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This page is the transcript for "Christmas in Space".


Act I

(The episode starts with Mordecai, Rigby, Benson, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man, Hi Five Ghost and Eileen in the living room, dressed in Christmas sweaters)

Hi Five Ghost: First ever Christmas in space, guys!

(Hi Five Ghost drinks a cup of hot chocolate)

Hi Five Ghost: First Christmas hot chocolate in space!

(Muscle Man eats some peppermint bark)

Muscle Man: First time eating Benson's peppermint bark in space!

Benson: My first time making peppermint bark in space! To be honest, the process is pretty similar to the Earth version, but somehow it just tastes better up here!

(Benson eats some peppermint bark)

Benson: Yep, there's only one way this Christmas could be any more special.

Eileen: If we finally receive a message from our loved ones telling us they're alright, and we'll see them again before we die?

Rigby: Eileen! He's talking about telling cool Christmas stories!

Mordecai & Rigby: Ho-ho-ho-ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

Benson: Well, that's really more of a Halloween thing. What I'm talking about are cool Christmas stories in the form of a song - carols!

(Benson reveals a handbell)

Benson: And handbells, huh? I'll sing the chorus then you guys pick it up! Ding-dong, ding-dong -

(Skips stops Benson's handbell)

Skips: Let's save the bell-jingling for when you're by yourself. Until then, I've got a story about an icy snow planet called Celsius.

Skips' Story: Planet Celsius

(The story starts with the Park crew in a space cart, ready to visit the planet Celsius)

Skips: Now remember, we can only stay while there's sunlight, and Celsius only has sunlight for five minutes! Because if you're here after it gets dark...

Muscle Man: Yeah yeah, the Celsian Snow Monsters will get us. You told us that like ten times already!

Skips: I'm just making sure you understand the premise of this place!

Rigby: But we haven't seen snow in forever!

Mordecai: Yeah, snow's what makes Christmas "Christmas".

Rigby: That and presents!

Everyone: White Christmas! White Christmas! White Christmas!

Skips: Alright, alright!

(Skips flies the cart onto Celsius, which is dark and windy)

Benson: Five minutes, everyone! Starting...now!

(Benson presses on his stopwatch, as the wind goes away and sunlight appears over Celsius, making it a winter wonderland. Everybody murmurs excitedly)

Rigby: Five minute snow day!

(Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are seen having a snowball fight. HFG laughs as he throws a snowball into Muscle Man's face. Rigby and Eileen laugh as they make snow angels. Pops laughs as he is seen in a snow fort)

Pops: Hahaha! Look!

(Pops points to some Celsian Snow Monsters, who appear very cute and happy)

Celsian Snow Monsters: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

(Everyone mutters excitedly over the snow monsters)

Benson: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Alright, cute don't stop the Sun from setting! Come on. Let's get a white Christmas move-on!

(Montage of everyone having fun on Celsius. Pops kisses a Celsian Snow Monster under some mistletoe, then claps. excitedly. Muscle Man eats some of a snow monster's Christmas cookies. Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen go snow tubing down a hill. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost drink hot chocolate with a snow monster. Everybody opens gifts. Mordecai gets a Sno-Cone Maker, Rigby gets a two-wheel scooter, Eileen gets a customized Rubix Cube with pictures of Rigby on it, which she finishes within seconds. Skips is seen pretending to be a snowman which the snow monsters cuddle onto. When they have a minute and a half left, Benson accepts a Christmassy necklace off a snow monster)

Benson: Okay, that was fun. To the dome, everybody!

(Muscle Man is seen at the top of a hill in his underwear)

Muscle Man: But wait! I haven't done the Sorrenstein Hanukkah tradition of skiing down a big slope in my underwear!

Benson: Well make it quick! We only have like ten seconds left before the Sun sets!

Muscle Man: Relax, bro! Here I go!

(Muscle Man goes down the slope, but he loses his grip and starts screaming as he falls to the ground, his leg is twisted.

Benson: Oh, come on! You're fine, get up! We don't have time for this!

(Muscle Man cries on the ground)

Rigby: I don't know - it looks a little twisted?

Benson: You can walk.

(Benson's stopwatch beeps, and Benson gasps)

Benson: Oh no.

(The Sun sets and Celsius becomes dark again. The cute snow monsters turn into giant Celsian Ice Monsters)

Snow Monster: Merry Chri-STMAS! RAWGH!

(Everyone screams)

Benson: Back to the ship, back to the ship!

(Skips carries Muscle Man, and everybody runs back to the Cart)

Snow Monster: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hi Five Ghost: Almost there! Just keep running!

(HFG and Pops scream as two Snow Monsters block their path)

Snow Monsters: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(The guys quickly notice that they're surrounded by snow monsters, all yelling "MERRY CHRISTMAS")

Hi Five Ghost: Okay, I'm not really sure what to do now!

Benson: There's only one thing we can do! Use your presents as weapons!

(Everybody throws their presents at the Celsian Snow Monsters)

Benson: It's holding them off! Keep throwing stuff!

(Eileen throws her Rubix cube at some snow monsters)

Rigby: Eileen! I spent a long time customizing that for you!

(Mordecai throws his Sno-Cone Maker)

Rigby: Mordecai! I had to special order that from the Sno-Cone Machine Planet!

Mordecai: I know! And I really appreciate it, but - Christmas isn't about gifts!

Rigby: What?! Yes it is!

Mordecai: Dude, what are you gonna take with you when this is all over?

Rigby: The stuff?

Mordecai: No! The memories!

(Everybody continues throwing presents at the Snow Monsters, who dodge them all)

Snow Monster: MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Mordecai: What Christmas is really about it spending -

Rigby: Spending money?

Mordecai: No!

(Mordecai gets knocked to the ground, and Eileen screams)

Rigby: Mordecai! What's it about?

Mordecai: It's about spending time with friends!

(A light is suddenly projected next to the gang, as a stiff reindeer named Ludlow emerges towards the planet)

Pops: Ludlow the Laser-Nosed Reindeer?

Ludlow: That's right, Santa sent me! He said he's sorry he couldn't be here, but he's super proud of you guys for realizing the true spirit of Christmas!

Benson: Whoa, it's really him!

Rigby: He looks just like himself!

Ludlow: Merry Christmas, guys! I'll take it from here.

(Ludlow fires lasers from his nose at the Snow Monsters, melting them all, while the Park gang talk amongst each other excitedly)

Everyone: Thanks Ludlow!

Ludlow: No problem, see you guys on the next Christmas special!

(Ludlow flies away)

Everyone: Whoa!

Mordecai: So realistic!

Rigby: He barely has to move!

Eileen: Stiff as a board!

(Cut to everybody in the cart, flying away from Celsius)

Skips: Well, what did you guys think?

Rigby: Considering we got our white Christmas, made it out alive, and I didn't have to sacrifice my awesome new two-wheel scooter, I'd say -

Everyone: Best Christmas ever!

(Rigby's scooter explodes, ending the story)

Interlude 1

Benson: Was that supposed to be heartwarming? Because it was really more scary than anything.

Skips: I thought it was good.

Benson: Oh, come on! Snow Monsters, laser-nosed Rudolph rip-off! If we're gonna tell Christmas stories, which I maintain is an inappropriate means of celebration, they should at least be wintery stories like this one!

Benson's First Story: 12 Days of Christmas Rock

(Story begins in a galaxy of Christmas asteroids, the Park Dome flies passed)

Benson (narrator): We were flying through a Christmas-themed asteroid field.

Benson (story): Open your next gift, Skips!

Mordecai: This one's from me and Rigby. We pulled all our gifts this year.

Rigby: That way, if one of us forgets, you can just write your name on the card, and nobody knows! I learned it from my dad.

(They pass the present to Skips)

Skips: Uh, thanks.

(He opens it, and...)

Skips: It's a bazooka.

Mordecai & Rigby: Merry Christmas!

Skips: What am I supposed to do with it?

Mordecai: It's a T-Shirt cannon!

Rigby: Yeah! They use them at Monster Truck Rallies to keep unruly fans at bay!

(Rigby grabs the T Shirt Cannon)

Rigby: From now on, whenever some jerk gets out of control, you can be all "Hey punk, safety not guaranteed!

(Rigby fires the cannon and it hits Pops in the face)

Pops: Oh.

(Pops reads the T Shirt, which says "Flap your wings, change the world". He sheds a tear)

Pops: What a wonderful message.

Skips: Agh, that's all the gifts. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Mordecai: It's cool we found this asteroid field where they celebrate Christmas all the time. I wish we could have got some snow, though.

Benson: Forget snow! I wish we could get some carolers!

(Everybody effortlessly agrees. Cut to outside where a Space Caroler is seen floating, trying to find somewhere to sing carols to, but there are signs at all the steroid homes saying "No Carolers!" and "Seriously No Carolers! No!", but he then sees the Park Dome, where no signs are present, he smiles and floats towards it. Cut to back inside the House)

Hi Five Ghost: Look, all I'm saying is the odds of a caroler knocking on the door right now are slim to none!

(A knock is heard at the door)

Benson: Uh, was anyone expecting company?

(Mordecai walks to the door and opens it, to see the Space Caroler)

Mordecai: Uh, hey dude. Nice jacket.

(The caroler strums his electric guitar and floats into the living room)

Caroler: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWH!

Mordecai: Uh, I think it's a caroler.

Caroler: On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree!

(A partridge in a pear tree appears)

Rigby: Are those pears? I haven't had fruit that wasn't freeze dried since we left Earth!

(Rigby walks towards the pear tree)

Eileen: Hmm...

Rigby: You're cool with me, mysterious space dirt bag!

(Rigby goes to take a pear, but gets attacked by the partridge)

Rigby: Agh! Get it off! Get it off!

Eileen: Rigby!

Benson: Hahaha! I like this guy.

(Rigby opens the window and throws the partridge out of it)

Rigby: Dude, what -

Caroler: WAAAAAWH! On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree!

(Two doves appear on the caroler's shoulder, and the partridge reappears on the pear tree, attacking Rigby again. Benson laughs, but he's then attacked by the two turtle doves)

Benson: Agh! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!

Mordecai: Okay, dude. Thanks for the show but you gotta -

(Mordecai goes to grab the caroler, but then gets kicked away)

Caroler: WAAAAAAAAWH! On the third day of Christmas -

Everyone: No!!!

Caroler: - my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

(Three French Hens appear, as well as an additional two turtle doves and another partridge, who once again attacks Rigby. The hens start attacking Pops, who cries and falls over. The turtle doves attack Skips and Benson, the latter is trying to shoo them away with a broom)

Benson: What do we do, what do we do!?

Skips: I -

(Benson accidentally hits Skips in the head with his broom)

Skips: - don't know!

Pops: Excuse me!

(All of the birds start attacking Pops, as he screams. Benson jumps towards the caroler, who dodges, causing Benson to slam against the floor)

Caroler: On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

(As the caroler keeps mentioning the birds, even more of them start appearing around the living room, attacking everybody)

Rigby: Why does this song have so many birds!?

Mordecai: Agh!

(Mordecai looks towards the caroler and runs towards him)

Caroler: OOHHHHHH!!! On the fifth day of Christmas -

(Mordecai grabs the caroler)

Mordecai: Shut up!

Caroler: - my true love gave to me: Five golden rings!

(The Caroler punches Mordecai in the face, with five gold rings)

Caroler: WAAAAAAAAA -

(Time card - 7 verses later. We see Pops running from six geese throwing eggs, Mordecai and Rigby are hiding from pipers)

Mordecai: Look out!

(Benson is seen drumming on a drum kit, against twelve drummers, whose drumming throws Benson against a wall. Eileen enters the bathroom with a toilet plunger, where she finds some swans behind the shower curtain, and screams. Muscle Man is seen running through the corridor, dodging all of the different characters, but is then kicked by a cow being milked by a maid)

Mordecai: This is crazy! How do we get rid of this guy?

Rigby: I don't know! What makes a caroler leave you alone?

Mordecai: Uhhh - oh, dude! Cookies! My mom always gave them cookies and they'd go away! Everyone! We. Need. Cookies!

(Pops gets a bag of cookies out of his drawer, Eileen empties her stocking which is full of cookies, Skips gets his secret cookie stash from out of the toilet, and goes to where everybody is seen putting their cookies in a sack)

Mordecai: It's for the greater good.

Skips: The greater good.

(Skips puts his cookies in the sack, and Mordecai puts it on his back)

Mordecai: Santa's not the only one eating cookies tonight. But we're all out of milk, so these babies are going down dry.

(The caroler is dancing on the floor)

Caroler: Partridges! Partridges! Par-

(He notices Mordecai running towards him, so he quickly gets up and grows while laughing. He suddenly grows four more pairs of arms, all of which are holding hand bells)

Caroler: Hand bell breakdown!

(The caroler plays the hand bells, then attacks everyone with them. Everyone is blasted towards the wall, when Skips suddenly notices his T-Shirt cannon from earlier)

Skips: Hmm.

(Skips runs towards him and jumps to grab his guitar off him, which he smashes against the ground)

Skips: Cookies, now!

(Mordecai screams, and throws the cookie sack to Skips, who quickly pours some cookies into the T-Shirt cannon)

Skips: Come get some -

Caroler: AGHHHHH!

(The caroler runs towards Skips)

Skips: - cookies!

(Skips fires the cookies into the Caroler's mouth. He gets blasted to the ceiling, and falls to the ground. He then crawls over to Skips)

Caroler: It's - all I've ever wanted! Thank you. WAAAAAAAA -

(The caroler explodes along with all the birds and characters from the song, turning into snow)

Skips: You said you wanted snow.

(The screen fills up with snow as the story ends)

Interlude 2

(Benson is seen ringing a hand bell)

Benson: Now that's a Christmas story! Am I right?

Mordecai: Dude, you're not gonna make hand bells cool!

Muscle Man: Yeah, stick back the agenda, bro!

Benson: Handbells represent the purity and togetherness of the holidays, you idiots!

(Benson rings the hand bell)

Benson: They sound like angels whispering, and if you can't get that through your skulls - that's on you! Not me. We need more peppermint bark, I'll be right back.

Part 2

(Eileen picks up a Rigby shaped peppermint bark and eats it)

Eileen: Think we should go check on Benson?

(Everybody looks into the kitchen where Benson is grumpily eating peppermint bark, while muttering)

Benson: Hand bells...

Rigby: Ah, let him cool off in there!

Mordecai: Yeah. Besides, we've got another Christmas story. It starts off just like this.

Rigby: Yeah, only Benson's in a good mood!

Benson: Hey, I heard that!

Mordecai and Rigby's Story: The Fifth Dimension

(Benson runs into the living room dressed as Santa Claus with a sack on his back)

Benson: Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas! Santa's got lots of presents for each and every one of you! One for Muscle Man...

Muscle Man: Yeah!

Benson: One for Fives and Eileen...

Hi Five Ghost: Oh boy!

Eileen: Alright!

Benson: One for Skips...

Skips: Hmm!

Benson: One for Pops...

Pops: Ahh!

Benson: - Wait no, this one's for Skips again. You must've been extra good!

(Pops groans disappointedly)

Benson: Pops' present is...well, I know it's here, Santa had his little helpers get it for him...

(Pops waits with his arms wide over as the camera pans to Mordecai and Rigby, who stare at each other. Cut to the hallway, where Benson is yelling at Mordecai and Rigby)

Benson: You were supposed to get Pops' present weeks ago! I even made a packet specifically telling you: What he wants, where to get it, how much it was, who to talk to!

(Rigby is seen skipping through the packet)

Rigby: That's too many instructions! You confused us.

Mordecai: What were we getting again?

Benson: An old-fashioned typewriter! Just go get it now, or Pops will be crushed! Look at him.

(Close-up of Pops' face, he's trying not to cry)

Pops: P-p-present?

Rigby: But it's Christmas! All the malls are closed.

Benson: There's one mall open - theoretically.

(Cut to Mordecai and Rigby flying the cart through space)

Mordecai: Benson said it was around here somewhere.

Rigby: Ugh! How are we supposed to find this place if it's theoretical.

Mordecai: Wait, look!

(Mordecai and Rigby notice a giant spinning door that stops for them to go through)

Rigby: Do we go in?

(The door opens, as the duo fly in, and scream through a dimensional portal. Suddenly, the cart disappears and Mordecai and Rigby find themselves on the floor)

Mordecai: Huh? Where are we? Where's the cart?

Valet: Took care of it for you! Valet services, you see.

Mordecai: Hmph, that's convenient.

Rigby: Is this the mall?

Valet: You could say it's a mall. Theoretically. What brings you two here? Last minute holiday shopping, I take it?

Mordecai: Bascially we're here to buy an old-fashioned typewriter.

Valet: Ah, those are on the fifth floor - or should I say the fifth...dimension.

Mordecai: What?

Valet: Now, now. We've got many floors and dimensions to get through.

(The valet walks into the elevator with Mordecai and Rigby, and sends them up the fifth floor. They arrive at the first floor)

Valet: First floor, first dimension!

(The door opens and Mordecai and Rigby scream as they turn into straight lines. The door shuts as they return to normal)

Mordecai & Rigby: What was that?

Valet: Ah, it's all a part of the ride. Dimensions and so on.

(They arrive at the second floor)

Mordecai: Phew, this seems normal.

(Mordecai turns and is flat and 2D)

Rigby: Ah! 2D!

(They arrive at the third floor, where they are 3D CGI models of themselves floating to the air)

Rigby: Cool!

(They arrive at the fourth floor, where everyone is a hyper-realistic versions of themselves)

Mordecai & Rigby: Hmph, hmph, hmph, hmph, hmph!

(They hi-five, as the doors close and they go to the fifth floor)

Mordecai: Finally, the mall! Whoa dude, they have fro-yos here! We should totally get fro-yo after this!

To be Added...

Interlude 3

To be Added...

Benson's Second Story: Krampus

To be Added...

Interlude 4

To be Added...

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