(Episode starts at Pops' House. Rigby is laying on the living room sofa with his eyes wide open. Mordecai bursts through the door)
Mordecai: Rigby!
(Rigby screams and rises up)
Rigby: Agh! Don't do that!
(Mordecai puts a box on the table)
Mordecai: Dude, you gotta stop sleeping with your eyes open. It's creepy.
Rigby: Whatever, it's totally natu-
(Rigby glances into the box)
Rigby: -oh, what!? A Tonare 3500 console!? Where did you get this?
Mordecai: I found it in my parents' house, and look what else I found.
(Mordecai passes Rigby a video game)
Rigby: What? Tim and Mark's Golden Badge Secret Adventure! We never got passed Level 65 because we were dumb kids who didn't know how to play video games!
Mordecai: Oh, I bet we can get passed Level 65 now.
Rigby: Oh, I bet we can beat the whole game right now.
Mordecai: Plus it's Saturday, so we won't even get into trouble.
(A very short montage is shown of Mordecai and Rigby unplugging their usual console, and plugging in the Tonare 3500)
Video Game: Tonare!
Mordecai & Rigby: So many memories.
("Tim and Mark's Golden Badge Search Adventure" loads on the screen)
Rigby: Hmph, hmph! This is only gonna take twenty minutes tops.
(10 Hours Later. Mordecai and Rigby are still playing the game)
Rigby: What's that?
Mordecai: Dude, it's the final boss. We're gonna beat it! One...two...three!
(They defeat the final boss)
Mordecai & Rigby: OOOHHHHH!!! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(The TV screen seems to have additional content on it)
Mordecai: Huh?
(An 8-bit character resembling the in-universe game designer Maury Moto walks along their screen. Mordecai gasps)
Mordecai: It's legendary game designer, Maury Moto!
Maury: Congratulations. You are a super player. Claim your golden badge here.
(Their TV screen displays an 8-bit platform-type map of a real world location)
Rigby: Whoa, wait! They're real!? Golden game badges are real!?
Mordecai: Dude, take a picture! We gotta save the map!
(Rigby runs up to the TV with a camera and takes a picture. Unfortunately, the photograph is bad quality only features a portion of the map)
Rigby: Oh, man! The pixels make it look all weird.
(Skips enters the room)
Mordecai: What are we gonna do?
Rigby: Skips!
Skips: Yeah?
Rigby: Do you know some kind of magical ritual thing we can use to bring the TV with us and keep it on?
Skips: You got a car battery?
(A short montage of Skips connecting a car battery to the TV and taping it down to a wheeled table)
Mordecai & Rigby: Whoa...
Rigby: Skips! Do you have any other magic tricks that can take us to this address?
Skips: You got any gas money?
(Short montage of Skips taking Mordecai and Rigby to the actual location of the map in his van. Mordecai and Rigby wheel the TV away from Skips' van)
Mordecai: Good to go. Thanks Skips!
Skips: Eh, I had some free time. It's a Saturday!
(Skips beeps his horn and drives off)
Mordecai & Rigby: Hmph, hmph!
Mordecai: Okay, so the map starts here. It says we need to look for a lighthouse?
(Mordecai and Rigby look around)
Rigby: I don't see a lighthouse.
Mordecai: Wait, what about that hot dog stand?
(Mordecai and Rigby turn the TV towards a hot dog stand next to a lighthouse. Rigby gasps)
Rigby: It totally matches!
Mordecai: Awesome.
Rigby: Then that means we have to go to...this blob here!
(Mordecai and Rigby follow the distance between the lighthouse and the blob in the real life)
Rigby: Blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob - BLOB!
(They see a mall)
Mordecai & Rigby: The mall!
(Mordecai and Rigby pull out some sunglasses)
Mordecai: Hmph, it's time to go shopping.
(They both put on their sunglasses and move towards the mall. Meanwhile at the Park, Benson is measuring some sprinkler heads)
Benson: Two centimetres short. Looks like I just booked a ticket to the hardware store.
(Benson gets in his car, and inserts the keys, but for some reason his car won't turn on. He sighs and moves towards the front of his car to check the engine)
Benson: Let's just see what the problem is and go from there.
(Benson opens his car up and sees that his car battery is missing, with a note attached saying "I.O.U. one car battery - Mordecai & Rigby")
Benson: Mordecai and Rigby!!
(His voice echoes as the scene cuts back to Mordecai and Rigby at the Coast Mall. They enter the mall with their sunglasses on)
Mordecai: Actually, this is kinda dark.
(They take their sunglasses off as a man with a clipboard walks towards them)
Petition Guy: Hey, do you wanna sign this petition to help fund stronger cli-
Rigby: Agh, no!
(Mordecai and Rigby move on with the TV through the mall)
Rigby: Well now where are we supposed to go? This mall's huge!
Mordecai: Yeah, I'm surprised there's enough foot traffic to sustain it out here in the boonies like this. Let me ask the game.
(Mordecai pulls the joystick on the Tonare 3500. 8-bit Maury Moto shows up again)
Maury: If you've found the village store, follow your heart for one hundred paces to reveal the next step in your journey.
Mordecai & Rigby: Hmm...
(Mordecai and Rigby look around the food court and notice a love test arcade machine in the corner. Mordecai gasps)
Mordecai: Follow your heart for one hundred paces! But, that's through the food court.
Rigby: I have an old trick for situations like this.
(Mordecai and Rigby shove through the tables of the food court knocking people over)
Rigby: Excuse me! Sorry, whoops! Look out!
Mordecai: We have to go in a straight line, sorry! Sorry!
(Mordecai and Rigby reach the love test, but it's a dead end)
Mordecai & Rigby: Huh?
Mordecai: Dead end?
(Mordecai attempts to use the love test machine to hopefully open up a secret doorway, but it doesn't work)
Mordecai: This machine doesn't even work! How many paces have you gone?
Rigby: How many whats?
Mordecai: Augh!
(The scene changes to outside the mall, where Skips is suddenly back, outside his van, and Benson is there too, confronting the worker at the hot dog stand while snapping his fingers)
Benson: Excuse me! Are you listening to me? Hello!?
(The worker turns around to Benson)
Benson: I'm looking for two guys who came through here. A tall one and a short one.
Cashier: Sure. Those guys come here every day.
(She points towards two people who aren't Mordecai and Rigby, who have a horse with them. One is a tall basketball player with a high-pitched voice, the other is a short jockey with a low-pitched voice)
Basketball Player: Oh, no! I bet he means those guys with the TV!
Jockey: We saw them headed toward the mall.
(Benson walks up to Skips)
Skips: You know, I have extra car batteries. I can just give you one.
(Benson passes Skips a hot dog)
Benson: No, Skips. This is between them and I...me and them? Which one is it?
Skips: Them and me. I'm going to a movie, have fun doing your thing.
(Back inside the mall)
Mordecai: Alright, dude. Three, two, one...
Mordecai & Rigby: Hologram wall! Wuwuwuwuwuwuh-
(Mordecai and Rigby run towards the wall, hitting it. They fall back to the ground, as Rigby's drink goes flying in the air and lands next to a caged secret passage. The drink drips into it)
Rigby: Well, that was my last idea. This is hopeless!
Mordecai: Wait, listen.
(They can hear the drink dripping to an underground base)
Mordecai: Do you hear that?
(They look over to the entrance)
Rigby: Do you think?
(They open up the entrance)
Mordecai: It's Maury Moto's secret passage!
(They both carefully enter the passage, while having to carry the TV down too. Rigby suddenly hears Benson)
Benson: Have you seen two guys with a TV?
Petition Guy: Sure. They were headed toward the food court. You wanna sign this petition to help fund stronger clipboards?
Benson: Of course!
(Benson grabs the guy's pen and goes to sign the petition, but the man's clipboard breaks immediately. Rigby gasps)
Rigby: Go, go, go, go, go!
(Benson signs the petition on the man's back, then walks off and glances towards the food court, where he can see the aftermath of the guys' earlier mishaps shoving through the tables. Cut to Mordecai and Rigby going down a ladder with the TV underneath the entrance to the passage. The ladder sounds unsteady however)
Mordecai: Dude, warn me if you're gonna rip one.
Rigby: I always warn you, those are the rules!
(The ladder suddenly snaps and the guys with the TV fall to the ground screaming. They survive the fall, and hear birds chipping from the other side of an underground tunnel)
Mordecai & Rigby: Huh?
(Mordecai and Rigby walk through the tunnel to see an abandoned underground mall)
Mordecai & Rigby: Whoa!
Mordecai: This mall must be like 15 years old.
Rigby: Man, it smells like a nuke cage in here.
Mordecai: You've been smelling a lot of stuff, lately.
Rigby: Yeah, I just got over a cold so everything's really jumping out at me.
(Rigby stands on a booby trap which causes a flying bladed disc to come hurling their way)
Mordecai: Run!
(Mordecai and Rigby run from the disc, they go up an escalator)
Mordecai: Up, up, up, up, up, up, up!
(The disc slices the bottom half of the escalator, causing the steps to drop to the ground. Luckily, Mordecai and Rigby make it in time. However, darts suddenly start flying out of the mouths of people on posters in the underground mall. The guys run and Rigby steps on another booby trap)
Mordecai: Dude! Stop stepping on booby traps!
(A giant axe swings from the ceiling towards Mordecai and Rigby. They quickly run into a video game store as the axe stops at the entrance, knocking the dudes slightly. Mordecai looks up to see the game store)
Mordecai: Oh, whoa! It's a game store.
Rigby: Yeah, except they only have lousy games left!
(Rigby picks up a game called "Lord Fury's Countdown Castle")
Rigby: Bleugh!
(Out of nowhere, the Eggscellent Knight pops up from behind the counter)
Eggscellent Knight: Weary travellers!
(Mordecai and Rigby gasp)
Eggscellent Knight: Thou seeketh the golden riches of Andor?
Mordecai: Uh, no? What are you doing here? I thought you were working at that other place?
Eggscellent Knight: The Eggscellent Diner is no more! There is much turnover in the relic guarding business. So what is it you seek, Mordecai of the Omelette?
Mordecai: Maury Moto's Golden Badge.
Eggscellent Knight: Ah, of course. If thou seeketh the golden game badge, you must travel the high road!
(The Eggscellent Knight points up, referring to a ladder which is behind him)
Rigby: Okay, cool.
Eggscellent Knight: But heed our policy! One must not be greedy. Only one relic per customer.
(Mordecai and Rigby head up the ladder)
Mordecai: Okay, got it.
Rigby: Thanks, man. Uh, so is that guy?
Eggscellent Knight: The fallen heroes of old await you, doomed adventurers!
(The camera tilts upwards through pipes, lava and a soda can with a rat. The camera follows the rat as it goes passed a sewer, which the camera then goes into, and follows out back to the ladder Mordecai and Rigby climbed down. The camera zooms up and out of the entrance to the secret passage, to show Benson taking a sample of the drink Rigby spilled and tasting it)
Benson: Still cold. Just like my online dating profile.
(Benson opens the trap door, as we go back to Mordecai and Rigby moving through the higher part of the mall. They see two skeletons posed in the same way as the video game characters Tim and Mark, laid against the wall indicating the entrance to Maury's lair)
Mordecai & Rigby: They were real...
(Suddenly, they hear Benson falling)
Benson: Ow, darnit!
Mordecai: Dude, hurry! Benson's gonna catch us!
Rigby: I don't see anything. This door doesn't even have a handle! This door blows!
Mordecai: Maybe it's some kind of light bay?
(Mordecai waves his arm to try and activate a sensor, but a bunch of spiked sticks push through almost hitting him)
Mordecai: Agh! Okay, maybe not.
(Rigby pulls some moss off the wall, which reveals a cartridge slot)
Rigby: Mordecai, look!
Mordecai: It's a cartridge slot.
Rigby: But that means we'd have to shut off the game!
(Mordecai grabs the joystick and pulls it again, bringing 8-bit Maury Moto back to the screen)
Maury: My guidance ends here. Your instincts have served you thus far. Trust in them, and your destiny awaits.
(Maury goes through a door, and the credits roll)
Mordecai: Hmph.
(Mordecai ejects the cartridge from the console, and the two bros put it into the cartridge slot. But nothing happens)
Mordecai: Okay, wait.
(Mordecai takes the cartridge out of the slot and starts blowing on it, and Rigby starts to blow into the cartridge slot. Once they're done, Mordecai inserts the cartridge once again, this time forming a light from the door. We see Mordecai and Rigby walking through a hallway, when they suddenly gasp. They see shelves stacked with games, as well as consoles and a variety of chips and sodas. It's an underground gaming paradise)
Rigby: I have never seen a place as cool as this.
Mordecai: Dude, look!
(Mordecai points to a skeleton sat on a sofa by a basket of golden game badges)
Mordecai: It's him. Maury Moto...
(Mordecai and Rigby walk up to Maury Moto's skeleton)
Rigby: I think we should say something.
(Mordecai clears his throat)
Mordecai: Maury Moto...your games...then that part when you jump up?
Rigby: Invisible block? Power-up comes out?
Mordecai: Like, my world was changed. Thanks, man.
Rigby: Thanks.
(Mordecai and Rigby both grab a golden game badge each, but realize they can't stick it onto their bodies)
Rigby: Oh, huh.
(They take off Maury Moto's jacket, and another skeleton's jacket too, to put the badges onto. They put their sunglasses on Maury)
Mordecai: Nice.
(Suddenly, the whole lair starts to shake up)
Mordecai: What? No!
Rigby: But we only took one per customer!
(It's revealed that the shaking was caused by Benson, who has just punched through the wall easily)
Benson: Really gotta re-insulate that. You two! I can't believe you stole my car battery for a couple stupid fabric patches!
Mordecai: Uh, first off - these are badges.
Rigby: Yeah - rare golden game badges! They're like priceless!
Benson: Oh, well if they're so valuable, I guess I could just buy a new battery with -
(Benson goes to take the whole basket of badges)
Mordecai & Rigby: No!
(As Benson picks up the basket, it reveals a stringed attachment, which causes the whole place to start collapsing)
Mordecai: What do we do?
Rigby: I don't know!
(Light can be seen through a gap in the wall, which suddenly breaks into a huge hole)
Mordecai: Into the light!
(The trio run towards the hole as the place comes crumbling down. They land back in the mall food court.
(Mordecai turns around and sees the hole they just caused start to reseal itself. The Eggscellent Knight walks to the hole and waves. Later, the Sun is seen setting while the guys are back at Skips' van by the sea. Mordecai, Rigby and Benson have blankets around them)
Benson: This has been the longest day of my life. First, the sprinklers were too short and the next thing I know, I'm climbing into some abandoned mall. And then there was those gibbons.
(Benson giggles to himself)
Benson: I had to talk to some crazy old knight, and punched through a wall and - man, that was really something.
Mordecai: Dude, if you wanted to hang out with us so bad, you could've just asked.
(Benson blushes)
Benson: Give me those stupid patches!
(Benson rips the badges off Mordecai and Rigby's jackets. Meanwhile, Skips is in the driver's seat looking out to the sky)
Mordecai: Aw, come on!
Skips: Holy...hey, look!
(The gang see Maury Moto's lair flying away in the sky. Mordecai and Rigby look up in amazement, as a giant hologram of Maury Moto can be seen projected by the Sun)
Maury: Thank you, Mordecai and Rigby, for setting me free with your kind words.
Mordecai & Rigby: Awesome...
Maury: Now you've unlocked the map to find the Crystal Track Ball of Infinity.
(A bigger, even more complicated map is projected in the sky)
Mordecai & Rigby: What?
(Benson quickly grabs Mordecai and Rigby and pulls them into Skips' van)
Benson: Skips, drive away right now!
(Skips drives off)
Mordecai: Aw, man!
(End of Gamers Never Say Die)