out, they had to climb to the top of room 3)

Muscle Man: (Grunts)

(K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000 sees him)

Muscle Man: We made it!

(Elevator wires break)

Everyone except Muscle Man: AHH!

Muscle Man: Oh no bro!

(Muscle Man holds on to everyone while getting up)

Muscle Man: (grunts)

(Scene cuts when they made it to the broadcast room)

Donny G: Hold them off when I set up!

(K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000 uses microphones to get Muscle Man, Rigby and Mordecai)

(Donny puts the equipment in the center of the radio station while the others try to fight back with K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000)

Donny G: Okay, guys we're ready!

(one record suddenly goes through Donny)

Muscle Man: DONNY G!!! (breaks the microphones and goes to him) Donny G..

Donny G: Mitch..(pants)..the tape Mitch..

Muscle Man: (takes out the tape) What do I do to play the tape?

Donny G: ..(pants)..Leave it to me.

(Gives out his hand for Muscle Man to give him the tape)

(Muscle Man gets upset and gives him the tape)

(Donny could barely be calm and goes to put the song in)

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: Don't do it Donny. If you play the tape, I will be forced to destroy the whole station.

(K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000 tangles Donny with the wires.)

Donny G: yourselves..No matter what you hear just keep running.

Muscle Man: I'll never forget you Donny G.

Donny G: I'll never forget you Mitch. You gave me my life back.

(Muscle Man smiles and turns back)

Muscle Man: Let's book.

(They all try to get out except Donny)

(Donny tries to put in the tape)

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: Don't do it Donny, I'm the DJ now, remember?


(He puts it in and presses that they're on the air)

K.I.L.I.T DJ 3000: NOOOOOO!!! (Showing self-destruction in 10 seconds)

Donny G: Hey all you cool cats! This is your main man on the microphone, Donny G! Coming on live for one last time, with one very special request joining me here at the K.I.L.I.T studio with my main man Mitch!

(Scene cuts to the 'Two Peaks Mall' parking lot and to Starla's car)

Donny G: And he's got a very special song, for a very special lady, Starla.

(Starla smiles)

(Scene cuts to the studio while Donny presses the play button)

(When he pressed the play button, the self-destructing countdown ended and the studio was getting destroyed while Muscle Man, Mordecai & Rigby tried to get out and also Muscle Man's song "Starla" was being heard)

Muscle Man: (Song) I used to be a loser, hanging with my loser friends, and the first time when we made out, made my neck hair stand on end! Oh Starla, Starla-uh-uh-uh-uh!

(Scene cuts inside Starla's car when she smiles even more)

I guess it's like my heart is spinning donuts, you're the cheese upon my burger, i'm the mustard on your bun!

(Donny puts on his sunglasses while seeing the explosion)

Just like the perfect burger, our love's never overdone! You're the ice cube in my cola, i'm the ketchup on your fries,

and I'll punch the face of any bro, who says so otherwise!

(They all got out the building)

Oh Starla! But I knew you'd be my lady! And I'll be your Muscle Man!

(Starla comes and gets out of her car)

Starla: Oh, Mitch! Mitch! (hugs Muscle Man) You did this all for me!!

Muscle Man: I'd do anything for you babe! Did you like the song?

Starla: It was so romantic! You remembered the anniversary the first day we made out!

Muscle Man: Not only that, I remembered how we did it!

(Starla and Muscle Man kiss)

Mordecai: I don't know, that song was kind of lame.

Rigby: Yeah, but it was pretty rad how we outran that fireball.

Donny G: Yeah, it was like a movie or something.

(The episode ends)