| This article is under the scope of the Transcript Cleanup Project and has yet to be cleaned up to a higher standard of quality. It may contain errors, spelling, grammar and structure issues, or inconsistent formats, or be incomplete. Reader's discretion is advised until fixing is done.|
You can help clean up this page by correcting spelling and grammar, removing factual errors and rewriting sections to ensure they are clear and concise, moving some elements when appropriate, and helping complete the transcript.
(The episode starts off at the Park as the camera pans overview to Mordecai and Rigby walking to the park's cave, chanting excitedly.)
Mordecai: It's time for cave-party times, baby!
Rigby: Aw yea-yuh! Let's get this camp fire going!
(The scene transitions to Mordecai and Rigby roasting marshmallows on the fire)
Mordecai: Dude, it's gonna burn. Dude seriously, it's gonna burn. You're gonna burn it.
Rigby: STOP IT!!!
Mordecai: You're burning it right now.
(The marshmallow catches on fire.)
Rigby: Aw, man!
Mordecai: Dude, I told you.
(Due to the fire, a block of ice nearby starts to melt. In the next scene, it shows Mordecai and Rigby partying, playing music, and drinking soda, while the block of ice continues to melt.)
Mordecai (continued): Dude, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Rigby: Easy, I'm gonna be a stuntman.
Mordecai: (laughs) Dude, that's so lame. You'll probably still be working at the park.
Rigby: STOP TALKING!!!!!!
(In the next scene, the block of ice starts to melt and we can see a man's head on top of the block of ice while Mordecai and Rigby are playing video games.)
Rigby: Hey, Mordecai, ever think we should bring in another friend?
Mordecai: You mean, like a third person? I guess we keep our inner circle pretty small. But it's not like we're ever gonna find anybody cool enough for the park, so...
(Mordecai and Rigby are in there sleeping bags.)
Mordecai: (Yawns) Good cave party dude.
(They both fall asleep the camera moves to the block of ice, which finally melts completely. A man opens his eyes walks towards Mordecai and drip of waters fell on Mordecai's face that wakes him up and look up.)
Mordecai: (screams) Rigby...wake up. Rigby! Rigby! Rigby, wake up!
(Rigby wakes up and sees the man and screams)
Mordecai: (whispers) Dude, just keep quiet!
(The man then comes out of the dark and grunts. Mordecai and Rigby scream and come out of their sleeping bags.)
Mordecai: STAY BACK!
(The man hits the radio and it turns on. He begins to dance.)
Mordecai and Rigby: Whoa! Dancing caveman!
Mordecai: This guy is awesome!
(The caveman looks at Mordecai and Rigby.)
Mordecai: Dude, you're awesome!
(The caveman gives a thumbs up to Mordecai and Rigby.)
Mordecai: Looks it time to go from "Mordecai and Rigby" to "Mordecai, Rigby and Dancing Caveman".
Mordecai and Rigby: Third friend!
(Scene trasitions to the Snack Bar, where the caveman is chugging cheese.)
Mordecai and Rigby (continued): Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Whooooo!
(The caveman yells in the same accurate manner. He tries to activate the machine but nothing happens.)
Mordecai: Anyone who can chug that much cheese is cool in my book.
(The caveman grabs the machine and throws it out of the bar near two kids. They run off screaming. Benson arrives witnessing the scene.and grunts.)
Benson: Who is that?
Mordecai: He's our new friend. Dancing Caveman.
Benson: "Caveman"? No. No. No way. I'm not having a caveman at the park. We aren't insured for it.
Mordecai: What? That's not fair!
Rigby: Yeah, we can't just get rid of him!
Benson: A caveman cannot fit into this modern world.
(The caveman squeezes a ketchup bottle and a mustard bottle into his mouth. He throws the bottles at Benson, who blocks them with the clipboard.)
Benson (continued): See?
Mordecai: But he's one of us now.
Benson: Really? What's his name?
Mordecai and Rigby: Uhhh....
Benson: Get rid of him!
Rigby: But he'll die out there all alone. Come on, Benson!
Mordecai and Rigby: Pleeeeease?
Benson: Fine. You have a week to get him civilized.
Mordecai and Rigby: Nice!
Mordecai: Thanks, Benson.
Benson: But if he isn't up to park standards in a week, I'm calling the pound!
(He walks offf.)
Mordecai: We're gonna need some help.
(Scene cuts to Pops' house, where Mordecai, Rigby, Muscle Man, Fives, Skips and Pops get the caveman to be civilized. They bring a chalkboard to the kitchen. He is taught Lauguage, Technology, Health & Hygiene, Laws, Music, and a bunch of other aspects of lifestyle. Later, while everyone is talking, the caveman comes down the stairs, revealed to be in clothing.)
Skips: That is the most civilized caveman I have ever seen.
(The caveman laughs.)
Caveman: Please, call me Gregg.
(The guys are impressed as they walk to him.)
Pops: Good luck with the Benson test, my good man.
(Everyone but Mordecai and Rigby leave.)
Mordecai: Dude, this is perfect! Benson will totally let you stay.
Rigby: Pfft, yeah! He'll probably offer you a job.
Mordecai: Alright, let's go.
(They start to walk off.)
Gregg: Wait. Me know you work hard to help, but me not civilized.
Gregg: You forgot something.
(He goes to the chalkboard and writes "love".)
Gregg: Me submit that I can't be truly civilized until me find other half.
Mordecai: I don't know. Is there enough time to find it before our meeting with Benson?
(Scene cuts to the park cave. Gregg leads Mordecai and Rigby through it, holding a flaming torch.)
Gregg (continued): Her name Diane.
(He bangs on the side.)
Gregg (continued): She frozen with my people.
(The three stop.)
Mordecai: How many of you were there?
(Gregg smashes a breakable wall, and they continue.)
Gregg: We were many.
(Gregg is standing before many blocks of ice with people concealed in them.)
Mordecai and Rigby: Whoaaaa.
(The three walk across them.)
Mordecai: How do we find her?
Gregg: It will be easy. She only cavewoman here. Her beauty sine like star.
(He stops at the sight of the mentioned cavewoman.)
Gregg (continued): There she is. My Diane.
Rigby: Are you sure you wanna do this? Her forehead looks pretty big.
(Mordecai punches him.)
Rigby (continued): Ow!
(Gregg holds the torch up, causing Diane's block of ice to start melting. Cut back to Pops' house.)
Gregg: Diane. How I have missed you.
(Scene cuts to a room in the house where Diane is sitting on a chair with a towel wrapped around her as she and Gregg are having a conversation.)
Gregg: My love thousands of years, and today begins anew. Mordecai and Rigby give us an hour to catch up. What do you want to do?
Diane: (makes grunting noises)
Gregg: Oh! We can't do that. It's more civilized time, now.
Diane: (makes grunting noises as she is to say "You look strange!")
Gregg: Well me may look strange, but it's a way of time. Me have to change. You will have to change, too.
Diane: (makes grunting noises angrily)
Gregg: It not so bad look at these, pants. (Shows his pants to her) Pretty wild, huh? And that's television.
(A TV shows a car and a police car crashing into each other. Diane sees this and destroys the TV with a chair)
Gregg: Oh, my! (He goes to her with a tray with two cups of tea) Here, have some tea, calm you down.
Diane: (makes grunting noises as she is to say "I don't know you anymore!")
Gregg: What you mean you don't know me anymore?
(Diane slams the tray with the cups of tea into Gregg's face and she goes bursting trough the walls)
(We see Diane running as she is running through a road where a car is stopping and she punches the car, then another car stops as she continues to run to the park cave, holding a flaming torch, and she holds the torch up, causing the other cavemen's block of ice to start melting. Cut back to the room where Gregg is looking at his reflection in the mirror. Gregg touches his forehead, making realize who and what he is. He slams the objects into the floor until he calms down and breathes)
Gregg: What am I?
(Mordecai and Rigby enter the room)
Mordecai: Gregg? Where's Diane?
Gregg: We... we going through some stuff right now.
Mordecai: Benson's waiting.
Gregg: Me not ready.
Mordecai: But you'll go to the pound if you don't.
Rigby: There only two things that happen there, and you don't want them.
Mordecai: You'll do fine.
Gregg: (inhales and exhales) Okay.
(A crashing noise and Pops screaming are heard outside. They go down to see what's going on, and the other cavemen Diane defrosted start attacking the park. Three cavemen attacked Skips' car while Skips retreats, then the other cavemen chase the people away. One caveman punches a fish in the fountain and grabs it, and two cavemen destroyed the fountain with a bench. Diane is riding on a white horse as the horse neighs and snorts. Diane snorts and looks up.)
Diane: (makes grunting noises, giving the other cavemen the signal to attack)
Gregg: Diane, call them off!
Diane: (grunts as she is to say "No!")
Gregg: What do you mean "no"? Tell me why you do this.
Diane: (makes grunting noises as she is to say "Because of the pants you're wearing right now!") (The horse neighs as she leaves with it)
Gregg: Uh... We going through some stuff right now.
(Two cavemen destroy a wire post, then three cavemen attack the snack bar. Muscle Man closes the snack bar window as he and Fives are inside. A caveman snorts and struggles to open the door.)
Muscle Man: Oh no, bro!
(He goes into a cabinet to hide, then Hi Five Ghost phases through the cabinet to hide. The three cavemen go inside the snack bar and start to trash it. Skips punches the cavemen, then he dodges the caveman's hit with his club, then another caveman tackles Skips. An animal control truck came with two dog catchers coming out of the truck and sees the chaos the cavemen are doing. One caveman appeared at the dog catcher's face and he grabs the dog catcher's arms and rips them.)
Dog Catcher: I need a new job.
(One cavemen is chasing the two kids as Mordecai, Rigby and Gregg run through the ruined fountain)
Gregg: Caveman too strong and too many. You lose your jobs. Park destroyed. All my fault.
Mordecai: Come on, Gregg! We can do this. We just need use out brains to think up something.
Gregg: Wait! In my time, my people value meat above all. Do you have meat?
(Cut to the three guys in the cart with a big chunk of meat tied on the top of the cart as the cavemen start to chase after it.)
Rigby: It's working!
(As they stop near the basement, Gregg grabs the big chunk of meat and the three lead the cavemen into the meat locker where Gregg drops the big chunk of meat and the cavemen enter the meat locker to eat their meal. Gregg looks at Diane who is eating the meat.)
Mordecai: Greg! Come on! let's go!
Rigby: Come on! Get out of there!
(Gregg thinks for a second)
Rigby: Come on, Greg! What are you doing? You're running out of time!
Mordecai: Get out of there! Come on! Get out of there!
Gregg: Me sorry. (closes the meat locker door) Diane.
Diane: (makes grunting noises. "What are you doing?")
(Gregg removes his clothes)
Gregg: What must be done. I'm sorry, Diane.
Diane: (makes grunting noises. "Gregg... I thought I lost you.")
Gregg: You almost did. But you were right. It wrong to give up self.
Mordecai and Rigby: (as they are pounding the meat locker door) GREGG!
Mordecai: Dude, unlock the door! Get out of there!
Gregg: Thanks for helping me. But me not belong in modern world.
Rigby: You could've been happy here!
Gregg: No. No need TV, no need pants. (Diane comes up to him) Need Diane.
(As the other cavemen begin to freeze, Gregg and Diane begin to freeze, and Gregg sets the temperature to a higher level)
Mordecai and Rigby: NO!!!
(As Gregg and Diane are about to kiss, he looks at Mordecai and Rigby and gives them a thumbs up until they are completely frozen. Mordecai and Rigby begin to sniffle, tears in their eyes.)
Mordecai: Gregg. Thanks for being our friend.
(As Mordecai and Rigby leave the basement, Benson approaches them.)
Mordecai and Rigby: Benson!
Benson: I saw everything. I had Greg all wrong. He gave up all for true love. In a way, he was more civilized than all of us. Mordecai, Rigby, clean up this mess. Do it... do it or you're fired. (Leaves the scene, about to cry.)
Rigby: Greg was pretty cool. Do you think we should find another new friend?
Mordecai: Hmm. Nah. Two's good enough.