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This page is the transcript for "Caffeinated Concert Tickets".

(This episode starts when Mordecai and Rigby were at The Coffee Shop watching the Fist Pump commercial on the TV. The music is very similar to ​Hold The Line by Toto)

Rigby: Yes! Fist Pump!

(Mordecai and Rigby do fist pumps)

Mordecai & Rigby: Heh heh heh heh. Yeah, yeah! (Continue fist pumping until the music ends). Heh heh heh heh heh!

Announcer: (Spoken very fast) Listen up, pump heads, Fist Pump is coming to Slammers! They just got out of jail, and rehab, and now they're back, and ready to rock your 11-through-15-year-old pants off! That's our demographic: get over it. That's right! Fist Pump live!

Other Announcer: Live!

Announcer: At Slammers this Friday!

Other Announcer: Friday!

Announcer: Be there or be a loser!

Mordecai: Ha ha ha, there's gonna be so many losers at that concert.

Rigby: We have to go to that concert.

Mordecai: Seriously? Dude, they were cool in the 3rd grade. But now-

Rigby: Correction, they're cool in any grade, but you wouldn't know that. Probably because you hate yourself or something.

Mordecai: Dude, we don't have the money for those tickets.

Rigby: Doesn't even matter. We can figure out a way, but you're too busy figuring out a way to hate yourself.

Mordecai: Why do you wanna go so bad?

Rigby: Going to this concert could be the biggest moment of my life.

Mordecai: Wow, sounds like your life sucks.

Rigby: SHUT UP!

Mordecai: Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Margaret: Hey, guys.

Mordecai: Hey, Margaret.

Margaret: Were you guys talking about the concert?

Rigby: We were talking about a concert. Is the concert you're talking about Fist Pump?

Margaret: Haha, yeah, cool.

Mordecai: Wait, you're going?

Margaret: Yeah, I am. I know they're kinda old, but I remember them from when I was a kid. Besides, everyone is gonna be there. It's gonna be fun. You guys gonna go?

Mordecai: I'm totally gonna go.

Rigby: Oh, so now you wanna... (Mordecai punches him) Owww!

Mordecai: We'll be there.

Margaret: Cool....see you guys there. (she walks away)

Mordecai: Yeah....see ya.

Rigby: I can't believe you're going to a Fist Pump concert just for some lady pecs.

Mordecai: Rigby, one day you'll be old enough to understand the real reason that people go to concerts.

Rigby: Whatever, it's to listen to music: I already know that. Now, how are we going to get the money for those tickets?

Mordecai: Dude, it's gonna be easy. We just have to work some extra hours.

Rigby: Extra work? I don't even like regular work.

Mordecai: Do you like Fist Pump?

Rigby: Yes.

Mordecai: Hmm, then you like extra work.

Rigby: Hmm, fine.

Mordecai: Hmm. Hmm.

Rigby: Hmm. Hmm.

Mordecai & Rigby: Hmm. Hmm.

(Scene cuts to Skip's house)

Benson: Let me get this straight. You and Rigby want me to give you overtime, and even though you can't even finish the regular amount of work that you normally have, you want me to add on even more.

Mordecai: Yes.

Benson: Ah-ha-ha! No.

Rigby: Aw, come on, Benson, please. Fist Pump is playing at Slammers, and we don't have enough money for tickets.

Benson: Haha, are you serious? Fist Pump? You know what kind of people go to those concerts?

(Muscle Man stand on the cart while Hi Five Ghost drives it)

Muscle Man: Whoo! That's right, ladies, we got two tickets to Fist Pump. See ya later, grandmas!

Rigby: (grunts aggressively) Benson, you listen and you listen good. (Drops to the ground and pleads) Please Benson, please give us overtime! Please?

Benson: What's the big deal? It's just some talentless band.

Skips: Actually they aren't that bad, not that I'm into that stuff. We're pretty backed up though. I think you should give them the work.

Pops: Oh, I agree. I say if they want to see 'Pump Fist', then let them see 'Pump Fist'.

Benson: (sighs) Fine. You can work overtime.

Mordecai & Rigby: Ohhhhh!!!

Benson: Here's a list of things we need done, when you finish them, you'll get your money.

Mordecai & Rigby: Ohhhhh!!! (They leave)

Benson: (sighs) Idiots.

(A montage scene follows in which Mordecai and Rigby power through several chores at regular speed)

Rigby: Dude, I'm fading fast.

Mordecai: Don't worry, dude. We just gotta fight it with coffee.

(They take a sip of coffee, and the montage scene resumes with faster music. The duo are back at work at ultra-high speed. Benson is pleasantly surprised at how sparkling the house is and hands over the overtime pay to Mordecai and Rigby. They vacuum it up before tearing open the vacuum bags to get the money back)

(The scene shifts to outside the Slammers club's box office)

Mordecai: Two for Fist Pump.

Guy in ticket stand: $400.

Mordecai & Rigby: What?

Mordecai: But I thought they were 50!

Guy in ticket stand: $50 tickets are sold out. All that's left are Super Deluxe front row seats.

Mordecai: Aw, man!

Rigby: No, no, no! Mordecai, wait, wait, man, we can't give up. Fist Pump...

Mordecai: I know, dude, but I just don't want to work anymor--. Oh my...

(Mordecai drools as he sees Margaret in her skimpy Fist Pump top. She waves as he stands in stunned amazement)

Mordecai: Maybe I could work a little more. Alright, dude, let's do this.

(Rigby is down on the ground sleeping)

Mordecai: You're lucky I care about lady pecs.

(The scene cuts back to outside Skips' house)

Mordecai: Benson, we need more money.

Rigby: (Takes a sip of coffee) Yeah, give us more money.

Benson: There's no more chores left. Unless... you want to mow the lawn.

Mordecai & Rigby: The lawn?

(We take a bird's eye view of the huge lawn)

Mordecai: Aw, what? That'll take forever.

Benson: Here's the keys. You know where the mower is. (He throws the keys to the duo. They hit Rigby on the face and he moans in pain.) Good luck. (Benson drives away on the golf cart)

Mordecai: Hmm, hmm. Who needs luck when we have coffee?

Mordecai & Rigby: (weakly) Ohhhhhh...

Rigby: Dude, seriously though, my eyes won't stay open anymore, and I think we're almost out of coffee.

Mordecai: Nonsense, dude, we got plenty of coffee. (Tries to take a sip from the coffee pot, but there is no more coffee, and he lays on the ground)

Rigby: Mordecai, what happened?

Mordecai: (weakly) Need more coffee. Need more Margaret.

Rigby: (weakly) Fist Pump.

Giant Coffee Bean: Coffee, coffee.

(A giant coffee bean clad in underpants and a headband appears on screen, along with a Japanese man in a business suit. It transpires that he is translating for the coffee bean )

GCB: Coffee?

Translator: Greetings, fellow Fist Pump fans. May we help you get some tickets?

Mordecai: What? Who are you?

Giant Coffee Bean: Coffee, coffee.

Translator: As you can see, I am a giant coffee bean. I can bring you caffeine. Do you accept?

Mordecai: Wait, what?

Giant Coffee Bean: Coffee coffee, coffee coffee coffee, coffee coffee, coffee coffee coffee.

(The coffee bean holds out a contract that only has the word 'coffee' on it several times)

Rigby: Ah, cool, a contract, let's sign it!

(Rigby signs the contract. The coffee bean takes it back, presses it to his stomach area, and absorbs it.)

Giant Coffee Bean: Coffee, coffee!

(He then grabs his nipples, screams, and shoots coffee into the mouths of Mordecai and Rigby)

(A montage plays in which Mordecai and Rigby pump their fists and drive the lawnmower, with the aid of the Giant Coffee Bean's regular infusions of more coffee. Working for the Weekend by Loverboy plays in the background. The montage ends as Mordecai and Rigby walk into their bedroom and shut the door, new tickets in hand)

Mordecai and Rigby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Mordecai: Aw, man, I didn't know deluxe tickets were coated in diamonds.

Rigby: So cool.

Translator: Where are the other two tickets?

(The coffee bean and his interpreter are already in the room)

Rigby: (shocked) Oh, jeez! (puting on his Fist Pump t-shirt) There's no 'other tickets', man. We only had enough for two.

Translator: But we had a contract.

Rigby: (screams) Woooooo!!! Fist pump!

Mordecai: (normal voice) Woo, Fist Pump.

Giant Coffee Bean: (angrily) Coffee, coffee, coffee!

(Rigby shows Mordecai a toy gun with a pumping fist on the end of it)

Rigby: Dude, check it. Bang bang! Dude, I've got two if you want to take one to the concert.

Translator: Mordecai and Rigby, we are very excited for you to be the ones to see Fist Pump. Please accept this coffee to help you make it through concert.

(Mordecai and Rigby accept the cups, which have tea bag strings hanging over the side)

Mordecai & Rigby: Thanks.

(The two take a slurp and begin looking sleepy)

Mordecai: Hey, what the...? this isn't coffee!

(The translator and the coffee bean laugh)

Interpreter: It's camomile tea. The sleepiest of all teas.

Mordecai: Rigby, get the...

(Rigby is already asleep as Mordecai falls to the floor)

Mordecai: ... tickets.

(The screen goes black, and lights up to see Mordecai awakened by a crashing noise outside. From the bedroom window he sees the coffee bean ready to drive away with the translator on the golf cart, complete with Mordecai and Rigby's Fist Pump clothes)

Mordecai: Hey!

(The coffee bean looks up before jumping in the cart and driving off)

Mordecai: Rigby, come on, they got the tickets! Come on, let's go, let's go!

(Rigby wakes up and feels his chest and notices his t-shirt is gone)

Rigby: (frustrated and tired) Fist Pump!

(The two run outside to see the coffee bean and translator heading down the driveway on the cart)

Rigby: Now what are we supposed to do?

Mordecai: Come on. I have an idea.

(The scene cuts to outside Skips' house. Benson is walking to the gas pump and whistling contentedly. Mordecai and Rigby bust through the garage door on the lawnmower, knocking Benson over as gumballs spill out of his front)

Benson: You morons, get back here and help me pick up my gumballs! (Clean version is the same, but 'morons' is replaced with 'idiots'.)

(A chase scene ensues)

Giant Coffee Bean: (threateningly) Coffee. (Subtitles display - "Take Care Of Them")

(Mordecai and Rigby pull up beside the cart)

Mordecai: Give us the tickets!

(The translator produces a chainsaw and pulls the power on. Mordecai and Rigby scream and duck as the Interpreter lunges at them, cutting some of the lawnmower off. As they continue the chase down the city streets, the chainsaw is knocked loose and Mordecai and Rigby are able to knock the roof from the cart, but eventually, both vehicles are abandoned as they reach Slammers, the cart crashing into the box office. The translator and coffee bean pick themselves up and race for the VIP entrance, but are intercepted by Mordecai and Rigby)

Translator: (nervously) Eh, Mordecai and Rigby. Funny seeing you here.

Mordecai: A chainsaw, are you serious?! I mean, what's up with the chainsaw?

Giant Coffee Bean: (angrily) Coffee! Coffee coffee!

Translator: Why didn't you buy us tickets?

Mordecai: What are you talking about? We never said we'd buy you tickets!

Translator: But we had a contract.

Rigby: Shut it!

(Rigby, leaning in, snatches the tickets from the Interpreter)

Mordecai: You know, at first I thought you were cool, but now, I know that you're both total losers.

Rigby: Everybody hates you.

Mordecai: Oh, and I just realized something.

Translator: What?

Mordecai: Your coffee sucks.

Mordecai and Rigby: Ohhhhhhh!!!

(The two dance through the VIP door unimpeded as the coffee bean and translator are turned away by the bouncer. Mordecai and Rigby are then shown walking down the stairs in the auditorium)

Llama Guy: 'Sup, Mordecai?

Mordecai: Hey, dude.

(Rigby sees the diamond-encrusted seats at the front and center of the room)

Rigby: Dude, there they are!

(Mordecai and Rigby run and jump onto their seats)

Rigby: We did it! Fist Pump! Fist Pump!

Mordecai: I wonder where Margaret's sittin'?

(Mordecai kneels up on his seat and turns around, only to receive a sweaty Fist Pump t-shirt to the face)

Mordecai: Aw, sick, it's all sweaty!

Muscle Man: Wooooo! I just threw my shirt!

(Several rows back, Muscle Man is shown lifting a weight while balancing on two seats)

Muscle Man: Bring out Fist Pump! Let's do it!

(The scene pans to Margaret a few rows in front)

Margaret: Hey, Mordecai!

Mordecai: Hey, Margaret! Fist Pump!

Margaret: Mordecai, you have to meet my boyfriend, Slasher!

(Mordecai's face collapses and he stops fist pumping)

Margaret: Hey, Slasher, that's my friend Mordecai.

Slasher: You should tell your friend he should stop pumpin' it in the wind and start pumpin' it at the gym.

(Margaret pulls her arm away from Slasher)

Margaret: (angrily) Don't be such a jerk.

Slasher: (quietly, to Mordecai) You're dead.

Mordecai: (laughs nervously and sinks into his seat) Oh, this sucks.

Rigby: (slurring) Aw, don't worry about her, you'll get another chance.

(Rigby and Mordecai look amazed as the crowd cheers. A truck with a flaming skull on the front appears at the side of the stage, the trucker blowing its horn)

Rigby: Hahaha, woo!

(Rigby turns to Mordecai only to see him snoring in his seat)

Rigby: Dude, wake up! They're about to come out!

(Rigby's eyes narrow)

Rigby: Wait... must... stay awake. Must... see best band of all... time! Hngh! (resigned) Aw, crap.

(Rigby falls asleep immediately and snores)

Fist Pump singer: 'Ello! We are Fist Pump! One, two, three, four!

(Fist Pump begins playing, the screen cuts to black)