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This page is the transcript for "Cube Bros".


(Episode begins at Pops' house with the Park staff sitting on the stairs)

Benson: Alright. Mordecai and Rigby, rake the leaves. Muscle Man, the man with the muscle. I've got the usual for you. (inhales deeply)

(Scene cuts to Muscle Man taking out the garbage)

Benson:  (continued; voice-over) First, I need you to take out the garbage in the entire park.

(The scene then cuts to Muscle Man repaving the sidewalk)

Benson:  (continued; voice-over) Next, I need you to repave the sidewalk. Make sure not to get any cement on you. I hear it's impossible to get off.

(Muscle Man runs into a rake and falls on the cement of the paved sidewalk, then we cut to him plowing the field)

Benson:  (continued; voice-over) Next, I want you to plow the field, 'cause you're gonna install the new sprinkler system. (Then we show Muscle Man riding a trencher to dig a line in the dirt) I rented you a trencher. It should be easy to use. (We then show Muscle Man with steel pipes) Connect all the galvanized steel pipes. They should be pretty light for you. (Then we show him putting the pipes on the line and burying the pipes) Put them in a place, bury them, and that should be it... for the first half of the day, that is.

(The sprinkler system goes off and Muscle Man slips and falls in the mud as it fills the screen and it cuts to the Park staff at the house the next day. Mordecai and Rigby touch their arms.)

Mordecai: (groans) So much raking.

Rigby: Yeah, two whole bags of leaves. I can't even feel my arms.

(Muscle Man groans)

Benson: (comes in) Alright, guys, another busy day ahead of us. Muscle Man, you know that sprinkler system you installed?

(Muscle Man gasps)

Benson: It works great.

(Muscle Man sighs)

Benson: In fact, I need you to install three more. That should be easy for you, right, big guy?

Muscle Man: Augh! It's not fair! Why do I always get stuck with the hard jobs?

Benson: Well, you are the strong one, I mean, you are called "Muscle Man".

Muscle Man: Is that all I am to you, just a Muscle Man? Why doesn't Skips do the hard jobs? He's strong.

Benson: Sure he is, but he's also smart. (to Skips) By the way, Skips, I need you to help me with my taxes today.

Muscle Man: Oh, so he gets a cushy desk job while I get stuck with manual labor?

Skips: Hey, I'm good with numbers.

Muscle Man: Well, guess what? I'm sick of this job, and I'm sick of everyone just using me for my body. I'm gonna prove to you all that I'm just as smart as I am strong. I'm gonna leave the park and get an office job!

Mordecai: Why would you do that?

Rigby: Yeah, working at an office doesn't prove that you're smart.

Muscle Man: It will prove it, I'll prove it right now! (takes off his headband and leaves) Muscle Man out!

Hi Five Ghost: Muscle Man, no! I think you're strong and smart! Don't leave!

Rigby: I give him three days.

Skips: I give him, (counts his fingers) let's see, carry the nine... 2.57.

(Scene cuts to a building called "Omnitech Inc." and Muscle Man, wearing a tie, is at the front desk)

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Muscle Man: I heard you guys had some jobs.

Receptionist: (scoffs) Not for you. (struggling a jar of pickles)

Muscle Man: Let me get that for you. (Takes the pickle jar and opens the lid) Here you go.

Receptionist: Whoa! I've been trying to open that all morning. (eats a pickle) Maybe we do have a job for you. Follow me.

(Muscle Man gasps happily)

Receptionist: (as he is walking through the offices with Muscle Man) Here at Omnitech, we provide our clients with business intelligence and smart-e solutions.

Muscle Man: Yeah, intelligent and smart, that's me.

Receptionist: Ha ha! Good. We're only as our employees. Omnitech: Powered by People. You'll be in Ron's old office.

Muscle Man: Where's Ron?

Receptionist: He got promoted to corporate. I'll leave you to it.

(Muscle Man looks at Ron's old office, much to his happiness, and he places a "Champions Never Quit" poster and a picture of Hi Five Ghost and his wedding picture with Starla, sits on his chair, getting relaxed.)

Muscle Man: Aw, yeah! This'll prove that I'm smart. (Camera zooms out to view the offices, then we show a clock at says "11:59 AM", piles of paper and Muscle Man pulling a card with string as he gets bored) (groans) Boring. (hears laughter and checks out the office next door to find a trio of guys called the Cube Bros having a conversation)

Andy: So I told her, "Hey, if you wanna scan my server, you gotta ask me out on a data first."

(Randy and Gil laugh)

Muscle Man: (laughs) That was a really funny joke. I totally got that. You know who else scans her server? My mom! (The guys look at him blankly and Andy sips his coffee) Hi, I'm Muscle Man, by the way.

Randy: Randy.

Andy: Andy.

Gil: Gil.

Randy: We're the Cube Bros. We're not your typical office drones.

Cube Bros: Woaaaah...kay!

Muscle Man: Well, I guess I'm replacing Ron.

Andy: Oh, wait, are you the guy who opened the pickle jar?

Muscle Man: Yeah!

Andy: Pssh. It'll take a lot more than that to replace Ron.

Randy: Any sack of meat can open a pickle jar.

Gil: Yeah, a pickle jar is not that hard to open.

Muscle Man: Look, It's not just 'cause I opened that jar, I'm smart, too, okay?

(The Cube Bros check their pagers)

Andy: Oh, look, 12:00. Time for our corporately mandated lunch.

Muscle Man: Hey, mind if I come?

Randy: Oh, sorry, rookie, Cube Bros only. (They leave)

Muscle Man: I'll show you.

(Montage begins with Muscle Man reading "Data Ethics: Volume 6" as time goes by, then at night, Muscle Man continues reading as a janitor mops by, then it changes to the next day as the montage ends)

Randy: Hey, Mitch, did you get that TH-29 form to legal yet?

Muscle Man: (Now in office casual turns to Randy) Actually, it's Mitchell, and nice try, but that's a trick question. The TH-29 would never go to legal, because that is, in fact, illegal.

Randy: Whoa, good catch. Looks like someone's been studying up on "Data Ethics, Volume 6".

Muscle Man: Volume 6? (carries two stacks of books) I read the whole series. It actually wasn't that hard.

Randy: Whoa, those books are massive!

Gil: (comes in and gasps) How are you holding all of those?!

Andy: (comes in) Do you lift?

Muscle Man: Well, I use to back at my old job, (puts down the books) but those days are over. Now, I'm more interested into breaking a mental sweat.

Randy: Well, sure, but you're like, really strong.

Muscle Man: And smart.

Randy: Oh, yeah, sure. Sure, now that you've read all those books, you're up to protocol.

Muscle Man: You know who else is up to protocol? My mo...nitor!

(The Cube Bros laugh. Montage beings with Muscle Man continuing to work in office while at the Park, Mordecai, Rigby and Fives are installing another sprinkler system, then we show Muscle Man at a meeting at Omnitech as he helps the receptionist open a bag of chips and Gil with a 5-gallon bottle of water as Randy switches Ron's old name plate to Muscle Man's name by the name of "Mitchell" as the montage ends)

Muscle Man and Cube Bros: Cube Bros for life!

(We cut back to Mordecai, Rigby and Fives on the stairs)

Benson: Come on, guys, those cinderblocks aren't gonna move themselves. (leaves)

Mordecai, Rigby and Hi Five Ghost: Augh!

Mordecai: Dude, I miss the days when we didn't have to move cinderblocks.

Rigby: I miss the days when we didn't have to do Muscle Man's work.

Hi Five Ghost: And I miss the way Muscle Man would make me smile with his cool sense of humor after a long day of work.

Mordecai: Dude, we gotta go beg him to come back.

(Cut to Omnitech where Muscle Man types on his computer as the receptionist comes in)

Receptionist: Uh, Mitchell, you have visitors. (leaves as Mordecai, Rigby and Fives enter)

Mordecai: Hey, Muscle Ma--

Muscle Man: Uh-uh, one more second... (finishes typing on his computer as he finished sending a memo)

Computer Voice: Memo sent.

Muscle Man: (turns to the guys) What are you guys doing here?

Mordecai: Dude, Muscle Man, you gotta come back! (Rigby nods)

Hi Five Ghost: We really need you back!

Andy: Who are these guys, Mitchell?

(The Cube Bros look sternly at Mordecai, Rigby and Fives)

Muscle Man: Randy, Andy, Gil, meet my old co-workers, Mordecai, Rigby and Fives. Park Bros, Cube Bros.

Randy: Park Bros? More like College Dropout Bros, am I right?

(The Cube Bros laughs and Muscle Man laughs along nervously)

Muscle Man: But seriously, guys, that's a little harsh.

Andy: Well, Mitchell, we came to announce the good news.

Randy: As of today, you're officially being promoted to corporate.

Muscle Man: Whoa, really?

Randy: Well, we think you're ready.

Gil: Yeah! You were, like, born for this job.

Muscle Man: WHOOOOO!!!!

Mordecai: I don't know, Muscle Man. Do you really want to be stuck in a box all day? This isn't you!

Rigby: Yeah, forget this place and come back to the Park already!

Muscle Man: And lift heavy pipes for the rest of my life? Forget that! For once, I've found a place that appreciates me for more than just my body. I thought you guys would be happy for me.

Hi Five Ghost: But Muscle Man, we miss you! I miss you! Please come back!

Gil: He's made his decision!

Hi Five Ghost: Well, congrats on becoming corporate. We'll leave you to your new friends then. (leaves with Mordecai and Rigby)

Randy: Well, now that you've ditched those losers, we gotta show you to your new office.

(Cut to a huge picture of Ron)

Muscle Man: Whoa! That's Ron? This dude definitely didn't skip leg day.

(One of the Cube Bros slides his card that opens the picture entrance door to reveal a giant hamster wheel and Ron's corpse)

Muscle Man: RON! What is this?!

Randy: The giant hamster wheel generator that powers Omnitech.

Andy: Our office drone bodies are weak. Your brutish strength will keep the wheel moving to run Omnitech's power generator.

Muscle Man: So, you just wanted me for my body all along?

Randy: Yeah, Mitch.

(The Cube Bros laugh)

Gil: Oh, yeah. Now, get on the wheel and start ru-u-u-u-u-u-u-nning!

Randy: Yeah, or else we won't work-work-work-work-work!

Muscle Man: What's the deal, guys? You sound like... (Randy's face blows up to reveal his robotic face) ROBOTS!!! (The Cube Bros start to struggle to push Muscle Man into the generator room) Park Bros, help!

(Mordecai, Rigby and Fives are at the elevator when they hear Muscle Man's cry for help)

Rigby: Muscle Man!

Hi Five Ghost: We gotta save him!

(The elevator doors open to reveal the receptionist in his robotic state and grabs the guys)

Receptionist: Time to sign out! Office drones, attack!

(The Omnitech workers turn into their robotic states and start coming towards the guys.)

Office Drones: Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

(The guys are released from the receptionist's grasp and run as Mordecai grabs a five-gallon bottle of water, puts it on a wheeling chair, which Rigby grabs, and they roll the chair with the five-gallon bottle of water towards the robots, which hit them and they get electrocuted and die. Mordecai, Rigby and Fives run over the office drones and continue running to save Muscle Man)

Cube Bros: Omnitech: Powered by People!

(They shove Muscle Man in the generator room and Randy closes the entrance door as Muscle Man falls on the wheel and lands on Ron's skeleton and he starts squealing for help. A stapler is thrown at Randy and he turns to the guys)

Mordecai: Give us back our friend!

Randy: No! We need him for his body-y-y-y-y-y-y! (The Cube Bros charge towards the guys)

(The guys charge towards the Cube Bros and start to fight. Mordecai kicks Randy to a printer, which scans his face and prints it. Muscle Man pounds at the entrance door, then looks around to see a mainframe computer)

Muscle Man: The mainframe! I'm gonna have to use my smarts to hack into it. (runs to the computer and starts to hack) I've got this.

Rigby: (as he fights Andy) Hamboning!

Andy: What's hamboning?!

(Rigby pushes Andy to the ground and elbows him, causing him to explode. Cut back to Muscle Man as he continues hacking)

Muscle Man: Almost got it... (presses a key on the keyboard) Hah! (Shows a solitaire game) What?

Gil: (as he is holding Fives while the entrance door opens) Congrats on "hacking" computer solitaire, genius! Get back on that hamster wheel and run, you sack of meat! You'll never be smart!

Muscle Man: (rips his office shirt) Smart this! (grabs the mainframe computer and runs towards Gil)

Gil: Oh, no! Can't run fast enough with my weak robot legs!

(Muscle Man throws the mainframe computer at Gil as it lands on him, causing his head to pop off and fly into Fives' arms, which he drops it and Gil starts laughing evilly as the computer mainframe shows a self-destruct countdown and the building begins to shake)

Mordecai: This place is gonna blow!

(As Gil continues laughing evilly, the guys make a run for it and jump out through the window as the building explodes into a pile of rubble)

Muscle Man: Whoa, corporate carnage. Thanks for helping me out, you guys. That escalated really quickly.

Rigby: Yeah, you really dodged a bullet on that one.

Muscle Man: I still wish I could prove that I'm more than just a Muscle Man. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought.

Hi Five Ghost: Oh, you're smart, just a different kind of smart. You just have to find your own way of showing it.

Muscle Man: I think I got one more idea that will prove that I'm smart.

(Scene cuts to Open Mic Night at the Coffee Shop)

Muscle Man: But seriously, folks, I checked his computer, right? And I told him, he has a pretty bad virus. You know who else has a pretty bad virus? My motherboard!

(The audience stays silent)

Mordecai: (looks at Rigby) Well, at least he's strong.

(End of Cube Bros)

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