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Margaret: Here you go. This one's on the house.
Margaret: Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow? My family is having a barbecue. Wanna come?
Rigby: Family function?! Pass. I can't stand my own family barbecues, Why would I want to go to someone else's?
Mordecai: (Elbows Rigby) She's not talking to you!
Margaret: Um. So, how 'bout it? Hehe.
Mordecai: Sure. Sounds like fun.
Margaret: Awesome! I'm really excited for you to meet everybody, especially my dad. I think you'll really like him. He pilots the traffic Helicopter for the local news.
Mordecai: Whoa! Your dad is Chopper Six?!
Rigby: That dude rules! (Imitates "Chopper Six") Psh! This is Chopper Six now flying over a ton of traffic. Bet all of you losers wish you were in this Chopper! (Imitating stops) WHOO! And then he flies over some burning truck in a fifty car pile up! So cool.
Eileen: He is really cool, but don't let your guard down. Margaret's dad can be a pretty aggressive guy. It's common in such a male dominant profession. He even refuses to shake hands with any guy Margaret brings home.
Margaret: Oh, come on! He's not that tough. He's super sweet when you get to know him.
Mordecai: Yeah. I'm sure we'll get along fine.
Margaret: Well, we gotta get back to work. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay? (Margaret and Eileen leave)
Mordecai: Great. See ya. (To Rigby) I have to shake that guy's hand.
Rigby: What, why?
Mordecai: Dude, it's a huge deal! I'm finally out of the friend zone, and now she's taking me to meet her parents.
Rigby: So what? You wanna date Margaret, not her dad.
Mordecai: You don't get it, dude. If Margaret and I are gonna date, I need her dad to like me. I have to get that handshake.
(The setting changes to the Smith's house and the whole family is having fun)
Denise: Margaret! Margaret!
Margaret: Hey mom.
(She hugs Denise)
Denise: So good to see you.
Margaret: Mom, this is Mordecai.
Denise: (Shakes Mordecai's hand) Hi Mordecai. I'm Denise. Margaret's told us so much about you.
Mordecai: Oh. Hehe. I hope good things.
Denise: Well, she mentioned something about you wearing a diaper.
Denise: Oh, I'm teasing. (Laughs) Mordecai, let me introduce you to the family. We have Margaret's cousins, Ricky, Tommy, Marcie, Robby, Ronnie, Susie, Stacey, you know John.
John: Sup, Mordo.
Denise: Uncle Tim, Uncle Dave, Uncle Bill, Aunt Theresa, Aunt Mary Beth, Aunt Kathleen, Nana Smith, Grandpappy Jack, and over by the grill is Margaret's--.
Frank: Is that my little hug-bug? Give me a hug, hug-bug.
(Margaret and her dad excitedly hug)
Margaret: Daddy! (Laughing)
Frank: Aw, look at you so grown up. How am I gonna hug my hug-bug if I can't even recognize her?
Margaret: Dad, I was here last weekend!
Frank: Hey, you bring that mix tape I let you borrow? Daddy's gotta have his rockin' tunes for Chopper Six.
Mordecai: Whoa. Hehe. What a coincidence. I love rockin tunes too.
(He laughs nervously. Frank scowls at him angrily)
Margaret: Daddy, this is Mordecai.
Mordecai: (Raises his hand to let Frank shake it) Nice to meet you, sir.
Frank: This the diaper guy?
Frank: I better russle up some more burgers on the grill, put some meat on diaper guy's bones here.
Mordecai: You told him, too?
Margaret: Oh relax. He's just messing around. That's when you know he likes you.
(Frank flips a hamburger while scowling at Mordecai)
Mordecai: I got to get that handshake.
(Music plays while Frank flips a hamburger. He tries to squeeze sauce on to it but cannot. He looks into the bottle and notices that it is empty. He walks away to get more. After this, Mordecai flips it a few times, then flips it backwards and it lands in Nana Smith's burger bun. People start clapping, then Frank walks onscreen. Mordecai puts his hand out to shake Frank's hand. but he just takes the spatula and walks away. Then, we see some of Margaret's cousins trying to get a rugby ball out of Frank's hand while Frank holds it in the air. He puts it on the ground. John kicks it and the rugby ball flies through the air, along with his wooden leg. Mordecai manages to catch them both. John and Frank take the ball and the leg. Mordecai puts his hand out again, but the two walk away. Then we see one of Margaret's uncles eating a hot dog when he starts choking on a piece. Mordecai runs up and perfroms the heimlich, causing the piece to come back out and hit Frank. Margaret, Denise and Frank walk over. Mordecai goes to shake Frank's hand, but he just gives him the hot dog piece. The uncle who originally choked on it takes it back and eats it. The music stops.)
(We see some people swimming, and the scene changes to Mordecai, Margaret and Frank.)
Margaret: I'm gonna swim for a bit. You coming?
Mordecai: (Sips lemonade) Oh, I didn't bring a swim suit.
Frank: Why don't you ask little Susie to borrow a swim diaper?
Frank: Alright, alright. I've got a suit he can wear.
(Scene changes to a room in Margaret's house. Frank is going through a drawer to find the suit.)
Mordecai: (Looking at pictures) Wow. You guys really spend a lot of time together.
Frank (offscreen): Here. (Throws a strange suit at Mordecai)
Mordecai: Ummm... Why is the front like that?
Frank: That's the back.
Mordecai: Maybe I'll... skip the pool.
Frank: Skip the pool? What are you, ashamed of your body or something?
Mordecai: What? No! I-
Frank: A real man does not get ashamed. Pathetic. Here. Just give it back. I'll wear it.
Mordecai: No! I'll wear it.
Frank: Oh! You think you can handle it?
Mordecai: Yeah. Pfffft. It's cool. Not a problem.
Frank: Good. (Walks out)
(Mordecai walks outside. Once he gets out, everyone stops talking. Mordecai walks past Susie and she cries. The uncle who choked on the hot dog chokes again when Mordecai walks past him. We then see the back, and Mordecai's buttcheeks are showing. He walks up to Margaret, Denise and Frank.)
Denise: Oh, Frank, I thought you threw that suit out.
Frank: Hey, I tried to stop him, but the kid wanted to wear it.
Mordecai: You said this was what a real man would wear!
Frank: I don't know what you're talking about.
Frank: You calling me a liar?!
Mordecai: No, no. It's fine. Really! Thanks for the suit, Frank.
(He raises hand for Frank to shake.)
Frank: It's Mr. Smith to you. Get that thing away from me.
Darrell: You're trying to get a handshake from Old Man Frank?
Darrell: He's a tough not-to-crack. There's only one way he'll shake your hand. (Looks around and takes off his goggles) You'll have to beat him at a cannonball contest.
Darrell: He's the best cannonballer around. Really respects the craft, you know? He'll shake the hand of anyone who can cannonball better than him.
Mordecai: Hmm hmm. (Walks up to Frank) Hey Mr. Smith. I heard you are pretty good at cannonballs.
Frank: Yeah, only the best around.
Mordecai: How about a little contest?
Frank: You're challenging me to a cannonball contest in my own home?!
Frank: Recess is over, skin and bones. It's cannonball time.
(Scene circle-wipes to the cannonball contest where Frank goes first.)
(He runs to the pool and jumps into it, doing a cannonball as everyone cheers at him and he gets out of the pool.)
Frank: Beat that, small fry!
(Mordecai turns and walks into the house)
Frank: Ha! Quitting! Just as I thought.
(He runs to the pool and jumps into it, doing a big cannonball as everyone cheers on him, including Margaret. Frank gets on a diving board.)
(He runs and jumps off the diving board and into the pool, doing a bigger cannonball as everyone cheers on him again. Mordecai climbs up the ladder of another diving board)
(He runs and jumps off the diving board and into the pool, doing a biggest cannonball as everyone cheers on him again. Frank presses a button which activates another diving board on the roof. Mordecai is shocked at this. Margaret sighs and places her hand on her head. Frank climbs up the ladder of the diving board)
(He runs and jumps off the diving board and into the pool, doing a large cannonball as water from the pool splashes on Mordecai's face. He runs on the diving board of a treehouse and jumps off of it.)
Mordecai: (in slow-motion) Cannonball!
(He does a larger cannonball as the pool water splashes on the grill, the punch bowl and Frank as everyone cheers on Mordecai again.)
Margaret: Alright, Mordecai!
Frank: Had enough, diaper boy?
Mordecai: You kidding? I can cannonball all day.
Frank: Is that so? But can you do a mannonball?
Mordecai: A what?
Frank: (grabs a walkie talkie) Fred, bring Chopper Six around. It's mannonball time.
(Chopper Six arrives and lands in the front yard.)
Denise: Frank, come on! Just let it go!
Frank: Stay out of it, Denise! This is mannonball business! I'm gonna put this punk in his place!
Mordecai: We'll See about that!
Margaret: Wait, Dad! Come on!
(Frank and Mordecai get on Chopper Six as it flies up into the sky)
Margaret: Ugh, he always does this stuff!
Denise: You know your father. Always thinking with his chopper. But that's why I love him.
(Chopper Six flies above to where the pool is.)
Frank: That's a 50-foot drop. You mess this up, it's gonna take more than a pool boy to clean it up. You ready to call it quits?
Frank: Have it your way. Fred, more altitude! And don’t be afraid to shake things up!
Fred: Roger that!
(Fred moves the chopper up higher as Mordecai looks down at the view and gulps. Birds fly by.)
Frank: It’s time to give up, skin and bones! You're out of your element.
Mordecai: I'm not giving up! I'm winning this cannonball contest!
Frank: (groans) Fred, take us higher!
Fred: But Frank, she's not stabled!
Frank: DO IT NOW!!!
(Fred moves the chopper up way higher as Mordecai looks down at the view again.)
Frank: Give up! You can't win this!
Mordecai: What's your deal, man?! I only did this contest, because I wanted you to like me!
Frank: It's not about the contest, it's about losing my baby girl!
Frank: Margaret's grown up so fast. Every time she brings one of you yahoos to the house, I'm afraid you're gonna take her away from me. I can't lose my hug-bug!
Mordecai: Dude, Margaret thinks you're the greatest dad ever! She's always talking about how great you are. No matter what happens, you're always gonna be her dad! She loves you, man!
Frank: Fred, take us down.
Fred: The winds are to strong! I'm losing her!
(As the winds start to spin Chopper Six, Frank looses his balance and falls off the chopper.)
Mordecai: Mr. Smith!
(He grabs a parachute and jumps off the chopper to save Frank.)
Mordecai: I'm coming, Mr. Smith!
(As Frank continues to fall, Mordecai arrives in time and grabs him.)
Frank: What are you doing?!
Mordecai: Saving you!
Frank: Why?! I treated you like garbage!
Mordecai: It doesn't matter! The only thing I care about is Margaret! And she cares about you, so hold on!
(He opens the parachute, which rips out of his back due to the wind. He screams)
Frank: Well, that's it. We're gonna die.
(They continue to fall as the family, Margaret and Denise are watching.)
Mordecai: I'm sorry about all this!
Frank: Hey, at least you tried. Not a lot of guys would risk their lives like that. You got guts, kid.
(Mordecai smiles as they are getting closer to the pool.)
Frank: It was nice knowing you, Mordecai.
(He raises hand for Mordecai to shake, and Mordecai places his hand on Frank's hand, finally getting his handshake.)
Mordecai: You too, Mr. Smith.
Frank: Hey, call me Frank.
Mordecai: Thank you, Fran—
(They land in the pool, creating an enormous explosion, then it fades away, leaving the entire backyard a huge mess.)
Darrell: Best mannonball ever!
(Scene cuts to the hospital where Mordecai and Frank, still holding their hands, are lying in bed with their front bodies.)
Margaret: Will they be alright, Doctor?
Doctor: Oh, they'll be fine. If that handshake hadn’t broken their fall, they'd be dead. We'll be able to separate them in about six weeks. (chuckles)
(Rigby comes in the room)
Rigby: Dude, Mordecai, I heard what happened! So awesome! I wanna jump out of Chopper Six next! (chanting) Mannonball, mannonball, mannonball!
Frank: You know this bozo?
(End of "Family BBQ")