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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Bet to Be Blonde".

(Episode begins with Mordecai and Rigby playing Xtreme Xcape)

Mordecai: Hm. Hm. I'm totally going to get to the bottom before you.

Rigby: Yeah, right.

Mordecai: Hm. I bet you can't shoot that barrel.

Rigby: Oh, yeah?

(Rigby shoots the barrel, unaware that it will do more harm than good. It explodes, and he ends up losing a life.)

Rigby: Aw, what?!

Mordecai: (Laughs) Don't shoot the barrels, man. I bet you can't get that power-up.

(Rigby gets the "power-up", but it turns out that Mordecai tricked him again.)

Mordecai: (Laughs) I can't believe you did that! I was totally kidding, that slows you down! Check out my dude. I'm glad I picked the dude with the more aerodynamic hairstyle.


(Mordecai pauses the game)

Rigby: My dude's hairstyle is awesome, and I can totally kick your butt at this game!

Mordecai: You sound pretty confident. Care to wager on that?

Rigby: Yeah. If I win, you have to get your player's stupid haircut for a week. (Which is blonde)

Mordecai: And if I win, you have to get your player's "awesome" haircut. (Which is an afro)

Rigby: Fine, but you better not back down when I win, though.

Mordecai: Of course, dude, I never back out of a bet.

Rigby: Hm. Hm. We'll see about that.

(Rigby goes AHHH and AUGHHHHH as he falls on the couch dramatically)

Mordecai: What are you doing?

Rigby: I'm dying, dude!

Mordecai: Get up, man.

Rigby: No, seriously, man! My stomach is crazy dry right now! I must be dehydrated!

Mordecai: Ughh, what do you need?

Rigby: I need water.

Mordecai: Ughh. I can't believe how lame you are sometimes.

(Mordecai walks into the kitchen to make Rigby some water)

Rigby: Thanks, man.

(Rigby gets up when Mordecai is busy. He unplugs Mordecai's controller and says, "Don't forget to put ice in it." He then proceeds to put a sock over the plug to make it look like it's still plugged in.)

Mordecai: Here's your water, you baby.

(Rigby drinks his water)

Rigby: Thanks, man. Now that my stomach isn't dry anymore, I'm totally going to beat you.

Mordecai: Hm. Hm. I highly doubt it.

Rigby: Okay, I'll just un-pause it.

(The game starts back up. Rigby's character easily moves through the level, while Mordecai notices he`s not able to move his own character.)

Mordecai: What the heck?!

(Mordecai throws sock and finds his controller unplugged)

Mordecai: C'MON! HUH?!

(He quickly tries to plug his controller back in, but Rigby wins)

Rigby: OHHHHHH! In your face! You're gonna have to go blonde you LOSER!

Mordecai: Rigby! You didn't cheat, did you?

Rigby: What? No! I never cheat on a bet. Now back to what I was saying before you interrupted me, In your face! You gotta go blonde you LOSER! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Shows Mordecai and Rigby in the coffee shop. Mordecai has blonde hair.)

Rigby: Oh, My, BLONDE! (Cracks up hysterically) Ohh, that's it. I'm gonna start calling you "Blondecai". How many Blondecais does it take to order a cup of coffee? Just one. YOU! (Laughs hysterically)

(Margaret comes in)

Margaret: Hey, Rigby, I've got your usual. (Looks at Mordecai) Can I get you anything, sir?

Mordecai: Uhh, hey, Margaret. It's me, Mordecai.

Margaret: (Giggles) Um... I like your hair, Mordecai. Excuse me.

Rigby: Oh, man! Who knew winning a bet would be this hilarious! I gotta use it. (Gets up from his seat) Keep an eye on my coffee, blondie.

Mordecai: Jerk.

(Scene changes to Rigby washing his hands in the bathroom)

Rigby: Ahhh, it feels good to be the champ. Yet...I can't help but feel bad, somehow. Meh.

(Exits the bathroom to see Mordecai is gone)

Rigby (continued): Huh? He ditched me?!

(Mordecai and five other blondes laugh)

Rigby: Hm, hm!

Butt-chin Blonde: Your friend was bashing you pretty hard there.

Asian Blonde: Dumb jokes about your hair?

Mordecai: Yeah.

Butt-chin Blonde: Yeah, we've heard them all.

Asian Blonde: Normal hairs are always jealous of our style. And you my friend, have style.

Mordecai: Really?

Blonde: Yeah, man. You should totally hang out with us.

Rigby: (Walks towards the blonde group) Hey Blondecai, who were these guys?

Blonde: Oh, sorry man. We don't talk to normal hairs.

Rigby: Hm, hm. That's too bad, 'cause I've got a really funny joke for ya. How do you confuse a Blondecai?

(Blonde group is silent)

Rigby: You don't. They're born that way! OOOOOOOOHHHHH!

Blonde: Hm, that was pretty good. Here's a joke for you. What's brown, black, and blue, and lying in a ditch?

Rigby: Uh, what?

Blonde: You, if you don't take that back right now.

(Rigby screams)

Blonde: (Laughs) I'm just yanking your chain, man. It's cool.

Rigby: Huh?

Mordecai: (Laughs) OOOOOOOOHHHHH-

Black Blonde: (Puts hand on Mordecai's shoulder) Uh. He's had enough.

Rigby: (In defeat) Hm.

(Cut to Mordecai and Rigby working at the park. Rigby throws a bag of garbage on the ground and Mordecai turns to look at him.)

Rigby: Hey, why did the Blondecai jump over the clock? (Giggles) Excuse me. So he can get some overtime!

(Laughs obnoxiously, snorts, and walks over to Mordecai)

Rigby (continued): You know, because you're dumb. (Punches Mordecai's arm playfully) Anyway, you wanna hang out?

Mordecai: Nah, I'm actually gonna go hang out with the blondes.

Rigby: Again? What do you do with those guys, anyway?

Mordecai: We play video games, watch movies, eat tacos, y'know, cool stuff.

Rigby: We do those things all the time. You should stay here.

Mordecai: And risk being made fun of? No thanks. See, the guys tell me the follically normative environment of this park is way too (Quotes) blonde hostile. Besides, the blondes are really cool.

Rigby: But, but Mordecai!

(Blonde group pull up next to Mordecai and Rigby)

Blonde: Hey, come on Mordecai.

Mordecai: (Runs towards the van) Hey guys.

Rigby: (Runs after Mordecai) Mordecai! You don't have to go.

Mordecai: Oh, yes I do! I'm Blondecai now, so I gotta hang out with these guys. See you later, dude!

(He closes the door, and the van pulls away)

Rigby: (Runs after van) Mordecai, wait!

(Rigby runs up to Skips)

Rigby: Skips, Skips! I need your advice.

Skips: Let me guess: you cheated on a bet.

Rigby: How did you know?

Skips: I can tell by the shame in your eyes.

Rigby: It's true; I cheated on a bet and now Mordecai has a weird haircut and he's hanging out with all these creepy dudes an-

Skips: Rigby, you should have the courage to tell Mordecai you cheated. Even though he'll be upset at first, Mordecai will respect your honesty.

Rigby: Yeah. I was with you until the honesty and courage part. Is there any way I can get off scot-free?

Skips: Wait, you're not taking my advice?

Rigby: I got it! I'll just call the bet off.

Skips: (Laughs mockingly) Call the bet off. Okay. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

(Rigby enters their bedroom to see Mordecai packing clothing away)

Rigby: Mordecai, I wanna call off the bet.

Mordecai: What? No way. I never back out of a bet, remember?

Rigby: Forget about the bet. We can go back to you being Mordecai instead of Blondecai.

Mordecai: To be honest, I kind of like being Blondecai now. Without this bet, I never would've been able to make such cool friends. Well, thanks again, man.

(Walks out of room)

Rigby: Where are you going?

Mordecai: Oh, the blondes are going to let me move in until the bet is over.

Rigby: What!? (Walks out of room) No, that wasn't a part of the bet!

Mordecai: Dude, chill! It's only going to be until the end of the week. I don't know what your problem is.

(Mordecai drives away in a I-Haul truck, slamming the door behind him)

Rigby: (Runs after truck) Mordecai, wait! Mordecai, I have something to tell you!

(Montage of Mordecai and the blondes hanging out with Rigby following them. Cut to Mordecai and the blondes jogging home.)

Mordecai and the Blondes: Hut hut hut hut hut!

Blonde: Hoo! Alright, great fun run, gang. Let's go play some video games.

(Blondes jog away)

Mordecai: I'll catch up with you guys in a sec.

(Cracks knuckles)

Blonde: Okay.

(Mordecai cracks his back as the other blondes jog away)

Rigby: (Runs up to Mordecai) Mordecai!

Mordecai: Huh?

Rigby: I've been trying to talk to you all day, but those blonde creeps keep cutting me off!

Mordecai: Now I know you're trying to be nice and call off the bet, but the truth is, you've got skills, and you got me. You got me good.

Rigby: No, Mordecai, the truth is you don't have to do the bet 'cause I chea- chea- chee- chea- chea- chee- EEOH! Wow, bless me.

Mordecai: That was the weirdest sneeze I've ever heard. Well, it was good to catch up, but I better be going. I'm gonna be late for my secret club initiation.

Rigby: Initiation?

Mordecai: Yeah, apparently you get a really cool ring for joining. In fact, there's actually only one more thing I have to do before becoming a member.

(Starts walking forwards with arms out)

Rigby: Uhh, what's that?

(Walks backwards nervously and looks up to see two other blondes standing right behind him)

Rigby (continued): Mordecai, what's going on?

Mordecai: I need to blonde an outsider.

Rigby: Bl- bl- blo-

(Blonde bags Rigby. Cut to Rigby waking up hanging upside down. A large group of blondes is seen standing around him.)

Rigby: Huh? Mordecai, what's going on?

Mordecai: We're preparing for the blondening.

Rigby: The what?

Blonde: Brother Mordecai. You have made a pact with the order of the blondes. Here's a really cool ring to show that you're a member of our really cool club. (Puts ring on Mordecai's finger) Now you know what has to be done. Blonde the normal hair. To death.

(Floor opens to reveal bubbling peroxide)

Rigby: (Screams) Mordecai, don't do this!

Mordecai: I have to. I gotta take the good with the bad. A bet is a bet. Plus this ring is really cool, man.

(Rigby moans in response. Mordecai then pulls a lever, which slowly begins lowering Rigby towards the peroxide.)

Mordecai: Goodbye, Rigby. Thank you for helping me to realize my true self.

Rigby: (Pants) No! Mordecai! You don't have to do this! You don't have to be a blonde! The bet isn't even real! Because... I cheated! I cheated on the video game! I'm sorry!

(Mordecai stops lever so that Rigby is just above the peroxide)

Mordecai: That's all I needed to hear.

(Pulls off blonde wig)

Rigby: Huh?

Mordecai: I knew you cheated, dude. I was just waiting for you to come clean to teach you a lesson.

Rigby: Oh, so these blondes are all just wearing wigs to teach me a lesson, too?

Mordecai: Uh, no. They're actually an evil secret club. We should probably run for our lives now.

(Mordecai and Rigby run away as the blondes start chasing after them)

Blondes: Get them!

(Shoot laser beams from their rings)

Rigby: What the heck, dude? Those things shoot lasers?

[Blondes shoot more beams from rings. Mordecai and Rigby hide behind a pole. Mordecai shoots back with his ring. They then continue to run as Mordecai shoots laser beams from his own ring. A cyclops blonde reveals himself, which also reveals that he has ten rings. Mordecai and Rigby scream as he shoots at them. They run into a room with barrels of hydrogen peroxide.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Woah.

Mordecai: Dude, peroxide?

Rigby: These guys aren't even real blondes!

(He suddenly notices something)

Rigby (continued): Look, an elevator!

(Mordecai and Rigby run towards the elevator)

Cyclops: Kill them. And take the sacred ring from the outsider.

(Shoots beams at Mordecai and Rigby)

Rigby: Cover me!

(Mordecai shoots at the blondes and knocks over some barrels)

Rigby: Dude, what are you doing? Don't shoot the barrels!

Mordecai: I'm not! They want their ring back-

(Switches the ring from laser mode to self destruct mode and puts it on the floor]

Mordecai (continued): -I'm gonna give it to them.

(Elevator dings)

Mordecai: (Pressing buttons frantically) C'mon, c'mon!

(Elevator dings and closes. Blondes pound on the elevator door. Mordecai's ring begins to increasingly beep faster.)

Cyclops: Oh man, that's not good.

(The ring explodes, causing the mansion caves. The elevator flies out and the doors open. Cut to Mordecai and Rigby being patched up and many police cars and ambulances parked outside the masion.)

Rigby: Well, Mordecai, I've learned my lesson.

Mordecai: Oh, yeah?

Rigby: Yeah, it's not cool to cheat on bets. And though my physical wounds are minor, this lesson will psychologically scar me for years to come.

Mordecai: So no cheating, huh? Would you care to wager on that? (Jokingly pulls out blonde hair dye)

(Mordecai and Rigby laugh. After a few seconds, however, Rigby turns to Mordecai, and with a serious expression on his face, says...)

Rigby: No.