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This page is the transcript for "Access Denied".

(The episode starts at the Coffee Shop. Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen surprise Margaret for her birthday with confetti and balloons.)

Mordecai: Alright, here she comes.

Mordecai, Rigby and Eileen: Happy birthday, Margaret!

Margaret: Haha! Thanks guys! I'm gonna have to clean that up, you know.

Mordecai: (Hands her the balloons) These are for you.

Margaret: (Takes them) Nice balloons.

(The camera focuses on the balloons; none of which say 'Happy Birthday')

Eileen: They were on sale.

Rigby: It sucks you have to work on your birthday.

Margaret: Ugh. Seriously.

Eileen: Did you tell them?

Margaret: Oh! Hey, do you guys wanna come to my party tonight?

Mordecai: Party?

Margaret: Yeah. It's kind of last minute, but I'm celebrating at this cool club called "Box".

Rigby: Ugh. Club?

Elieen: I'm bringing the cake.

Rigby: I'll be there.

Margaret: (Looking at Mordecai) So, you in? I know you're not much of a dancer.

Mordecai: Are you kidding? I dance all the time.

Margaret: You'll have to show me some moves, then.

Mordecai: You got it.

Margaret: Great! The party ends at midnight, so don't be late.

(She and Eileen walk away)

Mordecai: Don't worry, we won't.

Rigby: Man, why is Margaret having her party at a club? Clubs are so lame!

Mordecai: Yeah, but you know what's not lame? Dancing with Margaret!

(Makes techno music noise)

Rigby: Ugh. It is when you dance like that.

Mordecai: I'm gonna show her my moves and then make my move, know what I'm sayin'?

(Makes techno music noise)

(The scene transitions to Mordecai and Rigby all dressed up and walking to the club, while Mordecai is still making techno music)

Mordecai (continued): (Singing) Time to dance with Margaret, let's get this party started!

Rigby: (Singing) With cake we'll be rewarded!

Mordecai: Yeahyuh!

(They come up to the club, which has a huge line of people outside)

Mordecai and Rigby: (Laughs) 

Rigby: Is this it?

Mordecai: Ugh! Why don't they just use signs at these places? (Low voice) Oh, yeah, would be really cool to not have a sign so people can't find us.

Rigby: (High voice) Yeah, pretty cool. (Normal voice) I hate clubs.

Mordecai: Ugh! Seriously though, how are we supposed to know if this is the place?

Rigby: (Walks away) I know how to find out. (Talks to a guy spray painting a wall) Sup, bro.

Graffiti guy: Sup, little man.

Rigby: Hey, what are all those losers waiting in line for?

Graffiti guy: Just a dumb club. "The Box" is some junk.

Rigby: Clubs are so dumb. Thanks, bro.

(Walks away)

Rigby (continued): Yeah, this is "The Box".

Mordecai: Aw, sweet! Come on; let's go to the front. Margaret probably put us on the list.

(Lots of people are going to "The Box" club. The bouncer lets two people in.)

Club Bouncer: Ok, you, (point at a party girl) and... you. (points at another party girl) Hi, there. (lets both of the party girls in)

Mordecai: Hey. Hey, dude. We're here for a party, man.

Club Bouncer: Everyone's here to party, man. Get in line.

(Walks away)

Mordecai: Dude, did you just check the list?

Rigby: Yeah, check the list, man!

Girl in line: Just leave! you are not on the list!

Mordecai: Yes we are!

Rigby: Be quiet!

Club Bouncer: Whoa! Whoa! Settle down! So, you really think you're on the list?

Mordecai: Yeah, we're supposed to be here.

Club Bouncer: Alright. (Checks clipboard) Sorry man.

Rigby: Wait! You didn't even ask our names.

Mordecai: Yeah!

Club Bouncer: (Sigh) What are your names?

Mordecai: Mordecai and Rigby.

Club Bouncer: Oh, Mordecai and Rigby. Ok, yes, yes, you're definitely not on the list.

Mordecai: I don't believe you.

Club Bouncer: What?

Mordecai: Let me see the list.

Club Bouncer: You wanna see the list?

Mordecai: Yeah. Let me see the list!

Club Bouncer: Ready to get your minds blown?, 'Cause here it is.

(He reveals to them that there's nothing but blank pages)

Club Bouncer (continued): Boooooooooom! That's right, nobody is on the list.

Mordecai: But, but-

Club Bouncer: (Walks away) Now wait in line with everyone else.

Rigby: Ugh! What do we do now?

Mordecai: I'm calling Margaret, she'll get us in.

(The scene cuts in to Margaret's phone ringing while the music is super loud inside the club called "Box" and Margaret and Eileen are seen dancing.)

Margaret: Eileen, have you seen Mordecai and Rigby?

Eileen: Not yet.

Margaret: I wonder what's keeping them?

Eileen: You think Mordecai knows you've planned this last minute party, just so you can dance with him?

Margaret: Ha, ha. Very funny. Maybe I should call them.

Eileen: Don't worry, they'll show. Just dance! (Eileen spins in a circle, and claps with her hands. Then, Margaret and Elieen continue dancing in "Box".)

Margaret (on phone): Hey. This is Margaret. Leave a message.

Mordecai: Ugh! She's not answering.

Rigby: (sighs) Come on, man. Let's just wait in this dumb line. (later, Mordecai and Rigby are waiting in line to get into "The Box", completely bored.)

Mordecai: Ugh! This is taking forever. It's already 10:45!

Party Club Man: First time here for you, fellas?

Mordecai and Rigby: Yeah.

Party Club Man: Ha! No worry. You gettin' used to the waiting after a while.

Rigby: Do you come here a lot?

Party Club Man: Every night, man! I love it! Love's my dancin', I'm manglin' with the ladies. Well, I love the idea who'd that stuff. I've never actually been inside. But it sounds like a lot of fun, right? Can you imagine what it's like in there? Are you imagining?

Mordecai: Wait, how long have you've been waiting to get in?

Party Club Man: About 11 years.

Mordecai and Rigby: Uhh... (More club members get into The Box, and Mordecai, Rigby, and the Party Club Man finally get to the front of the line.)

Mordecai: Alright!

Rigby: 'Bout time!

Club Bouncer: (stops Mordecai, Rigby, and the Party Club Man.) Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up guys, (points at the Party Club Man.) you. Come on. (lets the Party Club Man go in.)

Mordecai and Rigby: What?!

Party Club Man: Really?

Club Bouncer: Yeah. Come on.


Mordecai: Dude, what the heck?! We we're next! We waited in line! What's the problem?!

Club Bouncer: The problem is what you're wearing. There's no way I'm letin' you in looking like that.

Rigby: What? This shirt costs $10. I bought it online.

Club Bouncer: Sorry guys, but this club fashion rules. And all I'm seeing is drool.

(Then, a limousine drives by "The Box", and then a club woman steps out of the limo, wearing super hot fashion clothes, glasses, and an extremely funky hairdo. Then, the club woman enters "The Box".)

Rigby: Aw, what?!

Mordecai: What the heck?! You let her in?! But her clothes are ridiculous!

Club Bouncer: That's fashion, fellas. (Mordecai gets out of the line.)

Rigby: Wait, where you goin'?

Mordecai: You heard him. We gotta get some fashion. (Rigby follows Mordecai)

[Mordecai and Rigby start getting garbage bags, old socks, cups, goggles, and spray paint to make them as wearable fashion clothes. Then, one of the many people waiting in line to enter "The Box" sees something beyond his own eyes.]

Male Club Member: Whoa! (points at something) Look, everybody! (All the other club members in line look and saw that Mordecai and Rigby used garbage to look just like the club woman who entered "The Box".)

Multiple Club Members: Wow! Who are they? Yeah! I like it! Wooo! Yay! Yeah! They're awesome! Now hoo-tha-barb! Look at that! See, now that's putting on clothes! (They all cheer as Mordecai and Rigby go to the front of the line.)

Club Bouncer: (gasps as he sees Mordecai and Rigby in fashion clothes) Uhh.. (finally lets them go in) right this way. (Mordecai finally enters "The Box", Rigby slaps the list out of the Club Bouncer's left hand, and then goes in as the Club Bouncer picks it up off the floor.) Thank you!

Rigby: Dude, I can't believe that worked!

Mordecai: Psht. Fashion? More like "Tra-shion"!

Mordecai and Rigby: Whoooooooooooooooooaaaaa!! (both laughing) Whoa..... (Mordecai and Rigby look around the inside of "The Box", and saw a lot of club members dancing to party music.)

Rigby: Dude, this place is CRAZY NUTS!!

Mordecai: Alright! Stay together! We gotta find- (phone ringing noise) Oh. (Mordecai pulls out his phone, noticing that he has an incoming phone call from Margaret.) It's Margaret! (Mordecai accepts the phone call.) Margaret? Hey! We just got in! Where are you guys?

Margaret (on phone): Morde-- Dancing!

Mordecai: What?

Margaret (on phone): In the back!

Mordecai: What?! In the back?

Margaret (on phone): Mordec--

Mordecai: Hello? Hello? Hello?

(Mordecai hangs up and puts his phone away.)

Mordecai: Okay, dude. I think they're in the ba -

(Mordecai notices Rigby is gone)

Mordecai: Rigby?! Rigby?!

(Cut to Rigby walking through the club, amazed by his surroundings)

Rigby: Whoa!

(Rigby starts dancing on the dancefloor.)

Rigby: Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Whoo!

(Cut to Mordecai, still looking for Rigby)

Mordecai: Rigby? Rigby!! Rig - ugh!

(Mordecai bumps into Ladonna)

Ladonna: Yes?

Mordecai: Sorry, I'm just looking for a friend.

Ladonna: Well, here I am.

Mordecai: No, uhh -

Ladonna: Dance with me.

(Ladonna starts dancing while Mordecai watches)

Ladonna: I like your style. Come with me.

(Ladonna walks off)

Mordecai: Actually, I've gotta meet my friend - Margare-

(Mordecai is dragged away. Cut to Rigby dancing, there is a massive crowd of people surrounding him cheering him on)

Rigby: Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! This place is awesome!

(Rigby rips off his clothes, causing everybody to gasp. Rigby keeps dancing)

Rigby: Ah, ah, ah, ah!

(Cut to Mordecai and Ladonna, go into a lounge area. Mordecai is thrown onto a sofa, and Ladonna sits down.)

Ladonna: Agh, that's better. So what did you say your name was?

Mordecai: Uh, Mordecai. But look -

Ladonna: Mordecai...I like that. I'm Ladonna.

(Ladonna puts her hand out for Mordecai to shake)

Mordecai: Uh, hi. But seriously, I'm just here to dance with my friend, Margaret, so -

Ladonna: Ugh! I'm parched! Waters please!

(Ladonna claps twice to get attention, while Mordecai anxiously looks at his phone - to realize he only has fifteen minutes until the party ends. The waiter brings Ladonna two glasses of water)

Ladonna: Have you ever had Vandana local water, Mordecai? It's infused with the laughter of babies, you have to try it.

Mordecai: I'm good. Thanks.

(Ladonna angrily pushes the glass of water towards Mordecai)

Ladonna: Try it!!

(Mordecai drinks the water)

Mordecai: Mmm, mhm.

Ladonna: Your look - it screams high fashion. Where did you get your ensemble?

Mordecai: Uh, out back?

Ladonna: Australia?! Wonderva!

(Ladonna gasps and puts her hand on Mordecai's hand)

Ladonna: We must go tonight. I have a jet. Can you imagine the fun we'll have?

Mordecai: Uh.

Ladonna: Are you imagining?

(Mordecai swipes his hand away)

Mordecai: No, look! My friend Margaret is waiting for me and-

(Mordecai notices Rigby getting pulled away by security in the distance)

Rigby: Get off me, man! Come on, I was just having fun! What, you aren't allowed to have fun in this place?

(Mordecai gasps and runs after Rigby)

Mordecai: Rigby!

Rigby: Let go!

Mordecai: Rigby! Did you find Margaret?

Rigby: No, I was just dancing and now the boneheads are kicking me out!

Mordecai: What?

Lafayette: This fashion reject is an embarrassment to our club! He's gotta go!

Rigby: You're the reject!

(Ladonna walks over)

Ladonna: What is going on here?

Mordecai: Agh! This is why clubs suck! You think you're better than everybody else! There's that dumb list that no-one can get on, that weird baby water, this annoying music?

Rigby: Actually, I like the music!

Mordecai: And now you're kicking my friend out because he's not wearing the right clothes?! Well I'm not wearing the right clothes.

(Mordecai takes the trash suit off)

Mordecai: I got this stuff out of the trash. Are you gonna kick me out too?

(Everybody, including Ladonna, gasps)

Mordecai: Rigby is not an embarrassment. This stuck-up club is an embarrassment.

Ladonna: Well, I am the owner of this "stuck up club", and I want you two gone.

Mordecai: What?

Ladonna: Harvey! Lafayette!

(Mordecai gets grabbed by security)

Mordecai: Huh - wait!

Ladonna: Throw these losers out.

Mordecai: No! Please! Margaret's waiting for me! I promised I'd dance with her!

Lafayette: Not tonight, kid.

Rigby: Let go of me!

Mordecai: No!

(Mordecai gasps as he sees the back of what seems to be Margaret's head)

Mordecai: Margaret! Ugh!

(Mordecai elbows Lafayette and runs towards Margaret. Ladonna notices)

Ladonna: Get him!

(Rigby gasps and steps on Harvey's foot, then runs after Mordecai. Both security guards chase them)

Rigby: Do you see her?

Mordecai: Yeah! She's up ahead!

(Mordecai gasps as he sees Lafayette appear in front of him)

Rigby: I got this!

(Rigby pounces onto Lafayette and starts pounding his face)

Rigby: In your face, sucker!

Mordecai: Thanks, Rigby!

(Ladonna gets angry and lights up)

Mordecai: Margaret!

(Ladonna growls as forms a ray of energy that starts chasing Mordecai)

Mordecai: Margaret! Aghhh!

(Mordecai passes the Party Club Man)

Party Club Man: This is the best night ever!

(Mordecai slides under the man's feet. The man laughs and then gets hit by Ladonna's energy ray. He lights up and light rays are projected across the entire club. Mordecai finally approaches who appears to be Margaret)

Mordecai: Margaret! I made it! So how about that--?

(Mordecai touches her on the shoulder, she turns around and is revealed to be a random girl with a similar haircut to Margaret's. Mordecai gasps, and is then tackled by security. Cut to black, then Mordecai and Rigby are seen being thrown out of the club into an alleyway)

Mordecai & Rigby: Agh!

(Rigby runs into the door to try and break it down, but is unsuccessful)

Mordecai: Ugh. Forget it, Rigby. It's after midnight. Margaret probably went home by now.

Rigby: Sorry man, there's always next year.

(Margaret and Eileen are suddenly seen leaving the club opposite)

Margaret: Mordecai! Rigby!

Mordecai: Margaret?

Margaret: We were just coming to look for you guys!

Eileen: What happened?

Rigby: We just got kicked out of The Box.

Margaret: The Box? Why were you guys in there?

Mordecai: That's where you said the party was.

Margaret: I said "Box". Not "The Box". They're totally different.

Eileen: Yeah, that place is way stuck up.

Rigby: It was amazing.

Mordecai: Sorry we missed your party, Margaret.

Margaret: Oh, it's alright.

Eileen: We still have some cake inside.

Rigby: Then what are we standing around here for? It better be chocolate.

(Rigby and Eileen run in, while Eileen giggles. Margaret begins to walk inside)

Mordecai: Hey. Margaret. Hold up.

(Mordecai reveals a present to her)

Mordecai: Happy birthday.

Margaret: Oh, Mordecai. You didn't have to!

Mordecai: It's just a mixtape!

(Margaret looks up at him annoyed that he spoiled the surprise)

Mordecai: Uh - I mean, haha! Who knows what it is? Open it.

Margaret: Pfft.

(She opens the present)

Margaret: A mixtape!

Mordecai: Hey!

Margaret: Where's the song list?

Mordecai: It's a surprise! You gotta listen to it!

Margaret: Alright, let's listen to it!

Mordecai: What, now?

(Margaret approaches the graffiti guy)and picks up his boombox

Margaret: Hey dude, can we borrow this?

Graffiti Guy: Oh, sure thing.

(Margaret plays the mixtape)

Margaret: Wow, nice. So how about that dance?

Mordecai: Oh, okay.

(Mordecai and Margaret both dance with each other, and laugh)

(End of episode)