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This page is the transcript for "Death Kwon Do-Livery".

(The episode starts with Mordecai and Rigby going to Death Kwon Do: Pizza and Subs)

Mordecai & Rigby: Lunch! Lunch! Lunch! Lunch! Lunch! Lunch!

Sensai: Welcome back to Death Kwon Do: Pizza and Subs! Can I start you off with a couple of sodas?

Mordecai: Sure, dude!

Sensai: Jerry! Two sodas!

Jerry: Yes, Sensai! (he kicks a cup into the air, catches it, puts it in a machine and presses a button with two fingers to pour soda into the cup)

Rigby: Who's that?

Sensai: That's my Death Kwon Do apprentice, Jerry!

Rigby: Oh, that's cool.

Mordecai: Uh, and to eat... everything's kinda heavy... (sighs) I wish I could get something light that still tastes good.

Sensai: (laughs) I get it! You want the Death Kwon Do Sandwich of Health!

(Fade to Sensai in the kitchen. He is in a state of concentration)

Sensai (continued, VO): Through years of trial and error, I perfected it.

(He ki yaps and begin messaging a raw steak. He is then shown holding vegetables in his hands. He throws them up in the air. He karate chops the tomato, then headbutts the lettuce. The vegetables land in the bottom half of the sandwich bread, the top half immediately following. Sensai has a taste test. He then squirts a bowl of meatballs with sauce.)

Sensai (continued, VO): Using the finest organic ingredients, and the secrets of Death Kwon Do, I have created a sandwich that not only tastes's a healthy as a salad.

(Scene clouds out to the completed sandwich.)

Sensai (continued): Would you be the first to try it?

Mordecai: Thar's just a meatball sub.

Rigby: Yeah, and if I'm being honest, it look even greasier than usual.

(Jerry walks up behind Sensai with the sodas.)

Sensai: It is not! It's incredibly healthy! Every day, I have one for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I've never felt better.

(He takes a bite of the sandwich.)

Sensai (continued): Ugh, my stomach!

(He falls backwards. Everyone looks down in worry and shock.)

Jerry: Sensai!

(Scene cuts to the hospital.)

Dr. Matthews: Yep. Yep, you definitely need a stomach transplant.

Mordecai, Rigby, Sensai and Jerry: What?!

Dr. Matthews: You had an extreme reaction...uh, wait, scratch that. You had a completely normal reaction to an extremely unhealthy sandwich. Thwn you stomach flat-out exploded. See?

(He points to an x-ray of the stomach.)

Rigby: Can you put him on the transplant list?

Dr. Matthews: Well, yes. Normally you'd be able to, but a man of your...physical gifts would burn through a normal stomach like it was nothing.

Sensai: Spell it out for me, Doc.

Dr. Matthews: You're too, uhh,...How do put this delicately?

(He suddenly gets an idea. He starts doing motions of moving something fat.)

Jerry: Hey!

Mordecai: Aw, come on!

Rigby: That's just wrong!

Mordecai: Not cool, man!

Dr Matthews: Well, you're too weak to be moved, and we need a suitable transplant or you'll die.

Sensai: What about the Death Kwon Do Hospital?

(He turns to Jerry.)

Sensai (continued): Could you call them?

(Jerry runs off.)

Jerry: Yes, Sensai!

(Cut to the phone at Death Kwon Do Hospital. It rings, and someone answers.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor: Death Kwon Do Hospital.

(Cut to Jerry on the phone.)

Jerry: Uh-huh. Yeah. Mm-hmm? You do have a stomach of great power?

(Mordecai and Rigby are glad.)

Jerry (continued): And we can pick it up today?!

Sensai: Excellent.

Rigby: Yes!

Sensai: Mordecai and Rigby, would you mind going with Jerry to pick up the stomach?

Mordecai: Sure, dude.

Rigby: Yeah. We're still on lunch anyway, so...

Jerry: Sensai, I don't need their help! I'm ready for this!

Sensai: No, Jerry!

(Jerry angrily slams down the phone and bows his head.)

Jerry: Yes, Sensai.

(Sensai grunts in stomach pain.)

Sensai: You don't have much time. As always, you'll need these.

(He holds up jean shorts for Mordecai and Rigby, which they take.)

(Transition to the next scene where Mordecai, Rigby and Jerry overlook the Death Kwon Do hospital from a cliff edge. They take a boat to the hospital boat dock and run up a path panting.)

(They run past lion statues which shoot out flames at them. They run through quickly. When they are clear of the statues, the path in front of them collapses, revealing a pit full of snakes with mullets. They flip over the pit, and they land in front of the Death Kwon Do hospital entrance. The door opens and they walk through. The interior of the Death Kwon Do hospital looks exactly like a regular one, and the three run through into an elevator and wait until it reaches the 8th floor. Jerry opens the door to the transplant room, and they enter. The stomach is in a bell jar on top of an altar.)

Mordecai: There it is.

(Shows close up of the stomach.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor: You have come... for the stomach. But first you must prove you are worthy... for the stomach.

(He claps his hands.)

(Three curtains with caucuses on them are opened, revealing the Tongue Depressor Intern, Gurney Intern and CPR Intern.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor: My interns have mastered all the most difficult Death Kwon Do medical arts: tongue depressor!

(The Tongue Depressor Intern throws two tongue depressors which plant themselves in the wall behind Jerry, Mordecai and Rigby. They bear surprised expressions.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor (continued): The gurney!

(The Gurney Intern spins a gurney around)

Death Kwon Do Doctor (continued): And CPR.

(The CPR Intern performs a CPR motion in the air in front of him.)

Mordecai, Rigby and Jerry: Hyaaaaaah!

(Zooms in on Death Kwon Do Doctor's face.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor: Attack!

(The three interns charge at Mordecai, Rigby and Jerry)

(The Tongue Depressor Intern jumps in the air and Jerry catches the intern's arm.)

Tongue Depressor Intern: Say "ah"!

(Jerry struggles to keep the Tongue Depressor Intern's arm away from his tongue.)

(Meanwhile, Mordecai and Rigby charge at the other two. Rigby jumps at the Gurney Intern with his fist outstretched.)

Rigby: In your face of death!

(The Gurney Intern lifts his gurney up, deflecting Rigby's punch. Rigby falls to the ground. The Gurney Intern starts riding his gurney towards Rigby.)

Rigby: Aaaugh!

(Mordecai is fighting the CPR Intern. He strikes Mordecai with a CPR attack)

Mordecai: Death block!

(The CPR Intern attacks again, and Mordecai blocks again.)

Mordecai (continued): Death block!

(Mordecai flips over the CPR Intern and kicks him from behind. He flies backwards and disappears in a flash of light.)

(The Gurney Intern has Rigby against the edge of the gurney, which is moving at a fast speed. Rigby lowers himself under the gurney and crawls upside-down on the underside of it. The Gurney Intern loses sight of him.)

Rigby: Hey!

(Rigby runs up to the Gurney Intern.)

Rigby: Hyah!

(He kicks the intern in the chest, who vanishes in a beam of light.)

(Jerry still struggles to fight the Tongue Depressor Intern, whose tongue depressor in Jerry's mouth. He hits the Tongue Depressor Intern's arm and deflects the tongue depressor back at him. The Tongue Depressor Intern disappears in a flash of light. Jerry lands on the ground.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor: (Clapping) Nicely done. You have proven yourselves worthy.

(He lifts the lid off of the bell jar, and the stomach makes a growling noise.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Woah...

(The Death Kwon Do Doctor puts the stomach into a cooler and closes it.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor: Let me just top you off with some ice there.

(He scoops ice into the cooler.)

Death Kwon Do Doctor (continued): Now be careful, this is my last one.

Jerry (from behind): That's alright. Betrayal of death!

(He attacks the Death Kwon Do Doctor from behind, who is vanquished in a flash of bright light.)

Jerry (continued): One is all I need.

Mordecai: Dude, what?!

Jerry: Did you really think I came all this way for that jerk, Sensai? He worked me day and night with menial tasks completely unrelated to Death Kwon Do sandwich-making!

(Shows Jerry washing windows with his foot; combining bottles of ketchup, while with legs outstretched on two chairs; Sensai throwing a block of ice on Jerry's chest, which he crushes; and Sensai giving Jerry a paycheck.)

Jerry (continued, VO): "Wash the windows, Jerry-San", "marry the ketchup, Jerry-San", "crush the ice, Jerry-San", "This job pays minimum wage, Jerry-San"!

(Shows a vault of Death Kwon Do Sandwiches of Health. Sensai closes the vault and eats one of the sandwiches.)

Jerry (continued, VO): But worst of all, he'd never let me try his precious Sandwich of Health! "It's still experimental, Jerry-San; all in good time, Jerry-San"!

(Shows Jerry breaking the lock on the vault, yelling "Eagle claw of death!" and opening it.)

Jerry (continued, VO): I couldn't take it anymore! So one night, I snuck in after hours and ate the forbidden sandwich.

(Shows Jerry eating one of the sandwiches and then several more.)

Jerry (continued, VO): It was delicious. I couldn't get enough. Every night I would try it again, and again, and again, like a whole bunch of times.

(Cuts back to the hospital.)

Jerry (continued): And now, I need a new stomach, and I think this one will do nicely.

Mordecai: Yeah? Well you're gonna have to find another one, cause that one belongs to the Sensai.

(Show several close-ups on Mordecai and Jerry's angry faces.)

(A "ding" is heard from the elevator opening.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Huh?

(Jerry grins.)

Jerry: Jump kick of deeeeeeeath!

(Jerry flies through the elevator door.)

Mordecai: Get him!

(Mordecai and Rigby run after Jerry.)

Rigby: (Vigorously bangs on the elavator door.) Rrrrrrrrrr!

Mordecai: Come on, the stairs!

(They run down the stairs while Jerry takes the elevator.)

Jerry: (Waits for the elevator to reach the bottom floor) Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

(Jerry is already escaping on the boat.)

(Mordecai and Rigby exit the Death Kwon Do hospital panting with exhaustion.)

Mordecai: Now what?!

(The two notice a man getting out of his boat holding a box as he walks towards another man, presumably his boss.)

Boss: Randal, Randal, Randal. You're late again! And why don't you ever tie up your boat? Something's gonna happen to your boat!

Randal: Hey, you do your job, pencil-neck, I'll do mine.

(Mordecai and Rigby escape on Randal's boat.)

(Randal's boss punches the box out of Randal's arm and Randal kicks him in the face.)

Jerry: [laughs]

(Groans as his stomach rumbles.)

(He sees Mordecai and Rigby beside him on their boat.)

Rigby: Death jump!

(He death jumps onto Jerry's boat and kicks him in the face. Rigby grabs onto the cooler.)

Rigby: Got it Morde- ow!

(Jerry kicks Rigby off his balance. The cooler flies into the air and Mordecai catches it. Jerry then kicks Mordecai, but he keeps the cooler in his hands. They fight for the stomach.)

Rigby: Death jump!

Jerry: Kick of death!

Mordecai: Roll of death!

Jerry: Run on top of two boats of death!

(Jerry grabs the cooler from Mordecai)

Jerry: Aha!

(The two boats stray further apart, with Jerry's legs outstretched on them.)

Jerry: Oh no.

(The boats continue onward.)

Jerry: Auuugh!

(Mordecai and Rigby try to grab the cooler, but Jerry manages to keep it away from them.)

(The boats move quickly towards a wooden post.)

Mordecai, Rigby and Jerry: Aaaaaugh!

(Jerry gets hit in the crotch by the post and falls into the water, and Mordecai and Rigby continue onwards with the cooler in their hands now.)

Rigby: Mordecai!

(He throws the cooler up and Mordecai death jumps to catch it, then lands on the boat Rigby is on)

Mordecai & Rigby: Yay-yeah!

(They escape in the boat, leaving Jerry behind.)

(Jerry emerges from the water.)

Jerry: Noooo!

(He sinks back into the water.)

(Cuts back to the Hospital, where Sensai is lying in a hospital bed with the nurse drawing on his belly in marker.)

Sensai: Miss, what are you doing?

Nurse: Just marking the incision, sir.

(Shows that she has just drawn a simple dashed line and a pair of scissors.)

Nurse: Now don't you worry, Mr Sensai. Mordecai and Rigby brought back a nice little Death Kwon Do stomach for you.

(Shows the Doctor opening the cooler to be blasted with a bright ray of light. He then closes the cooler quickly.)

Sensai: And what of young Jerry, my worthless apprentice?

Nurse: Oh, he ended up being a traitor or something. Wanted to take the Death Kwon Do stomach for himself - and kill you, you know. [laughs uneasily]

Sensai: Phew.

(Shows Mordecai and Rigby sitting in a seating area above the hospital room watching with food.)

Mordecai & Rigby: Lunch! Lunch! Lunch!

(They eat.)

(The scene cuts back to the room below.)

Dr. Matthews: Uh, Nurse, after you're done washing up, could you help me out over here?

(The Nurse nods and walks over shortly. After she walks away, Jerry, disguised as a doctor, enters the room.)

(The Nurse is with the doctor talking about the stomach and the light it is giving off.)

Nurse: Hmm... Well, have you tried-

(She opens the cooler and is blasted with light.)

Nurse: Or... How about-

(She opens the cooler again while the scene moves towards Sensai on the bed. Jerry walks up to him and laughs. Sensai notices Jerry.)

(Sensai gets off the bed and Jerry takes off his mask and grins.)

(Sensai glares at Jerry and Jerry smiles sinisterly back. The scene zooms in on their faces once more and then they begin to fight. Jerry chops the bed in half.)

Mordecai, Rigby, Nurse and Dr. Matthews: [all gasp]

(The doctor and Nurse turn around to see Jerry and Sensai fighting.)

Sensai: I should have known you would betray me. You will never learn the final virtue of Death Kwon Do!

Jerry: But I have been training for almost three weeks!

Mordecai: The Sensai needs us.

(Mordecai and Rigby run, while Rigby is still drinking a soda.)

Jerry: Now the apprentice will become the master, and the master will become a loser with no stomach!

(The two groan in stomach pain and look at the cooler with the stomach, then back at each other.)

(Mordecai and Rigby run across a hallway to the transplant room. They open the door, which is not actually the transplant room.)

Mordecai: Alright Jerry, prepare to get your butt kicked-

(There is a random patient shown with a full body cast on a bed.)

Patient: Are you here to give me my sponge bath?

Mordecai: Uh, sorry. Wrong room.

(They exit.)

Rigby: Did we make a wrong turn or something?

(Cuts back to the transplant room where Sensai and Jerry are preparing to battle.)

Dr. Matthews: No! You can't win this, Sensai.

Sensai: Don't worry. The cornered and wounded animal has a burst of adrenaline when he's fighting for his life.

(He poses, preparing an attack.)

Sensai (continued): Wounded adrenaline bear style!

(He performs punches and charges at Jerry. Jerry kicks him in the stomach and he hits the wall and falls to the floor.)

Sensai: In pain bear style. Expended too much internally too fast bear style...

(He closes his eyes.)

Sensai: Dying bear style.

Jerry: (panting) Change of plans, doc. Same surgery; new patient.

Dr. Matthews: Well, that's completely unethical. And if you think-

(Jerry jump-kicks Doctor Matthews. He flies through the door and hits the wall in the hallway, which Mordecai and Rigby hear.)

Rigby: Doctor Matrhews!

(Jerry points to the nurse with his foot, then to the cooler, then to his stomach.)

Jerry: You. That. In here. I am pointing to my stomach.

Nurse: But I'm a nurse, not a doctor; I don't know anything about stomach surgery.

(Zooms in on Jerry's angry face.)

Jerry: Ugh! Fine, I'll do it myself! [snaps fingers thoughtfully] Now let me see here...

(Grabs the mouthpiece of a canister nearby and turns the valve.)

Jerry (continued): Let's get things started with some anaesthesia.

(Puts the mouthpiece to his mouth.)

Jerry (continued): Just a little whiff~

(He falls unconscious.)

(Mordecai and Rigby punch open the door.)

Rigby: You're going down, Jerry!

(Sees Sensai and Jerry on the floor.)

Rigby: Well that was easy.

(Doctor Matthews walks up behind Mordecai and Rigby.)

Mordecai: Come on, doc. Let's get the Sensai.

(Dr. Matthews and Mordecai lift Sensai onto the bed.)

Jerry: [groans]

(Dr Matthews, Mordecai and Rigby hear Jerry, who has woken up.)

(Jerry is half-conscious, but still up.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Eugh!

(Jerry begins walking towards the three.)

Jerry: Must... Get... Stomach!

Rigby: Time for some alternative medicine!

Mordecai & Rigby: Death Kwon jump!

(They land in front of Jerry and begin punching and kicking him.)

Jerry: (Unaffected): [laughs] I feel no pain at all!

(Mordecai and Rigby look at each other and again start punching and kicking Jerry. They then punch him hard in the face and he is crushed and electrocuted by an x-ray machine.)

Jerry: Okay... I felt that.

(Scene transitions to the waiting room, where Sensai is on a wheelchair steered by the doctor.)

Dr. Matthews: The transplant was a success!

Mordecai & Rigby: Aw, yay-yeah!

(Jerry is wheeled into the room on a wheelchair by a policeman.)

Jerry: Rrrr, let me go!

Sensai: Jerry-San, you were too impatient for me to teach you the most important Death Kwon Do virtue of all: patience.

(Shows close up of Jerry's angry face glaring at Sensai.)

Rigby: That's alright. He'll have plenty of time to learn that in prison!

(They all laugh as Jerry is taken away.)

Mordecai: Heh heh, he's going to prison.

Sensai: So, I've got an opening for a new apprentice?

Rigby: Thanks, but we need to get back to work.

Mordecai: Yeah, Benson hates it when we take these six-hour lunches.

(End of Death Kwon Do-Livery.)