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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "Benson Be Gone".

(Episode starts with Mr. Maellard in his office with Benson.)

Mr. Maellard: Snacks disappearing from the snack bar? Holes in the walls? And 500 dollars worth of prank phone calls? It's ridiculous! What are you doing to my park, Beanteen?

Benson: But, sir, it's not my fault. It's Mordecai and Rigby. (points) It's right here in my report.

Mr. Maellard: Are you my park manager, Beanteen?

Benson: Yes, sir.

Mr. Maellard: Then everything that happens here is your fault.

Benson: Well, yes, technically but...

Mr. Maellard: Say it...

Benson: Everything that happens here is my fault.

(Mordecai and Rigby crash into the office with Mr. Maellard's limo.)

Mr. Maellard: My car!

Mordecai: Sorry, Benson, remember how I told you that I could drive stick? Well, I'm a little rusty.

Rigby: I told you you should have let me be the one to park it.

Mr. Maellard: Why are they driving my car when I specifically told YOU to park it?!

Benson: I did, sir, but I delegated it to Mordecai and Rigby.

Mordecai: Uh, this is getting a little awkward so we're gonna take off.

(Mordecai starts backing out of the office.)

Benson: Wait!

(The limo crashes to the ground, causing the alarm to go off.)

Mr. Maellard: That's it. Emergency meeting tomorrow. Things are going to change around here.

(Dramatic music plays as Benson looks rather sad. Clock transition to the outside of the park the next day. A blonde lady stands next to Mr. Maellard as he gives a speech to the park workers.)

Mr. Maellard: I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to work so let me make this brief to you now. Beancan, you're being demoted.

Benson: What?

Mr. Maellard: Everyone, this is Susan. She'll be taking over Beanton's duties at the park.

Susan: Thank you, Mr. Maellard. First, I would like to thank Benson for agreeing to step down from his position.

Benson: What?

Susan: I know this park's productivity has been inadequate for a long time. But now that I'm here, we're gonna get this park back in working order the Susan way. So Pops and Skips, I need you to clean the north-end fountain, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are on snack bar duty, Mordecai and Rigby... (flips page) ...and Benson, you guys will be raking the leaves.

Benson: What?

(It fades to Mordecai, Rigby and Benson raking leaves.)

Mordecai: Come on, Benson, we gotta rake these leaves, dude.

Benson: I can't do this.

Mordecai: Look, you're bummed out about getting demoted, but if you give it a chance, you'll see it's not that bad.

Benson: This... is horrible.

Mordecai: No, it's not, you're just in a bad mood. Look, you just need to take your mind off of it for a while and have some fun.

Rigby: Yeah, man, we can come back later and finish these leaves.

Benson: Ha, this is so typical. You get bored so you just slack off instead of finishing your work.

Mordecai: It's not slacking, we're just taking a break. And besides, it's not like you're working that hard anyway.

Rigby: Yeah, you're raking like an old man that has a fatter old man holding his arms down.

Benson: I don't feel like raking now, OKAY?!

Rigby: I'm just saying.

Benson: What if Susan catches us? She'll probably fire us for not working!

Mordecai: Dude, just calm down. We'll just pretend like we're working until she goes away. (M&R walk off)

Benson: Yeah, right, like anyone would ever fall for that.

Rigby: It always worked on you.

Benson: Ugh, fine. As long as it gets me out of raking these leaves.

(A montage of MR&B having fun begins. Rigby pours a bowl of cereal and shows it to Benson, but he turns his back to them. Later, M&R are reading comics. Rigby holds up a comic for Benson, but he crosses his arms and rejects. Later, Benson is actually having fun slacking as he plays stick hockey with M&R. Benson wins, and he smiles, going into another game, which he also wins. The three are then seeing floating in the fountain, relaxed. Then, they're seen playing video games while eating pizza, as well as putting their feet up on the table. Next, they drive up a grassy ramp with the golf cart and crush a sign that reads "keep off grass". They all cheer before spinning around in circles. Then, they're launching a water balloon from the roof, which hits Muscle Man. Next, they ride on icy cardboard bricks through the hills. Finally, the three drink sodas together, and Benson is clearly in a good mood as the montage ends.)

Benson: (laughs) I feel great!

Mordecai: See, I told you all you needed was a break. Now do you feel like getting back to work?

Benson: (laughs) No!

Mordecai: Wait, what? Dude, we have to go back to work eventually.

Benson: Yeah, right, I'm never working again.

Mordecai: No, seriously, we should go back to work. Susan's coming. (sure enough, she's walking down the steps. The three then approach Mr. Maellard's limo)

Benson: Ha, what's she gonna do?

Susan: Why aren't you all working?

Mordecai: Oh, uh, we were just washing Maellard's car, see, we're washing it, ha...ha... Come on, Benson, we're washing the car now.

Benson: I'm not washing the car.

Susan: Benson, why aren't you working?

Benson: Cause I don't feel like it.

Susan: Get back to work or I'll fire you.

Benson: Yeah? Do it.

Susan: Excuse me?

Benson: I've wasted my whole life at a dead-end job, and I'm not wasting another second working for you. (shrugs) So go ahead and fire me.

Susan: Okay, Benson, you're fired!

Benson: (Benson's face expression is still for a second)........ (put up arms) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH! Come on, guys, lets get out of here!

Mordecai: Uh, actually Benson, we need this.

Rigby: Yeah, we need the money man.

Benson: Oh well, suit yourselves, I guess, but my life is happening right now and I'm gonna go live it. (Zooms out) Sayonara, suckers! WHOOOOO! WHOO-WHOO!

Susan: You two! Get back to work! (M&R get to washing the limo) Faster! (To Skips) And you, sweep those stairs! (to Pops) And you with the big head, finish those windows! (Pops scrubs the windows hard.) Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster, FASTER, FASTER! (Susan walks away from the cart as M&R work.)

Rigby: I don't want to work for Susan!

Mordecai: (somehow grew blonde hair tied back in a bun, like Susan) Dude, I know. (zoom closer into Mordecai's head)

Rigby: Mordecai?

(clock transition to Benson on a park bench)

Benson: Ah, jobless. Not a worry in the world. (paper flies onto handlebar of bench) Take that piece of trash for example. Normally, I do my duty as park manager and pick it up, but I say like it be someone else's problem, like nature's.

(Paper floats to a nearby tree. Benson lets out a sigh, and sees a hobo named Leon next to him)

Leon: You said it, brother. Who needs something like a job?

Benson: Right.

Leon: What does a job get ya? Some lousy money so you can buy things?

Benson: Right.

Leon: I'm Leon. But my friends call me Upt. That's short for Utopia, because I'm living the dream, man. (eats a sandwich)

Benson: I'm a...

Leon: I know who you are, Benson. Former park manager, now full-time slacker.

Benson: How did you know?

Leon" I used to be the park manager, and just like you, I gave it up for a life of slacking. Now, I don't worry about silly things like where Leon's gonna lay his head to sleep tonight cause sheet grats of a garbage compost is my pillow, the grease on my face is my shower. (Benson is shocked as the camera zooms into him.) Yes, sir, can't beat the life of a slacker, I'm proud to be the one to welcome you to your new life. (Benson starts running away.) Hey, where ya going?

Benson: I gotta get my old job back.

(clock transition to the house)

Benson: Hello? Susan? (He sees the back of Susan's head.) Susan, I need my old job back. (turns around to show that Mordecai has turned into a Susan lookalike, and so has Rigby.) What the?

Mordecai and Rigby: Benson, help us!

Benson: What happened?

Mordecai: (holds a spray bottle and a wiping cloth) The more we do what she says, the more we turn into... her!

Benson: Well, stop doing what she says!

Rigby: We can't.

Benson: Why not?

Mordecai: Because... she's standing right behind you.

(Benson turns around. Sure enough, she's standing right there, scaring Benson.)

Susan: What are you doing back here? Get out!

Benson: You're turning them into you! You can't do that! That's not how you manage a park.

Susan: What would you know about running a park?

Benson: I'll show you what I know. (hands M&R game controllers) Mordecai and Rigby, start playing video games.

Mordecai and Rigby: But we're supposed to clean.

Benson: Play video games or you're fired! (M&R sit down and start playing. They, for the most part, turn back to normal.) Play harder! Come on, put your feet up. (the dress pants and high heels turn into M&R's legs as they put their feet up) Eat this pizza while you play. (M&R are back to normal. Susan gets mad)

Susan: That's it! Mordecai and Rigby, go back to work!

Benson: No, you don't! Keep slacking!

(Susan's even more angry. Pops, Skips, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost come into the room, also Susan-ized)

Rigby: Look! (shown as said) SKIPS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! POPS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? MUSCLE MAN AND HI-FIVE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!

Mordecai: Susan's turned them into Susans too.

Pops: Turn that off and clean up this mess!

Benson: Why don't you clean it?

(Muscle Man's hair slowly comes loose, and Hi Five Ghost grows his hand back. MM & Hi Five Ghost's faces are back to normal)

Benson: Everybody slack off, or you're fired!

(Muscle Man twirls his Susan jacket around in the air and Hi Five Ghost drinks a soda as they fade into their normal bodies. Skips goes to the corner and lays out playing cards, and his morph to his normal self rips his suit. Pops plays video games, morphing him into his normal self. Everyone's back to normal.)

Muscle Man: We did it!

(Everyone cheers. Susan gets really angry and growls like a monster before her body turns around and flies out the window. The park workers approach the window as a red, giant Susan comes out of the ground and eats the normal Susan. Her foot crushes the golf cart as the park workers look on.)

Giant Susan: GET BACK TO WORK!!!!

Benson: Don't listen to her! Keep slacking off!

Giant Susan: NO!!!! THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO DEAL WITH EMPLOYEES LIKE YOU...(Giant Susan walks off, and quickly comes back carrying a jail building.) IMMEDIATE TERMINATION. (roars)

Mr. Maellard: Susan! (she looks down) What on earth do you think you're doing?!


Mr. Maellard: This isn't how you run a business!

(Giant Susan throws the jail building aside)

Giant Susan: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO RUN A BUSINESS!!!! (picks Mr. Maellard up as Benson comes down the steps)

Mr. Maellard: AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaaaAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAUGGGGGHHH! Beanton, Beanton! Help me, Beanton!

Benson: It's Benson! And I can't do anything unless you give me my old job back.

Mr. Maellard: Okay, yes, yes, you have your job back.

Benson: And your car keys.

Mr. Maellard: My car keys?! (Benson gives him a look.) .....My car keys, of course!

(Maellard throws Benson the keys, and he catches them. He then gets in the limo and drives up to Susan)

Benson: (gets out of the limo) HEY, SUSAN! (she looks at him) YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!! (Benson starts driving toward Giant Susan, and, suddenly, Leon drives up with the golf cart and jumps into the limo, causing the cart to tumble off.)

Benson: Leon!

Leon: I've got this, brother. I've already had my season in the sun, but you've still got a whole lifetime of slacking in front of ya.

Benson: Actually, I changed my... (Leon pushes Benson out of the limo and takes the wheel.)

Leon: Time for me to blow this slacker wonderland! (Leon flips the limo over, causing it to tumble, eventually breaking off the heels of Giant Susan's shoes) Utopia.

(The limo crashes into a brick wall, exploding on contact.)

Giant Susan: (trips and lets go of Mr. Maellard) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (falls into the pit, igniting a tall pillar of fire.)

(Benson walks over to the pit as the other park workers come up, congratulating him. Mr. Maellard walks up to Benson as well)

Mr. Maellard: Thank you, Benson, keep up the good work. (nudges Benson with cane and walks off. Everyone continues to congratulates him.)

Benson: Alright, alright! Everybody back to work. We've gotta get this mess cleaned up, now! (everyone but M&R walk off) And that means you Mordecai and Rigby. (hands Mordecai a broom and Rigby a shovel) You better keep working after I'm gone, because if I come back, and you're not, you're fired!

(Benson gets in the cart and drives away.)

Mordecai: Haha, yeah, good to have you back, Benson! (to Rigby) You wanna go play video games?

Rigby: Yeah-yuh.

(Benson looks at M&R walk up the steps in the car's rear-view mirror.)

Benson: Ahhh... It's good to be back.

(End of "Benson Be Gone".)