| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(At Eileen's House, Mordecai, Rigby and Margaret are watching TV)
TV Announcer: And now, commentary from RGB2.
(On the TV, RGB2 appears dressed up in a suit at a desk, speaking directly to the camera)
RGB2: If you ask this old-timer, TV peaked in the 80s. Why don't shows have laugh tracks anymore?
(Eileen walks from out of the kitchen)
Eileen: Sorry to keep you guys waiting, I know you're hungry but my famous peanut butter and celery appetizers will be out in a jiffy!
(As Eileen re-enters the kitchen, a commercial begins on the TV, featuring an experimental artist named Jonno)
Jonno: Daringly modern. Contrapposto. Avant-garde. These are all words you might say when you gaze upon my piece: Seeds of Agony.
(Behind Jonno is her art piece: A giant strawberry)
Jonno: You won't want to miss this cultural event, before it is taken by blimp back to my minimalist Parisian studio, and destroyed. The venue? (laughs) A transitional locale between the realms of light and dreams!
(An advertisement card appears reading "SATURDAY ONLY" with a map of where "Seeds of Agony" will be taking place)
TV Announcer: Off of Spruce and I-95 at dusk by the Cheezers. Saturday only!
Jonno: Whimsical!
(The commercial ends)
Mordecai: Wow. That looks crazy.
Rigby: (laughs excitedly) Crazy enough to work!
Mordecai: Dude, what are you talking about?
Rigby: Can you guys keep a secret?
(Rigby checks to see if Eileen is behind him, which she is not)
Rigby: I'm taking Eileen to see that, tomorrow! And you guys are coming with! And you're not gonna ruin the surprise!
Mordecai: What?
Margaret: It sounds a little intense.
Mordecai: And why's it gotta be a surprise? Is it a special occasion or something?
Rigby: No, and that's the point! She'd be expecting something if it was. I've made her laugh, cry, scream with terror when she fell into that cave hole...all the big emotions! But she's too smart to be surprised.
Mordecai: No way.
Rigby: If there's a mystery, she has to solve it. Whenever I try to surprise Eileen, she figures it out immediately.
(A series of flashbacks begin of Rigby's failed attempts to surprise Eileen. In the first flashback, he is dressed like a gentleman from the 1920s, and speaks in a cockney accent)
Rigby: Good evening, my lady. I'm 'ere to warn you that's trouble afoot. You see, there's been a mur-
Eileen: Ahh! You're taking me to a murder mystery, right?
(Rigby returns to his normal accent)
Rigby: Uh, yes.
Eileen: Great! I already picked out a dress a week ago!
(In the next flashback, Rigby arrives at Eileen's with a Moonviewer 4000 telescope)
Rigby: Surprise! I'm taking you -
Eileen: To the conjunction of the Moon and Mars up on Lookout Mountain? I know! I'm so excited!
(In the next flashback, Rigby arrives at Eileen's with no accessories)
Rigby: Hello -
Eileen: You're taking me to the biannual mating season of the hermit crabs? You're the best!
(The flashbacks end as we return to Mordecai, Rigby and Margaret in Eileen's living room)
Rigby: She's smart like that, dude. So I thought up a plan so crazy, she'll never figure it out. Will you guys help drive us around?
Mordecai: Dude, you're being kinda crazy. But, at least it's a nice kinda crazy.
Margaret: I think that's sweet, Rigby. Of course we'll help you.
(Eileen enters the living room with her appetizers)
Eileen: Who wants celery and peanut butter? Wait, I smell a surprise brewing.
Rigby: No. You don't.
Eileen: You're...taking me to a movie after this!
Rigby: Ha! No! Is there even a surprise at all? Who's to say?
(Eileen gives a quizzing look to Mordecai and Margaret, who instantly scratch their heads and act oblivious. The next day, at the Coffee Shop, Eileen is cleaning a table. Rigby then walks in dressed in a beach hat, shirt, tie, blazer, beach shorts and sandals, with a small flower in his hand. He is sweating)
Rigby: Hello, Eileen. I have something for you.
Eileen: (gasps) Wait. I'm gonna say based your beach casual look, combined with formal jacket and corsage...we're going to Beach Prom! That's the most fun party of the year!
Rigby: Oh, Eileen, Eileen, Eileen...I have a different surprise in store for you, and this time, you're never gonna be able to guess it. Now ditch the apron, we're heading out.
Eileen: Wait, but I still have to work.
Rigby: Talked to your boss, it's taken care of.
(Rigby points to a a man standing at the back of the Coffee Shop)
Man: Hey, fifty years from now, are you gonna remember bussing tables, or the greatest adventure of your life? Now, get outta here, you crazy kids!
Eileen: Rigby, I don't know who that is.
Rigby: He's a guy who gets it. But don't worry, I did talk to your boss.
(Eileen leaves the Coffee Shop as Rigby follows)
Eileen: Hmm, if it's not beach prom, are we going to Costa Rica?
Rigby: No need to guess, just enjoy the surprise.
Eileen: Maybe your outfit is a red herring.
(Mordecai and Margaret are both outside the Coffee Shop standing by Margaret's car, with its trunk open. They act oblivious to Rigby's plan)
Margaret: Whoa. Crazy running into you guys, so random.
Mordecai: Need a lift?
(Eileen stands still, continuing to think)
Eileen: But that could also be a red herring of said red herring, meaning...
(Eileen grabs a jacket from the car's trunk)
Eileen: Beach Prom!
Rigby: Just get in the car!
(Later, the group are driving down the highway. Rigby and Eileen are sat in the back)
Eileen: I'd say we're about fifteen miles outside of Downtown, heading northwest. The temperature has dropped approximately three degrees, which puts us near that shoe store I like, but...
(Eileen measures the distance with her hands)
Eileen: Yep, we'd overshoot it by about nine-hundred feet.
(Eileen looks out of the window to see a sign for Super Hotel 25, where a sea turtle fan club meeting is taking place)
Eileen: Ah! Sea turtle fan club! I just paid my dues! That's so nice, Rigby!
(Rigby's watch beeps)
Rigby: And time to turn around.
Margaret: Huh?
(Rigby puts on a surgical gown and scrub cap)
Rigby: Uh, make a U-turn up here!
Margaret: Okay?
(Margaret makes a U-turn. Sometime later, the group arrives outside Pops' House at the Park. They get out of the car)
Rigby: Alright, everyone get out and go behind the house!
(The group walks to the back of the house. Eileen observes the area for more potential clues)
Eileen: Hmm...
(Eileen begins to analyze the area, and spots a table, four chairs, a piece of rope, a parachute and two tiki torches. In her mind, she combines all of these together to form the image of a hot air balloon)
Eileen: I've got it! You're building a hot air balloon with all this stuff for us to ride in!
(Opposite Eileen is Muscle Man, leaning against the table)
Muscle Man: That stuff's for a birthday at the park later, which you guys better be back for. I'm not working it by myself after last time.
Mordecai: Look, I'm sorry about that brush fire, but I don't think we'll make it back in time. Rigby's plan might last all month.
Rigby: Speaking of which, round 'em up! Back in the car!
(The group heads back to the car, leaving Muscle Man alone)
Muscle Man: Not cool, bros!
(A montage begins, Rigby gives Margaret directions as Eileen ponders for clues. Up ahead is an observatory, which Eileen points to. Rigby shakes his finger at her as they drive past it. Following some bendy roads, the group drive into Carbon Gardens, a zoo for dinosaurs. Margaret drives the car around the water fountain in front of the zoo. Eileen is enthusiastic about visiting as Rigby wags his finger at her, and Margaret exits the zoo. Sometime later after passing over a bridge, the group arrive at "Mine Your Own Geode", a caving expedition center. Eileen opens her door to take a step out of the car, but immediately stops as the car begins to reverse. She looks back at Rigby as he shakes his head while smirking. Sometime later, the group have stopped at a gas station for Margaret to refill her car. As she and Eileen stay by the car, Mordecai and Rigby, who is now wearing a karate gi and an army beret, leave the gas station shop with snacks, implying a much longer road trip. The montage ends with the group on the road once again. Rigby is eating a snack)
Eileen: Rigby, I have to say...this is the best surprise you've ever done.
(Rigby smiles at Eileen while still eating)
Eileen: But that doesn't mean I won't figure out what it is!
Rigby: Well, you won't. Unless you know what's that way!
(Rigby points to an empty road with a sign reading "NO FOOD. NO GAS. NO RESTROOMS. NO PEOPLE. NEXT 50MI. Mordecai and Margaret squint to read the sign)
Margaret: Uh, that seems kinda shady.
Mordecai: Yeah, very shady. Is there even time? We might not make it if we go this way.
Rigby: Oh, no. We'll make it. Trust me.
(Mordecai and Margaret look at each other, uncertain of Rigby's judgment. Despite this, they continue the journey down the empty road. Outside, the sun begins to set)
Mordecai: Dude, the sun's going down. That thing that we're trying to do is gonna end soon.
Rigby: Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch! Trust me...Now go over that hill!
(Margaret drives up a hill. Once the group reach the top, they see at the other side of the hill is a group of bikers, The Wasp Riders, looking inward to the road)
Mordecai: Come on, man. We gotta turn around. We have no business being here.
Rigby: Mordecai, chill...these guys are probably cool. We just need to drive past, we'll blend right in.
(The car slowly drives past the Wasp Riders, who stare and grumble at the group)
Margaret: Okay, alright. Just keep driving. Just -
(The Wasp Rider bikes drive into the road, blocking Margaret's car)
Mordecai, Rigby & Eileen: Uhh...
Margaret: Not okay! Not alright!
(Margaret stops the car in front of the Wasp Riders)
Eileen: Wow. I honestly don't know what's next. I am terrified beyond all reason, though.
(The leader of the Wasp Riders approaches the car and looks at Margaret, who rolls down her window slightly)
Margaret: Um, can I help you?
(The Wasp Riders Leader pushes down the window completely)
Leader: I'd say y'all don't blend right in. Where you headed?
Rigby: Sorry. Can't tell you. Trying to surprise my girlfriend. You understand!
Leader: Oh, surprise, huh? You know, my old man surprised me once. Now he's dead...!
(The group gasps)
Leader: ...set on never surprising me again! Long story short, you best be telling me where you're going. No surprises on the road, that's the biker law.
Rigby: No! It's a surprise!
Margaret: Rigby, come on...
Eileen: Yeah, here. I can just act surprised later. (gasps) Rigby, oh my gosh! I love it!
Rigby: That's not a real surprise face!
(The other Wasp Riders are watching the group)
Wasp Rider 3: Yeah, pathetic!
Margaret: Rigby, just tell him!
Mordecai: Dude, it's over!
Rigby: No, never!
Leader: Tell me!
Mordecai: These aren't rational guys, Rigby! Uh, sir, I can tell you. We're gonna -
Leader: No! I wanna hear it from this guy!
(The Wasp Riders Leader moves to Rigby's window and points at him. He then snaps his fingers, as two more bikers head to the car and tape Mordecai and Margaret's beaks shut. They attempt to scream but the sound is muffled. Rigby and Eileen scream)
Leader: Withhold information, we throw you off the cliff. Second biker law.
(More bikers ride up to Margaret's car and spike their wheels into it, so they can take the group up a cliff)
Margaret: (muffled) My exterior!
(The bikers escort the group up a cliff, with Rigby and Eileen now taped up inside the car too)
Leader: You gonna tell us now?
Rigby: No!
(The pressure rises as they head closer to the top of the cliff)
Leader: How about now?
Rigby: No!
Eileen: Maybe you should tell them, Rigby. I'd really like to live to see the surprise.
Rigby: But telling them wouldn't make it a surprise anymore. I've been at this for too long, I'm not giving up now!
(They arrive at the top of the cliff)
Leader: Get 'em out of the car!
(The bikes ride away from the car, as four other bikers grab the group from inside the car. The group screams, shortly before they are brought to the edge of the cliff. They look down to see a long height beneath them)
Leader: Now come on, boy. This is your last chance. I'd really like to know what that surprise is.
Rigby: You and everyone else! I'd rather die than give up the one thing that might surprise Eileen. I'll never break.
Leader: So be it...you're gonna get it.
Eileen: Rigby!
(Eileen's head is covered by a bag, as the screen goes black. There are no visuals but audio can still be heard)
Leader: Alright, ladies first!
Eileen: (screams) I don't wanna die!
(The sound of tape being ripped can be heard)
Rigby: Alright! You win! I'll tell you!
(The sound of bikes riding away can be heard, as everything becomes silent)
Eileen: Guys? Guys!?
(Suddenly, the bag is pulled off Eileen's head by none other than Rigby)
Rigby: Surprise! I brought you to see a giant strawberry!
(Behind Rigby is Mordecai, Margaret and four of the bikers, all signalling their hands towards the Seeds of Agony experience, as it is carried by a blimp)
Eileen: What!? I can't believe it! "Seeds of Agony" by Jonno!? (screams) I'm really here! But, but there was the sea turtle club...the balloon at the park...the observatory...but then we ended up here. What does it all mean?
Rigby: (breathes in) Nothing!
(Margaret giggles)
Eileen: You guys, too!? I knew it!
(Eileen touches Rigby's hands)
Eileen: You slippery devil. Brilliant.
Rigby: I knew I couldn't outsmart you, so I had to out-crazy you, with the craziest fake plan of all time! Are you surprised?
Eileen: Yes, I'm surprised! And I'm sorry I couldn't just go with the flow, my critical mind is a blessing and a curse. Thanks for sticking with me. I really love this surprise, Rigby.
Rigby: Aww...
(Rigby and Eileen hug)
Eileen: Also, who are these guys?
(Eileen points to the Wasp Riders. The leader approaches them, speaking with a stereotypical British accent)
Leader: Oh, we're the troupe from the mystery you attended. We wanted to help Rigby after you guessed the culprit within seconds of arrival. So we just threw on our old...
(The Wasp Riders Leader speaks with the voice he was using earlier)
Leader: Motorcycle gang voices -
(He returns to his natural voice)
Leader: - And lent a hand.
Biker 3: Yes, it was a delight to reprise our roles!
Eileen: Oh, I thought you looked familiar, but I was too paralyzed with fear to guess!
(Later, the group sit at the edge of the cliff, watching the Seeds of Agony strawberry fly into the sunset underneath its accompanying blimp. Mordecai takes a sip of soda as Eileen stands up)
Eileen: Anybody want anything from the car?
Rigby: Yeah. Surprise me.
Eileen: Heh.
(Eileen walks off to the car)
Mordecai: Dude, I can't believe your plan worked.
Margaret: Yeah, it was sweet! Then it was terrifying. But now, it's sweet again! Thought I wish you would've told us about that motorcycle gang.
Rigby: Part of the surprise, what are you gonna do?
Margaret: Regardless, I'm still really impressed you did all that.
Rigby: Well, it's Eileen.
(The Wasp Riders appear behind the group, singing)
Leader: It's Eileen!
Biker 2: It's Eileen!
Biker 1: It's Eileen!
Biker 3: It's Eileen!
(They stop singing)
Leader: We also do musicals!
End of "Crazy Fake Plan"