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This is the transcript for "Dodge This."

(Opens with a green grid forming a planet with a building on it.) Male Voice: Our target: (Zoom in on the building.) Lord Hater's top secret research facility. (The grid degenerates and regenerates as a machine powering up a glowing orb.) Our mission: Sneak in and destroy Hater's latest diabolical invention, the HT-125-F, (Degenerate, regenerate into Lord Hater.) before he can utilize it. (Degenerate, cut to a black field as a shadowed thing comes forward.) Male Voice: Who are we? The craziest rag-tag band of rebels in the galaxy... (A flash explodes outward, revealing a logo.) Male Voice: The Insurgent Generals! (The logo gleams briefly and explodes,

Timmy: Oh let ‘em go. Who cares? ‘Cause I’ve still got something Chloe doesn’t have- my fairies!

Cosmo: You got that right, Timmy. See ya later. Gift certificates are my jam. Especially the ones for Jam.

Wanda: Oh, I’ll stay with you, Sport.

Episode begins at the Diaz Household. Orange slide tubes coil in and out of the house exterior.

Cut to exterior shot of the Mystery Shack back porch, then interior. Dipper is sitting in the living room watching T.V.
TV Voice You asked for it, you got it! An entire 48-hour marathon of Ghost Harassers on the "Used to Be About History Channel!"
Dipper Pines Be strong, bladder. (Pats stomach.) We're not gonna move till sunset.
Toby Determined (On TV:) We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news!
Dipper Aww, what?
Mabel Pines (Jumps into armchair beside Dipper.) It's starting!
Candy Chiu (Jumps to Dipper's other side.) Turn it up!
Grenda Make room for Grenda! (Jumps in front of all three, breaking a lamp.)
Cut to Toby Determined outside Northwest Manor.
Toby Well tonight's the night, but I've been out here for days! (Zoom out to reveal tattered and filthy Toby.) The Northwest family's annual high-society-shindig-ball-soiree is here! And even though common folk aren't let in, that doesn't stop us from camping out for a peek at the fanciness!
Girls Oooooooooh!
Dipper Okay, can someone please explain why people care about this?
Grenda It's pretty much the best party of all time. Rich food, richer boys!
Mabel They say each gift basket has a live quail inside!
Candy (Paws at TV screen) Give me your life, Pacifica.
Dipper (Scoffs) Guys, in case you've already forgotten, Pacifica Northwest is the worst(Knock at door; Dipper gets up to answer it.) And that's not just jealousy talking. I'd say that to her face. (Opens door, sees Pacifica.)
Pacifica I need your help.
Dipper You're the worst. (Slams door.)
Girls (Gasp)
Dipper See? (Knock at door; Dipper opens it reluctantly.)
Pacifica Look. You think it's easy for me to come here? I don't want to be seen in this hovel. But there's something haunting Northwest Manor. (Takes off sunglasses.) If you don't help me, the party could be ruined!
Dipper And why should I trust you? All you've ever done is try to humiliate me and Mabel.
Pacifica Just name your price, okay? I'll give you anything!
Mabel Hi, Pacifica! Excuse us! (Drags Dipper away by the arm.) Dipper! Don't you see what this means? If you help Pacifica, you could get us invites to the greatest party of all time!
Dipper What? Mabel, this is Pacifica we're talking about!
Mabel But it's Candy and Grenda's dream!
Candy & Grenda (Starry-eyed, miming rainbows.) Dreeeaaaaaaam.

Cosmo: No way, Wanda. You’re good for an extra gift certificate. (flys away)

Timmy Suit: I brought you an apple, Mr. Crocker. (shoots Apple at Timmy.)

Timmy: Aah! Apples hurt.

(scene cuts to Timmy’s home)

Timmy: Finally, I’m home. A place where I don’t have to hear about how everyone loves Chloe. (opens door)

Timmy’s Dad: Oooh, I love Chloe! I love Chloe!

Timmy: You gotta be kidding. How do you even know her?

Timmy’s Dad: She gave me a stock tip, and now I’m filthy rich!

Timmy: Give me a break, Dad.

Timmy’s Dad: Call me Filthy!

Timmy’s Mom: Hi, Timmy. Hi, Filthy.

(harp plays)

Timmy: Mom?

Timmy’s Dad: Are you crazy, Timmy? This beautiful woman is not your mother.

Timmy’s Mom: It is me, dear. Chloe gave me a gift certificate for a makeover. Do you like my new look?

Timmy’s Dad: Yes I do. But don’t tell my wife.

Timmy’s Mom: I am your wife.

Timmy’s Dad: Be gone, you evil temptress. You’re giving me the tingles.

Timmy: Aw, this day can not get any worse. (looks at Chloe’s backyard)

(cheering, then Timmy screams)

Wanda: Hey, Timmy, good news. Chloe is our new neighbor.

Cosmo: Yay! Chloe has a dog with a pocket!

Mr. Crocker: I’m feeding a peacock!

Chloe: Hi, Timmy!

Cut to a shot of the exterior of Abuelita's house at night.
Soos (Playing a video game entitled "First Person Puncher") Punch! Punch those leopards! (Hears timer go off) Oh, highlights are done! (Sets down his controller, leans over and begins taking foil out of his grandmother's hair) You're gonna make all the other grandmas at the bingo hall so jealous!
Abuelita Just a minute, m'ijo, look at this. (hands letter to Soos) Your cousin Reggie is having an engagement party next month.
Soos (Looks at invitation) Wait, wait. Reggie is engaged? But he's like the poor man's Soos.
Abuelita I do not want to pressure you, but you are a man now... in a way. It's time for you to start meeting girls. I would like to see you settled before I ascend to heaven and leave with the angels.
Soos And with grandpa!
Abuelita (Looking down) No, he is not there. (Looks back at Soos) Please find a girl to bring to Reggie's engagement, for Abuelita. (Gets up off the couch and walks away)
Soos Heh! No problem. I'm great at fixing stuff, playing video games, having a sort-of mustache. (Leans back in couch) I could totally get a date in a week. Totally. Piece of cake.
Game voice (Game over text appears on TV screen) You're dead!
Soos I'm dead.
Cut to theme song.
A child is seen walking through the Mystery Shack gift shop, flipping a coin and licking a lollipop.
Stan (Jumps out from behind rack of postcards) Hello!
Child (Screams)
Stan Please, don't let my horrible elderly face frighten you. (Reaches over to sheet and pulls it away to reveal Goldie) Don't you want to use that nickel to get a nugget from old Goldie?
Child Uuuuhhh...
Stan Watch this! (Inserts nickel into slot in Goldie)
Goldie's arm moves up and his hat raises. The arm moves down, but both of his eyes fall out while grease and smoke come out and he starts to scream. Child runs away crying.
Wendy Okay, seriously, Mr. Pines. It's time to throw that thing out. Its face reminds everybody of the inevitability of death.
Stan What?! Sure, he's a little rusty around the edges, but old Goldie is a classic show-stopper, like me. Huh? (Hand slips on grease and lands in Goldie's mouth. Goldie holds onto his arm while he flails it around.) Aaaah! Kill it! KIIILLL IIIITTT!
Cut to Soos hanging up a shirt in the gift shop.
Soos (Turns head and notices a woman checking out a snowglobe) Ah! A hwoman! (Dives into the middle of a shirt rack) Alright, Soos. You can do this. Just use your mouth to say words that makes romance happen. (Slowly rises up out of shirt rack; to woman:) Your face is good. I'm a Soos!
Woman (Screams, drops snowglobe and runs out of the gift shop, punching a man and knocking things over in he process)
Soos slowly descends back into the shirt rack, disappointed.
Beast Boy prepares the meal by cleaning their glasses and aligning the silverware perfectly with the aid of a ruler before setting the pizza on a platter.]
Starfire: Ooh. Fancy.
Cyborg: Ha! [Reaches to get a slice, but is slapped by Beast Boy.] Ow!
Beast Boy: Were you just going to eat that with your hands, bro?! Gross! Use a serving fork. [Hands Cyborg a serving fork. Starfire grabs a slice of pizza and eats it with her mouth open. ] Star, please, that's super gross. [Starfire begins chewing with her mouth closed. Robin begins to wipe his mouth with his gloves.] Bro, napkin? Use it. [Robin wipes his face with a napkin.] Ugh, animals. [Begins cutting pizza with a knife and a fork.]
Raven: Whoa. When did Beast Boy become the civilized one?
Robin: That's it! The comforts of modern life have stripped you of your animal instinct.
Starfire: Then, that is why Beast Boy cannot turn into the animal.

(The episode starts showing Wing Kingdom. We hear the gang laughing and a plate of wings and sauce come in. Everybody grabs a wing and dunks it in the sauce. We see Mordecai and Rigby laughing, then we see Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost and Thomas.)

Muscle Man: And he was all like, BOOM!

(Muscle Man makes an explosion hand movement. Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost, and Thomas laugh.)

Benson: Hey! (eats a wing with sauce and laughs) Listen up, everybody, stop talking! (Benson shushes everybody while everybody lays their eyes on Benson.) Look, I just want to thank everybody for training so hard, we're doing a real good job. And I think we're in great shape for the dodgeball tournament tomorrow.

Muscle Man: I'll say. As long as Mordecai keeps throwing them spheres.

(Pretends to do the move he was talking about Mordecai doing.)

Mordecai: Ahhhhhhhhhh....... Nahhhhhh............

(Everybody Else): YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Thomas: Yeah, man, that spin move you were doing was crazy.

(Twirls his finger in a circle.)

Mordecai: Oh yeah, the Tornado.

Rigby: Yeah! The Tornado! Where'd you learn that? You were like WHAM! (Shows a movement of the Tornado.)

Hi Five Ghost: Ha ha. It is crazy fast.

Muscle Man: One of those Tornados flew by my head, and it was all like,(makes fast wind-swishing sounds. Everybody else laughs hard.) It's true.

Benson: Alright, everybody, just simmer down now. We've all been playing great, alright? (Everybody else chatters.) But, if I had to be totally honest here, we could all stand to learn a little something, from, this guy right here. (Touches Mordecai and whispers.) I think you're better than all of these guys here. (eats a wing and twirls his finger)

Mordecai: (chuckles) Thanks, man.

Skips: Hey, take it easy on those wings, Benson. You might still have a concussion from practice.

Benson: No, you're right, you're right. But you know what? I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. I think we have a really good shot of winning the tournament this year. (stands up) Sure we haven't won this thing in 10 years. But this is our year! Benson's Ballerz are gonna win this! So who's with me?!

Everyone else: Yeah!

Benson: I'm sorry, did you guys just say "Yeah?"

Everyone else: YEAH!

Benson: Alright, then! Let's do this!

(Scene cuts to the dodgeball arena, where people are training for the tournament. We pan over to Benson's Ballerz.)

Mordecai: Alright, dude. You figure out hoe to throw the right way this time?

Rigby: (holding a dodgeball) Hmm! Hmm! I got this! Rignado! (spins) Hee-yah! (throws the dodgeball, and it hits the referee)

Referee: Ooohhh! (falls)

Rigby: Oooohh!

Mordecai: Uhh, still needs work. (runs off)

Benson: (approaching Rigby) Rigby! No, no. No tornado.

(We see Mordecai picking up a dodgeball, when another flies into view.)

???: Hey! A little help?

(Mordecai picks up the other dodgeball and throws it back.

(Episode begins with Suitcase, Nickel and Baseball playing soccer, with Microphone in the bleachers)

Suitcase: Y'know guys, after being eliminated for like... a day or so, I realize I should take this competition more seriously.

Nickel: Oh, but you were doing so much to begin with.

Baseball: I'm just glad that nonsense is over with. I was scared we almost lost you.

Nickel: Yeah, we need the numbers to advance in this game!

Baseball: And, y-y'know, she's our friend?!

Nickel: Oh, y-yeah, sure, that. Right.

(Scene changes to Microphone in the bleachers with her diary)

Microphone: It had to have been pretty small to fit behind that bush, but...what was it? What if it wasn't even a bush? It could've been a shrub! (continues writing on her diary)

Cheesy: Mic! I just experienced the most horrible thing! It was a monstrosity!

Microphone: What?! What was it?

Cheesy: Your personality! Get it? 'Cause everyone thinks you're annoying! *laughs*

(Scene turns into Microphone's nightmare fuel, surrounded by imaginary Cheesy's, then gets mad)

Microphone: What do you even know about me? Huh?

Cheesy: Haha! *stops laughing* Huh?

Microphone: You just waltz in here, saying these offensive things! Is that the person you want to be, Cheesy? A person that makes everyone upset? That's the monstrosity.

Cheesy: (stands up, depressed, then walks away)

(Mic keeps writing in her diary)


(Scene: The Grand Slams in the elimination area, with MePad facing all the contestants. Waiting ensues...) It's revealed that CJ is the one who threw the ball, and is standing with wide open arms. Her smile fades as the two look at each other, and the dodgeball hits her. Mordecai screams.)

Mordecai: Ooooh! (turns around and runs off)

Thunder Girl Member: Hey, CJ! Come on!

(Mordecai continues running to the door as Rigby throws a ball at him.)

Rigby: You're out! (watches Mordecai run throught the door.

Beast Boy: [Notices the candelabra, polished glass, and the piece of pizza on his fork.] Ah! You're right. The old Beast Boy would never have used a fork to eat pizza. I need to get my animal instincts back by reconnecting with Mother Nature.

Dipper Soos?
Robin: Be warned Beast Boy. She is the worst mother of them all. There is a reason we all live inside.
Beast Boy: I've got to do it, bro.
(Pulls shirts back to reveal Soos) What was that all about?
Soos I-I think I was flirting, but I'm not sure.
Mabel (Pops out of barrel of keychains) Did someone say flirting?!
Soos Well, I kinda promised my grandma I'd get a date by the end of the week, but I've never actually been on a date before. (Grabs out-of-order sign off of vending machine) You belong on me, out-of-order sign. (Sighs)
Mabel Finally, my prayers for a chance to match-make this summer have been answered!
Stan Soos, a little advice. You need to get rich. Or lie about being rich. Outside of that, I don't like your chances.
Wendy (Scoffs) Don't listen to Stan, dude. You're a sweet guy with a steady job and a pickup truck.
Stan Would you date him?
Wendy Oh! Would you... heh... look at that. (Raises magazine over face)
Dipper Soos, you help us so much, it's time we help you, dude. We're gonna get you that date.
Mabel We're taking you where romance lives and fashion styles die. (Cut to mall) To the mall!
Stan (To Dipper and Mabel:) I'm gonna find a replacement for old Goldie. Babysit Soos while I'm gone.
Mabel (Scanning the mall) Alright, Soos. Are you ready to explode the charm bomb on these poor, unsuspecting ladies?
Soos (Sweating) Uuh. But what if I embarrass myself again?
Mabel Eh. You can't be any worse at this than Dipper.
Dipper Yeah! ...Wait, what?
Mabel (Blows whistle) And, flirt!
Music beings playing. Cut to Mabel, Dipper and Soos hiding behind a tree in the mall. They are watching a woman.
Mabel (Points to her eyes) Eye contact!
Soos (Walks up to the woman) Hey there! I'm not scared of your eyes at all! I'm gonna (Uses his fingers to open his eyes wider) look at them!
The woman runs away screaming.
Soos Eye contact!
Cut to Mabel and Soos in a different area of the mall.
Mabel Conversation!
Soos approaches a woman who is eating ham on a stick.
Soos Huh. You know, I've actually been in a pig's body. Did you know pigs have a hard time walking backwards?
The woman backs away from Soos.
Soos (Laughs) Not you, though! Not that I'm calling you a pig. Where are you going?
Cut to Mabel wearing sunglasses in a new area.
Mabel (Lifting her sunglasses, revealing another pair underneath) Confidence.
Cut to Soos and another person outside of an Edgy On Purpose store.
Soos So, you're probably a girl, right? Wrong? No, I was right the first time. Wrong?
The music ends. Cut to Stan putting Goldie into a dumpster.
Stan (Singing:) Tossing away garbage, in the garbage can. Phew! (Sees Goldie's face) Ah, don't look at me like that. This is how it's gotta be.
Goldie leaks oil from its eye.
Stan Ugh! (Closes dumpster)
Some children walk past, laughing.
Stan What in the--? (He follows the children into a building)
Scare chord as a cap-wearing beaver head mounted on wall is shown. Scare chord as a child eating pizza while playing Fight Fighters is shown. Scare chord as a machine with a sunglasses-wearing pizza dispensing tickets is shown.
Stan What is this living nightmare? And why do kids love it so much?
While Stan is talking, the camera pans over to a crowd of kids in front of a stage. On the stage are a band of animatronic animals. An animatronic badger walks forward.
Will E. Badger (Strums guitar) Who wants to get baaadgered?!
The children cheer. A man is now standing next to Stan.
Gary Oh yeah, that's Will E. Badger. He opens for Hoo-Ha and the Jamboree.
Will E. Badger (Dancing) Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah ah!
Nicolas Will E. Badger! I love you, Will E.!
Will E. Badger (Holding out a cap with money in it) Now give me your mon-aaaaay!
The children put money into the cap.
Mariah Take my money, take it all!
Stan Hoooaah! (To Gary:) Sir, I would like to buy that badger.
Gary (Laughs) You're in over your head, gramps. Animatronics is a young man's game. (Tweaks his earring) You couldn't handle the hardcore life of a pizza-robot manager. Huh! Haha, flinched!
A child is heard vomiting off-screen.
Gary Hey, you, barfin' in the ball pit! (Walking toward the vomiting child) Gary's on the case.
Stan I'm gonna get that badger.
Cut to Dipper, Soos and Mabel outside of a video game store in the mall.
Mabel (Pulls something out of a toy capsule machine) Don't worry, Soos. You'll find the right girl. You just need to stick (Pulls a sticky hand toy out of her capsule) with it! (Sticks the hand to Soos's face) Haha!
Soos (Sighs) Could this day get any worse? (Turns head and sees a man who looks similar to him and a woman walking by) Oh no! Cousin Reggie!
Reggie Feel it, it's muscle.
Cousin Reggie's fiancée feels his arm and giggles.
Soos He can't see me like this! I gotta hide! (Runs into the video game store and sits down in front of some shelves of games) This is it, Soos. A lifetime of loneliness. (Pulls out two games) You're the only ones who could love me. (Reading the game titles:) "Fighty Hogg," "Dr. Punch Head MD." (Notices a game in the box in front of him and picks it up) Huh. Never seen that one before. (Reading the game box:) "Virtually improve your dating skills. Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend." This is perfect!
Dipper and Mabel walk in.
Dipper Well, I guess you are better at games than at flirting.
Mabel Anything to get you out there, Soos.
Store clerk I'm not sure you want to buy that game, sir. This is the third time someone's brought it back, and there's a note on it that says "destroy at all costs."
Soos (Talking to a cardboard cutout of a woman on a game advertisement:) So, hey there. What's your deal? Like to--? (The cutout falls over) Oh, she's dead!
Mabel (To clerk:) We'll take our chances.
Cut to Soos's house.

Timmy: (screams) This girl is ruining my life! (slams door, then it falls down on him) Stupid door.

Wanda: You seem a little tense, Sport. You know what might help? One of Chloe’s delicious lemon squares.

Timmy: Oh, why thanks, Wanda. (grunts, then throws lemon square at window, then it hits back) I never wanna hear that girl’s name again.

Cosmo: Oh, you mean Chloe? The wonderful girl who gave me a gift certificate for my new phone? Selfie! Duck lips!

(Cosmo and Wanda do Duck lips)

Timmy: Whatever. I still have one thing she doesn’t. And it’s the best thing ever! Fairies that are all mine.

Dipper Ugh. Fine! I'll bust your ghost. But, in exchange, I'll need three tickets to the party.
Pacifica Hrrn! You're just lucky I'm desperate.
Mabel, Candy, & Grenda Wooo! (Chanting:) Des-perate! Des-perate! Des-perate!
Mabel Grenda, get the glue gun. We're making dresses!
Cut to exterior shot of Northwest Manor. A limo drives through the crowds
Soos walk into his room and places his new game into his computer's CD tray. A "Year 2000 Electronics" logo appears on the monitor.
Soos Man, I can't wait for the year two-thousand.
The monitor shows the main menu for "Romance Academy 7." the options are "Start," "Quit," and "Shizenhakka" (romanized Japanese meaning "spontaneous combustion").
Soos Ehh, start! (Reading the game's introduction text:) "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom... anthyding can hadplen." That is so true.

cutting to a speed stripe background. An alien military captain peeks in, he has the same voice that narrated earlier.) Captain: General Outrage! (He poses; the scene contracts around him leaving in a spherical window, while the other side shows his profile. The background is military colored.) Outrage: I'm all about missions, mayhem, manliness! (Back to speed stripes; a spectacled scientist comes forth.) Scientist: Brainz! (Numbers fly out from behind him, he uses a calculator.) I compute out chances of success to be... (Profile view as of earlier, designed to look like a motherboard in a computer.) Brainz: Totally awesome! (Cut to a purple backdrop; in comes a crazy man as multicolored paint splotches appear behind him.) Crazy Man: Wild Card! You never know when I'm gonna... (Profile view, the background displaying a prison fence.) Wild Card: Rutabaga! (pause) Candy corn. (Speed stripes; a red gloved hand reaches into view and produces something and spins it. It stops spinning, revealing it to be fish shaped scissors as the camera zooms out to frame a hog creature.) Hog: Clipper! (Profile view, a trio of electrical outlets string out on the bottom to a stuck timer, the one on the top clipped apart. The background displays a hexagonal pattern.) Clipper: I'll clip you! (Speed stripes; Sylvia's tail peeks into frame and zoom out to frame all of her as she poses.) Sylvia: Smash & Sass! HI-YA! (She punches the screen, leaving a visible broken crack.) Oh, no, I didn't! (Profile view; the elements rimmed in her colors. She is suddenly pushed out of the window view and Wander takes her place.) Wander: And the wovable wandering wanderer, Wander!

(Snap to the entire group standing behind a giant hedge. All are staring blankly, Outrage gets close to him.) Outrage: (slightly irritated) Can I help you, son? (Sylvia slips to between them and salutes.) Sylvia: Sir! Sylvia, aka Smash & Sass! First day on the team! (Her perspective of the team.) Huge fan of your work! Really appreciate the call to try out! Outrage: You gettin' to a point, soldier?! (Widen to frame them, she sighs.) Sylvia: Look. (Holds Wander up) This little furball is my best pal. (Close-up on Wander, she stretches his bottom.) I know he seems like a skinny, clueless weakling – (Wander wiggles his legs around.) But believe me, he always manages to get the job done – (She puts him down.) in his own...weird little way. (Pause, Outrage leans into view next to Wander, who gives a happy smile. Outrage looks at the screen and growls, then points at him.) Outrage: Okay, son, listen up!

Balloon: Uh... it's elimination time! Isn't MePhone supposed to be here?

MePad: My apologies, Mr. Balloon, MePhone appears to be running a tad bit late today.

(Balloon glares at MePad.)

MePad: A tad bit, sir.

MePhone: Ugh! Um. *malfunctions* I'm here, guys, euhhh-uh-uh. *sparks* Thanks for waiting. *malfunctions again*

Knife: MePhone, you look even worse than usual!

MePhone: Shut up, Knife!  *glitches* Shut up.  *glitch-crash* What do you even do?  *sparks* Do you even go here?  *malfunctions*

MePad: Sir, are you well?  You don't seem to be yourself.

MePhone4: Ugh *glitches* that Tissue guy sneezed on me!  I think I might have the *dramatic zoom-in with spotlight* condiShAWn!  *error happens* But I'm probably-probably-probably-probably-probably-probably-probably-probably-probably-probablyyyy... *big glitch* ...fine.

MePad: I'm quite concerned about your health, sir.  I advise that you seek immediate care.

MePhone4: Nahhhhh. *glitch* Now let's just do the...(wiggles his fingers) aliminination. *a fluttering glitch occurs on the last word*

MePad: Do we have prizes to give to the safe competitors?

MePhone4: I didn't get those-se-se!  There's no prizes! *malfunction*  Let's just do the rundown. *screen glitches out*

MePad: The rundown, sir?  Did we rehearse that?  *Microphone and Soap exchange confused glances at each other*

MePhone4: No... *sparks* the people who are safe are... you know what?  I don't want to do this. MePad, you do this. *umpteenth glitch*


The game screen changes to one with a classroom background and some stats on the left.

Mordecai sighs in the hallway) Dude, what's your deal?

Mordecai: CJ is here.

Rigby: Are you guys gonna make out and run away from each other again?

Mordecai: Dude, quit it! I haven't seen her since we kissed on New Year's Eve and I feel weird around her. Like she still hates me for the whole movie mix-up with Margaret.

Rigby: Then just go talk to her about it.

Mordecai: No! Ugh, man. I'm not gonna be able to focus with her here. What if she distracts me and I mess up?

Rigby: Dude, whatever. Her team is new. They'll probably get eliminated in like, 2 seconds.

Mordecai: Yeah, I guess I'll just try to avoid her.

Benson: (comes through the door) Come on, you two! The game's about to start. (smiles and points) Benson's Ballerz needs their star player.

A pink-haired girl appears.
.GIFfany Oh, hi there! My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books?
The game gives the options "Yes of course!", "I am impatient! Date me now!" and "Hey look a squid!"
Soos I'm really feeling number two, here. (Clicks it) Click!
The game plays a buzzer sound and the option turns red.
Soos Ah! I messed up.
.GIFfany That's okay. Try again!
[The episode opens on Elmore Junior High, which is showing a school play of Beauty and the Beast. Gumball, portraying the beast, hammily stumbles around the stage as though he is dying]
Gumball[Gagging] Oh, my heart! Oh, it is broken! Argh! I'm going! [Strains] I'm going! Argh! Ooh! This is the end of me! [Groans] Argh! My heart! [He gurgles and babbles incoherently until abruptly stopping and falling onto the floor]
[The audience sighs in relief. Gumball starts gurgling again, much to their annoyance]
before finally falling over with a death rattle. The lighting spotlights on Darwin, who is sweating with a nervous look on his face. ]
Darwin: Uhhhh.... [Mr. Small reaches onscreen and makes Darwin talk by moving his mouth] [monotonously] When Belle came to see the Beast, she realized that she had loved him all along and cried for her lost love.
[The lighting switches back to
Audience: Ooh.
[Gumball continues gagging]
Richard[Whimpering] Is the beast gonna be all right? He just wanted to be loved!
[Anais pats Richard on the shoulder to calm him down]
[Gumball continues gurgling, before finally falling over with a death rattle. The lighting spotlights on Darwin, who is sweating with a nervous look on his face. ]
Darwin: Uhhhh.... [Mr. Small reaches onscreen and makes Darwin talk by moving his mouth] [monotonously] When Belle came to see the Beast, she realized that she had loved him all along and cried for her lost love.
[The lighting switches back to Gumball and Penny, who is crying. Suddenly, Gumball stands up, now wearing a blonde wig in place of the beast costume]
Gumball: Thanks to your tears, Belle, the curse has been lifted!

(He gets out of frame, Wander spins a bit and puts on his best war face. Cut to Outrage, holding a piece of the hedge. As he speaks, he pries the leaves apart revealing the building as seen in the grid prologue from earlier.) Outrage: We're gonna sneak in there and destroy Lord Hater's latest evil technology: the dreaded HT-125-F.

Soos clicks the

(Long shot of the landscape; Wander hops through the hedge, yelling as he starts toward the building. Outrage's hand reaches out and grabs him back; cut back to the gang.) Outrage: We're gonna destroy the HT-125-F! (Close-up of Wander, he pries the leaves apart revealing the building.) You're gonna guard the front door, and make sure no one comes in. (The title appears, superimposed over the building; Freeze-frame.

Jorgen: (poofs in) Surprise, Timmy Turner. Your fairies are no longer all yours.

Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda: What!?

Cosmo: Seriously, What? I wasn’t listening.

Jorgen: Due to overwhelming demand, and fairies taking on better-paying jobs in the fancy candle industry, there is a fairy godparent shortage. So now, Turner, you have to share your fairies with another fairy godkid

Timmy: I have to sh-sh-shoo-

Jorgen: Spit it out, boy. The word is “share”.

Timmy: I’m freaking out here! Just tell me who I have to sh-sh- my fairies with.

Jorgen: She’s super smart, well-behaved, and won the Nobel Prize for niceness.

Timmy: No, no.

MePad: The competitors safe are Suitcase, Baseball, Nickel-

MePhone4: *glitchy voice* Hurry it up already!

MePad: *reveals all the votes* The eliminated competitor is Mr. Cheesy, with 2605 votes.  A record high, truly unprecedented!

MePhone4: *pulls party popper* Hooray!  Woo-hoo!  *collapses*

Cosmo: Don’t tell Timmy, but I’m secretly excited about being Chloe’s fairy.

Timmy: I am Timmy! And 

Wander salutes. Widen to frame Sylvia and Outrage; he points at her, pressing her snout.) Outrage: If he flings this up... (Close-up of her.) It's...on...YOU. (He slowly brings his hand out of view; Sylvia's view works its way to confidence, eyebrows lowered, and she nods. Cut to a long shot as the Generals jump out of the hedge and walk around, making "hup hup" noises. When they finish, they get together; Close-up of them as they strike poses, the background going blue with stars and yellow spikes. They break their poses and open the door, going in one by one. Wild Card closes the door; Wander and Sylvia use the crosswalks on either side to enter.)

Jorgen: She speaks 12 languages, including Dolphin.

Chloe: (dolphin sounds)

Dolphin:(dolphin sounds)

Jorgen: It’s Chloe!

Richard: They called him a beast, because he looked like a beast, but her love made him beautiful!
Penny: Yeah.

I don’t get it. Everything about Chloe is perfect. Why does she even need fairies?

Jorgen: There’s a reason for everything, Turner. Except for fanny packs. Just have the guts to carry a man-purse! Anyway, becoming a fairy godkid can come as quite a shock. We had better break the news to Chloe gently.

(lifting piccolo music)

(Fairies poof in)

Chloe: (gasps)

Jorgen: Surprise! You’ve got fairies!

Chloe: (screams) Stranger danger! (throws Jorgen and pins him)

Jorgen: Ooh, I like this girl. She’s got spunk. And the heel of her foot on my windpipe.

Chloe: Okay, this is a dream, right? But if it is a dream, you wouldn’t know, because you’d just be part of the dream. And I’d be talking to my imagination. Which is crazy. Am I crazy? Or am I dreaming I’m crazy?

Timmy: Oh, come on!

Marco walks through the second-floor hallway.
Marco Diaz [yawning]
Star Butterfly (o.s.) Morning, Marco!
Marco Hey. [yelping and screaming]
Marco steps in a pool of water and slides into the slide. His panicked screaming turns into excited laughing. He eventually splashes into a pool in the living room.
Marco Oh, that was awesome!
Seven laser puppies occupy the pool with Marco. Star runs in from off-screen wearing a green bathing suit.
Star I know, right? Stairs are so boring.
Marco Heh-heh. I hope my parents don't flip when they see this.
Mr. Diaz I'm flipping!
Mr. Diaz flips into the pool from off-screen.
Laser puppies [yipping]
Marco Dad!
Mr. Diaz Relax, son. This is like the perfect getaway without actually getting away! [laughs]
A dolphin appears under Mr. Diaz and carries him away.
Dolphin [chattering]
Mr. Diaz [laughing] Oh, boy!
Star [laughing] I love living here! If my parents found out I've been using magic for stuff like this...
Marco About that... This was cool, but next time, maybe a little heads-up? Okay? Wet socks are a form of torture in some countries.
The doorbell rings.
Star I'll get it!

Jorgen: You are not dreaming, small spunky girl. I’m Jorgen Von Strangle, Head fairy of Fairyworld, here to present you with your very own fairy godparents to grant you your every wish. Chloe, meet Wanda and Cosmo.

Star answers the door. On the other side of the door, King Butterfly rides on the shoulders of one of his royal manservants.
Manservant [blows horn]

Wanda: I’m Wanda.

Cosmo: I’m Wanda. Aw, I practiced that, too.

Chloe: Whoa, Wait, I have fairy godparents? Excuse me, I need a moment alone.

Star Oh, hey, Dad. ...Dad?!
King Butterfly Hello—
Star slams the door before King Butterfly and his manservant can enter.
Star Oh, no! I need to hide everything!
Camera zooms out to show the entire living room. The water slide is in the shape of a giant octopus. Marco stands next to the pool while Mr. Diaz swims in the pool. A mermaid sits on the left upper ledge. A submarine surfaces from beneath the pool. Cut to house exterior with King Butterfly. Magical lights and sounds come from inside.

(Chloe yells yes)

Why are we suddenly scared of everything?

Ahh, we're kids again!

- Whoa, you made them kids?! - You did say they were too old.

That's not what I meant.

- Whoa, Rave,

as a butler pulls a lever to open the main gates and let it through. Two servants open the doors to the house, letting in Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, Candy, and Grenda.
Pacifica Welcome to Northwest Manor, dorks. Try not to touch anything.
Girls (Misc. exclamations of wonder)
Mabel Everything's so fancy! Fancy floors, fancy plants-- (Gasps.) fancy man! (Rubs butler's face.)
Butler Mm, yes. Very good miss.
Candy The rumors were true! (Holds up gift bag, live quail pops out, followed by three quail chicks.)
Girls (Run off giggling.)
Preston Ah, if it isn't the man of the hour! Hopefully you can help us with our little... situation, before the guests arrive in an hour.
Dipper I'll do my best.
Preston Splendid! Pacifica, take our guest to the "problem room," and, uh... he's not wearing that, is he?
Camera zooms away revealing Dipper cleaning his teeth with his finger and with his shirt partially in his pants.
Pacifica I'm on it.
Cut to

Cheesy: Y'know, after this morning, I realize that sometimes... my jokes hurt people's feelings.  I should probably switch gears to something less offensive - maybe try commercials again?

Microphone: Awww, Cheesy, you don't need to do that.

Cheesy: But Mic, you said it yourself.  I'm just a monster...

Microphone: But comedy is a part of who you are!  Just try not to bother people as much!  I guess what I'm trying to say is... don't do commercials.

Cheesy: Yeah... yeah, you're right!  And guess what?!  I found out that humor isn't entirely made up of puns!  *referring to The Big Book of Politically Correct Humor for Three-Year-Olds* Hear this one!  *ahem* What do you call a- *Toilet knocks him into the portal, Cheesy's scream is heard*

Toilet: Oooh, look sir, I did something!  I hit the- I-I- I DID IT!  Do you love me yet?

Chloe: Sorry, I went a little cray-cray there, but I’m good now. One thing. It feels unfair that I have two fairies. Shouldn’t I share them?

(Cut to him on the roof, typing and making the computer beep) Ugh, I can't take that sound anymore. (Pounding on computer) I. Hate. You. Sound. (Yawns) There has to be some shortcut or clue. Who would know about secret codes?
Wind blows. An eye creeps around the moon, and bricks form around it to reveal Bill. Color vanishes from the world.
Commercial break
Bill Cipher Well, well, well. You're awfully persistent, Pine Tree. Hats off to you! (takes his hat off, tilting the world sideways)
Dipper (falling off roof) AA! AAA! AAA! AAAAAAA! (Falls back on) You again!
Bill Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me.
Dipper Hardly. You worked with Gideon! You tried to destroy my uncle's mind!
Bill It was just a job, kid! No hard feelings! I've been keeping an (becomes bigger and voice becomes lower:) EYE ON YOU (normal size and voice:) since then, and I must say I'm impressed!
Dipper Really?
Bill You deserve a prize! Here, have a head that's always screaming! (claps and a screaming head appears)
Screaming head Aah! Aah! Aah!...
Dipper (Shocked) Ah!
Bill (Snaps and the head disappears layer by layer) Hahaha... The point is, I like you. How's about you let me give you a hint, huh? I only ask for a small - (Voice gets low and hand and eye light on fire:) FAVOR (Normal:) - in return.
Dipper I'd never do a favor for you! Don't forget who defeated you last time!
Bill (Rising out of the roof behind him) Right, you "defeated me". Well if you ever change your mind (Pretends to grab Dipper's brain) I'll be here for you, ready to make a deeaaall. (three slots appear spinning on his chest. They stop at a pine tree symbol) Hey, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds? AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Dipper (Wakes up) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Cut to Stan in kitchen.
Mabel (Waving the Stan puppet in Stan's face:) Hey, I'm puppet Staaaannn!
Stan Still ignoring this.
Dipper (Walks in and yawns) Hey Mabel. (Yawns)
Stan Woah, bag check for Dipper's eyes. Ha ha! Nobody?
Mabel Dipper, I told you to get some sleep last night! Here, wake up with some Mabel Juice. (Holds blender full of red liquid with various objects floating around) It has plastic dinosaurs in it!
Stan It's like if coffee and nightmares had a baby!

Timmy: Uh, nope, you’re crazy. We’re out of here. Come on, guys.

Jorgen: You are sharing them, with Turner!

Chloe: And technically you don’t have two fairies. It’s more like a fairy and a half.

Cosmo: Ooh, I’m the half. Right, Wanda?

Wanda: Yes, you are, Sweetie.

Cosmo: I knew it!

Jorgen: You kids figure out how to divvy up your fairies. I’m off to the hospital to get my windpipe replaced. (poofs away)

Wanda: So, Chloe, are you ready to make your first wish?

Chloe: First, I just want to say I’m so excited to meet you guys, and-

Timmy: Time’s up. My turn! I wish I was as far away from Chloe as possible.

(Wanda and Cosmo glance at each other, then grant the wish. FAR AWAY!)

(mole people growling)

Timmy: Where are we?

Wanda: Center of the Earth, Timmy. Realm of the hideous mole people. It’s as far from Chloe as possible.

Cosmo: It’s what you wished for, Timmy. You’re welcome. Selfie with the mole people! Duck lips!

(Cosmo, Wanda, and the mole people do Duck lips)

Cosmo: Wanda, take another one of me with the bleached bones of those who came before us.

(Wanda takes picture)

Mole People:(growling)

Cosmo: Quick Wanda, get a shot of me and Timmy as they drag him to the boiling pot!

(Wanda takes photo, then Wanda and Cosmo poof away)

Timmy: (screams) Back! Back! Bad mole.

Cosmo: Here’s the evil mole people seasoning Timmy with a garlic-coriander rub. And here’s my Spanish omelette from yesterday.

Timmy: Thanks a lot guys. I was almost enslaved by human-rodent hybrids!

Cosmo: Oh, you think you’ve got problems. I blinked in my bleached bones selfie.

Timmy: Anyway, I think I know how to handle this sh-sh-shooing. Chloe, just pick the day when you want fairies.

Chloe: Super! I’ll take Friday cause there’s no homework. Although, sometimes I do extra credit. I don’t know what I like better, making wishes or doing extra credit. Ooh, I just don’t know!

Wendy (Gasps and bites lip. Holding out the can to Dipper. Whispering:) Dipper! Look! (Shows him a can of beans with a picture of "the author" on it)
Dipper (To Man:) Uhh, you know what? We should probably get going. Can I have my journal back?
Unknown Man (Blinks eyes sideways and turns head all the way around. voice deepening:) You're not going anywhere. (Crawls up wall and turns into "true form")
Dipper and Wendy AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Shape Shifter (Laughs) How do you like my true form? Go on, admit it, you like it!
Dipper You! What did you do to the real author?!
Shape Shifter You'll likely never find out. That six-fingered nerd hasn't been himself in thirty years! But I thank you for bringing me his journal. He used to write it while I was in my cage. So many wonderful forms to take! (Flipping through the journal, it transforms into the Gremloblin, a gnome, and then the Hide Behind, laughing each time)
Dipper (Whispering to Wendy:) We've gotta get that journal back!
Wendy Hey body snatcher! (Picks up can of beans and throws at shape shifter) Snatch this!
Shape Shifter (Dodges it, turns into a giant frog monster, and lashes its tongue out at Wendy)
Wendy (Holds up a piece of metal to block the tongue, making it drop the journal)
Dipper RUN! RUN! RUN!
Dipper and Wendy (Run through tunnels)
Shape Shifter (Chasing them while taking several forms, then turns into a giant rolly polly monster and chases them to a fork in the tunnels)
Dipper (Throws his flashlight down one end
Now that the fairy's curse has been lifted, we can finally seal our love, [whispers] with a kiss!
[Gumball's face lights up and the stage falls away. Penny and Gumball are floating in space once again, like they always do when they are about to kiss. Penny readies her lips for kissing]
Gumball: Is this really happening?! 'Cause there was no kiss in rehearsals.
Penny: I kinda improvised.
Gumball[Hyperventilates] Then how come we're not exploding?! We're in space! And why are we always in space when we're gonna kiss? Also--
Penny: Come on, hurry up. Everyone's looking. Three, two, one...
[Gumball inhales deeply and accidentally headbutts Penny. The curtains subsequently close]

Dressing RoomEdit

[We cut to the dressing room. Gumball is sobbing]
Darwin: Come on, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Gumball: Not that bad?! If I did that in a cage fight, I'd be disqualified! [continues sobbing on the floor] This can't be happening!
Penny: Okay guys, don't panic. We don't know how bad it is yet. Come on, tell me how it looks.
[Penny reveals her eye to Gumball and Darwin. They both inhale sharply]
Gumball:'s a nice scar. Gives you character, like a... beautiful warlord or an adorable Frankenstein, or something.
Penny: Wait, I've got a scar?!
Darwin: No, don't worry. It's not a scar, it's more of a crack!
Penny: What?! How bad is it?!
Gumball[speaking sweetly] Oh, no, it's cute! It's like there was a teeny-weeny really pretty earthquake in your face.
[Penny looks at herself in the mirror and examines crack in her eye. Something yellow sparks up within it]
Gumball: What was that?
Penny: Nothing!
Gumball: Ohh, what have I done?!
[Gumball takes Penny's hand and slaps his face with it repeatedly]
Penny[Sighs] What are you doing?
Darwin: Hurting your head made his heart hurt, so he's hurting his head with your hand to heal his heart.
[Gumball spins Penny in her chair, making her accidentally kick Gumball. He then takes Penny's foot and slams it against his head repeatedly]
Penny[Sighs] Look, if you really want to do something, just help me fix this.
Darwin: Hmm. Well, maybe if we put the accent on your good eye and integrate the area of discontent into the piece as a whole, no one will notice. Okay, pass me the rouge. Okay, pass me the mascara. Forget it, pass me the paint roller.
[Penny is seen with a crudely drawn eye and mouth on the right side of her face]
Penny: Guys, this isn't going to work. [softly] I'm going to have to tell my dad.


Gumball: Hey, so, um, you know when you were looking at your eye and there was that.. mm.. what was that?
Penny[Dismissively] Don't know what you mean.
Gumball: You know, there was that.. [Makes a bubbly, crackling noise]
Penny: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Gumball: You know. The.. [Babbles]
Penny: I really don't know--
Darwin[Shouting] WHAT'S IN THE SHELL, WOMAN?!
Penny[Sighs] OK. It's the... It's the real me.
Gumball: Get outta here! Can I see?
Penny: No. No one can see. My dad would go nuts.
Gumball: Don't worry, young lady. [Laughing] I am the nutcracker! [Laughs] Oh, that's funny. 'Cause I cracked your shell, and... uh... [Laughs nervously and then sighs]
[Darwin imitates a rim shot]

The Fitzgerald HouseEdit

[Gumball and Penny are both flapping their tongues at each other, looking angry]
Darwin: Okay, I think you've done enough argument warm-up. Are you ready to tell her dad now?
[Gumball takes the newspaper Darwin was reading and shoots his tongue through it, making several holes]
Gumball: Yeah, I guess it's time. [Gumball inhales deeply] No, still terrified.
[Gumball and Penny start flapping their tongues again]
Soos clicks the first option. The game awards him 100 "Love Points" as coins and a cat falls in front of the screen.
Soos Wow, I'm learning! And games are making it fun.
.GIFfany What would you like to talk about?
The options offered are "Your interests," "Samurais" and "Squids."
Soos I'd rather just click your face. (Clicks her face)
.GIFfany Ha ha. You are so funny.
Soos Man, this game is amazing! I don't know why anyone abandoned it.
.GIFfany And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend.
Soos Boyfriend? Oh my, .GIFfany. It's almost like you're actually alive.
.GIFfany Yes. Almost. (Laughs throughout the rest of the scene)
Soos (Laughs) Oh, man. You have such a nice laugh.
Pan to show that Soos's computer isn't plugged in.
Cut to the Mystery Shack gift shop.
Stan You don't understand, Wendy! This animatronic badger sings, it dances. It's the perfect money taking attraction. But he won't sell it to me!
Wendy This is literally too dumb for me to care about.

(Cut to Mordecai on the dodgeball court. Benson's Ballerz is on the left side, while East Pines is on the right.)

Referee: Alright, dodgeballers! If you get hit, cross the center line, or an opposing player catches your ball, you're out! First place goes to the last team standing. On your mark, get set, dodgeball!

(Benson's Balllerz defeat East Pines and move on to the second round, along with Blitz Bombs who had defeated Last Picks. The Magical Elements are up against an unknown team, and the emerge victorious. Thanks to Thomas, Benson's Ballerz defeat Blitz Bombs and move on to the third round along with Death Kwon Dodge. CJ's team, The Thunder Girls, defeat the coffee team and make it to the semi-final. along with Duke Dodgers. Mordecai uses his Tornado technique to defeat Sensai of Death Kwon Dodge, allowing his team to move on to the semi-final, along with none other than the Magical Elements. As their team starts to lose players, Mordecai, Rigby, Benson and Skips huddle up.)

Rigby: We don't stand a chance against these guys. They're using magic!

Benson: You're right. Line up behind Skips! (The Guardians of Eternal Youth have their magical dodgeballs ready) Skips, you gotta catch these. We got your back!

(The dodgeballs are thrown and Skips catches them as they turn red. Benson and Skips throw them, knocking out the God of Basketball and a wizard player. Mordecai knocks out Death, and soon, it's down to one Guardian and Gary.)

Benson: Finish this, Mordecai!

(Mordecai is about to throw, when...)

CJ: (to her teamates) ...and then I was like, "No, it's cause we want that huge trophy! (laughs with the team)

(Gary throws the ball at Mordecai face, eliminating him.)

Benson: NOOOO!

Gary: Well, Benson, looks like your star player just burnt out. (makes a hissing sound)

(Benson, in a fit of rage, juimps and throws the ball directly at Gary's face.)

Benson: Yeah! (gets knocked out by Reginald)

Rigby:  (catches the dodgeball) Hey, I caught it!

(Reginald throws another ball, knocking out Skips but missing Rigby, who is now the only one left.)

Benson: No. No. No!

(Rigby trembles while Reggie laughs)

Reginald: Well, let's get this over with.

(In slow motion, Rigby uses his Rignado and knock out the remaining Guardian.)

Referee: You're out!

Reginald: Nooooo! (uses magic on the audience, who run aside.)

Ballerz: OOOOOOOHHHH! (run to Rigby)

Benson: I'm sorry I doubted you, man. (to Mordecai) Mordecai, what happened out there?

Mordecai: Uhh....

Rigby: This girl that hates Mordecai is here and it's messin' up his game. (gets punched by Mordecai)

Benson: (not surprised) Mordecai, why didn't you say so?

Mordecai: It's complicated, okay?

why are you so big? - Why are we so little?

- And why am I so adorable? - I pee-pee'd myself.

What was that?

- Monsters! - Don't let 'em in, don't let 'em in!

Code red, I repeat code red!

Go into lockdown, now, now, now!

Guys, they're just trick-or-treaters.


- Scary, huh? - Yeah. That was a close one.



MePhone4: Finally *yet another glitch* that menace is gone-ne-ne-ne.  Now, let's get to the next challenge... *malfunction appears*  I call it - *voice glitches, challenge name is incomprehensible*

Lightbulb: *gasp* Wow I love that name!  How did you come up with- *imitates glitch*

MePhone4: No, I-

Sylvia: Look. I really wanna make a good impression on these guys, so just focus, and it shouldn't be hard, okay? (Close-up.) And remember, don't let anyone in! Wander: (saluting) Don't let anyone in! (Cut to a letterbox view of his demonic face against a red background.) Wander: (sharply) I got this. (Back to fullscreen view; Sylvia strikes a punching pose and the door opens as she walks backwards through it.) Sylvia: Hyah! Hup hup hup hup hup... (The door closes; after a while, Wander starts dancing around.) Wander: ♪ I...don't let anyone in, I don't let anyone in...don't, don't, don't, don't...let...anyone in, oh, don't let anyone in... ♪ (During the end of this, a Watchdog scientist comes forth. Wander smiles and pushes the door open.) Watchdog Scientist: (German accent) 'Zank you! (He walks in, and Wander closes the door.) Wander: ♪ Don't...let...anyone in... ♪

Gumball: I can't believe you were suspended for being too dangerous!
Richard: And I can't believe you just ditched school without a proper excuse!
Gumball: Well we are all in this together! If Darwin gets to skip class, so do I!
Darwin: I thought this was about finding what I'm allergic to.
Gumball: Yes, that as well.
Anais: Well, he's been hanging around with you all day. So maybe he's allergic to stupidity.
Gumball: Hey! It's not nice being mean about people's stupidity, but I'm gonna calm down now because now that I think about it that's actually quite a good theory!
Anais: Uh, is it?
Gumball: Well, yeah. It all started with that stupid pillow fight.
Darwin: And the more people gave me stupid solutions, the worse it got!
Anais: Hmm. There must be a way to prove this, but how?
Richard: Hey guys! Do you sometimes wonder what tree does cheese come from?
[Darwin sneezes, flipping the car over]
Anais: Now we're sure.
Dipper emerging from a dressing room in a tuxedo.
Dipper Ugh, it's like this collar is strangling me. Who do you guys think you're impressing with this stuff?
Pacifica Um, everyone. (Ties Dipper's bow tie.) You wouldn't understand. High standards are what make the Northwest family great.
Dipper Funny, I thought it was lying about founding the town. (Fiddles with a picture frame's tassel.)
Pacifica (Offscreen:) Don't touch that!
Cut to overhead view of main ballroom.
Grenda (Picks up large book,) Oh wow, guys, it's the guest list! (Opens book while Mabel and Candy approach.) Whoa, check out this hottie!
Candy Marius von Fundshauser! He's a baron from Austria!
Mabel Forget the quail, I'm putting him in my guest basket!
Grenda Hold up, ladies. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think this boy is out of our league.
Candy Grenda is right. He's a white whale. Hunting him will destroy us.
Mabel There are tons of cute boys coming. Let's swear a sisters' truce not to waste time on Marius. (All place hands together.)
Candy Deal!
Grenda Deal!
Mabel Deal!
Girls (Laugh nervously.)
Cut to Dipper opening a creaky door.
Dipper Whoa.
Establishing shots of the room, with dead stuffed animal heads on the walls, paintings, a fireplace, and lots of dark wooden furniture. The whole room is lit by the fireplace and gives it a dark reddish light.
Star opens the door again wearing her regular green blouse. The living room is back to normal.
Star What a pleasant surprise! [laughs nervously] What brings you here unexpectedly?
King Butterfly Well, I was in the neighborhood and... Agh. Who am I kidding? You mother, has banished me from the castle.
Star What did you do?
King Butterfly Nothing! I just left a garment or two laying around.
King Butterfly enters the house. His manservant follows while dragging in his heavy luggage.
King Butterfly I thought perhaps, I could stay here for a day while this blows over.
Mr. Diaz hugs King Butterfly from behind.
Mr. Diaz Of course you can stay here. You are familia. You can watch the kids while me and the wifey actually get away. ¡Hasta mañana!
King Butterfly Ah, good show!
A laser puppy appears in King Butterfly's beard.
Laser puppy [yipping]
King Butterfly Huh? Oh, hello—
The laser puppy shoots King Butterfly's eyes with lasers.
King Butterfly [screams]
King Butterfly's beard bursts into flames and smolders.
King Butterfly Star, if you mother was here and knew you were using your wand inappropriately, she would send you straight to St. Olga's. ...But I'm not your mother! I rather enjoy destructive magical puppies.
Star This visit is actually gonna be fun then!
Star and King Father-Daughter Day!
Star grabs King Butterfly by the mustache and drags him around the house.
Star Tour time!
King Butterfly [laughing]
Marco Hey, guys, hold up. I'm gonna go change my socks. Ugh, it's like I'm walking in pudding.
Star opens the door to her bedroom.
Star Check out my room.
Dipper (Pushing Mabel into living room) Mabel, listen, last night I had a dream with Bill in it.
Mabel Wait, hold up, the triangle guy? (holding fingers around her eye to make a triangle)
Dipper He said he'd give me the code to the laptop if I gave him something. Like I'd actually trust Bill, right?
Mabel Don't worry, bro. Today's the day that the mystery twins are back in action. I'll help you crack that code.
Pacifica This is the main room where it's been happening.
Dipper Yep, this looks like the kind of room that would be haunted, all right. I wouldn't worry about it, though. (holds up the journal) Ghosts fall on a ten-category scale. Floating plates sound like a Category 1.

*MePhone glitches massively, sparks, and shuts down, collapsing on the ground*

Toilet: Mistah Phone?  Do-do you need me to get you a pillow?  ....GET UP YA BUM!  ...I LOVE YOU!

MePad: MePhone appears to have malfunctioned.

Toilet: AHH! Do you mean he's sick?

Marshmallow: So what happens when we don't have a host?

Soap: Oh, please don't bring OJ back again.

MePad: Toilet, the fate of MePhone's existence depends on us. We need to cure him now.

Test Tube: Luckily, I'm prepared for any technological disaster, with my trusty bag of rice! *reaches into rice bag, grabs some rice, and throws it on top of MePhone4* Mazel Tov! *rice does nothing, she grabs some more and tosses it* Nyeh... *angry* Fan! You said that would work!

Fan: I thought everything on the internet was true!

Paintbrush: Uh, that only works for water damage and-

Lightbulb: *interrupts* Well, if we're gonna add some rice, you need some soy sauce! 

Pacifica So what? Are you gonna bore him back into the afterlife by reading from this book?
Dipper Just gotta splash this sucker with some anointed water (Holds up small, round bottle of water), and he should be out of your probably-fake blonde hair.
Pacifica What was that about my hair?
Dipper (Takes out EMF detector) Shh! I'm picking something up.
Dipper walks further into the room, stopping before a tall painting of a lumberjack over the fireplace. The device loses its signal for a moment.
Dipper C'mon, stupid thing. (Taps device, and the signal returns) There we go.
Dipper looks back at the painting, and the lumberjack inside has disappeared.
Dipper Uh, Pacifica?
Pacifica Aah! (Screams as blood dripping from above, gasps, looks up)
Blood swells from the mouths of the stuffed animal heads on the walls. Dipper and Pacifica shout as the fire bursts out of the fireplace.
Animal Heads ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. (Repetitive chanting)
Books, furniture, and antique weapons fly around Dipper and Pacifica, and the chandelier above crackles dangerously.
Pacifica Dipper, what is this?!
Dipper It's a Category 10.
The bottle of anointed water breaks, and Dipper and Pacifica scream.
Pacifica (Screams; grabs Dipper)

Oh, it feels so good to be out.

King Butterfly Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Various magical creatures occupy the room, including living clouds, monkeys, a goblin, a flying snail, a six-legged poodle eating a bag of chips, a bearded gnome, a beanbag monster, a clown, a teddy bear with an eyepatch, and Flying Pig. In a small ring, Flying Pig and the eyepatched teddy bear have a pillow fight.
Creature Get him!
Kevin Get him!
Creature Get him!
Kevin Gut him like a fish!
Gnome I got twenty bucks on Teddy!
All creatures Hi, Star!
Kevin I'm Kevin. I'm new!
King Butterfly Magnificent!
Star If you like this, let me show you the most magical room in the whole house.
Star drags King Butterfly toward the bathroom by his beard.
Star The bathroom!

Time to make some kiddies shout!

- Who was that? - And why am I so adorable?

(realizing) DOHHHH!!! NO!!!

(cuts inside the hideout) Wander: Psst! Sylvia. Sylvia: Wander, what are you doing here? Why aren't you guarding the door? Wander: Well, remember how you said "don't let anyone in"? (nervously) Well, I sort of... did. that. thing. Sylvia: WHAT?! (bangs head on ceiling) Ow! Outrage: Smash & Sass, what's goin' on back there? Sylvia: I-okay. Go, insurgents. (the team walks away) Wander: I'm sorry. What should I do? Sylvia: Find the guy, knock him out, say somethin' sassy! You know, Smash & Sass? (repeatedly punches other hand) Okay, okay. Don't do that. Just... (gets all up in Wander's face) figure out a way to get him out of here! (party horn sound plays while Wander salutes)

Pacifica (Shakes Dipper by the collar) What do we do, what do we do?!
Dipper Don't worry. It can't get worse than this!
The fire flames up again, and Dipper and Pacifica hide under a table while a giant black skeleton emerges from the fire. A body forms around the skeleton of an enormous lumberjack with a beard made of fire and an ax in his head.
Ghost of Northwest Manor I smell... A NORTHWEST! (Ax materializes in his hand, begins dragging ax along the floor) Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Pacifica Hurry! Read through your dumb book already!
Dipper (Whispering:) I'm looking! And it's not dumb, okay? This book is gonna save our lives! Alright, here we go. Advice: (Holds portable black light over book, which reads "PRAY FOR MERCY!") Aww, seriously?!
King Butterfly [gasps, excited grunting, approaches the toilet] What a glorious throne! [sits on toilet] Why does it have a hole?
Star Um, humans put things in there and flush 'em down.
King Butterfly Flush? What's a flush?
King Butterfly turns the lever on the toilet, and it flushes. He watches in awe as the water swirls down in the bowl.
King Butterfly My word! Where does the water go?
Star Nobody knows. It's one of Earth's greatest mysteries.
King Butterfly [grabs toilet paper] Does this go in it?
Star All the time.
King Butterfly flushes the toilet paper.
King Butterfly [deep gasp, huffing and puffing]
King Butterfly races to the other side of the bathroom and returns with a toothbrush.
King Butterfly This?
Star I don't see why not.
King Butterfly flushes the toothbrush off-screen while Star watches with a wide smile.
King Butterfly [holding a toilet brush] This?
Star Go for it...!
Cut to Marco's bedroom. A laser puppy chews on one of his socks.
King Butterfly (o.s.) This?
Star (o.s.) Sure!
King Butterfly (o.s.) This?
Star (o.s.) Yup!
King Butterfly (o.s.) This?
Star (o.s.) Go ahead!
Marco What are they doing in there?
Cut back to the bathroom.

Timmy: Stop it! Stop it! You called Fridays! Cosmo, Wanda, I wish there was no such thing as Fridays!

(Cosmo and Wanda glance at each other, then grant the wish. NO FRIDAYS!)

Foop:(cackling) Timmy Turner! Happy The Day Formerly Known as Friday! Once again, your careless wishes have set into motion a chain of events that will result in the ultimate destruction of Earth! Evil laugh! Cackle guffaw! Oh, hello little girl! We are unacquainted as of yet. Here take my card. (throws what seems to be a Batarang at the window)

Chloe: “Foop. Enemy of Fairy World. Bringer of woe. Harbinger of doom. Lose weight. Ask me how.” Oh, excuse me, Mr. Foop? You spelled “doom” wrong.

Foop: Oh, thank you for pointing that out. I’ll show my gratitude by making sure you experience a particularly painful death. Sorry, I’m a little cranky. Got a new tooth coming in. (cackling)

The table floats out from over them, revealing them to the ghost. They scream.
Ghost YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE! (Slices at them with the ax, they dodge)
Pacifica This way! Hurry!
Dipper and Pacifica flee down the hall, pursued by the ghost.

(Cosmo and Wanda poof everyone away, YiKES!)


Timmy: How did my little no-Friday wish make all this terrible stuff happen?

Cosmo: Oh, sweet, naive, simple minded Timmy. Don’t you get it? ‘Cause I don’t get it. Wanda?

Wanda: Every Friday, the big wand in Fairy World gets recharged and it’s power protects Dimmsdale from the anti-fairies. Now that Fridays don’t exist, The wand hasn’t been charged.

Cosmo: You lost me at “every”. End of the world selfie! OMG!  Think Smiley face emoticon.

Foop: (cackles) All of you, prepare to meet your doom. And feel the wrath of my baba! It’s filled with chocolate milk.. heated to a million degrees! (shoots it)

(Timmy and Chloe scream)

Timmy: Wanda, Cosmo, you still have some magic left in your wands?

Cosmo: I’ve got 2 bars, Timmy. But I think I should save them for an emergency.

Timmy: I wish Fridays existed again!


(they scream)

(Timmy and Chloe scream again)

Jorgen: First of all, let it be Friday again.


All: Yay! T.G.I.F!

Jorgen: Secondly, Turner, you need to accept the fact you’re sharing your fairies, or you can revisit your little furry friends.



Cut to Preston opening the doors to the guests.
Preston Welcome, dukes and duchesses, sultans, and sportsmen.
Sportsman Yo, what up, Presto?
Preston And, reclusive 102-year-old mayor of Gravity Falls, Mayor Befufflefumpter.
Mayor (Gestures to vultures circling overhead) It's okay, they're with me.
Preston Tonight we will enjoy only the finest of tastes and only the snootiest of laughter.
Snooty Rich Guy (Laughs in a stereotypical French manner)
Preston That's the ticket!
Cut to Candy at the fondue fountains.
Candy (As she switches fondues) Cheese, chocolate, cheese, chocolate--
Mabel Candy, listen to me carefully. You're caught in a sweet-savory loop. Put the fondue fork down.
Candy I want to, but I can't.
Glass rings to gather everyone's attention.

Hi Five Ghost: (goes to the team bracket) Hey, we're playing the girls in the final game: The Thunder Girls

(We are shown Benson's Ballerz vs The Thunder Girls in the final.)

Mordecai: What?! (watches the team go on the court) Aaaugh! We're playing CJ's team? (puts his head in his hands) Aw, man. I can't do this. I can't do this!

Benson: (walks up tto Mordecai) Hey, hey. The only thing we can't do is lose! We already beat The Magical Elements!

(cuts to Watchdog) Watchdog Scientist: Vhere are my keys? I know I left vem somevhere. Wander: Excuse me, uh, Mr. Scientist. (peeks left, then looks straight again) Go! Go away! You go away from this building! (stomping the floor) You go away now. Go! Shoo! (pause) Watchdog Scientist: Who are you? (dramatic sound plays as Wander gets nervous)

(cuts to lazer room) Wander: Uh, Sylviaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

(cuts to Watchdog's room) Wander: Night janitor! Watchdog Scientist: Oh, I see. Zen who is zat? (suspenseful music)

Butler Introducing Baron Marius von Fundshauser.
Marius (Enters dramatically) Guten tag!
Mabel Guten take-me-now! (Makes a dash for Marius, is held back by Grenda and Candy)
Grenda Mabel, we had a truce!
Candy Yes yes, a truce! Uh, Grenda? Can you go fetch us some fancy napkins?
Grenda Wow, okay!
Candy Listen, Mabel, I don't know if I can follow this truce! He is too adorable!
Mabel Huh, me too, Candy. But what do we do? He's unattainable!
Candy What if we flirt with him as a team? With our cuteness combined, one of us might have a chance!
Mabel It is the perfect plan, but what about Grenda?
Candy I love Grenda, Mabel. But these boys are fancy! Her aggressive flirting style might scare them away!
Shot of Grenda pointing at a boy's jacket.
Grenda What's on your shirt? (Smacks boy's nose with finger) Haha, gullible! ...Loser!
Mabel & Candy (Nod grimly to each other)
Cut to Pacifica leading Dipper down a decorated hallway, pursued by the laughing ghost. Overhead shot of a courtyard.

Watchdog: So, Hater hired a newer, younger and prettier janitor, huh? Well, you listen to me, pal! I ain't goin' without a fight! (makes screaming noises) Watchdog Scientist: Veeeeeeeeeeeellll? (Wander cleans up, scientist snaps)

Pacifica Hurry! Through the garden! Watch out for peacocks!
Dipper, head in journal, hits a peacock as they go. Dipper and Pacifica muddy their shoes on the garden path as they run.
Dipper Come on, come on-- (Flips through journal desperately) I got it! Haunted paintings can only be trapped in a silver mirror. (Points ahead of them) Look! There's a silver mirror right there!
Dipper and Pacifica run towards a pristine white room, where a large, rectangular mirror hangs on the rear wall. Pacifica grabs his arm, stopping him before he can enter.
Pacifica Wait! Don't go in there! This room has my parents' favorite carpet pattern! They'll lose it if we track mud in there!
Dipper What? Are you serious?! (Tries to force his way into the room, but Pacifica holds him back)
Pacifica We'll find another way!
Ghost (From a distance) Come out! (Laughs)
Dipper Pacifica, we don't have time for this! Let me through!
Pacifica No, my parents will kill me!
Dipper Why are you so afraid of your parents?!
Pacifica You wouldn't understand!
Pacifica tugs on Dipper's journal, tripping them both and causing them to fall through a painting of a skeleton in a crown and robe into a dark, dusty, cobwebbed room. The ghost flies past in the opposite direction.

Okay, fine, I’ll do the thing I can’t say. But I want something to replace my fairies when they’re with Chloe. I wish for a fairy-bot that will do all the stuff I don’t want to do.

Wanda: Boy, that’s a whole lot of stuff.

Timmy: Just do it!

(Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands, FAIRY BOT!)

Fairy-Bot: Hello, Timmy Turner. I am Fairy-bot. Would you like me to gently brush your hair!

Timmy: What, No, ew. Definitely not.

Fairy-Bot: Let’s go. Time for your bath.

Timmy: Uh, guys?

The toilet starts to overflow with water from all the stuff King Butterfly is trying to flush, such as Flying Pig.
King Butterfly [laughing, holding a bowling ball] This?!
Star Do it!
Off-screen, King Butterfly flushes the bowling ball. Marco approaches the bathroom door. The laser puppy still chews on his sock.
Laser puppy [growling]
Marco picks up the laser puppy as Star and King Butterfly race out of the bathroom. The toilet has a multitude of items shoved into it.
Star Hey, Marco!
King Butterfly Love the bathroom!
Marco Thanks. What's next on the itinerary for the d—
The overflowing toilet water reaches Marco's feet.
Marco [wailing]
Cut to Star and King Butterfly on a miniature golf course.
Star Marco taught me how to play this. You are absolutely gonna love it.
King Butterfly Ohhh...
Star The goal is to knock this tiny moon into that hole.
King Butterfly Ha-ha! What fun!
King Butterfly holds his golf club by the shaft instead of the grip.
Star Uh, you're holding your club upside-down.
King Butterfly This is a club? There's one thing we got better on Mewni.
King Butterfly takes out a large club with the bludgeoning end shaped like a ram's head.
King Butterfly Tally-ho!
King Butterfly hits his golf ball, and it flies into a metal frog statue, knocking it over.
King Butterfly Ha-ha! How's that for getting it into the hole? [laughing] What's that?

Uh, that was the Halloween spirit who I guess you

made mad by saying you were too old for Halloween,

so he turned you into little kids or something.

- The hallo-what-spit? - The Halloween spirit.


"Since the dawn of time,

Halloween spirit terrorized the land,

bringing nightmares to life,

feeding on the fear of all children.

As their screams grew stronger, so did his power.

Finally the people had enough.

On the full moon of all hallows' eve,

they fought their fears and banished the Halloween spirit.

from their victory our Halloween traditions were born."

We can banish him again,

but we need to do it before the full moon sets,

or you'll be trapped as kids forever.

*tosses soy sauce at MePhone4*

(Mephone4 proceeds to glitch even further, and shuts off again. Everyone stares at Lightbulb.)

Lightbulb: I mean, I'd eat it.

MePad: The battery must have shorted out. A trip to MeCloud for a fresh one would be an efficient solution.

Everyone: Huh?

MePad: It's the Meeple Headquarters. *flashes MeCloud add onscreen* They have everything a Meeple product could want there. Everyone, we need your assistance.

(Nobody does anything)

Chloe: Aw, I feel sorry for Timmy. It’s so hard for him to share. I guess sharing’s hard for everybody. (gasps) Ooh, that’s a good idea for my first wish. Ready, guys?

Cosmo and Wanda: Ready, Chloe.

Chloe: I wish everyone in Dimmsdale would share everything.

Wanda: Aw, that’s lovely, Chloe. A wish that will make the world a better place.



Vicky: Huh, I just got the urge to share my chainsaw.

Masked Man: Thanks.

(Vicky and Masked Man laugh maniacally)

Timmy: Okay, Fairy-bot. I’m clean already. It’s snack time. Give me some pizza.

Fairy-bot: Malfunction. Malfunction. Malfunction.

(Timmy screams)

Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha with breaking news. As if by magic, suddenly everyone in Dimmsdale is sharing everything. In other news, This scary man in a hockey mask wants to share my desk. Which is okay by me!

Dipper Ahh...
and runs with Wendy down the other end. They crash into Soos and Mabel)
All (Greet each other excitedly)

Timmy’s Dad: Oh, Timmy! That foxy she-devil that lives with us now shared her beauty tips with me!

Timmy’s Mom: And he shared his money.

Timmy’s Dad: Don’t tell my wife. Ooh, I’m so pretty! I’m giving me the tingles!

Timmy: Huh, I’ve seen my dad in a dress before, but I’ve never seen him sh-sh-sh his money. And I suddenly have the urge to give away all my video WWgames. Wait! I feel like sh-sh-shooing. What’s happening? Cosmo! Wanda! Did Chloe make some kind of crazy, goody-two-shoes wish?

Wanda: She made a perfectly lovely wish that everyone would share everything.

Timmy: Oh, that can’t end well.


Mr. Crocker: Thanks for sharing your car, Mrs. and Mrs. Turner. In return, I’d like to share Mother! I’ve been blessed with the gift of giving!

Ms. Crocker: Oh, Denzel!

Mr. Crocker: (laughs, then drives away)

Timmy: Oh, boy. Chloe really blew it with this wish.

Cosmo: Preach it, Timmy. ‘Cause you never made a wish that went horribly wrong.

Fairy-bot: Bath time!


(Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda fall)

Timmy: Enough is enough! I unwish Chloe’s wish.

Wanda: You can’t Sport. It’s against the rules for a fairy godkid to unwish another fairy godkid’s wish.

Timmy: Chloe! Unwish your nut job wish!

So, I checked the weather and today has all

of the perfect conditions for a

The Watterson HouseEdit

Nicole: Okay, we want to come up with a plan [Richard has a cloth tied around his mouth] But please, no more stupid ideas [A hole is shown through the Wattersons' wall] I don't think this house can take it. [Their neighbor's house has a hole through it, with Gary staring at it] or any other house for that matter.
[Gumball is about to suggest something, but is interrupted by Nicole]
Nicole: Gumball, please think before you speak.
[Penny's father, Patrick, opens the door]
Patrick: Hey! What's going on here?
[Penny gasps and covers her cracked eye, moving away]
Patrick: Penny! Where were you? We were worried sick!
Gumball: Mr. Fitzgerald! Can I call you Rob?
Patrick: No.
Gumball: Can I call you Bobby?
[Patrick grunts]
Gumball: Bobert? The Bebop? Burcher? Bobzilla? No, wait! Trebor! [Gumball chuckles] That's Robert backwards.
Patrick: My name is Patrick.
Penny: Okay Dad, before you say anything, don't get mad.
[Penny removes her hand from her eye, revealing the crack]
Patrick: What the--?! What happened?
[Patrick steps forward]
Patrick[to Gumball] Were you involved in this?
Darwin: I wouldn't say involved, more like directly responsi-
[Gumball grabs Darwin's tongue]
Gumball: I don't see the problem. I mean, what's inside that shell that's so scary?
Patrick: Something unstable and dangerous, and we need to fix this right now!
Gumball: HEY!
[Patrick drags Penny inside, Gumball and Darwin follow]
Penny: What if I don't want to be fixed?
Patrick: You don't know what you want, Penny. [turns to Gumball and Darwin, slamming his hand on a table] AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE MESSING WITH!
Gumball: How would YOU know?!
Penny: He's right, Dad. Everyone in the family has spent their life hiding from themselves!
Patrick: Penny, you're grounded!
Penny: Ugh! [Walks away]
Patrick[to Gumball] Now listen, you. Penny is my daughter, AND I DECIDE WHAT'S BEST FOR HER!
Gumball[Suddenly stands up higher than Patrick, who staggers back] What? So best is not being herself?
[We cut to reveal Gumball is standing on Darwin's shoulders. Unimpressed, Patrick pushes Gumball and Darwin out, slamming the door]
Gumball: Hey Patrick, come on! Pat! Pat-man! Patty-cakes? Let's just go.
[Gumball leaves the Fitzgerald's house, riding on Darwin]

Chloe: Th

What if-
[Darwin sneezes a huge blast across the neighborhood, demolishing the next seven houses down the line]
Gumball[Coughing along with the rest of the Wattersons] What the what? Dude, I didn't even finish my sentence!
Darwin: Sorry, I anticipated.
Anais: It was bound to be stupid.
Gumball: Hey! We're in a democracy here. Can I get a chance to speak please?
[Anais sighs]
Gumball: What if he sneezed upwards? Nothing would get damaged!
[Darwin sneezes upward, causing a hole in the roof]
Anais: I knew it.
Gumball[Now also has a cloth tied over his mouth] Mmm.

Chloe: That’s a little judgy. It was a good wish. Everyone’s just in sort of a transitional period while they adjust to the idea of being, you know, a little less selfish.

(truck beeps and takes Chloe’s House)

Chloe: Hey! That’s my house! That weirdo is stealing my house! Okay, I admit it. It was a nut job wish. I should have done a little more thinking before I made it.

Timmy: Take it from me, thinking doesn’t solve anything.

Cosmo: Amen, brother!

Timmy: Just unwish your wish!

Chloe: Okay! Wanda, and Cosmo, I wish everything was back to the way it was before I made my wish.

What is this place?
Pacifica That's weird. I don't even know where this room is.
Dipper Hopefully the ghost doesn't either.
Pacifica Yeah, maybe we're safe. (A sheet behind her seems to come alive, reaching out to swallow her)
Dipper (To Soos and Mabel:) Wait! How do we know they're not the shape shifter?
Soos Maybe I am! Mabel, inspect my shape! (Pulls up shirt)
Mabel (Pokes Soos' stomach) Poke!
Soos (Laughs) Do that again!
Mabel (Pokes Soos' stomach again) Poke!
Soos (Laughs once more) Even better the second time!
Dipper It's definitely them. (Gasps) Oh my gosh, Wendy, you're bleeding!
Wendy It's cool, it's cool. It's just blood man; don't freak out.

lake day!

Jet skis!




Yeah, 46% of lakes are too polluted for recreational activities.

Ugh! Why are we talking about numbers on lake day?

Because numbers reveal undeniable facts, Beast Boy.

Like 1.2 trillion gallons of sewage are dumped into lakes each year.

Sewage? Ugh!

Make her stop, Robin. These facts are bumming me out.

- What's gotten into you, Starfire? - Knowledge, Robin, that's what.

Raven, did you have something to do with this?

I may have taught her a few things. I was just trying to help.

This is what I wanted, Robin. Now you won't

have to deal with me ruining another occasion.

You just ruined lake day!

Knowledge is power, Robin.

- This will only make her stronger. - Or a total bummer.

What do we do?

We fight.

In order to return the Halloween spirit to his realm,

we're gonna need a few things.

What were we thinking?

My quirltrap has never quivered so violently.

Guys, I know it's scary, but this is what Halloween's all about.

Braving your worst fears for the one thing we need most.

- What's that? - Candy and lots of it.

Candy? Lead the way, purple bear.

I'm a Pretty Pegasus.

Now, let's trick-or-treat!

Uh, Rave?

Now that you kids have had your fun,

it's time to make you scream and run.

- It is not working. - Must be because we're afraid.

As long as he's feeding off our fear, we can't beat him.

What do we do?

I've just got to hand off my puppet stuff to my production crew.
Dipper Production crew?
Cut to Candy and Grenda outside the Mystery Shack covered in socks.
Candy Chiu We read the script. Very emotional.
Grenda I cried like eight times.
Gabe Hey ladies. (skates up to them)
Mabel GABE!
Gabe I was just bladin' by. Helps me dry out my ponytail after a shower. (Takes off helmet and shakes hair) Ah, ah.
Grenda Hubbity-hubbuty.
Candy (whispering) 매이블이 한테 개이브을 훔쳐하겠다! (Revised Romanization: "Maeibeur'i hante Gaeibeu'eul humchyeohagetda." Subtitled: "I must steal him away from Mabel.")
Mabel It's so great to see you! I was just working on the world's greatest puppet show. IT HAS PUPPETS!
Gabe Your passion is so refreshing, Mabel. Unlike the girl from last night's puppet show. Single-stich on one puppet, and cross-stitch on the other? I was like, "Uh-uh!"
Mabel Cross-huh?
Gabe Naturally I deleted her off my cell phone contacts list.
Mabel NATURALLY! Hahahaha!
Gabe I know you won't let me down. Based on what you said the other day, you must be a puppet expert.
Grenda You know, Gabe, you look pretty sweaty. You should really take your shirt off. Right? Aren't we all thinking that?
Gabe Later, ladies. (Skates off)
Mabel GWAAA!! We gotta up our game, girls! Did you hear that thing he said about the stitches?!
Grenda Don't worry, Mabel, your crew can handle it! (Holds up puppet of herself, but then rips it) Oops.
Candy How many eyes does a face have again? (Holds up sock covered in googly eyes)
Soos (Trying to keep a mountain of stuff on the car) I got it, I got it, (Falls) Ah! I'm not okay!

Ah, you know, I bet I left my keys in the lab with the HT-125-F. Wander: (flips star on hat; dramatic music) The HT-125-F?! (gasps) Sylvia! (picks up scientist) I think I saw your keys outside!

(cuts to outside) Wander: Oh, look, here they are! In this bush! Watchdog Scientist: No, I hate zat bush. I never go near it. I will go zearch ze lab. Wander: Wait! (attempts to open door)

(cuts to a locksmith outside the hideout) Locksmith: What ya got here is ya standard evil overlord secret lair lock. Seen it a million times. (unlocks door) Wander: (sighs) Thank you! (hugs) I hope this hug is acceptable compensation. Locksmith: Just let me use your restroom, and we'll call it even. Wander: (pause; this occurs to Wander:) Well, I'm really not supposed to let anybody in the building. Locksmith: (touches bladder; he can't hold it any longer) Oh, come on. Please. I-I'll leave as soon as I'm done. I promise. Wander: Sigh...

(cuts to restroom; sign says "OUT OF ORDER") Wander: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, rats! Out of order! Well, guess you'll have to go somewhere else. Locksmith: No! I promised I'd leave as soon as I'm done, and a locksmith, never. breaks. a promise. Wander: What are you doing? Locksmith: Don't worry, I got a buddy who can totally handle this.

Man:I think I’ll share this fire hydrant. We don’t have one on our block.

Mole Boss: People of the daylight, prepare to share your bounty! And your bleached bones!


Wander: Wait, NUUUUHHHH...! (gets cut off)

What now?

Plumber: Ahhhh! It's worse than I thought! Gonna be here all night! Better order a pizza!

We've come too far to back down now. TOO FAR!

(Cut to the final game underway.)

Referee: On your mark get set, dodgeball!

(The two teams grab their dodgeballs and start throwing. One by one, each team member starts getting eliminated.)

Benson: (on sidelines with Fives, Muscle Man, Thomas, Pops and Skips) Ugh! We're dropping like flies!

Thunder Girl Member #2: Ugh! They're crushing us!

(Mordecai and CJ are the only players left. They both have worried looks on their faces.)

Benson: What is he doing?!

(Mordecai makes the first throw, which CJ dodges. She makes her throw, and Mordecai dodges as well. They both frantically start grabbing and throwing dodgeeballs and each other and dodging.)

Benson: Aaah! I can't take this! Finish her, Mordecai! Finish her so we can win this!

Wander: Wait, NUUUUHHHH...! (gets cut off again)

(scene cuts to a purple octopus in the hallway with pizza,

That's your dumb obsession with Wendy gettin' in the way of your future! If you wanna move on, you've gotta say yes to whatever comes your way. (walks toward ticket booth and looks at Darlene) Speaking of which...
Darlene grins at Stan.
Dipper But I don't wanna lead her on!
Stan Ah ah ah! Watch and learn. (walks to ticket booth; searches pockets) Oh, I seem to have lost my number! (flirt-like) Can I borrow yours?
Darlene (laughs) You are a riot! What brings you here? We don't normally get men this handsome around these parts.
Stan Heheh. Well, (looks at name tag) Darlene, between you and me, what I'm doing here is a little secret.
Darlene Oh, you seem like a man with secrets. (laughs with Stan)
Dipper Ugh.
Darlene You know, I'm going on a break. You wanna take the sky tram up to Widow's Peak?
Stan (whispers to Dipper) Take my advice or don't, but clearly I know what I'm doing.
Darlene (takes Stan's offered arm and walks to the entrance with him) Oh, fancy!
Stan (turns his head back to Dipper, grins, and points at Darlene)
Cut to Mabel and Grenda watching from the bushes as Candy and Dipper enter Mummy Town U.S.A.
Mabel Oh! I can't believe this is happening. A real date! I wonder what they'll name the baby.
Grenda If I had a baby, I would name it Grenda 2: The Sequel!
Mabel You would make such a good mother.
Cut to inside Mummy Town U.S.A. Dipper and Candy are sitting on a bench. A banner above them reads "NEW MUMMIES DAILY".


What now?

Mabel What happened?
Wendy We got attacked by the shape shifter. (Taking off her shirt, and rips off a sleeve to cover the injury) He broke out of his cage, pretended to be the author, and wants Dipper's journal.
Nicole: Come on, you're the one with all the good genes. What should we do?
Anais: Let's move to the desert, there's nothing to destroy there.

To the DesertEdit

[Everyone is getting into the car]
Nicole: Alright, we're not going to talk. We're just going to listen to the radio.
[She turns on the radio]
Radio: Worried about your weight? Try "H-2-Low," our new diet water. Twice the taste, half the waste... size-
Anais: Diet water? That sounds completel
Dipper Imagine if he escapes to the town! He can transform into anything! We could never trust anyone ever again!
Mabel What do we do?!

The Watterson HouseEdit

[Everyone is eating dinner. Anais feeds Nicole her food, Nicole feeds Darwin, and Darwin tries to feed Gumball, but he refuses to eat. Richard gapes at Gumball, silently motioning to be fed]
Anais: Why are we doing this again?
Nicole: Because your father is always jealous of what's on his neighbor's plate.
Anais: But why do we all have to do it?
Nicole: Because he always cries when he's the first one to finish.
Richard: Nicole! Operation Greener Grass has failed! The chain is compromised! We are losing calories! Repeat: we are losing calories!
Nicole: Wh

That book is so overrated.

I'll save you some time. Everyone dies in the end.


Meditation can cause problems ranging from

Muscle spasms to hallucinations.


You do know those toys are for babies.


Okay, you were right. She is kind of a bummer now.

But I still say it was an improvement.

Nicole: What's wrong, Gumball, honey? Don't you like Darwin's dinner?
Gumball: I don't wanna talk about it.
Candy This place is so enchanting.
Dipper Sort of confused by the phrase "New Mummies Daily," though. I mean, how does that even work?
Candy This mountain is full of mysteries. Like, why is my head falling on your shoulder? Beeyooop. (giggles as she places her head on Dipper's shoulder)
Dipper Uh, yep! This is what I want! This is all part of the plan and stuff.
Corn Maze Girl Oh, Dipper! Hey!
Dipper (gasps) Corn Maze Girl!
Corn Maze Girl (sits on bench) I was wondering when you'd call.
Candy Dipper, who is this?
Dipper Nobody! I mean, uh, somebody, but--
Emma Sue Dipper! (walks up) I didn't recognize you right-side up. You'll never guess where my mom gave birth. Hey, who are these girls?
Log Land Girl Dipper? (appears from behind the corner) Why haven't you called? Did our romantic log ride mean nothing to you?
Candy I can't believe it. You agreed to go on a date with me and you were seeing all these other girls?
Corn Maze Girl Well, answer us. Which one of us do you like?
Dipper I... (begins to sweat) I like all of you! I mean, I don't like any of you! I mean-- (pulls hat over face) I was trying to learn how to talk to girls! (laughs awkwardly)
Emma Sue, Log Land Girl, and Corn Maze Girl walk away in disgust.
Log Land Girl Unbelievable.
Emma Sue So gross.
Corn Maze Girl What a jerk.
Candy Dipper Pines. (takes off glasses and rubs eyes) I thought you were a nice guy. But I guess you only care about yourself. (Puts on glasses and walks away)
Dipper Uh, Candy, wait! Ugh, I messed everything up. I gotta find Stan! He'll know what to do! (runs away)
Stan and Darlene move to sit at a bench near the Giant Spider Forest.
Darlene Oh, are you sure you wanna go this deep into the forest? It's so scaaary.
Stan Heh, don't worry, toots. (puts arm around Darlene) That spider people stuff is just an urban legend. I can't believe people fall for it.
Darlene You're so brave.
Stan What can I say? I'm a real catch.
Darlene Yes. (blinks as her eyes turn black and her voice distorts) The catch of the day.
The view pans up as Darlene changes in size, stopping on a giant statue of a spider.
Stan Uh, I think your contacts fell out-- (screams)
Cut back to the Mystery Mountain entrance. Dipper runs to the information stand.
Dipper (panting) Uh, have you seen an old guy around here? Uh, big ears, orange nose, a real know-it-all?
Mystery Mountain Worker (points to a Fire Retardant Raccoon animatronic)
Fire Retardant Raccoon Ah, ah, ah! Flame Retardant Raccoon says: don't hug forest fires.
Dipper Ughhh. (walks to entrance) Stan, where are you? I need your advice! (hears static from the walkie-talkie and takes it out) Grunkle Stan?!
Stan (from walkie-talkie:) Heeey, buddy boy. So remember how we were talking about my technique? Well, sometimes it leads to unexpected consequences.
Dipper Yeah, you can say that again. Where are you?
Stan The good news is, I've solved the mystery of where Oregon's mummies come from. The bad news is...
(Cuts to Stan in a cave, trapped in spider silk and hanging from the ceiling right-side up. He has the walkie-talkie lodged in-between his shoulder and his head.)
Stan ...I'm about to become one. Turns out Darlene is one of those spider people. But beyond that, the date's been okay.
(Cut back to the Mystery Mountain entrance.)
Dipper Wait, wait, wait. Darlene's a spider person?! How is that possible?
Stan (in cave:) I don't know. One minute we're having the perfect date, and the next minute she's growing extra legs and encasing me in webbing. Women, right?
Dipper (at entrance:) You couldn't tell she was a spider?!
Stan (in cave:) I was blinded by flattery! Also, this acid she spit in my face. I'm up the mountain at Widow's Peak.
Dipper (at entrance:) Alright, I'm gonna find you. Stay put!
Stan (in cave:) ...
Darwin: Gumball headbutted Penny, and now he's never allowed to see her again.
Gumball: I meant I don't want anybody to talk about it.
Richard: Ohh, come here. [Hugs Gumball, then takes a little bite out of his food]



Chloe: Oh, no. It’s happening again. I try to do something good and I end up making a big mess.

Timmy: What are you talking about? You’re Little Miss Perfect.

Wanda: Not exactly, Sport. Roll the clip.

It’s okay, Mr. Radiation Monster. I accept you for who you are: a foul-smelling thing that crawled out of the bay to destroy our city.

Monster: (sobs) You really get me. (cries) And now that my foot is healed, I can destroy the city! (roars) Man!

Chloe: See? I try too hard to fix things and I end up annoying people, destroying cities, and then no one wants to be my friend.

Timmy: Oh, come on. That’s not true.

You got it.
Darlene shoots a string of webbing at Stan's walkie-talkie, bringing it to her. She walks toward Stan, half-spider in appearance.
Darlene Ah, aaaah! Trying to escape? (throws walkie-talkie, breaking it)
Stan You tricked me! I'm 80% certain you don't really love me at all!
Darlene Hah! Men will fall for anything. (sing-song) You so funny, great story, I love a man with shoulder hair!
Stan You--you didn't mean it about my shoulder hair?!
Darlene (moves right next to Stan) Tell me, Stan. Before I transformed, who'd you think was in charge? You, with your cheesy lines and "fake confidence?" (walks away) I'm the master pickup artist here. Sorry, toots! This time, you're getting used for your body! Which, to my weird species, is food. Allow me to slip into something more horrifying.
Darlene uses her legs to pull her mouth open and over the rest of her skin, folding up her human appearance and revealing the true spider underneath.
Stan (screams)
Darlene I wonder what beverage pairs well with a vintage 70-something year old man? (walks away into the cave) Be right baaaack! (laughs evilly)
Stan (frantically) Come on, Dipper, where are you?
Cut to Mabel, Candy, and Grenda sitting at the Stump Bench.
Candy I feel like such a fool. I should have known to guard my heart in a cage of ice.
Grenda There, there! Let my calming voice soothe you!
Candy It is helping.
Dipper (runs on-screen, panting) Girls! There you are.

follows him)

(Song: "Helper") ♪ Moopin' Up floors ♪ ♪ Openin' doors ♪ ♪ There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do ♪ ♪ To lighten your load ♪ ♪ Smooth out the bump in your road ♪ ♪ Maybe sort your socks and underwear too ♪

♪ Oh H-E-L-P-E-R, I'm a helper ♪ ♪ Means I like to help ♪ ♪ (He like's to help) ♪ ♪ Oh, I'm just a accomomdatin' fella ♪ ♪ Life is hard, you shouldn't have to do it by yourself ♪

♪ Take a limp from your rug ♪ ♪ Put my hat in the mud ♪ ♪ If that's what I have to do ♪

(Wander puts hat on covered in mud accommodating with bad mood, Sylvia arrives) Sylvia: Hey, Wander, You know this town is actually pretty cool. There's a killer lemonade stand on the next corner. Oh, I see you found the fudge shop (slurping) Wander: It's not fudge. Sylvia: Look at this pair of shades I picked up at the second-hand shop down the street. Aren't they everything?! (She puts the glasses on for Wander) I got some for you, too. Oh, and there was also-- Wander: It's not fudge. It's mud. Sylvia: Oh, you found the mud pie shop. I love mud pies. We should-- Wander: (shouts angrily) NOT MUD PIES!! (back to usual voice) Just mud. Woman: HELP!! (He was shocked by this making the glasses and the mud attached to him takes off and shivers) Wander: Hold that thought. (starts to hike, almost slip from the mud, then runs through the woman, Sylvia continues to slurp her drink)

Mabel Betrayer!
Candy Oh, you. What do you want?
Dipper I need your help.
Candy With what, some sick jealousy trap? (high-fives Mabel)
Mabel Yeah, sing it, Candy!
Grenda Testify!
Dipper Look, I'm so sorry about everything. But Stan's in trouble! You can totally kill me later, but right now he needs us. I'll explain on the way. (runs off-screen, with the girls following him)
(The kids walk up the trail, with Old Reliable going off in the background. They go past the Trambience as well. Cut to back in the cave.)
Darlene (off-screen:) Doo, do-doo, doo...
Stan (praying) Please. I don't know if you're really up there or not, but if you are, please save me, Paul Bunyan!
Grenda (off-screen:) Mr. Pines!
Stan Whoa, did that really work? (turns to see the kids running into the cave)
Grenda (yells as she tears up the silk holding Stan in place, making him fall to the ground)
Stan Quick! Before the rest of the venom sets in!
The kids tear the webbing off of Stan. They all run out of the cave, with Darlene at the entrance.
Darlene No! Where are you? (runs after Stan)
Candy The sky tram! Everybody on! I have a plan!
The gang hops onto one of the trams on the Trambience.
Mabel Haha, yes!
Grenda Perfect!
Stan Ride like the wind, sky tram!

You guys want to know where hamburger meat comes from?

What happened to Starfire?

- Her brain is huge! - That is just wrong!

- Raven! - Okay, this is all my fault.

I used dark magic to give Starfire all human knowledge.

Apparently it's expanding too rapidly.

If we don't go inside and destroy it, her head will explode.

Penny's True FormEdit

[Gumball walks off to his bedroom, depressed]
Nicole: You okay, honey? You had nothing to eat.
Gumball: Pft, don't worry mom! I'm a big boy, I'll be fine.
[Once inside his room, Gumball leaps onto his bed and cries. He stops when he hears and sees Penny knocking on the window of his room outside]
Gumball: Penny?
[Gumball opens the window and lets her in]
Penny: Thanks. Gumball, I came to… [Notices Gumball's eyes are red] Have you been crying?
Gumball: No! I just have really sweaty eyes. Wait, that's disgusting. [Sighs] Yeah, I was crying.
Penny: I came to say…I'm moving to another school. Dad thinks it's for the best.
GumballWHAT THE WHAT?!! Excuse my French, Penny, BUT THIS IS TOTAL BAGUETTE! It is not for the best that you're forbidden to be who

Everyone: *gasp*

Toilet: OH, well look at YOU! You think you're the host now, DON'TCHYA?!

MePad: Toilet, listen. We're doing this to repair MePhone. You can partake as well. How about you go with the Grand Slams, and I'll go with the Bright Lights.

Baseball: Um, can we have you instead?

Toilet: NOPE! You're stuck with ME, YA! *says while his left eye falls off visually*

Nickel: Great. We need to go to MeCloud, in the sky. How are we supposed to get there?

Toilet: Ah-wai, uh- ah, Mistah Phone wanted us to use these balloons for a challenge!

MePad: Yes, that's correct. Excellent work, Toilet.

Toilet: YAAAA-

(Scene cuts to the Bright Lights with MePad floating away in their hot air balloon)

Dipper and

you really are!
Penny[off-screen] But there's no other way.
[Nicole, Anais, Darwin and Richard are listening to them through the door. Richard's stomach growls]
Anais: Shh!
Darwin: Shh!
Nicole: Shh!
Richard: Shh! [His stomach stops growling]
Penny[off-scene] What do you want me to do?

Timmy: (starts yelling no)

Cosmo: No!! We’re out of lemon squares!


(bell dings)

Wanda: Wow, Timmy. That was a 47-hour scream. You broke your record for fruitless panic.

Timmy: I’m not done. I just stopped to take a breath. (inhales) Noo-(gets slapped with wand)

Jorgen: Get a grip, Turner.


What now?

Test Tube: Can you believe it, Fan? We're going to see Meeple headquarters! Wowee-golly-gee-whiz!

Fan: YeaaaAAA, I'm so hyped! I heard it makes your wildest dreams look meaningless by comparison!

Paintbrush: Wow, you guys, I'm quite impressed.

Test Tube: Ooh! You're a Meeple fan, too?

Paintbrush: Oh, no no no, no no, not at all. I'm just surprised you're, uh, doing something. (silence) I mean, sh-shouldn't we all j-just sit around? I mean, we're gonna win either way, you know, just because your THEORY SAID SO!

MePad: Mr. and Mrs. Paintbrush, I am detecting a high level of anger here. Perhaps you'd like to hear the soothing sounds of an elegant waterfall.

Paintbrush: I don't need a- *MePad plays waterfall noises* -oh! Oh. That's nice...

(Screen shifts to the Grand Slams with Toilet, ahead of the Bright Lights)

Baseball: Guys, their balloon is on our tail! We need to find a way to get there faster!

Toilet: Why don't we cut off the tail, then they can't grab it!

Baseball: You're... you're NOT serious.

Soap: I have a better idea. *grabs Toilet and throws him off the balloon.*

(Everyone on the Grand Slams gasps. Back to the Bright Lights, as a warning pops up on MePad, Toilet hits their balloon, causing him to fall and knocking them away)

Baseball: Soap! Did you just throw a person as ammo?! What were you thinking?!

Soap: We need to win, Baseball. They're the mess, we clean it. That's all there is to it. Anyway, now that he's gone, I have-

Toilet: *appears behind Soap, starts flying erratically* OH, SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME, *lands in balloon* AREN'T YOU!

Baseball: ...You've gotta be kidding me.

Toilet: How dare you throw me, you RUBBISH! You're just a bunch of CHIMICHANGAS! *spits on Soap*

Soap: Ahh, I'm drenched in toilet water! *starts breathing heavily, transition into Soap's mind* Calm down, Soap. Nothing to be afraid of. *back to reality, Soap calms down* I did it! I remained strong!

(The Grand Slam's balloon then crashes into MeCloud, Soap falling face-first.)

Nickel: Wow. Didn't know it was possible to crash land on a cloud.

Toilet: EVERYONE! To the MeCloud thingymabob! *Soap rises up* We gotta save Mistah Phone!

Soap: *floor tile falls off face* I'm. Gonna. Kill him.

Chloe: Really? Do you want to be my friend?

Timmy: Uh, sure,

Cosmo: That’s not what you told me, Timmy. Roll the clip.

Timmy: I will never be Chloe’s friend!

(Cosmo with a Duck bill is humming)

Timmy: I was talking about a different Chloe. Uh, Chloe Van... NotYouwitz.

(The Grand Slams walk to the Meeple headquarters, as the camera and music change to show the entirety of MeCloud. Suddenly, a Meeple device lands in front of them)

MePhone6: BLEHHH. STOP WHERE YOU ARE. YOU THINK YOU'RE JUST GONNA WALK INTO MEEPLE HEADQUARTERS? WELL, I, MEPHONE6, AM GUARDING IT, AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. *Knife taps MePhone6, causing him to bend rapidly, fall off MeCloud, and explode*

(Cut to inside Meeple Headquarters, where the Grand Slam's elevator opens)

Anyway, sorry I hurt your feelings. And I understand why you have fairies now. Your life isn’t so perfect after all.

The tram is moving very slowly. A voice plays inside the tram.
Recording Welcome to Trambience, the world's slowest treetop tram ride. Enjoy the sights at 0.1 miles per hour.
Grenda (groans) Move, move, move! (begins stomping the floor with her feet)
Dipper Ugh, can't this thing go any faster?
Recording No it can't. This is Trambience.
Darlene climbs up a pole holding the trams and looks for Stan's tram. She jumps down on several trams as she searches for it.
Recording Enjoying the view? (a loud bang is heard on top of the tram) Take a picture!
Darlene's head appears in the window, causing everyone to panic. She begins coating the tram in webbing.
Stan We're doomed!
Dipper We're all gonna die!
Candy (begins reading pamphlet) Listen carefully! This sky tram has an emergency drop switch. Below us is Oregon's largest Paul Bunyan statue! And Old Reliable goes off in 5... (looks at watch) 4... (grabs emergency drop switch)
Dipper Candy, wait! Don't pull that lever! (Candy keeps counting down)
Stan Kid, are you crazy?!
Candy Now! (pulls switch)
The tram is disconnected from the rail, sending it and Darlene down to the ground. An Old Reliable goes off, pushing the tram into the air. It bounces and rolls across Mystery Mountain, barreling through the ticket booth below the Paul Bunyan statue. Darlene is severed from the webbing and lies beneath the statue as its foot crashes down on her. She struggles to break free.
Darlene My only weakness! A giant boot! A giant newspaper or a giant cup would've also been pretty bad.
The door to the tram is pushed

(Mordecai looks back at CJ.)

Benson: (in slow motion and rage) Finish her!

Thunder Girls: (in slow motion) Finish him!

(Mordecai starts running up with a dodgeball, and CJ does the same. They both spin and throw their dodgeballs at each other, and they both colide with great force and richochet back at the respective dodgeballers, causing them to disappear in midair. The scene moves to a dark area, where Mordecai and CJ reappear and plunder. They both get up and find themselves in a dark realm, where 5 people are looking at them.)

CJ: What is this place?

(They watch a replay of themselves in the final round.)

IDC #1: Mordecai and CJ, you have been summoned before the IDC.

Mordecai: The what?

IDC #2: The Intergalactic Dodgeball Councl, duh!

IDC #3: The reason that you're here is because you've reached an infinite standoff. And we believe that you're unable to knock each out because you've avoiding your history together.

CJ: What?! We're not avoiding our history together. (at Mordecai) I mean, like...

Mordecai: Yeah. We don't even have a history together. Well, you know what I mean, right?

CJ: (nods) Oh, yeah. We don't even...have a history...together.

IDC #4: You're dodging the facts.

IDC #2: Yes. Why are you dodging?

(Mordecai and CJ look at each other.)

IDC #3: Let us then view a replay of your history together.

(He forms three magic balls and floats them up. The first one is shown with a scene from Yes Dude Yes.)

CJ: (in scene) Oh, gross. How old are you? (she and Mordecai laugh)

(A second scene from Yes Dude Yes is shown.)

Mordecai: (in scene) But it's true!

CJ: (in scene) I can't believe this! Are you just playing? (turns into a cloud) Is this a game to you?!

CJ: (at IDC) Oh, that history.

Mabel AAA! Okay, I'm back on fabrication.

(Mordecai looks up at the final scene.)

CJ: (in scene) We can still make the best of this.

Mordecai: (in scene) Huh? (they kiss)

(CJ buries her head with a regretful look.

Mordecai: Alright, look. (sighs) Every time I see CJ, I mess up. I didn't mean to lead her on with the date, or the kiss, but I did. And I understand why she's mad at me.

CJ: Wait. I'm not mad at you, Mordecai. I was just embarassed because of the way I took off after the kiss. I honestly thought you were mad at me.

Mordecai: Really?

(The second IDC member looks at them thoughtly.)

Azarath metrion zinthos!

Oh, look at all that knowledge.

It's unnatural and it's growing at an alarming rate.

Then let's nuke some neurons!

Fact attack! Fact attack!

It's not working. They're growing back, dudes.

This is worse than I thought.

We're gonna have to take it out at the source.

This must be it.

Indeed! I am the source.

I am knowledge, facts and trivia!

So you're the one who made her a bummer!

Yes, I am.

And when I'm finished, she'll be...

one hundred percent bummer!

Not on my watch. Titans, go!

Seventy five percent of missiles never reach their intended targets.

How did she know that?

Fire lasers!

Laser technology is not advanced enough yet to inflict any real damage.

She's using facts and figures to deflect our attacks!

Allow me to teach you another lesson.

Her knowledge is too powerful.

We don't stand a chance.

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

I'm sorry, guys, it's all my fault. I summoned the Halloween spirit.

- Why did you do that? - Because Halloween was

the one day of the year we all looked forward to.

Carving pumpkins, trick-or-treating, haunted houses,

I was just trying to get all that back.

- Instead I ruined Halloween. - Are you kidding, Raven?

Even though I've had to change my pants three times,

this has been the best Halloween ever!

I hope my quirltrap never stops quivering.

Yeah, being scared is so much fun!

It's like being an adorable little kid again.

Really? Then let's power up with some

Halloween candy and take these guys down!

King Butterfly points to a golf hole shaped like a miniature castle.
Star That's the Candy Castle. The next hole.
King Butterfly Lord Salivary of the Weebler elf clan, you sly dog! [roars]
Star What?
King Butterfly smashes the castle with his club. Other golf course patrons watch in horror.
Girl Mommy, why is Santa doing that?
Star Dad!
King Butterfly [picks up a tiki torch] I'll teach you to give my wife the googly eye!
Star Dad, stop it!
King Butterfly hurls the torch into the demolished castle, setting it on fire. The entire golf course soon goes up in flames.
Civilians [screaming]
Star and King Butterfly run away from the burning golf course.
King Butterfly Ha-ha! The ball's in your court, Salivary!
Camera pans up to the moon. Scene transitions to nighttime. Star lies in her bed holding a pair of King Butterfly's underwear.
Star [moaning, sniffing]
Star opens her eyes and sees the underwear.
Star [screaming, falls out of bed] Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross!
King Butterfly's clothes are littered all over Star's bedroom. One of his shirts falls onto the floor with a splat.
Star Ewww... What was that?
Star uses her wand to illuminate the room. Magical creatures are running in fear from a giant mound of dirty clothes. Star enters the mound of clothes and finds King Butterfly and Kevin roughhousing while other magical creatures watch.
Star Dad, what are you doing?
King Butterfly [laughing] Hello, darling!
Star It's the middle of the night.
King Butterfly Ah, the perfect time for a tussle. Isn't that right, clowney?
Kevin The name is Kevin, old man!
King Butterfly tosses Kevin into the wall, and he falls to the floor with a squeak.
King Butterfly Give it up, clown!
Kevin Bring the pain!
The two grapple, and King Butterfly catches Kevin in an arm lock. Kevin cries in pain.
King Butterfly I can do this all night! [laughing]
Kevin [pained groaning] Chicky-wink.
Close-up on Star's exhausted face. Scene transitions to morning. At the

then immediately cuts to Sylvia seeing all this action on blue screens) Wander: (camera zooms out to reveal him underneath Sylvia) Ummmmmmmmmm... Sylvia? Sylvia: Wander, who are all those people? Wander: I don't know! They keep coming and coming, and never going! What do I do?! Sylvia: Get them out of here before they accidentally find us! Outrage: Smash & Sass, everything okay? Sylvia: (quickly ejects plug) I-okay! Go, insurgents! Wander: But... how? Sylvia: I... don't... care... how! Just do it quickly! And do it quietly! (party horn noise plays, Wander salutes)

At the

(cuts outside the hideout) Wander: PLASMA LEAK! Totally dangerous, poisonous! So everybody better leave NOOWWWW! (four trucks show up, and HAZMAT teams come out and enter the building

Gumball: Be

Robin: Be warned Beast Boy. She is the worst mother of them all. There is a reason we all live inside.
Beast Boy: I've got to do it, bro. I've got to run free! [Rips off his clothes.]
Cyborg: Then, run free, Beast Boy! Run free!
Beast Boy: [Hopping over Robin and bouncing off Starfire's head.] Free! Free! Free!
[Raven, Cyborg, Robin, and Starfire begin eating the pizza messily and with their hands. Beast Boy climbs up a hill overlooking the forest. He bounds across a grassy field and sniffs a flower in the forest as a butterfly lands on his finger.]
Beast Boy: [Drinks water from a river.] Finally! Back to Mother Nature. Beautiful sun, fresh air, clean water. [Drinks water.] So good, so fresh. [Drinks water.] So hairy. Gah! [Spits out a hairball and notices a bear scratching his back with the skeleton of a fish in the river. A bug appears on Beast Boy's ear.] What's up buggy bug? How's nature been treating you, buddy? [The bug, a millipede, crawls into Beast Boy's ear and out the other before going up his nose and he pulls it out through his mouth before dropping it. He spots a snake.] What up? [The snake attacks Beast Boy's eye, leaving it swollen.] Ah! Why, nature, why?!
[Beast Boy builds a fire during a rainy day but it sizzles out and he is struck by lightning. After he is chased by a bear, he builds another fire during a snowy day when snow falls on top it and he is struck by lightning again. He is chased by a pack of wolves and builds another fire during a windy day which blows. Beast Boy is struck by lightning again and then chased by squirrels. A hot day starts a fire for Beast Boy and he raises a stick in triumph only to be struck by lightning. He is then chased by a turtle.]
[Three weeks later, a robin is on a branch

At the

when it flies away as Robin snaps the branch in half. He returns to a clearing where Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven are waiting.]
Robin: I warned Beast Boy about coming into this hostile environment. We need to remember that Mother Nature is against us out here. We'll have to do whatever it takes to survive until we find Beast Boy. [Spots a butterfly and eats it.]
Cyborg: Gah! What'd you do that for?
Robin: Pure protein! Out here, you take every meal you can get. You never know when you'll eat again.
Raven: Okay, crazy, you just ate a sandwich five minutes ago.
Robin: [Eats another butterfly.]
Cyborg: Oh! Come on, man!
Robin: [Chewing the butterfly.] In the wild, any meal could be your last. [Spots another butterfly.]
Starfire: No, Robin, please!
Robin: [Eats another butterfly.] This forest is loaded with butter

At the

Beast Boy: [Shivering in the cold.] How am I supposed to connect with nature when it's so terrible! I'm cold. I'm hungry. [Notices a bunny.] Hey, bunny. How do you do it, bro? How do you survive out here? You're so cute and fluffy. [Bunny hops onto his lap.] I mean, how do you stay so meaty, bro? With those delicious ribs and juicy thighs. So thick and fat. [Bunny hops away.] Come here! [Chases the bunny.] Let me put you in my mouth! [Smacks into someone.] Ugh! Whoa! Wha-who are you?
Mother Nature: [Petting the bunny.] I am Mother Nature.
Beast Boy: Whoa.
[Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven are gathered around a campfire.]
Gumball: Be yourself. Come out of your shell.
Penny: But maybe you wouldn't like the real me.
Gumball: There

Woman: Help!, Oh somebody, help me! (Wander freezes from running) Wander: I'll help you (Climbs up the ladder and pass through the actor whose playing role as a firefighter) Howdy, Ma'am (about to rescue her) Movie Director: (offscreen) HOLD IT! Movie Director: Would someone mind explaining to me... JUST what is going on around here?! (Zoom out as the movie crew revealed, directors muttering, snap to Wander watching people muttering) Wander: You mean.. (muttering stops) Movie crew: That's right! (Zoom out revealing Wander standing on a ladder) We're making a moooooooooovie (he rolls his face with disappointment and climbs down the ladder then walk, a sudden fire from the camera, Wander comes back to see it) Cameraman: (as he's asking for help he lets out excited yell, gets the fire extinguisher and fires it to the burning camera) Movie Director 2: Hold it! What's that guy doing on set? (people start muttering) Wander: (gulps) You mean.. Movie Crew: That's right. We're making a mooooooooovie! (Zoom out two movie crew revealed) About making a mooooooooooovie! (Cut to saddened Wander, he yells and rushes away, then starts panting) Sylvia: There you are, Wander! Man, there is a really great street just down the... uh, street. I picked up this festive scarf. (points to the top of her head) Oh, and check this out. (the object turns out to be a fan; Wander's eyes twitch) Whoa, how 'bout we grab a bite and relax?

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while Wander is locked out) Wander: NO! (he gets so nervous; he expands, and then deflates) Nearby voice: Hey, buddy, what's wrong? Wander: Oh, nothing. It's just that I really need you all to leave so my best friend's dream of being a big top action hero can come true. No biggie, though. HAZMAT worker: Sure thing, little guy. Our job is to put a stop to plasma leaks, not dreams. Come on, fellas! (they move out) Plumber: Pipe's all fixed! Locksmith: Pipe's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL fixed. I promise. Locksmith and Wander: Because a locksmith never breaks a promise! Watchdog: Sorry about the mess. I got anger management issues. Probably why they replaced me. Good luck, pretty boy. (trucks move out) Wander: WOWIEEEEEEEEEE!

(cut to Sylvia and the rebel team)

s no way that could be true. Whatever is inside, we can deal with it together.
Penny: Together?
Gumball: Together.
Penny: You're right. You're right! I'm gonna do it!
Gumball: That's it. Break free, Penny!
Penny: Okay, here we go! [Begins to glow] I'm gonna be…MYSELF!
[Penny breaks free from her shell and reveals her true form to Gumball: a golden, glowing fairy with antlers]

At the

Gumball: What the

(Scene changes to the coffee shop)

Mordecai: (He enters the room) Don't get any ideas. I'm just here to eat my free pizza and go.

(Benson also enters the room, and they both scoff.)

(Rigby closes the door.)

Mordecai: Rigby?!

Benson: What's going on here?

Muscle Man: Yeah where's the free pizza?

Rigby: Okay, look, don't be mad. But there's no free pizza.

Mordecai: I'm out!

Rigby: (blocks the door) But there's a good reason I brought you all here! We can work this out guys, we can still win!

Mordecai: No way, dude! I'm not playing in a band with Benson! (slaps Benson's drum kit)

Benson: Don't touch my kit, Mordecai!

Mordecai: Or what?

Benson: Or.. Or I'll cut your strings!

(Mordecai slaps Benson's drum kit again)

(It ended up in a fight and destroying all their instruments.)

Thomas: (in a British accent) Oy! Just wanted to make sure -- (surprised) krikey.

Mordecai: Oh man, what are we doing?

Rigby: Yeah, we just broke a bunch of stuff!

Muscle Man: I guess I'll never go triple platinum with this baby. (spills soda from his trumpet)

(Everybody laughs)

Mordecai: Ha! I can't believe we let the heat get to us like this. I'm sorry I quit, dude.

Rigby: It's okay, man. This stuff happens when you're in a band.

Mordecai: Yeah, but I forgot what was most important.

Rigby: Friendship?

Mordecai: The air conditioner. You're right though! We can still win this thing. 

Rigby: Okay, except that was something I said before we broke all our instruments.

Mordecai: No! We can still do it! When you're in Mordecai and the Rigbys, the music's inside of you. But we need everybody if we're gonna win. Even the ones we thought were acting like jerks, but are actually pretty good drummers.

(Benson was touched and grabs Mordecai's hand.)

(Scene changes to the stage where performers play songs. The crowd boos at them and the judges rated them "Not Cool".)

Auto T.: Next!

Eileen: What happened back there?

Thomas: Ah, all the instruments are destroyed.

Eileen: What?!

(Mordecai and the Rigbys shows up to the stage)

Eileen: There they are!

(They pretend to put their guitars onto them.)

Man: Hey! Where are your instruments, man?

Mordecai: Shut it!

Mordecai and Rigby: We are Mordecai and the Rigbys!

Mordecai: And we rock so hard, we don't need instruments.

Rigby: Hit it!

Benson: A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four!

(Mordecai, Rigby and the rest of the band do an acapella mimicking the sound of their instruments. Eileen and Thomas were shocked at them.)

Mordecai: Sometimes I dream about ice planted eggs, by distant planet way colder, colder than the rest. That's where Lord Blizzord resides, think about His kingdom to pass the, pass the time. Ice mix and Ice can. There's not much into it,

(Then they glow and virtual instruments started to appear.)

Mordecai: K-k-k-keeping it cool! K-k-k-keeping it cool!

(Rigby plays while laying on the ground.)

Eileen and Thomas: Wooh! Alright, yeah!

Eileen: Man, they sure look gross and sweaty.

(The band keeps playing their imaginary instruments.)

Mordecai: K-k-k-keeping it cool! (The judges rate them: "Cool".) K-k-k-keeping it cool! (They play until there's a large text above them that says: Keeping it Cool. Then Lord Blizzord gets out of the air conditioner.

Mordecai: Lord Blizzord!

(Lord Blizzord blows a blizzard onto them.)

(Scene changes to the hospital and Mordecai and the rest of the band was there.)

Mordecai: Huh? We won!

Eileen: Actually, you guys collapsed of heat stroke before you even started.

(Flashbacks to what really happened on the stage.)

Mordecai: (weakly) We don't even need instruments!

Benson: One, two, three! (He collapses)

(Mordecai and Rigby mimic the sounds shortly and also collapse. The crowd boos at them and the judges then rate them: "Not Cool".)

Eileen: You actually got last place. Your subconscious must have created a reality where you're really good. You're in a hospital now.

Rigby: But dude, free AC!

Mordecai and Rigby: Woaaahhhh! (then they shiver because of cold)

Mordecai:  Can we get some --- extra blankets?

(The episode ends)

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