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Mordecai: *awes* Alright dude, time to get up. (Rigby whines) Come on, Rigby. (Rigby whines more.) Dude, get up. We got to get ready for work.
Rigby: (sits up) Okay. Okay. (grunts)
Mordecai: (stands up) Dude, this is so cool. I never got a job that got you a place to live.
Rigby: I never even had a job.
(Rigby gets the dirty clothes off of him while Mordecai is watching him struggle getting it off.)
Mordecai: Yeah, about that. (Rigby gets up and puts the dirty clothing in one corner.) I kinda told them you'd be a good idea to hire, so can you try not to do the whole "Rigby thing".
Rigby: "Rigby thing"? What do you mean?
Mordecai: I mean you're lazy.
Rigby: What? I'm not lazy.
Mordecai: Dude, you were too lazy to fill up the application for this job. That's why I had to vouch for you in the first place.
Rigby: (angrily) Just because I was too lazy to do something boring like filling in a job application doesn't mean I'm lazy.
Mordecai: Okay. Okay. Look. Let's just both promise that starting right now we're not gonna do anything to screw this up. Okay?
Rigby: Okay. You think there's breakfast stuff in the kitchen?
Mordecai: Only one way to find out.
(Scene changes in the fridge where Mordecai opens it.)
(Gets the milk.)
(Gets the cereal.)
Mordecai & Rigby: ...Combine.
(Mordecai pours the milk & Rigby pours the cereal.)
(Scene changes where they sit down in the kitchen table where Rigby was about to eat his cereal until Mordecai puts his hand in his chest.)
Mordecai: This is the only clean spoon left dude. Let's play "Punchies" for it.
Rigby: Okay. Me first. (Rigby punches Mordecai but, gets surprised when he thought it was weak. Mordecai laughs then punches Rigby hard in his arm.) Owww...Take it.
Mordecai: (laughs then talks with his mouth full) Man, so far this job is awesome! I still can't believe we get our own rooms!
Rigby: Dude, those rooms aren't cool. There's nothing in them. I had to sleep on the floor last night.
(Rigby eats the cereal from the box.)
Mordecai: Well, yeah, I mean, we could get some stuff for it after we make some money. You know?
Rigby: I guess.
Mordecai: You want some milk.
(Mordecai pours the milk into Rigby's mouth when all of a sudden benson comes in.)
Benson: Hey! Please don't eat up in the table like that.
Pops: Like what? (Gentle music appears when the scene is shown closer to a chair that Pops & Benson are taking out. Scene then shows Mordecai & Rigby in shock staring at it when they're not even paying attention to what they're doing.) Oh my. I never seen anyone eating cereal like that. How quaint!
Benson: Yeah, well they shouldn't be doing that. That's what the bowls are for.
Pops: Oh, they're fine!
(Pops & Benson leave the room.)
Mordecai: ...Did you see that chair?
Rigby: I love chairs...
(They stair at each other and suddenly go outside where Pops & Benson took the chair out.)
Mordecai: Hey, Pops! What are you doing with that chair?
Pops: Oh, well. I no longer require its services. So, Benson & I are taking it to the place where the big man-made come upon & wisk it away to magic trash city!
(Mordecai & Rigby stay silent then look at Benson for an answer.)
Benson: We're throwing it away.
Rigby: Aw, what?
Mordecai: Yeah, why would you throw that thing out? It looks awesome. Can we at least check it out, before you chuck it?
Rigby: (Quickly) Yeah, can we at least check it, before you chuck it?
(Pops & Benson put the chair down.)
Pops: (Laughs) Oh, that would be fine.
Benson: Look, I gotta get back to work. You guys help him throw it away when you're done.
(Benson leaves the scene while Mordecai & Rigby come closer to the chair.)
Mordecai: Aw, man this chair is awesome. Look how awesome it looks.
Rigby: Dude, it sounds like old man pants.
(They both feel the couch which makes a cushion sound)
Mordecai: (laughs) I'm gonna sit in it.
Rigby: Good idea.
(Mordecai sits on the couch while awing. Later, he then feels uncomfortable.)
Rigby: What? What's wrong?
(Mordecai positions with the chair in many ways to feel comfortable.)
Mordecai: (quickly) This is the most uncomfortable chair I ever sat in.
Rigby: Aw, what? Let me try it.
Pops: Yes, I'm afraid it's true, I purchased it through the post, and it just isn't as comfortable as it looks.
Rigby: Awwwwwww. This is terrible. Maybe we're just not sitting it right.
Mordecai: Hmm, Hmm.
Rigby: Come on baby, come on baby, come on! Come on baby!!!
(Rigby pull his eyes and bites the chair and sits on the chair)
Rigby: Ugh. It's just not comfortable, man. If you ask me, I think we should throw it away.
Pops: Oh, Well, Yes, that's what I'm on my way to do.
Mordecai: Hey Pops, since you're throwing it out anyway, can I just have it?
Rigby: No, let me have it!
Mordecai: I asked him first. Come on, Pops!
Rigby: No, Pops, me!
Pops: Well, I don't think I know who to give it to. But if you two can settle it between yourselves, then you're more than welcome to have it.
Mordecai: Yeah, let's play punches.
Rigby: No way. I'm not playing that game with you anymore. If we're playing for something like that chair, then we need to play a game that takes a little more skill.
Mordecai: How much skill?
Rigby: Rock... paper... scissors.
Pops: Oh, I adore rock paper scissors. Although where I come from, we called it quartz parchment shears.
Mordecai: Alright, how do you wanna play it. Are we go in a one-two-three go? Or one-two-three, shoot on three?
Rigby: Let's do it on three.
Mordecai: Alright, fine. But let's stretch first. I don't wanna put my ham or whatever.
(M&R stretch first for quartz parchment shears)
Muscle Man: What's up with the new guys?
Pops: They're getting ready to play quartz parchment shears for my old Silounna.
Muscle Man: Nice. You know who else gonna play quartz parchment shears for your old Silounna?
Muscle Man: My mom!
(Pops, Hi Five Ghost and Muscle Man laugh)
(Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost give a high five)
Muscle Man: See? I told you I was gonna say it!
(Mordecai and Rigby play quartz parchment shears one tie)
Pops: Oh my!
(Mordecai and Rigby play quartz parchment shears two ties and Pops laugh)
Benson: Shouldn't you guys be throwing that thing away?
Pops: Benson, come quick! Quartz parchment shears and they already tied two times, it's absolutely fascinating!
Benson: I have work to do. And they shouldn't be playing that. It's an evil game.
Pops: Whoo, an evil game.
Rigby: Two ties. You don't know what I'm throwing next, baby.
Mordecai: Pfft. I already know what you're gonna throw before you even throw it, baby.
Rigby: That's not even possible, baby!
(Mordecai and Rigby play quartz parchment shears eight ties and Pops watches in amazement; Rigby kicks the dirt)
Mordecai: Come on! (He walks away)
Pops: Good show! Jolly good show! (He pulls out a walkie talkie) Everyone, come quick! The most amazing game of quartz parchment shears is happening right now! (laughs)
(Montage begins where Mordecai and Rigby play quartz parchment shears 99 ties and Pops watches in shock until the montage ends. A crowd of people are yelling as they watch Mordecai and Rigby play quartz parchment shears)
Rigby: La la la la la la la la!
Mordecai: No! No!
Pops: Ninety-nine times in a row! (laughs)
Mordecai: Enough! Why are we even doing this? You don't think this chair is comfortable.
Rigby: So? Neither do you!
Mordecai: Dude, I was lying. I was just saying it so you wouldn't want it.
Rigby: I was lying also. I love that chair!
Mordecai: Well, then, I guess it's too bad, because after I win it, I'm never gonna let you sit in it.
Rigby: (groans) Then finish it.
(Mordecai and Rigby play quartz parchment shears 100 ties, but lightning, thunder and an evil voice laughing is heard from the sky)
Evil Voice: Since no one can decide, and all is played is tied 100 times, I'd take it upon myself to eat your prize.
(A black hole appears in front of them, and the people run to the house for safety)
Rigby: What is that?!
Mordecai: Come on, let's go!
(They go to the house for safety, except a business man, who gets sucked into the black hole)
Rigby: This is all your fault!
Mordecai: How is this my fault?! I just wanted to play punchies!
(They see the chair about to be sucked into the black hole)
Rigby: The chair! (He goes after the chair)
Mordecai: Rigby! (He goes after Rigby)
Pops: Oh? Oh! Oh, dear... (He goes afternoon the duo to save the chair)
(Cut to a different area of the park where Benson and Skips are driving in the cart)
Pops: (over the speaker) Hello, hello? Please, someone, come quick! Quartz parchment shears has gone terribly- (The speaker dies)
Benson: Pops, where are you? (He and Skips see an explosion behind the bushes; sighs) Skips, take the shortcut, I'll go around back.
(He takes the shortcut through the bushes and Benson drives the cart back to the guys)
(Rigby, Mordecai and Pops hold on a lamppost as they're screaming, trying to save the chair, but the black hole monster reveals itself and roars and goes back into the black hole, and it gets bigger and stronger, making Pops let go of the lamppost, and as the trio are about to be sucked into the black hole, Skips grabs Pops' legs)
Skips: What did you do?
Benson: (he came with the he cart) They were playing rock paper scissors, grab on.
Skips: (he grabs on a bar) Don't you know that's an evil game?
Benson: Hold on, everybody!
Pops: Hold on, everybody!
Mordecai: Hold on, every... Rigby!
(Half of Rigby's body is sucked into the black hole along with the chair, and Benson and Skips gasp, but Benson drives the cart towards the garage door, pulling half of Rigby's body and the chair out of the black hole, and Benson continues driving until he hits the garage door)
Skips: What do we do?
Benson: You have to break the tie!
Mordecai: Rigby, we have to end this! I'm gonna throw rock!
Rigby: Yeah, right.
Mordecai: I'm not kidding!
Benson: Hurry up! Do it now!
(Mordecai and Rigby breaks the tie, causing the black hole to explode, leaving the park ruined. Everybody gets up)
Mordecai: Did you win?
Mordecai: I think you've won.
Rigby: (sighs) It doesn't matter. I wasn't able to hold on to the chair anyways.
(Half of the chair is still left)
Mordecai & Rigby: Aw, cool.
Benson: No, you don't. You're not getting that chair. But here's what you do get. You get to flip that cart back over, you're throwin' that chair away, and then you're cleaning up this whole MESS! (the camera zooms out, revealing the entire lawn destroyed) Pops, you're comin' with me. And you two idiots, if this isn't cleaned up when I get back, YOU'RE FIRED!
(Benson walks into the house with Pops and Skips before he slams the door shut)
Mordecai: Okay, starting now, let's both promise not to do anything to screw this up. Agreed?
Rigby: Agreed. Rock, paper, scissors for who gets to drive the cart? (both shake their fists, attempting who gets to drive it first)
(End of First Day)