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| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(The episode begins at the Movie Shack Hut. An employee is dancing in front of the store. He's wearing a costume that depicts King Kong climbing the Empire State Building)
Employee: Movies! Rent your movies! (Rigby rushes out of the store, carrying a movie case. He bumps into the employee.) Oh, sorry man.
Rigby: (chuckling) Nice outfit. (runs off)
Employee: It's a costume! They make me wear it!
(Cut to the house. It's nighttime, and Mordecai and Rigby are ready to watch a movie.)
Mordecai: Movie night! (holds up a bowl of popcorn.) I got the popcorn!
Rigby: (holding up the movie case, showing only the back cover) I got the movie!
Mordecai: Wait, I thought we were watching Shy Guy. (He holds up a movie case. The front cover is pink and has a big red heart in the middle.)
Rigby: Dude, you've seen that movie 100 times. I got something better. BAM! (shows the movie case to Mordecai. It's called "Ello Gov'nor!", and it has a picture of a British taxi with sharp teeth on the front cover.)
Mordecai: Ello Gov'nor?
Rigby: Yeah, man, it's foreign. Check it. (reading the back cover) "A British taxi is possessed by the soul of its driver, seeking revenge on the lowly gang members who murdered him. Pay the fare... (pops head from behind the movie case) ...or pay the price."
Mordecai: No, dude, not another horror movie. Last time I had to walk you to the bathroom every night for a week!
Rigby: No, man, it'll be different. This one is old and cheesy. It will be hilarious.
Mordecai: You sure you can handle it?
Rigby: Dude, it's in black and white. Come on.
Mordecai: Mmm... alright.
(Rigby opens the case for the movie, and Mordecai turns off the lights. Rigby puts the tape into the VCR, and the movie begins playing, with ominous music. The card reads, "ELLO GOV'NOR, (c) MCMLXXXII." M&R fake screaming, but laugh pretty quickly afterwards.)
Rigby: See, isn't this fun?
Mordecai: Hmph. Hmph.
(Now, we're in the movie. It is black and white. It starts at a boarding school. In the classroom, a boy sits quietly and opens his composition notebook to see a tire tread engraved in it. He gasps, and then looks out the window to see a British taxi.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor.
(The taxi drives into the window, and, off-screen, runs the boy over. Mordecai chuckles, but Rigby looks traumatized. In the next scene of the movie, a woman is in her bathroom combing her hair. She closes the cabinet, and, in the mirror, we can see the taxi behind the shower curtain.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor.
(She turns around and sees the British taxi come out of her shower, which runs her over off-screen. Mordecai yawns in boredom, and Rigby is scared, holding a pillow. In the movie, an old man is walking his dog, and hears the taxi's engine revving. It's standing behind him.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor.
(The old man tries to run away, but he gets hit. Rigby watches in horror as the taxi eats the old man. He's also sweating hard.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor.
(The taxi spits out some of the old man's bones from its exhaust pipe and, later, starts to kill more people off-screen.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor!
(More screaming occurs before the movie ends and the screen goes to static. Mordecai snores before immediately waking up.)
Mordecai: Huh? Is it over? (He turns off the TV and rubs his eyes) Dude, that was so cheesy. I mean, what was up with the taxi? Was it supposed to be evil or normal but haunted by a ghost... (Rigby looks freaked out by the movie) ...controlling the taxi or what? You know?
(Fade in to their room. Mordecai is peacefully asleep while Rigby trying to go to sleep. He gets up and looks at the window. He sees no taxi at first, but when he looks at the same spot again, it's there.)
Rigby: Mordecai!
(Mordecai is still asleep. Rigby turns around and sees the British taxi right by his window. He screams and runs to Mordecai.)
Rigby: (shakes Mordecai) Mordecai! Wake up! Wake up!
Mordecai: (in the British taxi's voice) Ello, gov'nor. (turns around to show that his eyes were replaced with that of a car's headlights.)
(Rigby screams and steps back. Mordecai sits up and the British taxi comes out of his body and drives towards Rigby before his nightmare ends. Rigby wakes up, screaming, until he gets hit by a pillow thrown by Mordecai.)
Mordecai: Dude, chill out! You're screaming like a freaking maniac! (In the UK dub, the line is "Dude, chill out! You're screaming like a flipping maniac!" In Australia, the line is changed to "Dude, chill out! You're screaming like a maniac!". However, for some people in Australia, the line might come out as "Dude, chill out! You're screaming like a faniac!" making it slightly obvious that CNA put a censor on it.)
Rigby: I keep having nightmares!
Mordecai: Just dream about something else then. (lies back down) Dream like you're a tough guy or something.
Rigby: (trying to sleep) I'm a tough guy. (He says "tough guy" repeatedly).
(In his dream, he is a tough guy named Fists and is walking down the street at nighttime.)
Fists: They say this city's tough. But I'm tougher. (walks into a dark alley, and a gangster with half of his hair shaved off follows him with a knife)
Gangster: You walked down the wrong alley, Riggerson. (Fists pins him against the wall.)
Fists: The name's... (pulls fist back) ...Fists! (He's about to punch him, but then, the British taxi comes and shines its headlights on him and the gangster.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor.
(Fists gasps before the taxi drives into him. Rigby wakes up screaming from his second nightmare.)
Mordecai: Augh! (sits up) What the heck, Rigby?!
Rigby: It's that stupid British taxi! It's all up inside my brain!
Mordecai: (groans) I knew it! I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie!
Rigby: I know, I'm sorry. I can't help it.
Mordecai: (sighs) Alright, dude, we'll just desensitize you to the horror. We're gonna watch "Ello Gov'nor" over and over again until you stop being scared.
(Rigby gets scared. Cut to the living room, where Mordecai is holding Rigby to the TV as it's paused on a frame of Ello Gov'nor)
Mordecai: Look at it! Look at it!
Rigby: Let me go!
Mordecai: It's not real! You can see the microphone showing! (Sure enough, a boom mic is seen on the frame.) Look at it!
Rigby: Get off me!
Mordecai: I'm sick of you keeping me up! You look at it!
Rigby: Let me go! (fade to the daytime)
Mordecai: Look at it!
Rigby: Let me go!
Mordecai: (fade back to nighttime) Look at it! (fade back to daytime. M&R are tired) Look.... At it. You look at it. You...look at it.
Rigby: Let.... Me.... GO! (Rigby breaks free and gets the movie out of the VCR. He throws it against the wall as Benson comes into the room)
Benson: What the heck is going on?!
Mordecai: (pushes Rigby) Rigby's just freaked out by this dumb British movie we watched.
Benson: Well, you'd better have this mess cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game.
Mordecai: Cricket?
Benson: Yeah. I'm trying new things. So what?
Mordecai: (gasps) Will British people be there?
Benson: It's cricket, what do you think?
(cuts to a cricket match. Sure enough, British people are there)
Mordecai: See Rigby, there's nothing to be afraid of. See how calm and collected these British dudes are? (British people come walking up to MR&B)
British People: Ello, gov'nor. Ello, gov'nor, ello gov'nor, ello, ello, ello... (Rigby gets scared by their greetings. The British people look evil for some reason. Suddenly, the British taxi appears)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor! (Rigby screams and runs away.)
Mordecai: Rigby! RIGBY! (Rigby's still running towards the house. Pops and Skips walk up to Mordecai.) Aw man, I knew we shouldn't have watched that lame car movie.
Skips: He's scared of cars now?
Mordecai: No, just British taxis.
Pops: What a silly notion, my British taxi isn't scary at all.
Mordecai: Wait, Pops, you own a British taxi?
Pops: Yes.
(clock transition to a barn. Mordecai, Rigby and Pops are entering)
Rigby: What's in the barn?
Mordecai: Something that's gonna get rid of your fear.
(Pops opens barn doors. A yellow taxi stands alone in there)
Pops: There she is. Isn't she a beauty?
Mordecai: What the heck Pops? I thought you said you had a British taxi.
Pops: A British taxi? Oh, I thought you said a brownish taxi.
Mordecai: But that taxi's yellow.
Pops: Yellow? My taxi is no coward, I guarantee you that.
Mordecai: (sighs) Never mind. (He and Pops get ready to enter the taxi) Ready to go for a ride?
Rigby: In that thing? No way.
Mordecai: It's not even a British taxi. Come on.
Rigby: I don't care, a taxi's a taxi!
Mordecai: It'll be fun. We'll just go for a little ride.
Rigby: Uhh, I got to gotta the bathroom.
(cut to the bathroom, Rigby washes his hands and pulls the toilet paper to see a tire tread. Rigby is shocked as lightning strikes nearby. Rigby looks up to the mirror and notices the British taxi)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor.
(Rigby gasps and runs out of the bathroom. He goes into a dark office and pants as he stands by the door. The phone rings and Rigby grabs the phone to hear who's on the other end)
British Taxi: (over phone) Ello, gov'nor!
(Rigby gasps and throws the phone to the ground. He turns to the sound of a fax machine printing out the words "ELLO GOV'NOR." Rigby screams and runs out of the office, and decides to go with Mordecai and Pops)
Rigby: Let's go, let's go! (gets in the taxi) Drive!
(Pops drives out of the barn)
Mordecai: What? What is it?
Rigby: That British taxi, man! It's following me!
Mordecai: Dude, come on. You're just seeing things.
Rigby: No! It was the British taxi and it was real!
Mordecai: So it came out of the movie then?
Rigby: I don't know! Maybe.
Mordecai: Alright, fine, look, you're safe now anyways. Let's just try to relax and calm down, Pops will drive us around for a bit.
Rigby: Hmph.
(fade into sometime later. Pops drives to the woods. Mordecai has fallen asleep, but Pops, although tired, keeps driving)
Rigby: Wait, Pops? Where are we going?
Pops: I always drive deep into the woods when I want to clear my mind. Don't you just love the scenery?
(Rigby looks out the window, at the trees. They all have evil faces on them. It scares Rigby, and leaves him panting against the seat. He looks out the window again to see the British taxi. Rigby gasps and looks at the back window to see it driving closer and closer to Pops' taxi. He whimpers as Pops' taxi suddenly stops)
Pops: Oh, bother.
Rigby: What? Why are we stopping? What's going on?
Pops: It seems we've run out of gasoline.
Rigby: Oh man, oh man, this is not good! He's coming and we're stuck here! Mordecai!
Mordecai: (Wakes up, screaming) What, what is it?
Rigby: We ran out of gas, and he's coming for me! (ducks to the bottom of the taxi)
Mordecai: (to Pops) Come on, we gotta get out and push. (to Rigby) Come on, Rigby.
Rigby: No! I'm not going out there!
Mordecai: Fine, Pops and I will push you all the way home then. (Him and Pops come out of the taxi and start pushing it back home) Geez.
Rigby: No, no, no, no, no, not back this way! (notices the headlights of a car shining in the distance and gasps. A car is approaching them) No, no, no, no, no! (M&P both notice a car's headlights getting brighter)
Mordecai: Alright, help. (Rigby gets out of the taxi screaming, and runs away) Rigby! (looks back and realizes that the car approaching them is actually a British taxi)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor!
Mordecai: Holy crap, it's real! (In the UK dub, this line is changed to "Oh man, dudes, it's real!") Run, Pops!
(M&P run away. The British taxi runs over Pops' taxi, shattering it to pieces. Rigby's still running. M&P follow him. The British taxi is still chasing the three. They all jump over a log, but the British taxi keeps driving and runs over the log)
Mordecai: Pops, look out! (grabs Pops in the nick of time. The British taxi continues to drive into the woods. Mordecai realizes that it's chasing Rigby) Oh no! It's going after Rigby! We gotta help him! (Pops puts his top hat back on)
Mordecai and Pops: Rigby! (Rigby is still running. His tail touches the British taxi's grille, almost running him over. Rigby sprints, and ends up in a dead end. The British taxi drives up and corners Rigby, leading him to lean against a tree. The British taxi isn't giving up)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor. (Rigby screams)
Mordecai: Rigby!
(M&P get hit by the British taxi's doors, knocking them out unconscious.)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor!
Rigby: I'm no gov'nor!
(Rigby tries to run away, but bumps into a tree. The British taxi laughs maniacally. Rigby opens his eyes and sees the British taxi trying to run him over)
British Taxi: Ello, gov'nor! (Rigby gets up to face the taxi)
Rigby: (furious) The name's FISTS! (smashes the British taxi's headlights) Leave me alone! (punches the British taxi's front bumper and kicks its grille) I hate you! (pulls off its left door, bites off the "TAXI" sign, and pulls off the British taxi's roof. Then, he walks off-screen and smashes a tree atop the damaged British taxi) Stop following me around!
(cut to Mordecai and Pops holding Rigby down. Rigby's squirming)
Mordecai: Rigby! Wake up! Rigby, stop it!
Rigby: Stop... Mordecai?
Pops: Oh, thank show you're alright.
Rigby: I did it! I conquered my fear! I cleaned that taxi's clock, with my fists.
Mordecai: Kind of, you hit your head and started going psycho on the taxi, but, actually, the taxi was a kid.
(the British taxi unfolds itself to reveal that it was actually the employee from the Movie Shack Hut in a costume)
Rigby: You?
Employee: Yeah, what's your problem?
Rigby: Why were you following me in that taxi suit?
Employee: (sighs. He's holding a paper) My boss made me wear this. I'm from the video store. Your rental is overdue.
Mordecai: Why didn't you just call or something?
Employee: I did, and I sent a fax!
Rigby: That was you?
Employee: Yes! So can you just return the video, please?
Rigby: We broke it.
Employee: Well, you're gonna have to pay for it.
Mordecai and Rigby: Pops?
Pops: Of course. I'm afraid the smallest bill I have is a $100. Will that do?
Employee: Yeah. Sure. (Pops hands him a lollipop) Is this some kind of joke? (sees Mordecai and Rigby carrying Pops away) I gotta get a better job.
(Cut to the house. M&R are in bed)
Rigby: Hey, Mordecai?
Mordecai: Augh, not again.
Rigby: Don't worry, dude, I'm not scared again. I just—Thanks, dude, for helping me out with my fears and stuff.
Mordecai: No problem, man. Good night, Rigby.
Rigby: Good night, Mordecai.
(ripple transition to Rigby's dream. He's in his Fists persona, driving a car)
Fists: They say this city's pretty tough. But I'm tougher.
(The camera shows that he's actually driving a British taxi that is flying in the night sky. The British taxi flies off towards the moon, where we can see its license plate reads "FISTS", before the camera fades to black.)