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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Just Friends".


Mordecai: In the battleground of the future. You'll need...

Rigby: Laser-Sharp Vision, Laser-Fast Reflexes. (Panting) Hah! Uhh!

Mordecai: And most of all, you'll need to know how fire a laser! Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

Rigby: (Robotic-ally) Critical Damage! Critical Damage! Beep, beep! (Imitates Powering Down)

All: (Laughs)

Mordecai: Aw, yeah-ah! Who's ready for Laser-Pocalyse?

Eileen: That's so cool you got a four for one pass.

Margaret: Yeah. Laser-Pocalyse gave them to us! After I did that investigative piece... "Laser Tag Fun Game of Funniest Game?"

Eileen: This is gonna be so fun! It's been so long since we all hung out.

Rigby: Yeah!

Sherm: Let me guess -- you forgot.

Rigby: Forgot what?

Sherm: Your brother's fifth-degree judo cremony!

Barbera: Tae Kwon Do, Sherm.

Sherm: Whatever!

Rigby: Oh, was that tonight?

Sherm: Don't you use the "Was that tonight?" excuse on me. I taught you that! Now, look! If I got to be here, you got to be here!

Rigby: All right, all right!

Eileen: Your dad? Tell him I said Hi.

Rigby: Eileen says Hi.

Sherm: Hi, Eileen!

Barbera: Hi, Eileen!

Rigby's Family: Hi, Eileen!

Rigby: Ugh! I got to go to Don's Tae Kwon Dumb thing tonight for his stupid black belt.

Eileen: Oh, that's right. I embroidered this celebratory headband for him.

Rigby: I still think it could use more dragons.

Eileen: Come on, Rigby. Don't want to keep Sherm waiting.

Rigby: Uggggh!

Mordecai: Rigby, can I talk to you for a sec? Dude! What the heck? You can't leave me alone with Margaret.

Rigby: It's fine. You just hanging out as friends.

Mordecai: Yeah, but I don't know if she's gonna be cool with that.

Eileen: Are you okay being alone with Mordecai?

Margaret: I think so. We haven't hung out by ourselves in a while, so...

Eileen: So...?

Margaret: Hey, whatever happens, happens.

Eileen: Well, either way...

Rigby and Eileen: Be strong.

Margaret: This is familiar, right?

Mordecai: Yeah, last time we were at the movies together we were... (Chuckles Nervously) But tonight, we're friends on a fun night out.

Margaret: (Chuckles) Right. Margaret Smith reporting live on location of a fun night out.

Mordecai: Uh, no cameras.

Margaret and Mordecai: (Laughs and Sighs)

Mordecai: Okay, let's see what we got here. Hmm. Hmm.

Margaret: Ooh! I've heard good things about "Lovely Shovey."

Mordecai: Euhhhhhh. How about... that one?

Margaret: "Carter and Briggs 7 Heavily Armed: The Violencetown Flies"? All right. Yo! Got some popcorn.

Mordecai: Nice.

Audience: (Cheering)

Announcer: Carter... Briggs... 7! Heavily Armed!

Mordecai: Whoo!

Margaret: Yes!

Mordecai: Yeah, alright! Wha-uh? (?)

Movie Usher: Sorry, everybody. Our print of "Carter and Briggs 7". Has just spontaneously combusted. So in its place we will screen "Carter and Briggs 6: The Heart Shaped Badge". Enjoy!

Margaret: Ooh! I've never seen this one.

Briggs: Ah, vacation. No crime, no guns.

Carter: Briggs, there goes that cute waitress again. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.

Briggs: Don't worry, Carter. Over the next 3 1/2 hours. I'll help you get with her. She definitely still likes you. All you going to do is give her a sign.

Mordecai: (Gasps) You know I think I've seen this one. Let's go.

Margaret: O... kay.

Mordecai: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Nothing romantic here. Bunch of driving fast, gas fumes, nosy engines.

Margaret: What's that?

Mordecai: Exactly.

Wayne: Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention tonight ain't just any night at Kartin' Safari. 'Cause tonight's my 15-year anniversary. To my beautiful Mary-Lee. Ain't nobody make my engine rev like you, darlin'. I love you, baby!

Mary-Lee: I love you, Wayne!

Wayne: In honor, of this blessed occasion. For the rest of the night, it'll be laps fer lovers. So strap and snuggle up.

Mordecai: Uh, I don't know it looks pretty tight.

Margaret: I call driver's seat.

Mary-Lee: Your turn, stringbean.

Margaret: Come on, Mordecai. Let's hit the track.

Mary-Lee: Oh! Now, don't be shy. She won't bite!

Mordecai: Aah!

Mary-Lee: Go ahead, now scooch together.

Mordecai: (Grunting)

Mary-Lee: (Grunts) (Sighs) Maybe try putting around him?

Margaret: Like this?

Mary-Lee: Now, put his leg in.

Mordecai: Uh, I need to go to the bathroom.

Barbera: Yeah! Take him down!

Sherm: Now, there's a son I can be proud of!

Rigby: Yeah?

Mordecai: Dude, this whole "friends" thing is not working out.

Rigby: What? Why?

Mordecai: I'm trying to do friend stuff and it keeps turning romantic.

Rigby: Awesome!

Mordecai: No, not awesome. Margaret's still totally into me.

Rigby: Sure, sure.

Mordecai: I need a break from all the drama.

Rigby: Yeah, yeah. You do what you got to do. Oh! Here comes the best part! Hey, man. But have fun with Margaret tonight.

Crowd: Don! Don! Don! Don!

Radio: Rollin' hard with my boys you know how we do. Tear it up at the club out till 1 or maybe 2 Except that it's Tuesday My day stay at home with my lady. Playin' Board Games and Cruddlin by the fire

Margaret: Whoa, whoa, Mordecai!

Mordecai: (Chuckles Nervously) So... see any place you want to eat?

Margaret: Oh, hey! There's Steak Me Amadeus!

Mordecai: I don't know the last time didn't go well.

Margaret: Right. Or... Mr. Yakihana-Sama.

Mordecai: That japanese place where they grill. The food in front of you? Isn't it really smoky in there? You can barely see the person sitting next to you. (Gasps) Works for me.

Margaret: So, where should we sit?

Mordecai: How about... there?

Margaret: Uh, the one with the super-old chef in unflatteringly harsh lightning?

Mordecai: Yeah -- the one right by the bathroom. Let's go.

Daisuke: (Snoring)

Margaret: (Clears throat)

Daisuke: Hai. I am Daisuke. Pleased to serve you tonight. Eh? Eh. So, let me guess. Anniversary?

Mordecai: What? No!

Daisuke: Aha. First date.

Margaret: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Daisuke: What is this? I see one boy and one girl.

Mordecai: We are a boy and a girl. But we're boy and girls friends. I mean...

Daisuke: Sound like you don't know what you are. Tell you what -- I will do the romantic show for free or charge and whatever happens, happens.

Mordecai: No, no, no, no, no-- Hey, what the-- I said no--

Daisuke: I could silence with you with shrimp all night.

Margaret: It's just dinner, Mordecai.

Daisuke: Yes. Keep up romantic fast just for desert.

Mordecai: (Sighs) Fine. But cause on'y I'm-- hungry. That's it! Why does the whole universe wants us to get together?

Margaret: You noticed it, too? I've been keeping track of all werid's stuff tonight. I'm a reporter. What could it mean? I like lists sorry.

Mordecai: (Sighs) What's going on, Margaret?

Margaret: What do you want to be going on, Mordecai?

Daisuke: Wow. You two are pretty messed up. I only know you for one hour and alraedy I'm tired will they or won't they tention.

Margaret and Mordecai: Sorry.

Daisuke: What of there's a way to see what would happen if you got together? Wouldn't your choice be clear then? Eh?

Mordecai: An onion?

Daisuke: It's not the onion that is clever it is the sauce. Look at the happy couple.

Mordecai: Whoa. It's us.

Cloud Margaret: (Laughs)

Cloud Mordecai: Margaret, will you marry me?

Cloud Margaret: Yes!

Cloud Mordecai: Sweet our very own houseboat. We have to be fiscally responsible.

Cloud Margaret: Mallory, don't forget your lunch.

Cloud Mordecai: Are you carpooling today?

Daisuke: Your children will become a pro video game team and support you well into old age and finally after 50 wonderful years together. You'll die peacefully.

'Margaret and Mordecai: Uh.

Daisuke: You don't like?

Margaret: It's just a lot to take in.

Mordecai: Margaret, you're really cool and our future looks like it could be cool, too. But after seeing all that, I'm sure of what I want now. I think it would be best if we were just friends.

Margaret: (Sighs) I am so revived to hear you say that. I thought I knew what I wanted but we're still young, Mordecai and I'm definitively not ready for all that. I mean I have a career. I think I just want to...

Margaret and Mordecai: Live in the moment. Take it easy on relationships right now. It's the best thing for the both of us.

Daisuke: (Clears Throat) Thanks for wasting my time. Am I going to have to throw this couples sundae in trash? Last chance. Couple? Just friends? Couple? Just friends?

Margaret and Mordecai: Just friends.

Daisuke: I am okay with that. Now, take the soft serve cones of friendship. Would you like the sprinkles of friendship?

Margaret: Yes!

Mordecai: Yeah!

Daisuke: Hup!

Margaret: This has been a great friends night out.

Mordecai: Agreed.

Daisuke: Separate checks when you ready. (?)

Cloud Margaret: Mordo.

Cloud Mordecai: What is it, Margie?

Cloud Margaret: They're just friends! Do you think they can really be just friends forever?

Cloud Mordecai: Only time will tell. Let's get back to our retirement.

Cloud Margaret and Cloud Mordcai: Mwah!