This page is the transcript for "A Bunch of Full Grown Geese".

(A montage of the park lakeside with people sailing, chilling, etc., Mordecai, Rigby and Pops are sitting around a table with a sandwich and some ingredients.)

Mordecai, Rigby, and Pops: Hoagie Sandwich! Hoagie Sandwich!

Mordecai: Squeeze out the Mustard, do it real quick! (Puts on Mustard)

Rigby: A dab of Mayo, too much'd be sick! (Puts Mayonnaise on)

Pops: Healthy veggies'll make this valid! (Puts on lettuce and tomatoes)

Rigby: And don't forget the main ingredients so we don't confuse it with a salad!

Mordecai, Rigby, and Pops: (Putting meat on) Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!

(Mordecai elbows in onto the table and holds it up as everybody in the gang laughs.)

(A group of four fully grown Canadian Geese show up on the bridge. The Geese start attacking the lakeside, starting by scaring a couple away, pushing a squirrel off the bridge, and even dropping a giant rock on a paddle boat with a couple in it, breaking it and sending the couple into the lake. Two of the geese chest pound each other.)

Pops: Those ruffians!! (Gets up and runs to the geese) Now see here, geese!! Your behavior is most uncouth! Now, I'm afraid- (Geese start pushing him around) Ahhhh!

(Pops runs away, sobbing.)

Rigby: Hey, quit it!

(The geese stare at the sandwich and Rigby realizes it.)


(The geese attack it and throw it in the trash can.)

Rigby: (Sobbing) WHYYY?

(The geese start punching the trash can, smashing it in the process, and rolls the trash can towards the three where it may have hit another trash can, sending some garbage flying in the air.)

(Cuts to the house, and into Benson's office.)

Mordecai: Benson, somethin's gotta be done about those geese. Pops is locked in his room crying!

Benson: Yeah, we've been getting complaints. They're highly territorial, war-like birds. (Lays back his feet on the desk) Luckily, I got a couple of guys who will be taking care of the problem.

Mordecai and Rigby: Dude, awesome!

Rigby: Who is it?

Benson: A couple of guys named Mordecai and Rigby.

Mordecai and Rigby: What?!

Mordecai: Maybe you don't understand, Benson. These geese... they're terrifying.

Rigby: Terrifying!

Benson: I don't wanna hear it! Do it or you're fired!!

Rigby: Man, you always say that. You're all talk, Benson.

Benson: (seething in rage) URRRRGH!! (gets up in a rage) URAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

(Mordecai & Rigby scream, and Benson chases Mordecai & Rigby out.)

(Scene cuts to the lakeside)

Mordecai: All right, dude, you ready?

(Rigby nods with a blanket in his hand, and Mordecai takes out another blanket.)

Mordecai: Here goes nothing.

(Mordecai and Rigby wave their blankets at the geese, screaming.)

Rigby: It's working!

(The geese snatch their blankets away. Two of them turn them into whips and start to whip the duo. The scene changes to a bottle titled GET GONE GEESE with a hose attached to it.)

Mordecai: (To Rigby) Ready?

Rigby: (To Mordecai) Ready!

(Rigby stares at the geese, attempted to get the hose but the geese in front of him picks it up with its beak and sprays the geese repellent on Rigby.)

Mordecai: Hey quit it! (Gets sprayed at) Uh! Smells like rotten eggs!

(The other geese come along. One of them pushes Mordecai down, and the other geese start to attack Rigby.)

Rigby: Wait, Mordecai! (miserably) Whyyy?? Whyyyy??!

(Mordecai pulls Rigby away from the geese.)

(Scene cuts to Skip's House.)

Mordecai: We need your help, Skips.

Skips: Ew! Rotten Egg Smell! I've got just the thing. First, drive to the ocean...

Rigby: No, we need your help with these crazy geese!

Skips: .....Oh, no. You're on your own with those things.

Mordecai: Aw Man, well what are we supposed to do?

Skips: Well... Geese and ducks are natural enemies. You guys know any ducks?

Mordecai: Ducks? (He glances at Rigby. A thought crosses their minds.)

(The scene transitions to Mordecai and Rigby standing outside Skips' House. Mordecai is holding his phone, cycling through the list of contacts. Finally, he finds the connection to the Baby Ducks and dials it. The line on the other end answers. The Baby ducks are back at their place, rollerskating, reading comics, and playing video games.)

Baby Duck 1: Hello?

Mordecai: Hey. It's Mordecai.

Baby Duck 1: Mordecai! Yo, other baby ducks, Mordecai is calling!

Baby Duck 2: Mordeco! How's it hanging? What's the word, Mordo?

Baby Duck 3: Good to hear from you, dude.

Mordecai: Hey, guys. We got a problem with --

Baby Duck 4: What's up, Mordecai?

Mordecai: Uh, a problem with geese.

Baby Duck 1: Aw, man. Geese are the worst!

Baby Duck 4: Yeah, they make me sick.

Baby Duck 2: Those guys are awful! You didn't use geese repellent or blankets, did you?

Mordecai: Uh... no.

Baby Duck 3: Good. 'Cause that just makes them angrier.

Baby Duck 4: (laughs) Yeah, you'd have to be a complete chump to use those.

Baby Duck 1: You want us to come and deal with them, man?

Mordecai: Naw, that's okay. We can do it ourselves. Could you just tell us what we gotta do?

Baby Duck 2: You should use lasers!

Mordecai: Lasers?

Baby Duck 3: Yeah, man. Those losas hate la-sas.

Baby Ducks: (singsong) La-la-la-la-lasers! La-la-la-la-lasers! Shine 'em in their facers! And watch 'em run awaysers! Zoop! Zoop! Zoop! Zoop! Zoop! Zoop! Wooo! (chuckling)

Mordecai: Thahah. Yeah, thanks. Uh, later, guys. (He hangs up.)

Rigby: Why didn't you ask them for help?

Mordecai: Come on, they have better things to do.

Skips: (opens the door) You guys are still here?

(The scene cuts to Mordecai and Rigby hiding in a bush and peering through it.)

Rigby: (whispering) I can't believe it! They've taken over the entire lake! 

(The Geese are standing their ground. The park is entirely covered in guano.)

Mordecai: (whispering) Looks like they've marked their territory.

Rigby: (whispering) Aw, sick!

Mordecai:  (whispering) Let's do this.

(The two get out laser pointers.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Hmm, hmm, hmm!

(They both shine the lasers onto one of the geese. The goose looks at himself, and the other geese start looking at the lasers. Mordecai and Rigby scan them up into the air.)

Mordecai: And Now! Dude, it's working!

Mordecai and Rigby: Yea-yuh! 

(The duo slap a hi-five, but then Rigby looks up into the air and sees that there are only three geese flying away.)

Rigby: Hey, weren't there fou-

(Rigby gets interrupted as the fourth goose pops its head into the bush, honking angrily.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Aaaagh! 

(The geese suddenly throw Mordecai and Rigby out of the bush. The duo start shining the laser pointers on them, but find they are outnumbered as the geese start attacking them. The two are thrown onto the ground as they groan, then suddenly all of the geese throw a tree into their way.)

Mordecai: I thought lasers were supposed to work! 

(Suddenly, a giant green laser fires at the tree and all of the geese fall off it. Then suddenly it cuts to the baby ducks, who are seen to have just saved their lives.)

Baby Duck: Lasers do work! You just gotta use the right kind!

Mordecai and Rigby: Baby Ducks!

Baby Duck: We thought you losers would get in trouble! Geese! This lake isn't yours! Leave now!

(The Geese's eyes start to glow red and one of them begins to talk)

Goose: (In a very deep voice) No! We are in the process of terraforming this lake for our own kind! (Mordecai and Rigby are seen looking in shock) We have removed all non-goose lifeforms and fertilized the soil! This lake is ours, duck! If you want it, you'll have to come and take it!

Baby Duck: That can be arranged! 

(The Geese begin to glow in red)

Baby Duck: (To Mordecai and Rigby) Get down!

(Mordecai and Rigby duck behind a bush as the Geese begin posing many times and they fly up to form a giant four-head, goose robot. The Baby Ducks begin fist pumping and they form together the Duck Man. The two giants prepare to fight.)

Goose Monster: Scrabble Missiles! (Fires six missiles at Mordecai, Rigby, and Duck Man)

Rigby: We're gonna die!

(The Duck Man blocks the missiles and flies toward the Goose Monster but gets shocked)

Duck Man: AHHH!!! Step off! (Chops the metal shocker off but gets blasted backwards by the Goose Monster. Mordecai and Rigby are seen coughing from the dirt and the Duck Man fires a blast at the Goose Monster but it has no effect. The Goose Monster begins laughing but Duck Man charges at the Goose Monster only to charge directly into a large energy sphere which sends them backwards.)

Mordecai and Rigby: (Running to the Duck Man) NOO!!!

Goose Monster: (Grabs a tree that is near the house and knocks away the top part of it. Then throws the tree into the sky) Scrabble Missiles! (Uses missiles to destroy the tree then blasts the house more.)

Mordecai: Hey!

Rigby: That's our room!

Goose Monster: Now we will destroy everything you care about! (Grabs a television set) Starting with this standard-definition T.V.! Which is really doing you a favor! (Throws the tv into the sky) Scrabble Missiles! (The tv is destroyed by the missles.)

Mordecai and Rigby: NOO!!!!

(Duck Man groans)

Mordecai: Is there any way we can help!?

Duck Man: It's...too dangerous.

Mordecai: We're not going to let you die!

Rigby: Yeah! Just tell us what to do!

Duck Man: Very well. Did you see what started our transformation?

Rigby: Uh...fist pumping?

Duck Man: Yes...You must fist pump!

Mordecai: Like this? (He and Rigby hold up their fists.)

Duck Man: No. Really fist pump! Fist pump with everything you got! (Mordecai and Rigby being fist pumping with both arms.) Maybe dial it back a bit...

(Mordecai and Rigby fist pump once more which sends a ray of light into the sky. Their video game console along with the gaming fist, shoes, and shorts are also brought out from their room. As "The Touch" by Stan Bush is playing, the items begin to merge with the Duck Man. Mordecai and Rigby are also equipped with items.)

Mordecai: Alright!

Rigby: Let's cook this goose! (Mordecai and Rigby position themselves inside the armor of Duck Man.)

Duck Man: Dudes! Can you hear me?

Mordecai: Yeah!

Rigby: Loud and clear!

(The Goose Monster fires a blast.)

Duck Man: Sonic Shield! (Mordecai and Rigby help bring up the Sonic Shield which blocks the blast.) Rocket fist!

Rigby: (Presses a button.) Bam! (The fist connects with the Goose Monster sending it backwards.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Yes!

(The Goose Monster gets up and begins charging at them.)

Mordecai: Divert power to shoes!

(Duck Man jumps out of the way and begins beating down the Goose Monster. He punches a hole through the Goose Monster and fires musical notes at it. Then Duck Man flies up high.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Draw Power Sword! 

(Duck Man takes out a large sword and being to charge at the Goose Monster)

Computer: Altitude decreasing. (Two controllers appear.) Manual Sword Control.

(Duck Man charges toward the Goose Monster as Mordecai and Rigby are controlling the movement and being to spin the sword in circles which cuts the Goose Monster apart. The Goose Monster turns back into the four Geese and they are zapped and beaten down.)

Duck Man: Yeauya!

Mordecai: Game over, Geese!

Goose: Fools! The game of duck, duck, goose will never end! There will be future lakes! Future sandwiches to ruin....

Mordecai: Hey Geese!

(Duck Man's arm begins to glow.)

Mordecai, Rigby, and Duck Man: STEP OFF!!! (Duck Man's arm slams down on the geese completely destroying them.) WOOAHHHH!!!! (Duck Man turns back into the four Baby Ducks.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Awesome!

Mordecai: Thanks dudes! We couldn't have done it without you.

Baby Duck: Anytime!


Mordecai: (Scared.) Hey...Benson.

Rigby: We got rid of the Geese!

Benson: Yeah! And HALF the park along with 'em! And you four! Look at the damage you caused!

Mother Duck: (Flies in.) Stop this right now! Mordecai and Rigby saved the Park! Quite possibly the world! You should be thanking them! And how dare you scold my children!? A grown man, yelling at Baby Ducks...You should be ashamed of yourself.

Benson: (Depressed.) I...I'm sorry ma'am...(Walks off.)


(The episode ends as the next few scenes show Mordecai and Rigby with the Baby Ducks, the Duck Man and Mordecai and Rigby flying though space on a guitar, and the three of them enjoying the sunset.)

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