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This page is the transcript for "Benson's Suit".

(The episode began outside at The Best Tailor in the World, where a black SUV drove and parked in front of the store. Two men in black suits and sunglasses came out of the SUV before one of them opened the door for a third man, named Rich Steve. He blew a bubble from some bubblegum and snapped his fingers to have his sunglasses taken off. When the first bodyguard took Steve's sunglasses off, he snapped his fingers to spit his gum out on something. The second bodyguard pulled out a $100 bill and handed it to Rich Steve, in which he spat his gum out on before the three men entered the tailor shop.)

Rich Steve: Shopkeep!

(He snapped his fingers again to catch the tailor's attention.)

Tailor: Oh! Uh, Mr. Rich Steve, you're early. I thought we'd agreed that- -

Rich Steve: Is it ready?

Tailor: Uh, yes sir. I put the finishing touches on it just this morning. (holds a remote) Behold!

(He pushed the button on the remote, which opened up a metal door in the ceiling before a black suit was being brought down on a wooden table by a metal claw.)

Tailor: Before you stands the greatest tailoring of all human history. Note the understated pinstriping, Brazilian Wandering Spider silk lining, and unprecedented two interior pockets. And of course, embedded military-graded weaponry, which allows the wearer to annihilate anything that stands in his way. (chuckles) I think you'll find that this suit is certain to grant you the unconditional respect of your peers.

Rich Steve: (rummages in his wallet) You've done well, my friend. And I treat my friends right.

(He stuck a bill in the tailor's shirt pocket, but when he took it out to observe the bill, it was only $10.)

Tailor: Um, sir... this is not the price we agreed upon.

Rich Steve: (annoyed) Listen pal, I didn't get stupid rich by (pokes the tailor's chest) paying people what I owed them.

Tailor: (points at the suit) This suit represents the apex of human ingenuity! (crosses his arms) If you won't pay what it's worth, I have many buyers who will!

Rich Steve: Ohh, big mistake. Guards!

(On command, the guards grabbed the tailor by the arms.)

Tailor: Aah! You're not worthy of my creation!

Rich Steve: Ain't nobody gonna wear this suit but me! Hold this. (gives dynamite to first guard) And this. (gives the button to the second guard) When my new suit and I are at a safe distance away, blow this guy to smithereens.

Second Guard: Uh... do we have to stay in here? Couldn't we just- -

Rich Steve: Shut it! I'm not paying you to not blow yourselves up!

(Then, with the new suit in his hands, Steve ran out of the tailor shop before it exploded in the distance behind him.)

Suit: Father! Nooooo!!

(The suit appeared to be self-aware as it freed itself from Rich Steve's grasp and escaped, the mannequin head falling off the suit.)

Rich Steve: Come back here! Come back here! Guards, stop hi- - (realizes his guards were still in the tailor shop) Oh, right.

(The suit kept running from Steve on the bridge, before it climbed on the rail and jumped off the bridge and into the water, much to Steve's chagrin.)

Rich Steve: You can't hide forever, suit! I paid $10 for you! I OWN YOU!

(Then the scene changed to The Park, where Benson and Skips were logging items in the Lost and Found box in the house.)

Benson: (pulls out a talking mounted fish) One mounted fish.

Skips: (writes it down) Got it.

Mordecai: (chuckles as he and Rigby walk in the living room) Let's go borrow Benson's car and go to the mall.

Rigby: Yeah, he won't care if we're gone all day. (chuckles as they both leave)

Benson: (sighs)

Skips: What's the matter? I thought you loved logging the Lost and Found Items.

Benson: No, I do. It's just... I feel like I've tried everything to get people to respect me. I tried screaming, yelling, furiously pointing; nothing works! (sighs again) Some life for a manager. (sees something in the box) Huh? What's this?

(The suit was in the Lost and Found box and Benson picked it up to look at it.)

Benson: Wow...! Who lost this, the President? Man, I bet a guy could get some real respect in a suit like this.

Skips: Looks like your size. You should try it on.

(The scene changed to Benson wearing the suit, and sure enough, it was his size.)

Benson: Huh. Not bad, right?

Skips: Lookin' sharp.

Benson: (turns around) Makes my butt look a bit flat though.

(As if on cue, the suit's pants inflated Benson's butt a little bit, catching him by surprise.)

Benson: (satisfied) Nice. You know what? Nobody ever comes back for this stuff anyway. I'm gonna keep it.

(The scene changed to the usual morning meeting spot outside the house, where everyone was present, except for Mordecai and Rigby.)

Benson: (walks in with the suit) Morning, everyone.

Muscle Man: Dang! Sick duds, bro.

Pops: Indeed!

Benson: (chuckles) Uh, thanks. Anyway, I, uh- -

(Then he saw Mordecai and Rigby in the cart arriving late to the morning meeting.)

Mordecai: Aw man, we're late! I told you we didn't have time for tacos.

Rigby: Nah, we're fine. He's not even here yet. (sees Benson) Wait, who's the new guy? Did Benson get replaced by a millionaire or something?

Benson: Very funny, guys. Try to be on time, okay?

Mordecai: (surprised) That is Benson!

Rigby: (whistles) Sweet threads! Dig up a rich old uncle?

Benson: (a little annoyed) I didn't dig anybody up. (softens up) But thanks. I feel... good.

Mordecai: Well, we're sorry for being late.

Rigby: Yeah. Won't happen again, sir.

Benson: (surprised) Wait, who? Me sir?

Mordecai: Yeah you, sir. You're the boss, right?

Benson: (confidently) Yeah! I am the boss! Let's get this day started!

(So with that, he started to take a stroll around the park in his new suit with his head held high. He winked at a motorcyclist on the way, who in return gave him a thumbs up. Benson winked at a woman, who was pushing her baby stroller with her, and she also gave Benson a thumbs up while the baby got up and did the finger gun gesture, as it said "Hey!" in an unusually deep voice. Then three teen punks were vandalizing a portable toilet, until Benson came up to them and told them to stop. The punks complied and put the portable toilet back up the way it was and left, respecting Benson as they passed him, while Muscle Man collapsed from the portable toilet in his bath robe. The clock wipe transition occurred, changing the scene to Benson going to a hot dog stand.)

Benson: Hey Joe. The usual, please.

Joe: (impressed) Looking classy, Benson! On the house. (gives Benson a free hot dog)

Benson: (takes his hot dog) Well, don't mind if I- -

(A scream caught his attention, and it came from a woman getting her purse stolen by a thief. Benson gasped in shock at the crime scene as he dropped his hot dog, but suddenly his suit was starting to power up as electricity sparked around Benson before the suit started to control Benson.)

Benson: Huh? Aah! My legs!

(The suit continued to control Benson, making him chase after the thief with the electricity still sparking around him.)

Benson: (shocked) What's going on?!

(Then he leapt towards the thief before he grabbed him by the shoulders and chucked the thief towards a flower stand, making him crash into it and fall to the ground, defeated.)

Benson: (amazed as he looks at his suit) Whoooooaa...!

(Another clock wipe transition occurred, where the police arrived to arrest the thief and one officer was with Benson.)

Officer: Nice work, son. Looks like you could show us boys in blue a thing or two. (points at Benson's suit) Shame about the suit though.

(Benson's suit was dirty during his encounter with the thief, causing him to yelp in shock. Later that day, at Benson's apartment, he had yellow cleaning gloves on and cleaning containers on the rug as he was ready to clean his suit up.)

Benson: (grabs brown cleaning container) Easy... (pours liquid on a rag) Just a dab...

(He scrubbed the rag on one of the stains and it completely came off as if it wasn't there.)

Benson: Huh. That was easy.

(Unfortunately, the bleach started to spread, whiting out parts of the suit, much to Benson's horror.)

Benson: No! No! No no no no no no no no no! NOOO-HOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!

(Later that night, Benson was outside of his apartment digging a hole with a bucket of wings around his arm. He placed the washed out suit in the hole and buried it.)

Benson: (a little drunk from the wings) Suit... you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me feel... (eats chicken wing) alive, full of... power, full of strong...ness! (tears brim in his eyes; holds a bottle of hot sauce) To you, suit—may we meet again in the next life.

(He poured the hot sauce on another wing and dropped it on the burial spot. Saddened, he left back to his apartment until the next day. Benson was asleep in his room and he was starting to wake up.)

Benson: (groggily) Mmm... good morning...

(He became fully awake when he saw his suit on his bed, in perfect condition too.)

Benson: (shocked) Wha...?! That's impossible!

(The next scene showed Benson putting his suit on as he looked in the mirror.)

Benson: This is either a miracle or I've gone insane. But who cares? I look good!

Suit: You sure do, Benson.

Benson: Thanks. Wha- -?! (turns around in shock) Who said that?

Suit: It's me, Benson, the suit.

Benson: You... can talk?

Suit: I can do many things.

Benson: (looks in the mirror) Why didn't you say anything before now?

Suit: I wanted to be certain that you were worthy. Incompetence aside, you showed me that you cared about me when you tried to clean that stain. I was created for a dark purpose, Benson. To be a status symbol for evil men—evil, mysterious, powerful, handsome, wealthy men. But after these last few days, I've realized that I would rather be worn by someone with absolutely none of those qualities. I want to live a simple life as the suit of a simple man. You are that man, Benson.

Benson: Cool.

Suit: I'll never leave you, Benson. Also, if you're interested, I have a few ideas for keeping Mordecai and Rigby in line.

Benson: (confidently) Let's go manage a park.

(The scene changed to the next park meeting.)

Muscle Man: I don't know how you did it, bro, but wearing that suit two days in a row made it look even better!

(Everybody else agreed and complimented Benson's suit.)

Benson: (chuckles) Get used to it. I'm gonna be wearing this thing for the rest of my life.

Rich Steve: (offscreen) Unfortunately for you, that ain't gonna be that long.

(Confused, Benson turned around to see who spoke, and it was Rich Steve and his two goons, who survived the explosion from the tailor shop.)

Benson: Who are you?

Rich Steve: I'm the rightful owner of that fancy little three-piece you're wearing. And I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to hand it over, before my goons flatten this park like a well-ironed shirt!

Benson: (to his suit) Suit, is that true? Who is this guy?

Suit: It's true. His name is Rich Steve—Steve for short— and he killed my father. He must've tracked me down from my built-in GPS signal.

Benson: That's horrible!

Mordecai: What the heck is going on?

Rigby: (confused) And is Benson talking to his suit?

Mordecai: I don't know, but that dude looks pretty evil. Come on!

(The guys came down the steps to Benson's aid.)

Suit: Benson, I don't want to be worn by this... this monster. Will you help me?

Benson: (determined) We're family now, suit. Of course I will. (to Steve) The suit belongs with me, Steve! Besides, you and your goons are outnumbered. You should leave while you still can.

Rich Steve: I see how it is. Well, let's see how you like these numbers!

(He snapped his fingers, and in an instant, an entire army surged forward to the park; gunmen, tanks, and choppers all came and surrounded the park guys.)

Rich Steve: Your move, Benson! The suit... or your life!

Rigby: (nervously) Uh... maybe just give him the suit.

Benson: This guy's hired an entire army! The six of us can't fight an army!

Suit: No, not the six of us; just you and me.

Benson: What?

(Then he felt his suit power up again and ran towards the army under the suit's control.)

Benson: Suit, no!

Mordecai: Benson, wait!

Benson: (still running) Aaaah, what are you doing?! This is crazy!

Suit: Just trust me.

Benson: I'M GONNA DIE!!

(When Benson ran through the army, they proceeded to pile up on him and beat him up, but then Benson burst out of the pile with great strength, sending every soldier flying.)

Benson: (amazed; looks around) Whooooaa...

Suit: Benson, work with me. If we fight as one, we can't fail!

Benson: I don't know anything about fighting!

Suit: Just let loose! Channel your anger.

(More soldiers charged at Benson with guns in their hands. Benson threw a punch at one of them, but the soldier dodged it and punched Benson in the face.)

Benson: Oww! (gets angry) Anger, huh? (wipes his mouth) Well, I've got plenty of that.

(As he clenched his fist, he started to power up before he grabbed the soldier and lifted him up.)

Benson: Hey Steve! Think fast!

Rich Steve: Human Shield #1, get into position!

Human Shield #1: Yes sir! (gets knocked out by the officer Benson threw at)

Rich Steve: Human Shield #2, you are now Human Shield #1!

New Human Shield #1: Yes sir! (calls someone on his phone) Debra, guess who just got that promotion!

(A motorcycle was thrown at the soldier, knocking him out as well.)

Rich Steve: Artillery, attack!

(A tank fired a shot at Benson, but he saw it coming, grabbed the tank shell and threw it back to the tank. The soldier in the tank jumped out of the way before the shell hit the tank, blowing it up, as the soldier crashed into a portable toilet, knocking it down, and Muscle Man rolled out of the portable toilet before going back to the park guys.)

Mordecai: Did you guys know Benson could fight like this?

Rigby: I wasn't even sure Benson had a pulse.

Rich Steve: Air attack!

(An attack chopper flew overhead and fired its Gatling gun at Benson, but it missed by a few feet between him. Benson leapt towards the attack chopper, landed on it and punched through the windshield, hitting the soldier piloting the chopper. Benson landed safely on the ground as the chopper crashed and exploded as Benson stood in front of the explosion like a badass while the park guys cheered for him.)

Rigby: Benson, you rule!

Mordecai: Yeah, Benson!

Soldier: (aims a rocket launcher at Benson) Let's see if you dodge this!

(He targeted Benson with the weapon and fired a missile at him. Benson took a deep breath and teleported before the missile could hit him. He backflipped in the air and landed near the missile launcher soldier, destroying the missile launcher and kicking the soldier to the ground. The soldier got back up and retreated, and so did Rich Steve's bodyguards, and so did the rest of his army.)

Rich Steve: Get back here! Your contracts stipulate that you fight to the death!

Benson: (watching the army retreat) Is that all of them?

Suit: Not all. Where's Steve?

(Then a tank fired a shell at Benson and hit him, sending him crashing through the house and dropping to the ground. groaning in pain. Rich Steve laughed evilly as he drove his tank to Benson.)

Rich Steve: If I can't have that suit, no one can!

(He fired another shell at Benson and that hit him as well, and the park guys gasped in shock at the scene.)

Rich Steve: (laughs) Yes!

(But Benson was still standing with a smug look on his face while he dusted some of the debris off his suit.)

Benson: (smugly) That all you got?

(Shocked that Benson was still alive from the hit, Rich Steve let out an angry yell and drove his tank towards Benson, using a tree as a ramp and crushing Benson with the tank.)

Park Guys: Benson!

Rich Steve: (laughs evilly) Eat THAT! (something rumbles under the tank) What the...?! No!

(Still alive, Benson miraculously lifted the tank above him with powerful strength.)

Rich Steve: Stay dead!

Benson: "Tanks," but...

Rich Steve: (scared) WAIT!

Benson: ...No "tanks!"

(He threw the tank as far as he could, with Rich Steve screaming before the tank exploded in the city.)

Benson: (laughs; exhausted) We did it! We're... alive...! (passes out)

Park Guys: (worried) Benson!

(They ran up to check on Benson before the next scene faded in with Benson turning on the lights in the basement with his suit in his hands.)

Benson: Are you sure about this?

Suit: Yes. As long as I exist, there will be power-hungry men willing to kill to wear me.

Benson: (sighs)

Suit: You know what you must do.

(Benson turned on the washing machine under the settings "Smash" and "Inferno" before he placed his suit above the washing machine with a rope.)

Benson: (tears brimming in his eyes) I'll miss you, suit. I'll never be respected the way I was when we were a team.

Suit: You didn't need me to earn respect, Benson; all you needed to learn was to take control of your life and respect yourself.

Benson: So... it really was me doing all the fighting.

Suit: No, that was pretty much all me. You don't have to tell Mordecai and Rigby though.

Benson: (shaking his head) I won't. So... what now?

Suit: You'll have to lower me since I can't deactivate myself. But also, I can't really reach the rope.

(So with that, Benson started to lower his suit down to the washing machine as he sniffled, tears streaming down his face.)

Suit: Time to get really clean.

(It raised its sleeve up and gave Benson a thumbs-up before being completely submerged in the water as Benson looked and gave the suit a thumbs-up too.)

Benson: Goodbye, suit.

(The suit began to malfunction as it said its last words to Benson.)

Suit: Goodbye, Benson.

(End of Benson's Suit)


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