Fancy Restaurant/Transcript

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(The episode begins with Muscle Man and Starla sitting on a park bench. Muscle Man chews a piece of gum and spits it out on a wrapper before placing it on the ground. A speedwalker is then shown coming up.)

Muscle Man: Oh, it's on.

(Pulls out popcorn bag)

Muscle Man: Time to bust out the popcorn, baby.

(Starts eating some of it)

(The speedwalker steps onto the gum-covered wrapper as Muscle Man laughs at what he just did)

Muscle Man: Why aren't you laughing, babe? You always laugh when we go on dates!

Starla: Mitch, we have to talk.

(MM&S get up from the bench as Muscle Man wonders what Starla is about to say)

Starla: I've been thinking. We need to take our relationship to the next level. My parents are in town tonight, and I think you should meet them over dinner!

(MM&S grab each other's hands)

Muscle Man: Whoa, seriously? Babe, that's a huge step!

(Dips her)

Muscle Man: And I already know the perfect place: Wing Kingdom.

Starla: Uh, I don't think you should take my parents to Wing Kingdom. (Muscle Man frowns as Starla gives her opinion) I have another place in mind.

(Mini montage of a fancy-looking restaurant. First, we see a chandeleir. Then, we cut to a man sitting at a table with a cup of tea. He raises his pinky finger and takes a sip. Next, we cut to a woman with a napkin. She raises her pinky fingers from off the napkin and then wipes her upper lip. We are then shown a sign that reads: No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. Muscle Man looks through the window, dismayed.)

Muscle Man: Oh no, bro.

(To Starla)

Muscle Man: Uh, are you sure about this place?

Starla: Yeah! This is the best place to make an impression. I really want my parents to like you.

Muscle Man: Sure. Then, let's go here, babe.

Starla: (Kisses Muscle Man) I'm so excited for my parents to meet you! (Gasps) I have so much to do!

(Runs off)

(Clock transition to the kitchen of Pops's house. Muscle Man is making a reservation as Mordecai and Rigby walk in.)

Muscle Man: I'd like to make a reservation.

(M&R notice what's going on)

Muscle Man: Yeah. Sorrenstein, party of four, seven o'clock p.m.

Matire'd: Oui, <Yes,> Mr. Sorrenstein, we will see you tonight at seven. Now, we do have a strict dress code.

Muscle Man: (Begins sweating profusely) Dress code?

Matire'd: Oui. <Yes.> Black tie, jacket...

Muscle Man: (M&R look on) Jacket? I think I might have a windbreaker.

Matire'd: (Angrily) What?! Did I mention a shirt and shoes are required as well?!

Muscle Man: Uh... Of course not; I know that! Now, this is totally a joke question, but that shirt has to be clean too, right?

Matire'd: What?! Well, I never!

(Cut back to kitchen. Matire'd is yelling over the phone.)

Muscle Man: (Frightened) See you at seven!

(Quickly hangs up phone, panting)

Rigby: Lemme guess, Bistro en Le Parc?

Muscle Man: Yeah. I have to meet Starla's parents there tonight.

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa, takin' it to the next level!

Muscle Man: Yeah, but didn't you hear that? I barely made it through the reservation! How am I gonna impress Starla's parents if I can't even make a reservation?

Mordecai: Dude, just be yourself.

Muscle Man: I can't be myself! Myself sucks! Starla will totally dump me if her parents don't like me.

Rigby: We'll help you get fancy for your dinner.

Muscle Man: Really, dudes?

Mordecai: Yeah, man. We're your friends. We hate to see you bummed out.

Rigby: Plus, last time Starla dumped you, you got all sad and we had to do your work.

Muscle Man: (Laughs) Yeah. Sure glad I'm not you guys. Where do we start?

Mordecai: Not we.

(Cut to Pops's room, where Pops is standing)

Mordecai (continued): He.

(Zoom out)

Pops: (Laughs) I'm so happy that you decided to become fancy, Muscle Man. And, you want me to help! I even wrote a book about it! (Puts a book on the table, titled:) Fanciness, Theory and Practical Application. (Opens book) A practical application of advanced theory of fanciness.

(MR&MM slowly back out)

Pops: Volume one of six. First printing, publishing date, M-C-M, X, V, I-I-I...

(Mordecai closes the door)

Mordecai: Dude, we're gonna have to do this our way.

Muscle Man: Good. 'Cause I don't know if I can handle having to listen to Pops speak Spanish anymore.

(Clock transition to a montage of Muscle Man learning fanciness. Mordecai holds up a book called: "Etiquette for Very Young Children," and opens the book to step 1, "A firm handshake." Outside, Mordecai raises his arm for Muscle Man to shake, but Muscle Man clumsily pounds it from the top and bottom, then realizes he did it wrong. Next, they practice step 2, "Open the door for guests." Muscle Man opens the door for Rigby to walk through, but quickly runs in through the doorway, slamming the door in front of Rigby. Rigby facepalms before they practice step 3, "Seat your guests." Muscle Man at first does it right when Rigby sits in the chair, but pushes it in too hard.)

(We then use a clock transition to Muscle Man learning how to use the forks in the kitchen. Mordecai holds up a sign that tells Muscle Man to pick up the salad fork. Muscle Man then picks up the fork to his farthest left. M&R nod in approval, and Muscle Man smiles, as we clock transition to the Awkward and Oblong men's store. We end the montage with Muscle Man coming out of a dressing booth, dressed in a tuxedo, and his hair held back with gel.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa!

Mordecai: Dude! You look like a whole new man!

Rigby: How do you feel?

Muscle Man: Fancy.

(The tuxedo falls apart, and the gel fails to hold Muscle Man's hair back)

Muscle Man: I can't do this!

Mordecai: We're gonna need a plan B. (To Rigby) Rigby, you still got those mini-headsets?

(Clock transition to the front of Bistro En Le Parc at nighttime. Muscle Man's dressed in his tuxedo again, recieving instruction from M&R.)

Muscle Man: (Into headseat) Testing, testing! I don't know if I can do this, guys.

(Pan over to the window. Mordecai and Rigby, also dressed in tuxedos, are instructing Muscle Man, the former in a fake moustache, the latter in glasses.)

Mordecai: Dude, don't worry! We got this!

(Cut to inside)

Mordecai: Me and Rigby are already inside.

Rigby: Just stick to the plan. Everything will be alright.

(Cut back to outside)

Muscle Man: Thanks, dudes. I--

(A car horn blares, and headlights shine on Muscle Man. He looks back and sees Starla and her parents, dressed in formal attire, coming out of the car)

Starla: (Waving) Mitch! Mitch!

Muscle Man: (As Starla and her parents approach) Whoa! Babe! You look totally ho-- (Starla frowns) ...uh, lovely!

Starla: Mitch... (Pans over to her parents) these are my parents.

(Short silence)

Rigby: (Over headset) Shake their hands.

Muscle Man: (Shaking the father's hand) Mitch Sorrenstein.

Herb: Charmed. I am Sir Herbert Gotzmendoder. (Introduces wife) And this is my wife, Madame Rose Gotzmendoder.

Rose: (Raises hand) How do you do?

(Muscle Man kisses her hand)

Muscle Man: Let's go inside, shall we?

(They walk toward the door)

Rigby: (Over headset) Dude, get the door!

(Muscle Man runs and open the door for them)

Matire'd: Welcome to Bistro en Le Parc.

Muscle Man: Sorrenstein. Table for Four.

Maitre'd: I hope Monseur (You) found a clean shirt.

Muscle Man: (Laughs) You know it, Bro.

Matire'd: Yes. Your table awaits.

(He turns to whisper to another waiter)

Maitre'd: Keep an eye on them.

Rigby: (Over headset) Dude, pull out the chair for Starla.

(Muscle Man pulls out the chair for Starla, and Herb pulls out the chair for Rose)

Rigby: You're up, Mordecai.

Mordecai: Showtime.

Starla: Oooo...

Mordecai: Ah... If it isn't Mr. Sorenstein. Are you ready to order, Sir?

Muscle Man: Uh...

Rigby: Muscle Man, you're supposed to order for the table.

Muscle Man: Oh right. The ladies will have the lobster, and the gentleman will have the (Mispronouncing) filet mignon. I mean, if the ladies and gentleman are cool with that.

Both: Indeed.

Mordecai: Excellent choice, sir.

Muscle Man: And here's a little something for yourself. Make sure things are extra fancy.

(All laugh)

Mordecai: (Whispering to Muscle Man) Put your napkin in your lap.

Muscle Man: Oh, right.

(Muscle Man puts his napkin in his lap)

(Mordecai walks away)

Mordecai: (To Rigby) You're up.

Rigby: Okay, Muscle Man, get ready for some fancy conversation topics.

Muscle Man: (Fake chuckle)

Rigby: How are you two enjoy-

Muscle Man: The weather? Um... because I think it's uh... nice lately.

Both: Indeed.

Muscle Man: Uh... so what do you uh... do? Uh... I work full-time in park uh... management.

Rose: Oh.

Both: Indeed.

Muscle Man: Yeah, I'm just lucky I get to do what I love, which is basically just mowing the lawn topless.

Mordecai: Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. Hot salads coming through. Cool it with the topless talk. Here's your salad, sir.

Muscle Man: Salad? I love salad; I eat it frequently. Let's dig in, shall we?

Rigby: (Over headset) FORK, FORK; USE YOUR FORK!

Muscle Man: Uh...

Both: Salad fork!

(Muscle Man picks up the salad fork. Mordecai and Rigby sigh in relief)

(Muscle Man chews slowly, is given chocolate pie with whipped cream, cleans his face with a napkin, and makes a rousing toast)

Muscle Man: To which I replied: "My mom".

(All laugh again)

Starla: Hey, this is going so well. They really like you.

Mordecai: He did it! He got through the whole meal!

Rigby: Wait, who's that?

Matire'd: Your dessert, sir.

Muscle Man: Huh? Uh... you're not our waiter.

Matire'd: Oh no, your waiter is on a break.

(Mordecai and Rigby get strangled and the recorder breaks)

Matire'd: But do not worry. I will take care of you now.

Muscle Man: Uh...

Matire'd: Please taste the dessert. It's the fanciest we have to offer.

Muscle Man: But there's no forks.

Matire'd: Oh, there's no forks for this dessert. Only spoons. NOW PICK UP A SPOON AND EAT IT!

(Muscle Man struggles to pick the right spoon. He eventually picks one up, hoping it is the right one, but the waiter just frowns.)

Maitre'd: You chose wrong. (Snaps fingers) It's time for you to leave.

Muscle Man: What? Why?

Matire'd: Because you're not fancy. You do not eat the Crème brûlée with that kind of spoon. You disgust me.

(Everyone mumbles to themselves)

Herb: Is that true, Mitch? You faked being fancy?

Matire'd: Oui <Yes>. (Referring to Muscle Man and Starla) It's true; they're not fancy at all.

(Everyone leaves, and the Maitre'd claps to signal the other waiters)

Matire'd: And if you will not leave, we will escort you out. So what will it be?

Muscle Man: So what? So I'm not fancy. I only faked it so I could impress my girlfriend's parents, who, by the way, I learned are actually pretty cool. Who cares what kind of spoon this is. 

(Throws spoon in anger)

Muscle Man: Starla, you're the only one I care about. We're finishing our dessert.

Matire'd: Very well. Enjoy your desserts... IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM!

(Waiter grabs the girls)

Muscle Man: Get your hands off her, bro!

Waiter: What are you going to do about it?

Mucsle Man: Huh? Herb?

Herb: I have something to confess too: I'm not fancy neither!

(Herb and Muscle Man punch the waiters)

Matire'd: Destroy them!

Herb: Me and Rose were just pretending cause we wanted to impress you.

(Herb and Muscle Man kick a waiter)

Muscle Man: You didn't have to do that.

(Employees attack, and Rose and Herb both punch a waiter)

Rigby: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mordecai: We're unarmed.

Waiter: Well, let me give you a hand.

(Attacks Mordecai with a chain with brass hands attached)

(Mordecai grabs the chain)

Waiter: Let go of my satisfaction chain!

(Rigby fights another waiter)

Muscle Man: Hey, Starla, nice- (Kicks) What? What the?

(Waiter repeatedly kicks Muscle Man. Rose and Herb grab onto the waiter's legs.)

Starla: Are you okay, Mitch?

(Waiter attempts to force Herb and Rose off his legs. Muscle Man and Starla charge at the waiter.)

(Maitre'd picks up the sharpest fork from his fork case and charges at them. Muscle Man trips him, sending him through a window and onto a parked car, killing him. His fork falls out of his hand.)

Muscle Man: Let's get out of here.

Herb: I know exactly where we can go.

(Scene cuts to Wing Kingdom)

Muscle Man: I thought you guys are picky.

Herb: We are. Hey, this place makes Bistro en Le Parc look like Bistro en Le Trash.

(All laugh)

Herb: This calls for a toast!

Muscle Man: I'll do you one better, Herb.

(Muscle Man flips over the table, and he and Herb start twirling their shirts)

Mordecai: You want the rest of my wings?

Rigby: No, thanks. I just lost my appetite.

(End of Fancy Restaurant)