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This page is the transcript for "Bad Kiss".

(Episode starts with Mordecai, Rigby, Margaret, and Eileen coming out of the theater after watching Crime Town Diaries)

Mordecai: So, what did you guys think?

Margaret: Yeah, you know, it was pretty good.

Eileen: I think I'm gonna like the remake better.

Rigby: They don't call it Crime Town for nothing, baby! '(makes a machine gun sound)

Mordecai: Well, I'm glad you liked it. I missed all the best parts, cause you were trying to talk to me!

Rigby: Dude, I still don't know what you're talking about! Like I said, it wasn't me!

Mordecai: Whatever.

Margaret: So, what's next?

Mordecai: Who's down for some of my famous home made Morde-shakes?

Rigby: Yeah ok!

Eileen: Sounds good!

Margaret: Yeah...alright sure!

(They all drive back to the house and Margaret parks the car in front of the garage)

Margaret: So, what's in a Morde-shake again?

Mordecai: It's a surprise.

Rigby: (To Eileen) It's just a regular milkshake. (To Mordecai) You're really gonna load up on desserts after that Chili-dog incident?

Margaret: Ugh! Yeah, so gross!

Eileen: Don't remind me.....

Mordecai: What? There's always room for dessert, especially when the dessert is Morde-shakes! Oh shoot, I forgot something in the car. I'll be right back.

(Mordecai walks to Margaret's car, and looks around for his personal item which turns out to be his wallet, Margaret has followed him to the car to check up on him)

Margaret: What's up?

Mordecai: I can't find my wallet.

Margaret: Oh, let's see...(She also joins Mordecai in the car, helping him look for his wallet, then she leans over his seat) Did you check the glove compartment?

Mordecai: Yeah, I checked there... (They realize that they are close to one another once again) already....

Margaret: Oh, ha.....

Mordecai: Ha. (They stare at each other, Mordecai gulps, and leans in with Margaret joining in, and they kiss. Then Margaret opens her eyes and looks disgusted, and pushes Mordecai away) Oh sorry, I shouldn't--

Margaret: No, it's fine. It's just-

Mordecai: What?

Margaret: Your breath is really bad.....

Mordecai: Ahh!....oh my gosh. Uhh. (Reaches for the door handle to get out of the car)

Margaret: Wait, no! It's--

Mordecai: I'm sorry! (He exits out of the car to run back into the house) I'm sorry!

Margaret: Mordecai!

Rigby: Yeah, you know, I came up with the name Morde-shakes. So technically-

Mordecai: Morde-shakes are canceled. Good night Eileen.

Rigby: Wait, what?

Mordecai: I need to talk to you. Come on (He takes hold of Rigby's arm and pulls him back into the house quickly while closing the door at the same time)

Rigby: (After being pulled into the house by Mordecai) Whoa!

Eileen: Uh....good night?

(Mordecai and Rigby have returned to their room, and Mordecai releases Rigby's arm)

Mordecai: Oh man, this is bad. This is really bad.

Rigby: Dude, what is it?

Mordecai: I kissed Margaret.

Rigby: Whoa,....I own Muscle Man so much money.

Mordecai: Ugh! I'm such an idiot.

Rigby: But that's what you wanted, what's the problem? (He smirks) Did you have bad breath, or something?

Mordecai: Awwwwww! I did!

Rigby: Seriously? You didn't check first?

Mordecai: I was in the moment!

Rigby: (He takes out a small case of mint) You gotta pack a mint, bro.

Mordecai: Argh! That was our first kiss, and I blew it! (He lies back on his bed) I'm never gonna be able to face her again. I wish I could just take it back.

Rigby: Sounds like you need a Time Machine.

Mordecai: Ha, yeah, I wish (Gasps) Wait, you mean you still have it?

Rigby: Oh, you mean the Time Machine you said was a scam, and a waste of money.

Mordecai: Well yeah, who sells a Time Machine for $15?

Rigby: It was on sale!

Mordecai: So, can I still use it?

Rigby: Only if you admit you actually think it's really cool.

Mordecai: Dude, quit messing around. My life is on the line!

Rigby: Okay, okay geez. (runs to the closet, and grabs a ball-looking Time Machine)

Mordecai: That's it? It looks kinda junky.

Rigby: Oh, so I guess you don't wanna use it then.

Mordecai: No no, I'm sorry! How does it work?

Rigby: I don't know. I never used it before. (Presses the button a few times)

Mordecai: Gimme. Where's the on switch?

Rigby: Dude, you're gonna break it!

Mordecai: I just wanna go back to 15 minutes ago! (Clicks it to 15 minutes ago, and they are teleported back outside the park) Whoa, where are we?

Rigby: This thing just sent us outside.

Mordecai: No dude, look! (They see their past selves) There we are!

Past Rigby: Your really gonna load up on desert after that Chili-dog incident.

Rigby: Whoa, this is weird.

Mordecai: Shoot. Here I come. (They hide in the bushes)

Rigby: Well, do something.

Mordecai: Like what?

Rigby: I don't know.

Mordecai: I can't just barge in there.

Rigby: Well, here comes Margaret. Hehe. Look at how nervous you are. (Deep voice) Hey baby, can you help me find what I'm looking for? (Girlish voice) Okay.

Mordecai: Dude, quit it. (They now get teleported back to the present)

Rigby: What happened?

Mordecai: I didn't touch it.

Rigby: Man, must be kinda glitchy.

Mordecai: That's what you get for $15.

Rigby: Hey, but it worked! I can't believe it! Let me see for a sec. (He grabs the Time Machine) Go back two months ago. (He disappears and appears again) HAHA! Awesome!

Mordecai: Dude, Quit fooling around! Ok, so what's a fast way we would can fix my bad breath in the past? So when I'll kiss Margaret, it's not bad.

Rigby: I told you man: Mints.

Mordecai: Okay, yeah. We'll go back earlier in the night, and give my past self a mint. (pushes the button) two hours ago. (They teleport back inside the theater, when Mordecai, Rigby, Eileen and Margaret are watching the movie) You got those mints?

(Rigby gives to Mordecai the mints. Mordecai throws the mints to the Past Mordecai)

Past Mordecai: What the...? (Looks behind him. He doesn't see anybody because Mordecai and Rigby are hidden)

Rigby: Dude, that's not gonna work.

Mordecai: Well, I don't want me to see me.

Rigby: Here. (Grabs the mints)

Mordecai: Rigby, wait!

Rigby: (Talking to Past Mordecai) Psst, hey, Mordecai.

Past Mordecai: Shhh!

Rigby: Dude, you want some mints?

Past Mordecai: What? No dude. Shush.

Rigby: Come on, they're really good. Here, take a couple.

Past Mordecai: Dude, Quit it! (Grabs Rigby's hand)

Rigby: Just take 'em!

Past Mordecai: STOP! (Mints get out of the box causing noise)


Past Margaret: Mordecai!

Past Rigby: Dude, we're trying to watch the movie!

Past Mordecai: Yeah, then you stop trying to... wait. (Looks behind him)

(Mordecai and Rigby return to the present)

Mordecai: Ugh. Why wouldn't I just take a mint?

Rigby: I don't know man. But you wouldn't need a mint, if you haven't eaten that Chili-Dog earlier.

Mordecai: That's it! I'll just stop myself from eating it. (They now get teleported back outside the movie theater, and the past Mordecai is about to order a Chili-Dog.) Shoot. I'm about to order. Ugh, if only that truck wasn't there.

Rigby: You got it. Follow me.

Vendor: (Talking to Past Mordecai) You know what you want?

Past Mordecai: Yeah, let me get a sloppy dan dog, with extra onions. (Rigby and Mordecai take off the wheel stopper from the truck.)

Vendor: Extra? You sure?

Past Mordecai: Yeah. Pile 'em on.

Vendor: One sloopy dan with--. What the--? (The truck rolls down the hill, which leads to a crash off-screen. And the past Mordecai picks up his Chili-Dog from the ground, and eats it, while the past Rigby, Margaret, and Eileen are grossed out.)

Past Mordecai: What? Five-second rule.

Mordecai: Ugh. That was really gross.

Rigby: See, I told you.

(They get teleport back to the present.)

Mordecai: Agh. What's wrong with me?!

Rigby: Yeah man, I can't believe Margaret let you kiss her.

Mordecai: Quiet! If only I eaten something earlier, I wouldn't even wanted that dumb Chili-Dog. Seven hours ago.

(They get teleported back to The Coffee Shop)

Past Margaret: Hey, saved you guys the last piece of apple pie.

Past Mordecai: No thanks.

Past Rigby: Yeah, we're saving room for Chili-Dogs tonight.

Past Margaret: Okay.

(The present Mordecai then comes in)

Mordecai: Margaret, we'll take that pie after all.

Past Margaret: Sure. Here you go.

Past Mordecai: What? We said no.

Past Margaret: Huh?

Past Rigby: Yeah Chili-Dogs tonight, remember?

Past Margaret: Oh. Sorry, its been a long day.

(Present Rigby then comes in this time)

Rigby: Margaret, where's the pie. Can we get some sandwiches too, with fries?

Past Margaret: (unsurely) Sure thing. (Past Margaret then brings in the food to past Mordecai and Rigby) Here's your food. The fries will be out in a minute.

Past Mordecai: Uh, are you feeling alright?

Past Margaret: Come on guys, if you're messing with me, it's not funny.

Past Mordecai: We're not! I swear!

Mordecai: Great. Now Margaret's mad at me.

Rigby: I guess you're just destined to ruin your chances with her.

Mordecai: I'm not giving up. There's got to be a way to fix my bad breath. I got it.

(The scene shows to a past Mordecai from this morning. He yawns and pick up a comb, but not the toothbrush, toothpaste or dental floss)

Past Mordecai: Awww yeah. That's what the ladies like.

(Suddenly, Mordecai and Rigby open the door. Mordecai holds to the past Mordecai)

Mordecai: Grab the mouthwash! (Rigby takes the mouthwash)

Past Mordecai: Rigby?! What?!

(Scene shows Rigby trying to open Past Mordecai's mouth)


Mordecai: It's for your own good!

(They get teleported back to the present)

Past Mordecai: What the heck?! Get off man!

Mordecai: Oh man...

Rigby: This can't be good.

Past Mordecai: Wait. Who are you guys?

Mordecai: We're from the future.

Past Mordecai: Oh no. Where am I? What year is this?

Rigby: Relax, it's the same day, just later at night.

Past Mordecai: Well, take me back. I don't want to cease to exist or something.

Mordecai: Wait, if we remove me from the past, does that mean I'm gonna disappear?

Rigby: I don't know. I'm not an expert on time travel! Just tell him what's up?

Mordecai: Okay, look, we finally kiss Margaret tonight.

Past Mordecai: What? No way.

Mordecai: No really, but it's bad. We had bad breath, and she pushed us away, and it was really embarrassing. So Rigby and I, were traveling back in time to fix it.

Past Mordecai: Wait, don't tell me your actually trying to use that "time machine" Rigby was scamming to buy.

Rigby: It wasn't a scam, it really works.

Past Mordecai: Whatever. All I know is guys from the future lie. Remember that lip syncing fiasco?

Mordecai: But this is different.

Past Mordecai: And what's this "we" kiss Margaret business? I haven't kissed Margaret yet. Just because you messed up, doesn't mean I'm gonna.

Mordecai: Dude, that's not how it works.

Past Mordecai: No dude, just stop trying to block my lip-lock. Gimme that piece of junk! (Grabs the time machine)

Mordecai: Wait!

Rigby: Don't worry. He's not gonna figure out how to use it.

Past Mordecai: Take me back to this morning. (Teleports back to his present)

Rigby: Well, I guess he's smarter than you somehow.

Mordecai: Agh, great. Well that's it then. We lost the time machine. I can't believe I have to live with this kiss.

Rigby: Never say never, man.

Mordecai: I didn't say never.

Rigby: Who's your best friend?

Mordecai: What are you talking about?

Rigby: (runs to the closet, and reveals to have another time machine.) Ba-ba-ba bam!

Mordecai: What, how?

Rigby: Dude, remember when I sent myself back two months ago? You thought I was fooling around, but I went back and bought a second time machine!

Mordecai: Rigby, you're a genius!

Rigby: Yeah, I saved three bucks with the double order.

Mordecai: All right, come on. We got to stop me before it's too late. Back to this morning.

(They get teleported to this morning. They found Past Mordecai but he runs away. Mordecai and Rigby go to places related with other episodes of Regular Show like "Camping Can Be Cool", "Ello Gov'nor", "Grave Sights", "Mordecai and the Rigbys", and "Just Set Up the Chairs")

Rigby: Dude! Stop! We're trying to help you!

Past Mordecai: Yeah right. You can't keep me from kissing Margaret.

Mordecai: Whatever dude, It's not like your never figure out I kissed her in the car at 11:55.

Rigby: Dude, what are you doing?

Mordecai: (To Rigby) I have a plan. (Sarcastic) Shoot, I can't believe I just gave that away. I'm such an idiot.

Past Mordecai: Hmm, hmm. 11:55! (gets teleported at the time of the kiss, and kidnaps his 11:55 self)

Past Mordecai 2: Hey! (Past Mordecai drags his 11:55 self to the bushes, ties him up, and gags him while Past Mordecai gets in the car.)

Past Mordecai: Hey sorry man, but you ain't getting my kiss tonight.(Mordecai opens the door.) Oh, hey Margaret, what's up? Aah! Just stay away from me! (Rigby grabs him)

Mordecai: Okay Rigby quick, go back to the present, and remember to destroy the Time machine.

Rigby: Yeah, fine. But you owe me 27 bucks. Well, you will owe me I guess. Back to the present. (Rigby and Past Mordecai are teleported to the present, Rigby and Mordecai destroy the Time machines and the Past Mordecai disappears. Mordecai gets inside the car, then Margaret comes in.)

Margaret: What's up?

Mordecai: I, uh, I can't find my wallet.

Margaret: Oh, let's see...(She also joins Mordecai in the car, helping him look for his wallet, then she leans over his seat) Did you check the glove compartment?

Mordecai: Yeah I checked there...(They realize that they are close to one another once again) already.

Margaret: Oh, ha.....

Mordecai: Ha. (They stare at each other, Mordecai gulps, and Margaret leans in to kiss Mordecai, but Mordecai then he realizes he forgot to take a mint, so he wusses out by finding his wallet) Oh, found it. Ha-ha.

Margaret: Oh, great. That's great. I'm glad you--

Mordecai: So, anyway do you-- (Mordecai and Margaret laugh) What to head inside?

Margaret: Sure.

Mordecai: Who's ready for Morde-shakes?

Rigby: Yeah, took you long enough.

Mordecai: You have no idea. Come on.

Rigby: You know, I came up with the name Morde-shakes.

Mordecai: Yeah-yeah.

(They head inside)