| OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! |
(Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are all gathered in the house's computer room)
Rigby: You guys haven't seen "Blargh.avi" yet? We're watching it!
(Rigby plays a video online titled "Blargh.avi". It features a young girl holding a dog on a lead)
Girl: Go!
(The dog lunges forward, making the girl immediately fall to the ground)
Girl: Blargh!
(The group laugh at the video, but are quickly interrupted as Benson kicks open the door to the computer room)
Benson: Nailed ya!
(The group screams in shock)
Rigby: We were using the computer for business purposes!
(Benson marches towards the group)
Benson: You don't think I know about Funny Video Fridays, but I know! Oh-ho, you're gonna get such a write up!
(Mordecai whispers to Rigby)
Mordecai: Quick! Put something on Benson'll like.
(Rigby quickly puts on a video as Benson approaches. The video is of a cat meowing. Benson stops in his tracks)
Benson: Wha'?
Mordecai: (laughs nervously) It's a cat video, Benson.
Benson: Cat...video?
Rigby: Here's another one.
(Rigby puts on a video of a cat playing with a bell toy)
Benson: Whoa...when did they start making these?
Rigby: A long time ago, Benson.
Mordecai: There's millions of them.
(Mordecai and Rigby stand up and push Rigby's seat aside to allow Benson to sit on it)
Benson: People just put up videos of their cats...on the internet?
Rigby: That's right, man. So just sit down for an hour or two and catch up.
(Benson sits down on Rigby's chair and pulls it into the computer desk)
Benson: I...love cats.
(The rest of the group start slowly backing away out of the computer room)
Benson: So all I do is click on these cats?
Mordecai: Yep. Focus on the cats, and not on the write-ups.
(Mordecai puts his hand over Benson's and makes him click on another cat video)
Benson: Write...wha'?
Mordecai: Exactly.
(Mordecai runs out of the room as Benson watches another video of a cat playing)
Benson: (laughs)
(The next morning, the Park team minus Benson and Rigby are all waiting on the house's steps for the morning meeting to begin. Rigby quickly runs out of the front door)
Rigby: Sorry, sorry! I know I'm late to the morning meeting.
(Rigby sits next to Mordecai)
Skips: Don't sweat it. Benson isn't even here yet.
Rigby: That's weird.
Mordecai: Yeah, he's never late.
(Behind them, Benson walks out of the house looking exhausted)
Benson: (yawns)
(Benson stretches as the Park team look at him concerned)
Mordecai: Did you stay up all night watching cat videos?
Benson: Sure did. (laughs) Did you know there are internet cat celebrities? There's Fat Cat, Rata-tat Cat, and Mari: the Japanese cat that likes boxes. But my personal fave is Curmudgeon Cat.
(Benson pulls out his phone and points to a video titled "Curmudgeon Cat Sez Hi", which features the title cat waving while meowing. The video then begins to buffer)
Benson: Ugh, piece of junk!
(Benson snaps his fingers)
Benson: (gasps) I've gotta get a new phone.
(Benson walks down the stairs and towards his car, ignoring his employees)
Mordecai: Uhh...?
Muscle Man: Uh, Benson. We need our assignments.
(Benson stops and turns around)
Benson: Oh, right. Pops, you're in charge for the day!
(Benson runs into his car and drives off, as Pops runs to the front of the steps to present the morning meeting)
Pops: I'm assigning you all old-timey dances!
(Pops begins to do the Charleston dance)
Skips: This is bad, and Mordecai and Rigby are responsible!
Rigby: What are you talking about!?
Muscle Man: You got Benson into cat videos, you get him out. Those are the rules.
Rigby: Hey, I got an idea. Let's just wait until Benson snaps out of it.
(Pops' legs are now crossing each other)
Pops: My legs feel like wet noodles!
(Everybody stares at Pops)
Mordecai: We better go check up on him.
(Back at Benson's apartment, Benson is watching cat videos on a smartphone)
Man in video: Come on, Curmudgeon Cat. Eat your food.
(Benson laughs at the video as he pours cereal into a bowl, still laying down. In the video, Curmudgeon Cat is clawing at the man's pizza)
Man in video: Hey, that's my food!
(Curmudgeon Cat meows angrily. Suddenly, Benson's cat, McFluffin, blocks the screen)
Benson: McFluffin! I'm trying to watch a video about cats.
(McFluffin jumps off Benson's sofa, knocking his cereal to the ground)
Benson: Hey, I wasn't done with that.
(Benson lazily stretches his arm to the bowl, but gives up, and instead chooses to pour both the milk and cereal directly into his mouth. Benson then picks his phone back up)
Benson: Now, where were we?
(Benson watches a video of a cat doing sit-ups while getting sported by another cat)
Benson: Aw, he thinks he's people.
(Suddenly, the video is interrupted by the Masterson Studios logo, with a message from the director, Cat Masterson)
Masterson: Have you ever dreamed of meeting Curmudgeon Cat? Hi, I'm Cat Masterson, auter director and visionary behind such classic cat videos as "I Hate Weekdays", "Curmudgeon Capers" and "Kitty Kitty Bang Bang". Well, if you "feline" meeting Curmudgeon Cat in person, then come on down to Masterson Studios to attend a live taping of his next video!
(Benson spits out his milk and cereal onto his phone screen. Later, at Masterson Studios, Benson is waiting anxiously for the live taping to begin)
Masterson: You here for the live taping?
Benson: Yes I am, Mr. Masterson! I'm a big fan. Big, big, big, big, big, really big fan.
Masterson: (laughs) I like your manic, sweaty energy. Right this way.
(Cat Masterson leads Benson into grey dressing room)
Masterson: Now first, we gotta get you suited up in, uh...
(Masterson's assistant, Dale, walks towards Benson with a mo-cap suit)
Masterson: In your viewing suit.
Benson: What's this?
Masterson: Standard industry practice.
Benson: Okay?
(Benson puts the mo-cap cuit on)
Masterson: Ooh, that's good. Nice snug fit. Now, let's get this show on the road.
(Cat Masterson walks towards a keypad and unlocks a vaulted door)
Benson: You know, I gotta ask. In "Ball of Yarn", at two minutes, thirty-eight seconds, Curmu -
(Benson looks into the vault and stops as he sees nothing but darkness)
Benson: Wait. Why's it all dark in there?
(Cat Masterson pushes Benson into the room)
Masterson: Standard industry practice!
(Cat Masterson closes the vault on Benson, whom a spotlight appears over, revealing the room to be a green screen studio. Benson stands up)
Benson: Wha'...where's Curmudgeon Cat?
(A toy mouse falls down next to Benson, dangling from a string)
Benson: Huh?
(Cat Masterson speaks to Benson from the studio's intercom)
Masterson: Go ahead, Lil Benny, play with your toy.
Benson: I...I don't think I'm comfortable with this.
(In the studio's control booth, Cat Masterson is watching Benson)
Masterson: Ugh, do we have a diva on our hands here?
Dale: I think we have a diva.
(Benson grunts uncomfortably, as Masterson continues to speak to him through the intercom)
Masterson: Bat the mouse...
Benson: Uhh...
Masterson: Bat the mouse!
(Benson uncomfortably bats the toy mouse, and begins to tear up. Masterson watches him from the control room, while playing with a ball of yarn)
Masterson: Yes...yes... (laughs)
(Back at Benson's apartment, the front door is wide open with the light switched off. Mordecai pops his head around the corner)
Mordecai: Benson?
(Rigby walks through the door with a box of wings from Wing Kingdom)
Rigby: Hey, man. We got wings!
(Mordecai switches the light on, and sees the place cluttered with bowls and boxes of cereal. A picture of Benson with Mordecai and Rigby has two pictures of cats taped over their heads, and a pinboard features multiple pictures of cats who Benson likes)
Mordecai: This isn't good.
(Benson's phone is still on the sofa, with the advertisement for Masterson Studios still playing)
Masterson: ...then come on down to Masterson Studios to attend a live taping of his next video!
Mordecai: Let's go.
(At Masterson Studios, Mordecai and Rigby approach the secretary)
Mordecai: Hey, we're looking for our friend, Benson.
Rigby: Sweaty guy, looks like he hasn't slept in a few days.
Secretary: One moment.
(The secretary turns to two indoor bushes and screams)
Secretary: Security!
(Two security guards jump out of the bushes and fire sleeper darts at Mordecai and Rigby with their blowpipes. Mordecai and Rigby scream as they are shot. They pass out then wake up inside the green screen studio dressed in mo-cap suits, to the sound of Cat Masterson's voice)
Masterson: Wakey, wakey...
Mordecai: Huh?
(A spotlight appears over Mordecai and Rigby)
Mordecai: Where are we?
(More spotlights appear throughout the studio. Rigby notices the mo-cap suit)
Rigby: Dude, are we in a ping pong factory?
(A screen appears on the opposite side of the studio, displaying a live feed of Cat Masterson)
Masterson: Welcome to my studio!
Mordecai: What'd you do with Benson?
Masterson: Benson? I made him a star! You see, for years I tried using real cats in my videos. But they always fell short of my vision. I mean, have you ever tried to direct a cat? It almost made me lose my mind! So instead, I built this highly advanced visual effects studio that allows actors to play the cats.
Rigby: So, Curmudgeon Cat's some guy in a suit?
Masterson: Precisely! Here's the Curmudgeon Cat, A.K.A Randall Tate.
(An image of an old guy in a mo-cap suit is shown in Masterson's live feed)
Mordecai & Rigby: Ew...
Masterson: Unfortunately, he died while filming his latest video: "Trapeze Kitty".
("Trapeze Kitty" starts playing on the feed, showing Curmudgeon Cat balancing on a washing line, before falling down)
Masterson: They say cats always land on their feet, but overweight middle-age men, not so much.
(The illusion of "Trapeze Kitty" is broken as Randall Tate lays dead on the floor)
Masterson: So, now I need to find some new stars, and uh - I like your look.
Mordecai: No way, Masterson! We're not gonna be motion-capture puppets.
Masterson: (laughs) This isn't mo-cap. This is mo-cat! Dale!
(Dale pulls a lever which causes Mordecai and Rigby's mo-cap suits to visualize them into cats)
Mordecai & Rigby: Huh!?
Masterson: Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to the newest internet cat sensations: Stretch, and uh - Runty!
Rigby: Hey!
Masterson: And roll camera!
(The camera starts running as a holographic clapperboard appears in the studio)
Dale: "Stretch and Runty", take one!
(The clapperboard claps and disappears)
Masterson: ...and action.
(Masterson's live feed screen disappears, but Mordecai and Rigby just look up to the window in the studio, where Masterson is standing)
Mordecai: We're not gonna act like cats!
Masterson: Aw, not even a little?
Rigby: Show us where Benson is!
Masterson: Fine.
(The lights switch off in the studio, visualizing the environment as the Void. A door appears with a dressing room for "Lil Benny". Mordecai and Rigby run through the door, but it transforms into a cardboard box filled with packing peanuts. Mordecai and Rigby fall out of the box)
Masterson: (laughs) If you don't wanna act like cats, then why are you being so adorable?
Mordecai: Stop playing games, Masterson!
Masterson: But this is such great footage.
(Mordecai looks to his right, and spots another "Lil Benny" dressroom, and runs towards it with Rigby. Just before they are able to enter through the door, it floats into the air and two long drapes fall down)
Masterson: Oh, look at that! Oh, who let these drapes in here? I guess you're just gonna have to climb them. (laughs)
Mordecai: Seriously?
(Mordecai and Rigby jump onto the drapes and start climbing them. They start to sweat)
Masterson: Hmm, you kitties getting sweaty? Heh-heh...
(Rigby reaches for the dressing room door, but the environment suddenly changes into a bathroom, and the drapes disappear)
Masterson: Looks like it's bathtime!
(Mordecai and Rigby fall into the bath. Mordecai immediately jumps out while Rigby gasps for air, before climbing out of the bath. Mordecai notices the dressing room door ahead of them again)
Mordecai: Quick, the door!
(Mordecai and Rigby run towards the door)
Masterson: Why are you resisting!? Listen, you guys should just play with some yarn for a while.
(A bundle of giant yarn balls pass by Mordecai and Rigby, who stop and look at the yarn, then continue running, making their way through a cat flap in the dressing room door)
Masterson: (sighs) You know what? Fine. Go through that door. You might not like what you find.
(Mordecai and Rigby stare into the dressing room to see it filled with laundry and washing machines)
Rigby: Dude, where are we?
Mordecai: I think it's a laundry room.
(Suddenly, Cat Benson emerges from a pile of dirty laundry. Mordecai and Rigby scream)
Benson: Cuteness...cuteness has a face.
Mordecai: Benson?
(Benson walks down the pile of dirty laundry towards a bowl of cat food)
Benson: But you must make a friend of cuteness. Cuteness and horror are your friends.
(Benson eats the cat food, then starts playing with a ball of yarn)
Rigby: He's gone crazy! Benson!
Benson: My name is Lil Benny, now!
(Mordecai bats the yarn away from Benson)
Mordecai: Stop it!
(Mordecai grabs Benson)
Mordecai: We're here to rescue you!
(Benson doesn't respond, and just stares into the distance)
Mordecai: Dude, he's out of it.
(Cat Masterson laughs as the laundry room setting disappears to reveal the blank green screen studio, where Masterson observes the trio)
Masterson: Stretch and Runty, why don't you join Lil Benny? You'll get full veterinary and dental -
Mordecai: Dude, you're sick!
(Mordecai and Rigby both carry Benson with their shoulders)
Rigby: Let's get you outta here, Benson.
(The trio head towards the control room)
Rigby: We're coming to get you, Masterson!
(Dale is watching the trio through one of the control room's monitors)
Dale: They're headed for the control room. Should we cut?
Masterson: No. No, no, no, no. Keep rolling. Cue the pointer.
Dale: Cueing pointer!
(A giant laser pointer appears in the studio and charges up while pointing at the trio)
Benson: Ooh, it's the laser pointer!
(The laser pointer starts firing a laser at the trio, slowly following them as they run away, with Benson dragging on the ground)
Benson: Hey! Where are we going? We're supposed to play with the laser!
(The laser hits a cardboard box, which explodes, before continuing its journey towards the trio)
Benson: Is Mr. Masterson trying to hurt us with the laser?
Mordecai: Yes, Benson. Yes, he is.
(Benson breaks free from Mordecai and Rigby and starts running away on his own command, along with the duo)
Benson: I remember! My name is Benson, and you guys are Mordecai and Rigby. You guys look adorable!
(The trio keeps running in circles as they find no clear exit in the studio)
Rigby: How do we get outta here?
Mordecai: Look! The control room.
(Mordecai points up to the control room, where Dale is sat next to Masterson, who is playing with a squeaky toy mouse)
Cat Masterson: Cue the Act 3 antagonists.
Dale: Cueing antagonists!
(Dale flips three switches on the control panel, making three antagonists appear in the studio - a giant toddler, a giant dog and a giant vacuum cleaner.
Masterson: I'd like to introduce you kitties to some of my favorite scenarios: Stuart 2.0 - a toddler with no boundaries and sticky fingers.
(Stuart 2.0 laughs at the trio)
Masterson: Lucy - a Shiba that's always getting "inu" trouble.
(Lucy laughs at the trio)
Masterson: And...the vacuum cleaner.
(The vacuum cleaner laughs at the trio)
Masterson: And...action!
(The three antagonists run towards the trio, surrounding them as they scream)
Masterson: I'm the "Feline Fellini", baby!
(The antagonists are close to attacking the trio)
Benson: Scatter!
(The trio run in opposite directions, causing the three antagonists to crash into each other)
Masterson: I'm the "Tabby Tarantino"!
(Benson jumps onto the vacuum)
Benson: Come on!
(Mordecai and Rigby follow him as they climb to the top of the vacuum, bringing them to the same level as the control room)
Benson: On the count of three. One...
Masterson: I am, uh...
(Dale watches the trio through the monitor)
Benson: Two...
Dale: Uh, C.M?
Masterson: Not now! I'm the, uh...
Benson: Three!
(The trio jump onto the vacuum handle and then towards the control room window)
Masterson: I am the "Kitty Kubri -"
(The trio crash through the control room's window. Cat Masterson notices and picks up a handheld camera)
Masterson: Oh, this is great! You gotta get this on tape.
(Cat Masterson passes the camera to Dale, who starts filming the trio)
Masterson: The climax of my magnum opus!
(Mordecai, Rigby and Benson begin to phase back into their regular selves)
Dale: I'm pretty sure they want to beat you up, C.M.
Masterson: No, see? That's real!
(Mordecai and Rigby pick up props as weapons)
Masterson: I-I-I want you to capture it. Okay, you - get over there. G-g-get the wides, and I'll - I'll get the POV.
(Cat Masterson puts on a helmet attached to a POV camera. He begins to zoom into the view of the POV)
Masterson: Okay...okay, truck in. And...action!
(The trio pounce onto Cat Masterson and start beating him up)
Masterson: Agh! Pile up on me! (laughs) Adorable!
(Dale is still filming the trio from a wide angle)
Dale: Aww...I mean, you're really getting hurt, but - aww...
(Benson picks up Cat Masterson as he phases back into his normal self. From this point, Cat Masterson begins to break the fourth wall and describe the composition of character shots and music)
Masterson: Dramatic music swells and -
(Benson throws Masterson across the room, and his POV camera helmet falls off. He begins to glow)
Masterson: Music swells higher...
(Mordecai, Rigby and Benson, who are now all back to their regular selves, slowly approach Cat Masterson as he glows)
Masterson: Up-shot, protagonists in. Special lighting illuminates their perplexed faces.
(Cat Masterson changes into his true form - a real cat in a mo-cap suit)
Masterson: Twist...ending...Cut to black. That's a wrap, people.
Rigby: Ugh, that twist came outta nowhere. He didn't set that up at all!
Mordecai: I'll call animal control.
(Later, an animal control van is outside Masterson Studios. The area is closed off, but Mordecai, Rigby and Benson still stand outside, now out of their mocap suits)
Mordecai: There he is!
(An animal control worker carries Cat Masterson in a pet carrier, as Dale follows taking notes from him)
Masterson: Okay, cancel my five o'clock. See if I can get the equipment in the slammer.
(Cat Masterson notices Benson)
Masterson: Benson, bubelah! Call me!
(Cat Masterson gets put into the back of the Animal Control van)
Mordecai: Look, Benson. Sorry for like, getting you addicted to cat videos. We're cool now, right?
(Benson turns red)
Benson: Grr, gah! You two are lucky I didn't suffer any permanent psychological damage! Let's go.
(Mordecai and Rigby run towards a golf cart)
Rigby: Shotgun!
(Benson follows them on all-fours)
Benson: Don't run!
(Benson stops in the middle of the road, licks his arm, then continues to follow Mordecai and Rigby)
Benson: Hold up, guys!
End of "Cat Videos"