Regular Show Wiki
Regular Show Wiki

(Episode starts at the Park where Benson is holding a meeting)

Benson: Alright, listen up. I've got a lot of meetings today with city park council, so I need you-

(As a horn is heard, a truck comes.)

Delivery Guy: I've got a delivery for Benson.

Benson: (gasps happily, as he tosses the pencil and the list.) He's here! Haha, he's here!

Mordecai: "He"?

(Benson opens the box, revealing a pig inside it.)

Benson: Eee! (picks up the pig) Oh, hello there. I'm Benson. Can you say Benson?

(The pig oinks)

Benson: Oh-ho-ho! Guys, meet AppleSauce. I adopted him through the Oink Foundation. It cost a fortune to overnight him to the park. Who's an expensive little guy?

Rigby: A pig?! I thought you were more of a cat person, Benson.

Benson: No, I'm done with cats. I'm a pig person now! It'll be great to have some company around the house. Isn't that right, little guy?

(The Park staff come up to them)

Pops: Oh, what an amiable little swine!

Hi-Five Ghost: Oh, ha ha. Apple sauce is my favorite food. I can see why you named him that.

Muscle Man: (points to a tattoo of half a skull on his arm) And look, he even has a little apple on his arm.

Benson: That's just a birthmark. Mordecai and Rigby, change of plans. I'm stuck here with meetings until noon, so I want you to take AppleSauce to back my apartment and watch him. His pen is already set up. Just make sure he stays out of trouble.

Mordecai: Whoa, all we got to do is watch a pig for three hours?!

Rigby: Heck, yeah, we can do that!

Benson: (gives AppleSauce to Mordecai) I'll see you in a while, AppleSauce! Say "bye-bye!" (shakes AppleSauce's hoof) Bye-bye, Benson! Bye-bye! Bye-bye-bye! (leaves)

(Circle-wipe transitions to Mordecai, Rigby and AppleSauce on the cart)

Rigby: Augh! I can't believe we have to sit around in Benson's apartment all morning. It smells like a hospital in there.

Mordecai: Dude, we don't have to be there for three hours!

Rigby: Whoa, free pass! What do you say, AppleSauce, you wanna hang out with us for three hours until yoiu have to spend the rest of your life with Benson? (Apple Sauce oinks) I'll take that as a "yes".

Mordecai and Rigby: Hangin' with AppleSauce!

(Montage of Mordecai, Rigby and AppleSauce having fun begins at the arcade where Rigby and AppleSauce play a farm-themed dance game as AppleSauce wins a perfect combo score. We then show them at Stardust Lanes where AppleSauce uses his head and bowls a perfect strike and Mordecai and Rigby cheer. We then show them driving the cart as the montage ends.)

Mordecai and Rigby: WOOOAAAHHHH!!!

Mordecai: Dude, we're like cool uncles. (to AppleSauce) You wanna get something to eat, AppleSauce?

(Apple Sauce oinks)

(Cut to them at a food truck called "Meat N' Greet" where they're waiting in line)

Rigby: Oh, nice! They have bacon-wrapped hot dogs!

Mordecai: Dude, you can't give that to AppleSauce. That's his people.

Rigby: Oh, yeah. I'm a terrible uncle. Veggie dog, then, AppleSauce? (sees that AppleSauce is gone) AppleSauce?

Mordecai: Where'd he go?

Rigby: I don't know! He was here a second ago!

Mordecai and Rigby: AppleSauce?!

(Mordecai's phone rings and he answers it)

Mordecai: (nervously) Hey, Benson! What's up?

(Cut to Benson, including Gene and other park managers, at the City Park Council)

Benson: Hey, I'm gonna be here a little longer than I thought, but I should be home by 12:30 at the latest. May I speak to AppleSauce?

Mordecai: Uh... just a sec.

(Mordecai holds the phone to Rigby's face and Rigby holds his nose to immitate AppleSauce snorting)

Benson: Oh-ho-ho! Hello, AppleSauce! Hello! (to an East Pines worker) I have a pig now.

(Rigby continues immitating AppleSauce snorting until Mordecai pulls the phone back to his ear)

Mordecai: Alright, AppleSauce, that's enough.

Benson: I just want you guys to know how much it means to me that you're taking care of my little AppleSauce. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him.

(Camera pans over to Candy's Donuts where AppleSauce comes in and walks to an old woman holding a doughnut)

Old Woman: Why, hello there, little pig. You want a bite? (AppleSauce grabs the doughnut from the old woman and runs away with it) Aah! Rabid pig! RABID PIG!!!!

(Two police officers notice this. Mordecai and Rigby hear the commotion coming from Candy's Donuts as AppleSauce squeals menancingly and the old woman runs out of the doughnut shop, screaming. A chair is thrown out of the doughnut shop.)

Police Officer 1: (grabs AppleSauce before he could escape) Gotcha!

(The second police officer handcuffs AppleSauce)

Benson: (through the phone) What's all that noise?

Mordecai: Uh, we gotta go, see you later, Benson. (Hangs up) Come on!

(Mordecai and Rigby rush off to save AppleSauce, but the officers already drive off with AppleSauce)

Mordecai: Wait, stop!

Rigby: Aw, man!

(AppleSauce looks worridley at Mordecai and Rigby while the police officers continue to drive as Mordecai and Rigby look shockingly at what just happened. Circle-wipe transitions to Mordecai and Rigby at the police station)

Low Five Ghost: Yeah, they just brought in a pig a few minutes ago. I hear he attacked an elderly woman and trashed up a doughnut shop.

Rigby: Aw, come on! He's just a pig, he doesn't know any better.

Mordecai: Look, we gotta get him back to Benson's apartment by 12:30, or he's gonna fire us!

Low Five Ghost: Alright, I'll see what I can do. That place had the best jelly doughnuts in town. That's the kind of things cops take personally.

(Cut to AppleSauce and the cops in a interrogation room.)

Police Officer 1: Alright, a lot of innocent doughnuts went to waste today, pig. Why'd you do it?!

(AppleSauce doesn't respond.)

Police Officer 1: This little piggy's goin' "wee wee wee!" all the way to jail if he doesn't start talking!

Low Five Ghost: What do we got here, boys?

Police Officer 2: It's no use, Low Fives. This piggy ain't squealin'.

Low Five Ghost: Well, he's just a pig. They can't talk, right?

Police Officer 1: That's exacly what they want you to think and BAM! They slip right through your fingers!

(As they're talking, AppleSauce picks the lock to the handcuffs until he frees himself)

Police Officer 2: You'll have to excuse Merv here, he's a little fired up (AppleSauce sneaks behind him and steals the keys from him) Give us a couple more hours, and we'll get you some answers.

Merv: Yeah! Until then, he ain't goin' nowheres!

(AppleSauce escapes the interrogation room with the keys and runs to the control room, unlocks the door, enters the control room and uses a computer to free a guy named Harry Roughauser from his cell, which opens. AppleSauce goes to Mordecai and Rigby and oinks at them.)

Rigby: Dude, there he is. Looks like Low Fives got him out.

Mordecai: (picks up AppleSauce) Come on, Apple Sauce, we gotta hurry up and get you home. (They walk out of the police station and get in the cart) Well, I think that was enough fun for one day.

Rigby: Yeah, you gave us a run for our money, little guy. Ww thought you were some crazed criminal for a second there.

(Mordecai and Rigby laugh until an alarm sound blares as AppleSauce places his hoof on Mordecai's arm)

Mordecai: Uh, what're you doing, AppleSauce?

Rigby: (sees Harry running towards them) Uh, Mordecai?

(Harry continues running until he gets in the cart)

Harry: Floor it, Leroy!

Rigby: Leroy?!

(AppleSauce pumps the brakes, making Mordecai drive the cart, making a great escape, as Low Five Ghost and the two police officers come out)

Police Officer 2: All units, we have two escaped convicts heading east in a golf cart!

Harry: I knew you'd come back for me, Leroy. Took ya long enough. Now, we can get back to the way things were.

Rigby: Were?

Harry: Didn't he tell ya?

(Flashback begins at the bank as Harry and AppleSauce pull up to the bank)

Harry (voice-over): Me and him were the best bank robbers in the country.

(Harry and AppleSauce put on their masks and arm shake, revealing their half skull tattoos, then Harry bursts into the bank)

Harry: Everybody get down on the ground! (The customers do so)

Harry (voice-over): See, I was the brawn (Cut to AppleSauce cracking the code to a safe) and Leroy was the brains. (Cut to them driving with Harry holding the stolen money) We were a team, me and him, and like most teams, we had our differences.

(Cut to a motel at night)

Harry: Loose cannon?! I ain't no loose cannon! (AppleSauce runs away from the motel) Fine! You wanna bail, then bail! I don't need you, I don't need anybody! I CAN DO THIS MYSELF!!!

Harry (voice-over): Unfortunately, I could not. (Cut to another bank where Harry tries punching another safe open, but the cops quickly arrest him. Cut to prison where Harry calls AppleSauce) I had no one else to turn to, so I used my one phone call on Leroy. (Cut to AppleSauce in the box where he was recieved by Benson) I knew he'd come up with some crafty scheme to bust me out of jail, 'cause no one would suspect a cute, little pig.

(Flashback ends)

Rigby: So AppleSauce smashed up that doughnut shop so he could get arrested on purpose?

Harry: Yep. He went into jail so he could get me out. Now I'm a free man! Whoo! Ha! (punches a bar on the cart)

Mordecai: Whoa, chill dude! We don't wanna get into any trouble! We just wanna get the pig to our boss' apartment before he gets back.

Harry: Your boss' apartment?

(Scene cuts to Benson's apartment. Harry looks through the window for cops. Mordecai's phone rings and he answers it.)

Mordecai: Hey, Benson. Yeah, we're apartment. AppleSauce is fine.

Benson: (driving his car) Good. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Did AppleSauce get into any trouble?

Mordecai: No... (looks at Harry) No trouble...

Benson: Good. Don't break anything!

(Mordecai hangs up.)

Mordecai: Dude, Benson's coming, and he told us not to break anything.

News Reporter: Breaking news. Bank robber Harry Roughauser had just escape fron jail. (Shows a police sketch of Harry and a recording of Harry breaking everything at a bank) While the suspect has never been convicted of any violent crimes, he seems to break everything in his path.

(Rigby turns off the TV and he and Rigby look at Harry.)

Mordecai: Dude. Benson's gonna be here soon. We gotta get this guy outta here before he breaks everything! Go talk to him.

Rigby: What?! And get my face smashed in?!

Mordecai: Ugh, fine. I'll do it. (walks up to Harry nervously) Hey, man. I don't wanna be pushy or anything, but our boss is gonna be here pretty soon. Could you like, leave?

Harry: I see how it is. C'mon, Leroy, let's go. Leroy.

AppleSauce: (looks around Benson's apartment and oinks.)

Harry: Huh? You wanna stay here? But we're a team.

AppleSauce: (oinks)

Harry: A normal life? This is ecxacly what split us up in the first place! Here I am thinking we got another shot, but no, Leroy wants a normal life. Well, how's this for normal?!

(Harry pushes the lamp down and Rigby catches it.)

AppleSauce: (oinks)

Harry: Bustin' me outta jail isn't good enough! I wanna rob some banks some more!

(Harry pushes the TV down and Mordecai throws the pillow under it, causing it to fall safely on it.)

AppleSauce: (oinks)

Harry: I'm perfectly calm! (throws some books off a bookshelf, and Mordecai catches them) Why don't you calm down?! (throws the picture, and Rigby catches it, then he throws some dishes, and Mordecai, Rigby and AppleSauce catch them, then he lifts up Benson's refrigerator)

Mordecai: Dude, Apple Sauce made his decision. Just let him go!

(Apple Sauce's eyes tear up.)

Harry: You're right. (puts down the refrigerator) I wouldn't be too much of a partner if I didn't respect Leroy's wishes. You sure this what you wan't, old friend?

AppleSauce: (oinks)

Harry: Fine, I understand. My love for breaking things has clearly broken this team apart. Sorry for the trouble, I'll be on my way now. (leaves the apartment)

Mordecai: Dude, we've pulled it off! AppleSauce is here and nothin' got broken!

Rigby: Yea-yuh!

(They high five as Harry comes back inside)

Harry: Uh, there's a bunch of cops outside.

(Police vehicles surround the apartment building and the sound of a helicopter is heard)

Mordecai: What's that sound?

(They walk up to the window to see the helicopter move up and targets at it)

Mordecai: Everybody get down!

(Mordecai and Harry take cover and Rigby and AppleSauce take cover behind the chair. The helicopter starts shooting with nonlethal beanbags, destroying everything in Benson's apartment, including the lamp, the TV, the bookshelf, the picture, the dishes, the refrigerator, and the wall and it explodes. The shooting stops as Mordecai, Rigby, AppleSauce and Harry get up and walk to the destroyed wall where the cops are waiting.)

Merv: (speaking through a megaphone) This is it, Roughauser! Come out with your hands up!

Harry: Never! I ain't goin' down without a fight!

Merv: Then you leave us no choice! (takes out his walkie-talkie) All units! (menancingly) Bring in more bean bags.

(The firearms officers run up the stairs to Benson's apartment and use a battering ram to break the door down)

Mordecai and Rigby: AAH!!

(Two firearms officers with the battering ram move out of the way while one holds a bazooka)

Harry: Huh? Uh-oh!

(The firearms officer starts firing beanbags at Harry in slow-motion as he gets hit and backs up to the torn wall. AppleSauce sees this and runs to rescue Harry as he is about to fall, but AppleSauce grabs him. Low Five Ghost, Merv and the second police officer watch in shock.)

AppleSauce: (oinks)

Harry: No, Leroy, just let me go.

AppleSauce: (oinks)

Harry: It's too late for me. Those nonlethal bean bags really hurt. If anyone deserves a life of luxury in this beautiful, one-bedroom apartment, it's you.

AppleSauce: (oinks) I'll never forget you.

Harry: Goodbye, partner.

(AppleSauce lets go of Harry's hand as Harry falls and lands on a trampoline. He starts punching the trampoline as the cops arrest him.)

Firearms Officer: Sorry about the mess. Alright, guys, let's go.

(The firearms officers leave as Benson, whistling and carrying two bags of pig food enters his apartment.)

Benson: Hey-hey! Where's my little gu-- (drops the bags of pig food as he sees the mess in his apartment) uy.

Rigby: Benson, we gotta talk to you about AppleSauce.

(End of Benson's Pig)