| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(Benson is calling Pam at a "PHONE HOME" booth.)
Pam: Listen, Benson. We need to talk.
Benson: We are talking. Ooh, wanna hear how many pushups I did at training today?
Pam: No, we need to really talk.
Benson: Oh, okay.
Pam: This...this isn't working for me anymore.
Benson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Pam: Benson, you're a great guy, but I have no idea when you're coming back, or-or if you're coming back.
Benson: Sure, sure.
Pam: You know, statistically, the further away two mates are from each other, the less likely it is that their relationship will last. I've done the calculations, and our odds (sniffles) are only 1.35%.
Benson: Mm-hmm.
Pam: I'm...I'm-I'm sorry, Benson. It's not you, it's just...math. I think we should just be friends.
Benson: I get it. I was sent millions of miles into space against my will, you're back on Earth...
Pam: Are you sure you're okay?
Benson: I totally understand. I am good.
(The scene cuts to Benson sitting down against a wall and crying hysterically. Beside him are a wing boxes, bones and wrappers.)
Benson (continued): Pa-a-am!! Why?!
(He slumps down splattering wing sauce and continues to crying before the scene cuts to Mordecai and Rigby walking nearby and having a conversation.)
Rigby: Okay, okay, okay. My turn.
Mordecai: Hmm-hmm-hmm.
Rigby: Would your rather have spaghetti for fingers, or have spiders crawl out of your mouth every time you yawn?
Mordecai: Hmmm... That's a good one. If I eat my spaghetti fingers, do they grow back?
Rigby: Yes, but they're whole wheat pasta.
Mordecai: Aw sick, dude! Well, in that case, I gotta go with- uhh...
(The two notice a depressed Benson eating wings.)
Mordecai (continued): Uh-oh.
(Sympathetic, the duo walk up to Benson.)
Mordecai (continued): Um, hey, buddy. Everything okay, man?
(Benson finishes sucking on a chicken bone.)
Benson: No. Pam dumped me. I've been eating all these wings, but they're not making me feel any better.
Rigby: Hey, wait. Didn't you and Pam eat wings on your first date?
(Benson widens his pupils in realization.)
Benson: Oh nooooooooo! That's why they're not working! They're just making me think about Pam!
Mordecai: Whoa, whoa! Forget about wings.
Rigby: Yeah, these space wings are wack anyways. We know what'll make you feel better.
Benson: What?
Mordecai & Rigby: Umm...frriiiiiiieeeeee...Fries!
Benson: Fries?
Mordecai: Crispy, delicious fries! I'm talkin' curly!
Rigby: Crisp cut!
Mordecai: Wedge cut!
Rigby: Crinkle cut!
Mordecai: Shoe-string!
Rigby: Artisanal salt, yo!
Benson: (gets up and points to Mordecai and Rigby) Yeah! Fries will fill the void in my soul. (runs off)
Mordecai: Phew. We really dodged a bullet on that one.
(Benson starts running around looking for a place to eat fries)
Benson: Where can I find fries?
(He looks outside and notices a food truck named "ROXY'S FAMOUS FRIES".)
Benson: Ahh.
(Benson pants as he runs up to grab a spacesuit. After putting it on, he leaves the Space Tree and makes his way to the food truck.)
Benson: Wedge-cut, criss-cut, crinkle-cut, wedge-cut, criss-cut, crinkle-cut, shoe-strings. (laughs) I think I'm starting to feel better alread--
(Just before he reaches the fries truck, he gets hit by an Ice Cream Truck. After cutting to black a split second later, he wakes up to find himself in a food truck with a floating rock.)
Floating Rock: Oh, my gosh. It was a hit-and-run. That ice-cream-truck guy just took off. Are you okay?
Benson: Huh? Where am I? Who are you?
Roxy: I'm Roxy, and you're in my fry truck.
Benson: Great. I'm Benson. Can I get an order of fries?
Roxy: I'm sorry, but we sold out in, like, ten minutes. Got to kick you out. I'm about to go on a supply run.
Benson: Ah, typical. The saddest day of my life, then I get hit by a truck, and now I can't even get fries. Why did I think fries could make me happy again? This was dumb. (cut to Roxy looking at Benson and feeling sorry for him) Sorry to bother you, Roxy.
Roxy: Or if you want to tag along with me on my supply run, I can make you a fresh batch when I'm done.
Benson: Really? You'd do that for me?
Roxy: My fries are the best in the galaxy, Benson. We're gonna turn that frown upside down.
Benson: Wait. Are you smiling?
Roxy: Yep. Roxy's Fries - guaranteed to put a smile on your face.
Benson: All right. So we're just going for a quick grocery-store run or something?
Roxy: Ha ha. Not if you want the good stuff.
(The scene cuts to Roxy's fries truck heading towards Potanton 4. After landing, we cut to Benson and Roxy holding tools to dig out and peel the potatoes.)
Roxy: This is the potato planet mine. For the good stuff, we got it go way down there to the bottom.
Benson: You sure we can't just go to the grocery store?
Roxy: (knocks Benson's shoulder)Hey, there's a reason my fries are the best in the galaxy. Come on. (makes her way to the bottom of the potato hole.)
Benson: Ow. That kind of hurt.
(After Benson and Roxy arrive at the bottom of the hole, they stand next to a square of potatoes to dig out.)
Benson: So what do we do now?
Roxy: Now we dig.
Benson: You're the boss.
(A quick montage of Benson and Roxy digging out the potatoes and enjoying themselves plays. After the montage ends, we cut to Benson and Roxy making their way back to the food truck.)
Benson: Whew. This is actually kind of fun.
Roxy: I think I see a smile coming on. (turns around and notices something in the distance) Oh, no. Potato bugs.
(The potato bugs don't seem to notice Benson and Roxy and continue to mind their own business. A few seconds later, one of the bugs starts sensing something by buzzing.)
Roxy: Run!
(The potato bugs begin to pursue Benson and Roxy. One of the bugs flies and lands on Benson's legs. He whimpers for a bit and then starts attacking the bugs with his shovel.)
Benson: (while hitting the bugs) I... just... want... some fries! (grunts as he continues to hit the bugs) I'm trying to get through a rough day, and I don't have time for this right now.
(Benson turns around to see Roxy screaming and fighting with another bug by holding on and trying to prevent her potato batch from being stolen.)
Roxy: Benson, help me.
Benson: Aah.
(He throws his shovel at the bug, which not only knocks him out unconscious, but allows Roxy to retrieve her potato batch.)
Benson: Roxy, are you okay?
Roxy: (to Benson in awe) I... I think so.
Benson: Good. We better get out of here.
Roxy: I can't believe you did that.
Benson: Okay, we got potato. What's next?
Roxy: Um, right. Uh, we need oil.
(Benson and Roxy arrive at another planet to retrieve a batch of oil, this time, they arrive at a planet called "Cornolio 6". Benson is shown pushing an open oil drum and aligns it with a nearby tap.)
Benson: Okay. Barrel's in place.
Roxy: Great. I'll open the valve. (starts pushing the valve)
Benson: Oh, here. I'll get that.
Roxy: Thanks. I guess chivalry isn't dead. (Benson starts turning the valve to pump out the oil) So, if you want to talk about your bad day, you can. I can offer a shoulder to cry on. I mean-- well, not literally, but--
Benson: Uh, thanks. I guess it's just hard being single and in space.
Roxy: I'm single and in space, too. So, um, do you have any hobbies?
Benson: Well, I used to be a drummer in a rock band.
Roxy: (blushes) Oh. A rock band.
Benson: Oh, yeah. Back in the day, I was all, "Two, three, four, doon-doon-dat, doon-doon-dat. (Roxy continues to blush and look at Benson in awe)Bubba-dubba-dubba-dubba doon-doon-dat.Doon-doon-dat, (hits the oil machine) psss. Huh?
(After hitting the oil machine, a bunch of oil starts to fly out of the ground and then lands onto both Benson and Roxy.)
Roxy: (laughs) Benson, you goo... oof?
(An intrigued Roxy blushes as she watches Benson in slow-motion shake the oil off of himself.)
Benson: Mmm. Oh, yeah. That's better. Whew. So, where to next?
Roxy: (snaps back to reality) Uh, we got to cut the potatoes.
(The two arrive at an Industrial Fry-Cutting Planet. After landing, we cut to a blushing Roxy imaging a muscular Benson cut the potatoes.)
Benson: (distorted) Roxy? Hey, Roxy?
(Roxy continues to daydream)
Benson: (normal voice) Earth to Roxy. Everything okay?
Roxy: (stops daydreaming) Oh, uh... ha ha ha. Sorry. I, ah-- I, um... I've got to go make a phone call. Excuse me.
(After Roxy finds a suitable place to make a phone call, she speed dials Crystal.)
Roxy: Come on, come on...
(Crystal picks up the phone)
Crystal: Roxy. Hey, girl.
Roxy: Crystal. Listen, I-I need some advice.
Crystal: Ooh, I know what that means. (giggles) You have a crush.
Roxy: Heh heh. Oh, well, yeah.
Crystal: (gasps) Is he cut? How many karats is he?
Roxy: Well, that's the thing. He's, uh-- Oh, boy-- Heh. He's an organic.
Crystal: Ahh. Get out. An organic? The ultimate taboo.
Roxy: I don't know if he's into me. I-I always mess this kind of thing up.
Crystal: Roxy, quit worrying so much. You're a stone-cold Rox. Stop being such a pebble and be boulder. Flirt with him a bit. Take him to the most romantic place in the universe. You got this, girl. Uh, I got to roll, Rox. It's like a quarry out here.
Roxy: Crystal, you are a gem. Thanks.
Crystal: (hangs up the phone and follows a square rock) Hey, Slater, wait up.
Roxy: (exhales and returns to Benson) Oh. Hey, sorry about that. Wow, you cut those fast. You know, you're pretty good at this.
Benson: Yeah? Are you hiring? (laughs)
Roxy: (laughs) Yeah. Maybe we should go into business together. What do you say? You want to be be my sous-chef? (accidently knocks over Benson) Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?
(The scene cuts to the Food Truck parked near a red planet with a bright light in the distance)
Benson: Whoa. This place is awesome, Roxy.
Roxy: Oh, yeah. I must've forgot this was here.
Benson: It's amazing. Roxy...
Roxy: (nods) Mm-hmm?
Benson: This day started off being one of the worst days of my life, but you made it into one of the best. Thanks for making it special. Things aren't so bad after all.
Roxy: So we're on the same page, then?
Benson: Uh, sure?
(Benson and Roxy look at each other briefly before Roxy slowly moves so she can kiss Benson. However, she accidently knocks Benson's head.)
Benson: Oh, ow.
(Roxy gasps)
Benson: What was that?
Roxy: What was that? I can't believe you. I kiss you, and all you say is ow?
Benson: Wait. You did what now?
Roxy: (sniffles) I have to go.
(Roxy starts crying as she leaves the food truck.)
Benson: Roxy, wait. Please stop. Roxy.
(Roxy continues to cry as Benson briefly knocks on the window to get her attention.)
Benson: Roxy.
(After Roxy ignores Benson, he decides to start the food truck and chase after her. Things take a turn for the worse when he notices that Roxy is going through an asteroid field.)
Benson: Roxy.
(Benson continues to navigate through the asteroid hellscape when suddenly, an asteroid knocks off one of the rear-view mirrors)
Benson: Aah. It's all right. That's what insurance is for. Come on, Roxy. Where are you?
(He looks around and after a few seconds, he spots Roxy.)
Benson: Roxy.
(Benson honks his horn as he tries to get Roxy's attention but this only results in her moving away.)
Benson: Roxy, wait.
(He then moves one of the gears and puts his foot on the pedal so he can drive faster. This only results in him crashing into asteroids and cracking one of the window screens.)
Benson: Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa.
(An asteroid crashes into the cracked windscreen, which results in Benson being sucked out of the food truck.)
Benson: Aaaahhhh!
(Roxy turns around and notices Benson in the distance.)
Roxy: Benson.
(Benson grabs hold of Roxy before the scene cuts to the two in the food truck with Roxy sealing the cracked window).
Roxy: As long as we keep it under light speed, that should hold.
Benson: Look, Roxy, about earlier - I'm really sorry.
Roxy: It's okay. I get it.
Benson: No. I just want you to know it's not about you. You're a really cool girl, and honestly, I think you're great, but... (sighs) See, the whole reason I wanted fries was to try to feel better because - because my girlfriend dumped me this morning.
Roxy: Oh, Benson.
Benson: It's not the first time I've been dumped. Or the second. Or the third. It's happened a lot. I mean, Dumptown is a place, and I've been there, Roxy. It still hurts, and, well, I'm kind of a mess right now. I hope you understand.
Roxy: Yeah.
Benson: Hey, you know what we need? French fries.
(A small montage of Benson and Roxy preparing the fries plays.)
Benson: Oh, we forgot the salt.
Roxy: No, we didn't.
(Pulls out a rasp and uses it on herself as a form of producing salt.)
Roxy: My secret ingredient - butt salt.
(Benson looks at the fries for a second before grabbing one and taking a bite.)
Benson: Oh, wow. Those are great fries.
Roxy: Feel better?
Benson: I do.
Roxy: Me too. (takes a bite out of a fry) Mmm. This is so good. Oh, here comes the best part.
(Roxy and Benson watch the sun move around a red planet.)
Benson: Hey, Roxy, are you smiling?
Roxy: I sure am.