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Regular Show Wiki

(Episode starts with Eileen telling Mordecai, Rigby and CJ about some turtles)

Eileen: And that concludes my interpretive dance piece asking if you want to watch baby sea turtles hatch tonight at sunset.

CJ: Whoa! Who can pass that up? I'm in!

Mordecai: If we're going to be at the beach,that means we can go camping!

Rigby: Do you know what goes with camping and beaches? Buh-buh-buh-buh-bonfires!

All: Sea Turtle Hatching Beach Bonfire Party!

(Cuts to Mordecai, Rigby, Eileen and CJ in a car driving to the Beach)

CJ: Where do we turn off next, Eileen?

Eileen: (while looking in her bag) Hold on, let me check the directions! (finds some trail mix) Trail Mix? Oh no! This is my recreation bag! I left the directions in my school bag by mistake!

Rigby: (Takes the trail mix from Eileen) Wump-wump! (eats the trail mix)

CJ: Remember Eileen, if we get lost, moss always grows on the south side of the tree!

Eileen: North side. No worries, I know exactly where I left the directions. (gets her phone and calls Margaret) Hey Margaret, are you at home now? (Mordecai's and CJ's face look embarrassed) Oh great! You see that bag on the counter? It has directions to Sunset Cove in it. (switches to CJ's worried face) Can you read them to me? Uh-huh! No, we already passed that! Slight right on left-hand road or-(Rigby is annoyed)

Rigby: Gaaah! This is taking forever! Just put her on speaker! (puts Margaret on speaker and puts Eileen's phone next to CJ)

Margaret: Did you get that, Eileen? Eileen? (she isn't answering) Eileen, are you there?

Eileen: Uhh, yeah. Yeah, I got it.

Margaret: Oh Good. If you get lost, just remember, moss always grows on the south side of the tree!

Eileen: North side.

Rigby: That's hilarious, CJ just said the same thing!

Margaret: Wait, am I on speaker?

CJ: I see the turn, no more directions, bye!  (turns Eileen's phone off)

(They have arrived at Sunset Cove.)

Stan: Welcome to Youth Topia!

Mordecai: Uh, thanks? Can we go through?

Stan: Your membership cards please!

Mordecai: Oh, no. We're not members, we just wanna go down to the beach and-

Stan: (gasps) Non-members!

Blond Youth Topia Leader: Who's a non-member, Stan? Is it these guys? This is a private spa! Get outta here, non-members!

Rigby: We just wanna have a Beach Bonfire Sea Turtle Hatching party!

Stan: Aw! These simple non-members are kinda cute when they're mad!

(The two leaders laugh)

CJ: Come on, let's park more further down so we can hang at the beach. (drives away)

Blond Youth Topia Leader: Did you hear them say all that stuff!? (continues laughing)

(The car parks at the beach, they get out some equipment and Rigby even gives Eileen a ride down to the beach on his back while laughing)

Eileen: Here! (Rigby falls over) Can you believe it? Turtles for generations have been laying eggs in this sand! (Rigby has some sand in his mouth, so he tries to yell)

(Scene cuts to the evening.)

Mordecai: These tents are pretty cool, when they're not smashed to bits!

CJ: I know, right! Well I think it's about time we get our snack on!

Mordecai: I think Eileen's got some snacks in the cooler!

CJ: Nice!

(CJ walks to the cooler and picks it up while Rigby and Eileen are picking up some wood)

Eileen: Remember, only dry wood, Rigby!

Rigby: Dry-shmy, big diff! (Eileen sighs) What's got you down? We're doing a turtle thing! Woo!

Eileen: It's just, I wish Margaret could be here.

Rigby: Why didn't you invite her? (Instantly remembering) Oh yeah-the whole Christmas kiss thing with Mordecai.

Eileen: I get why CJ doesn't like Margaret, but Margaret's my friend. I don't know, I just wish we could all be friends.

(CJ looks down and runs to Mordecai)

Rigby: We got wood! Huh! (throws it on the ground)

Eileen: It's almost time for the turtles to hatch! We gotta find their nest!

CJ: Me and Mordecai will go get some more firewood. Come on Mordecai! Let's go!

Rigby: But we just got some!

(CJ is walking with Mordecai)

CJ: So it's like, I don't wanna put Eileen in this position, but I just can't stand to be around Margaret right now!

Mordecai: Yeah. But it doesn't change the fact that Margaret and Eileen are still friends. She just needs to know that you're still okay with your friendship.

CJ: Yeah, but I know this trip is important to her and everything but, I can't help what you did.

Mordecai: Uhh, well, hey look! What's that light up ahead?

(Behind a rock, they see the back of a spa of Youth Topia where members are relaxing while sea turtles are being abused by working as slaves in everyday activities, such as massaging a member's back, being used as shades for their eyes and cotton wool for their toes, and mud baths)

Yoga Teacher: And breathe.

(The sea turtles are being used as pillows for the members)

CJ: What are they doing with those turtles?

(Stan and Blond Youth Topia Leader are watching TV next to a pool)

Narrator on TV: Here at Youth Topia, we have dedicated ourselves to the Fountain of Youth. How have we accomplished this? Simple. Sea turtles. They're sciencey stuff, and turtles makes you look younger. Just ask this doctor.

Doctor: Huh?

Narrator on TV: But enough of that egghead. Let's see what this 90 year old man has to say about this.

(Sea turtles covers up the old man's face and his face turns young, and the man talks in foreign language; "I look young again!".)

Mordecai: Wow, that's really messed up.

Blond Youth Topia Leader: You're going to the beach for the turtle hatching tonight?

Stan: You know it, man! Gonna get me a fresh new turtle! The younger, the better!

Blond Youth Topia Leader: Yeah, mine's getting old.

(The turtle coughs)

Stan: Ew!

CJ: (gasps) Eileen's turtles!

Mordecai: Come on, we gotta warn her.

Youth Topia Employee: Fresh turtles! Fresh out of the eggs!

(They bump into the employee, making him spill the turtles, which fly into Stan and the Blond Youth Topia Leader's faces, then they stand up and see Mordecai and CJ)


(Two employees grab Mordecai and CJ by the arms.)

Mordecai: You guys are sick!

CJ: Yeah, we're gonna call the cops!

Stan: They're already here. They've got lifetime memberships. Ain't that right, officers?

(Two cops named Hank and Glenn get up from a pool)

Hank: Looks like we got some troublemakers here, Glenn!

Glenn: Yeah, real turtle-huggers, Hank!

Hank: Time to take them to their shell! Their prison shell! (cell) See what I did there?

(Stan, the Blond Youth Topia Leader and the cops throw Mordecai and CJ into their police cruiser)

Stan: Sit tight, non-members! Now, let's go get some fresh baby turtles so we don't look old anymore!

(They chant as they walk down to the beach where Rigby and Eileen are and Eileen is looking for the nest.)

Rigby: I'm not seeing any turtles, Eileen! Are you sure this is the spot?

Eileen: Give them a minute! They're shy, misunderstood creatures like me. It's almost sundown. Where are Mordecai and CJ? They're gonna miss it.

(CJ kicks the bars theee times)

CJ: We've got to get outta here before those creeps get to the turtles!

Mordecai: Quick, call Eileen!

CJ: (dials a number) Come on, Eileen... Come on, Eileen...

(A ringing sound is heard, she takes out Eileen's phone from her pocket, realizing that she still has Eileen's phone.)

CJ: (groans) I forgot! I took her phone from earlier!

Mordecai: (groans) Well, the cops are no good. We gotta call somebody for help!

CJ: (sighs) I can't believe I'm doing this. (Dials another number)

(The eggs are starting to hatch)

Rigby: It's moving, it's moving!

Eileen: They're hatching!

(The Blond Youth Topia Leader grabs their shoulders.)

Stan: Right on time!

Hank: Thanks for making our job easier. Gage 'em and cage 'em, Glenn!

(Glenn places a crate in front of them)

Eileen: But you're officers of the law! Why are you doing this?!

Hank: 'Cause without these turtles, my face would like a ball of raisins in an old leather jacket.

Stan: Look! In the sand!

(Baby sea turtles pop out of the sand and start to crawl to the crate)

Glenn: No turtle can resist the cage!

Eileen: No, little ones! It's a trap! Don't go in!

(The baby sea turtles stop and look at Eileen)

Hank: Lettuce (Let us) persuade them, Glenn!

(Glenn places a piece of lettuce in the box)

Hank: See what I did there?

(The baby sea turtles crawl inside the crate)

Eileen: No!

Rigby: (growls) Let those turtles go! (slaps the Blond Youth Topia Leader's hand and breaks free) Sandboning! (Hits the sand, which hits the Blond Youth Topia Leader's face) Get to the turtles!

(Eileen runs to rescue the turtles. Stan blocks the way, but Eileen pushes him out, then Hank blocks her path, but she slides under him, but he grabs her and she and Rigby get thrown in the sand)

Rigby: I got my rights!

(Glenn closes the crate)

Hank: Don't worry. You'll understand when you're older. (Laughs evilly)

(Chopper 6 appears above them)

Rigby: Hey, could it be?!

Frank: Chopper 6 right on time!

Eileen: Margaret's dad?

Frank: Are we late for the Beach Bonfire Turtle Hatching Party?

(He lands Chooper 6 on the beach and Margaret, a camera man and a boom operator come out of the helicopter)

Margaret: Unique New York, unique New York. Okay, I'm good, Murray, let's roll it. We're here at lovely Sunset Cove where a scene that's anything, but lovely is happening. Youth Topia Spa is allegedly using baby sea turtles for anti-aging purposes. Youth Topia employees, do you care to comment on this?

Stan and Blond Youth Topia Leader: Uh....

Margaret: And you! You're officers of the law! What do you have to say for yourselves?

Hank: Well... (His dentures fall out of his mouth)

Margaret: There you have it, folks. The use of baby sea turtles may make you less gross on the outside, but it sure to reveal how gross you are on the inside.

Eileen: (opens the crate) Baby sea turtles, listen to me. You don't have to make old people look young. You can live! You have a choice!

(The baby sea turtles look at each other, crawls out of the crate and starts to crawl towards the spa)

Eileen: Go, little ones, be free!

(Mordecai and CJ see the baby sea turtles crawl to the spa)

Mordecai: What is that?

CJ: I think those are Eileen's turtles.

Youth Topia Employee: Fresh turtles! Straight from the egg! Huh?

(He sees the baby sea turtles crawling towards him, he tries to escape, but the baby sea turtles grab him and eat him. All of the baby sea turtles eat the members from the chairs and the mud bath)

Yoga Teacher: And breathe. (He sees the baby sea turtles coming towards him) Just keep breathing! Keep breathing! Aah! (He gets eaten)

(Three baby sea turtles jumps into one Youth Topia employee's face and attack him, then one baby sea turtle jumps into one member's face)

Youth Topia Member: Cancel my membership!

(Another baby sea turtle jumps into the member's face and punches him in the face. The baby sea turtles drops a tank, releasing more baby sea turtles, then they drop a tiki torch stand, burning the entire spa down. The baby sea turtles crawl to the police cruiser and one breaks a window and breaks the door with his superhuman strength, freeing Mordecai and CJ)

Mordecai: Come on! Let's get outta here!

(As he and CJ retreat, the baby sea turtles jump into the driver's seat and form in human while one hits the brakes, and the police cruiser is heading straight towards Stan, the Blond Youth Topia Employee and the cops.)

Glenn: Hey, Hank, is that our cruiser?

(As it continues to drive towards them, they put on a seatbelt and shades.)

Stan: Come on, let's bail!

(They try to escape, but the baby sea turtles grabs them and they're driving up a hill and heading towards a cliff.)

Baby Sea Turtle: Let's sea (see) if these pigs can fly!

Hank: Huh?!

Baby Sea Turtle: Do you see what I did there?

(The drive off the cliff and they land in the water, which the cruiser explodes, killing Stan, the Blond Youth Topia Employee and the cops, then four baby sea turtles rise out of the water and clap.)

Rigby: Woah! Turtles are awesome!

Margaret: Eileen! Are you okay?

Eileen: I'm fine, but how did you know we were in trouble?

Margaret: CJ called and told me the whole story.

Eileen: Wait, CJ called you on the phone?!

CJ: On your phone, actually.

Eileen: CJ!

CJ: Somebody had to save those turtles. We couldn't call the cops, so the news was the next big thing. And it just so happens, we know a news woman. Besides, I figured you wanted all of your friends here for this.

Eileen: (sniffles and gives them a hug) Oh, you guys!

(They look away uncomfortably as Mordecai smiles nervously and Chopper 6 takes off)

CJ: Uh, Eileen?

Eileen: Just a little longer.

(The Youth Topia spa explodes)

(Episode ends)