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OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!
This page is the transcript for "Hello China".

(Episode starts at Golden Garden where Benson is inside drinking a glass of water. A waitress approaches Benson.)

Waitress 1: Did you enjoy your meal, sir.

Benson: You bet. Kung pao chicken and white rice, my favorite meal three years running.

(The waitress hands him a fortune cookie.)

Benson: Ah, thank you. Ho-ho! fortune cookie. Wouldn't wanna forget that. It's the highlight of my night.

(The waitress walks off. Benson signs before he opens his cookie. He reads the fortune.)

Benson: "Adventure comes to those who seek it."

(He sits back and sighs again. He notices posters on the wall about China. He taps his chin in curiosity.)

Benson: Hmm.

(The scene cuts to West Anderson High where Rigby is walking down the sidewalk.)

Rigby: Hmm-hmm! Time to ace a foreign language class.

(We see Rigby in Spanish class.)

Rigby (continued): Buenos day-os! (Buenos dias) (Good morning)

(He is later shown in French Class.)

Rigby (continued): Bonjuice! (Bonjour) (Hello)

(Cut to him in German class.)

Rigby (continued): Greten-tag! (Guten Tag) (Good day)

(The scene cuts to him sitting sadly in the principal's office.)

Principal DeanWell, Rigby, you did it. You failed all your foreign language classes. Makes me so sad seeing you walking through the halls. (slumps into chair) A grown man floating around like a ghost.

Rigby: Why do I even need a foreign language anyway? It's not like I'll ever use it in real life. I can get by on my street smarts. Just walking around, talking to people, talking on the street, like "Hey, how you doin'?"

Principal Dean: Just pass a foreign language somehow and graduate already! (He covers his face.) I can't take this anymore!

(Cut to Pops' house, where Rigby is talking with his co-workers.)

Rigby: ... and then he just sat there crying for 10 minutes.

MordecaiWhat are you gonna do, dude?

(The sound of a vehicle rolling up is heard, followed by Benson.)

Benson: Hello, everyone.

(He is shown standing in front of a taxi, with luggage in hand and a neck pillow around his neck.)

Benson: I have a very shocking announcement: I'm gonna go to China and teach English for a month! (The employees are happily surprised.) I know! They even cover my plane ticket.

Mordecai: Benson, do you even know any Chinese?

Benson: Uh, no. But I'm teaching English, so... (The employees mumble.) Well, everybody, have a good month, and, uh. you know what I always say (opens the taxi door) Adventure comes to those who seek it. (The park groundskeepers wave. We hear Benson getting in and closing the door. He clicks his finger through the open window and holds the pose.) Close the window.

(The window closes and we see a close-up of Mordecai as the taxi drives off.)

Mordecai: So what are you gonna do about for foreign language, Rigby? (We see a wide shot of the workers; Rigby is missing.) Rigby?!

(We cut to see a Chinese Airlines airplane flying in the air.)

Mordecai (continued): (offscreen) RIGBY?!

(In the plane, Benson is sleeping. He has headphones on, and a book open face down. The plane finally lands near the Chinese airport. A rickshaw driver is shown taking him down the road. A bus is seen driving past tall green mountains. Benson looks out the window in awe. He is then seen moving with the crowd in a marketplace.)

Benson: Does anyone know where the school is? Uh, xue xiao! Xue xiao?

(We cut to a close-up of the Chinese flag. We zoom to see the school Benson is teaching at; various students are walking around. Cut to Benson walking to his class, another man accompanying him.)

Principal Zhang: Oh, Benson. We're so excited to have foreign English teacher,

(As Benson is walking, it is shown that he is wearing a shirt that says 'I❤ China'.)

Benson: Thanks so much, Principal Zang. Ghang?

Principal Zhang: Zhang!

Benson: Oh. I'm really sorry about my outfit. The airline lost my luggage.

Principal Zhang: (laughs) Uh, no. It's a good shirt.

(They walk up to the door of Benson's class.)

Benson: So, do I get reimbursed for my ticket now, or...

Principal Zhang: Ah, you only get plane ticket if your kids impress at the big English performance at the end of the semester. There's a huge assembly, the whole school's watching!

Benson: (chuckles) Seriously?

Principal Zhang: (chuckles) Yes very funny. but it's very serious. well step to the boat and you'll be fine! (he pushes Benson into the classroom)

(Students laughs)

Benson: Uhh... Hello?

Students: Hi!

Benson: All right. Well, uh... my name is Benson Dunwoody. (he writes his name on the chalkboard.) you can call me Benson or Mr Benson. I was told you all have English names so we'll start with the class list. Kobe?

Kobe: Present.

Benson: Lebron?

Lebron: Present.

Benson: Apple?

Apple: Present.

Benson: Rigby?

Rigby: Yeah-yuh!

(We pan to Rigby which made Benson surprised and Benson takes him outside)

Benson: Rigby, what are you doing here?

Rigby: I need a foreign language class. You're teaching a foreign language class. It's really the most convinced option.

Benson: How did you even get here?

(Cut to the airplane a man is going to pick up the suitcase when suddenly Rigby pops out and gasps for air)

Rigby: I'll give you all this stuff if you take me to this school.

Man: Ok.

(Cut back with Rigby and Benson)

Benson: Rigby, go home now!

Rigby: Come on, Benson. All I need is a passing grade.

Benson: (groans) I'll pass you if you earn it!

Rigby: Nice! Up top! (Rigby holds his hand but Benson walks off, refusing and re-enters the classroom while Rigby follows to find a seat)

Benson: All right, everyone. In this class, we'll be learning how to write a formal letter. So naturally we'll start with keepng Concise syntax!

(Apple tries talking to Benson but stammers)

Benson: Huh? What are you-- What are you saying to me?

Students: (whispering to Apple) Teacher! Teacher!

Apple: (stammers) Teacher Benson! Teacher!

Benson: Yes, uhh... Apple?

Apple: What does Eggscellent mean?

Benson: Excuse me?

(Apple points to Rigby wearing his Eggscellent hat while Benson stares at Rigby who shrugs his shoulders waiting for a response)

Benson: Well, Eggscellent is more like slang. So, you know, it's not really applicable to this lesson.

Rigby: It kind of means like "really cool", but with eggs.

(The class talks and giggles and Apple blushes.)

Benson: Well, maybe if we have time at the end of class.

Kobe: Rigby, do you have girlfriend?

Rigby: Why, yes, I do, Kobe.

Everyone (except Benson): Wow!

Apple: How about you, Mr. Benson?

Benson: Uh, well, I'm... not really officially seeing anyone right now.

Everyone: Wha?

Kobe: Do you want one?

Benson: I don't. Uh... no. It's not... it's not really relevant.

Apple: Rigby, how many hot dogs can you eat?

Rigby: Five. Three, with buns.

Apple: Wow! Me too! You're pretty Eggscellent, Rigby.

Rigby and Apple: Hm-hm-hm.

Benson: (sighs) Well, if we could just - (school bell rings) Huh? (Everyone leaves the class) Oh, it's the bell. Uh, remember to read your books for tomorrow, everybody. (Benson watches Rigby leave the class with another student) Hmm.

(We see a forbidden city where Benson is looking at and Benson sees Rigby with Koby and Apple. The scene cuts to Benson hanging up his clothes in his current accommodation when suddenly wind blows them off. Whilst Rigby is teaching Apple tricks, he notices Benson's clothes on the ground. After getting a glimpse of Rigby, Benson shuts the window. Back in school, Benson is writing on the chalkboard and stops after noticing Rigby and Apple fist bumping. We then cut to Benson crossing the road on bricks in the rain. Water splashes Benson after a car drives past him. Benson then sees Rigby, Apple and Kobe in a restaurant listening to music. The scene cuts to school, where Benson is writing on the board.)

Benson: And so, like the book says, similar to essay form we summarize in paragraph th- (he sees Lebron typing on his phone) LEBRON! I TOLD YOU TO PUT THAT PHONE AWAY!!

Students (except Benson): OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lebron: Stop talking!

Apple: Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm.

Students (except Benson): Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm-Hmm.

Benson: (groans) This is not English! This is not what you're supposed to be learning!

Kobe: But why not? They seem very useful.

Apple: Yeah, we want street smarts.

Benson: 'Cause it's not in the book. It's just a bunch of junk Rigby says and he's failing the class. NOW QUIT MESSING AROUND OR YOU'RE EXPELLED!!

Students (except Benson): OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(A Clock Transformation appears on the screen. We see Benson groaning and walking. He eventually bumps in front of Principal Zhang)

Principal Zhang: (Laughs) Benson. Big performance tomorrow! Is very great! Your great teacher. (Laughs) you really earn plane ticket huh? (Laughs)

Benson: (Laughs) I hope so otherwise I'll be trapped in China forever.

Principal Zhang: Very funny but very serious. (walks away)

(Benson groans. A clock transform is shown, cutting to a Chinese restaurant where Benson is eating at)

Waiter: Hello.

Benson: Yes, uh... I'll have um... (Benson looks at the menu and sees that the writing is all in Mandarin). Well, you don't really have any pictures so... I guess ill have this one! (points to one of the items on the menu)

Waiter: That is like blood cut and stomach! Maybe you don't like it.

Benson: Just give it to me! I'm supposed to be having an adventure in China, right?

Waiter: Ok ok!

(The waiter takes the menu and Benson sees Rigby and apple out the window)

Rigby: (muffled) Benson! Hi I can see you!

Benson: Yes yes I see you!

Rigby: (muffled) I'm gonna come inside. Ok?

Benson: No, don't come inside! (Benson groans after Rigby and Apple come into the restaurant)

Rigby: Hey, Benson.

Apple: Teacher Benson. Sup, dude. What food did you order?

Benson: I ordered the traditional...

Apple: The... (laughs) That's what my grandparents eat.

Benson: Shouldn't you too be studying? I really like to be alone right now.

Apple: Oh. My bad. I catch you outside, Rigby. (apple leaves)

Rigby: (sits down on set across Benson) So, Benson, you seemed stressed!

Benson: (sighs) The school assembly is tomorrow and if you haven't learned anything, we won't get the plane ticket home.

Rigby: Benson, come on! You gotta relax. life tends to work out (leans back) you just gotta learn to cost that's what i'm doing and im having a great time!

Benson: No! rigby don't you see? if you don't study you're gonna fail and you'll never turn into something better. you're making the same mistakes as back home. (stands up) Do you really want to have flown half way around the world only to find out you're always gonna be the same no matter where you go?

(The waiter give Benson his food and benson sits back down)

Rigby: Ok well uh i'm gonna let you eat your food! i'll see you at the performance tomorrow (gets up and leaves)

Apple: What's wrong with teacher?

Rigby: Apple do you know what pulling an all nighter is?

(Apple shakes her head no)

Rigby: (muffled) Let's go!

(apple and rigby leave and we cut back to school with a banner saying ENGLISH PERFORMANCE)

P.A. Up and next we have class 7!

Benson:(sighs)

Principal zhang: Benson where is your class?

Benson: (sighs) Look Mr.zhang! i'm really sorry but- (the lights go out)

Rigby (offscreen): Yo, you're about to be showcased english up in this joint!

(Song: Dear Benson)

Kobe: Dear Benson, here's a letter we begin with my bad

Students: My bad! We like to keep it formal. But livin' in the modern world has freshened up the normal way of sayin' what we wanna say in text, e-mail and chat and we should keep it concise. That's the price to write a letter

Rigby: But whatever, s'all good

Students: Cause slang can do it better

Rigby: Yo, wassup Apple? You ready to break this thing down?!

(D-d-drop the beat)

Apple: Our history, you see, is study only for a test. No biggie, but like a music note we need a rest. Ahh, slang is a'ight. My straight up chillin' swagger's killin, street talk and it's tight

Rigby: So, dear Benson, here's a letter where within we bust out

Students: Bust out!

Rigby: Informal language livin

Apple: Lao shi, lao-chic. Yo, don't be stressing tix

Kobe: We'll help you get a pu

Apple: ’Cause we know some adult chicks!

Students: Paragraph 3, it's the summarizarion. Formal has a place, but it'll face stagnation. Slang's got a bang. It's a little slice of heaven

Apple: So, sincerely, catch you later, and peace out

Students: We're Class 7!

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