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Regular Show Wiki
This page is the transcript for "A Bunch of Baby Ducks".

(Episode begins with Mordecai and Rigby walking to the fountain to clean it)

Rigby: Uggggggggggghh!

Mordecai: C'mon, Rigby, it will be over before you know it.

Rigby: Man, I hate cleaning the fountain! It's like the worst job at The Park! Why do we have to clean it anyways, isn't that what rain is for?!

Mordecai: I know, dude, but we just gotta power through it. Here, I'll turn off the water, you start the hose.

Rigby: What?! Why do I have to start the hose?!

Mordecai: It's your turn.

Rigby: My turn, your turn, what's the difference? We're a team, man.

Mordecai: Then man up and do it for the team.

Rigby: Rock, paper, scissors for who starts the hose.

Mordecai: Fine.

(They play rock, paper, scissors. Mordecai gets scissors and Rigby gets paper.)

Rigby: Two out of three?

Mordecai: Start the hose!

Rigby: (angrily mocking Mordecai) "Start the hose."

(Mordecai turns off the fountain and Rigby puts the hose inside the fountain. Rigby sighs, then puts his mouth on the hose and accidentally sucks in the water.)

Rigby: (spitting out the water) Blegh! It tastes like how Muscle Man smells!

Mordecai: Yeah, dude. But check out all this free stuff.

Rigby: All right, what's it gonna be this time?

(They find the baby ducks in the fountain among with some trash)

Rigby: A bunch of baby ducks?

Mordecai: We must have stranded them when we drained the water.

(Mordecai tries to catch them but they run away)

Mordecai: C'mon, dude, help me get them out! We can't clean the fountain with them still in it!

(Mordecai and Rigby try to catch them but they can't keep up with the ducks.)

(The Baby Ducks start chirping)

Mordecai: Get the bucket.

(Mordecai chases the ducks into a bucket. Rigby and Mordecai dump the ducks out of the bucket)

Mordecai: I wonder what they were doing in there all alone.

Rigby: Maybe their mom got scared off or something.

Mordecai: Ready to get back to work?

Rigby: I guess.

(Rigby tries to walk away, but the baby ducks keep following him).

Rigby: I think they're following me!

Mordecai: Haha, dude! They imprinted on you!

Rigby: What?!

Mordecai: Haha, they did! They totally think you're their mom!

Rigby: Stop it!

(Rigby tries to run away from the ducks while Mordecai is laughing at him).

Rigby: Quit following me! I'm not a duck!

Mordecai: Haha! What are you doing? Trying to teach them how to suck at football?

Rigby: Shut up!

(Rigby keeps trying to run away and spins around in circles from the ducks and bumps into Benson)

Benson: Are you two finished cleaning the fountain yet?

Rigby: We're working on it.

Benson: Oh really? Because it looks like you're just playing with a bunch of baby ducks!

Mordecai: We're not playing! We found them in the fountain!

Rigby: Now they won't stop following me.

Mordecai: They imprinted on Rigby.

Benson: Ha! They think Rigby is their mom? Haha! That's the saddest thing I ever heard!

Mordecai: No, I think someone naming their kid Rigby is the saddest thing I ever heard.

Rigby: Hey!

Mordecai: Pfft, just kidding. But seriously, we can't clean this fountain if we're babysitting these ducks.

Benson: Alright, fine. Find a place for those ducks and get back to work, and don't slack off. You still need to clean the park truck when you're done.

(Benson walks away)

Rigby: Aw, man! How do we get rid of these ducks?

Mordecai: Easy. Chicks.

(Scene changes to Mordecai and Rigby at the Coffee Shop)

Rigby: Uggggh! Where are they?!?

Mordecai: Relax! They'll be out in a minute.

(three of the baby ducks jump into Rigby's cereal bowl)

Rigby: Get out of my cereal!

Mordecai: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Rigby: Oh, thanks a lot. You're a real pal. (walks away from the table) Hm, hm, hm. Step off! Step off! You don't want none of this!

Margaret and Eileen: Awwww!

Eileen: Who are your little pals, Rigby?

Rigby: Little pals? More like little jerks! Look what they did to my cereal! (angrily points to cereal)

Eileen: Aw! They made a baby duck milk waterfall.

Rigby: Get away from me!

Margaret: Aw, look! Now they're copying you!

Rigby: Uggggh!

Margaret: What's the matter, don't you like them?

Eileen: (holding a duck) Is Rigby ignoring you because you're not a beautiful swan yet?

Mordecai: Err... Well we found them at the park and we're supposed to get rid of them. Actually, we were thinking maybe you guys could use some baby ducks!

Margaret: No pets allowed in my building.

Eileen: (suddenly covered in spots) And I'm allergic to duck dander.

Margaret: I bet the Animal Shelter could find them a good home!

(Scene goes to the Animal Shelter)

Animal Shelter Receptionist: Can I help you?

Mordecai: Err... We found these baby ducks and we-

Rigby: (interrupting) We wanna get rid of 'em. (Mordecai angrily punches Rigby) Uggh!

Mordecai: We want to find them a good home.

Animal Shelter Receptionist: Alright, I'm going to need you to fill out some paper work. You can start by... Are those ducks karate chopping each other?

(Ducks karate chopping each other)

Rigby: Er... No.

(Ducks beat up a dog and it crawls into a corner whimpering)

Animal Shelter Receptionist: I'm sorry, we can't take violent animals.

Mordecai: Aw, what? They're not violent!

Rigby: Yeah, man, they were just playing around!

Animal Shelter Receptionist: Those ducks are thugs.

Rigby: You know, some people would think karate chopping was really cool!

(The Ducks karate chop the leg off a table, smashing a tank from which a snake crawls out. They karate chop it into either death or unconsciousness. Later, Mordecai, Rigby and the ducks walk out of the Animal Shelter building)

Rigby: Now what are we gonna do?

Mordecai: I guess we're just gonna have to find someone cool to take them.

Rigby: That shouldn't be a problem. Check this out.

(Rigby punches the air above the Ducks)

Rigby: They're not even flinching!

Mordecai: That is pretty cool.

Rigby: Yea-yuh! And they're fast learners, too.

(The Ducks punch at each other)

Mordecai: Dude! These ducks are awesome!

Rigby: Yeah, man! We can't just give them to some loser!

Mordecai: Don't worry, we'll find somebody to take them. Video game break?

Rigby: Video game break!

(Scene goes to Mordecai, Rigby and the Ducks on the house sofa. On the game, two monsters are fighting. The one on the left wins without any real competition.)

Mordecai and the Ducks: OOOOOOOHHH!

Mordecai: Ha ha ha! Dude, this is crazy! That's the third time in a row that they beat you!

Rigby: It's not my fault! I told you this controller's busted.

Ducks: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm!

Rigby: Uggh! Step off! Step off!

Mordecai: I don't know, man. I think there's something special about these ducks. Maybe we shouldn't give them away.

Rigby: What?

Mordecai: I don't know. I mean, maybe we should keep them.

Benson: (coming into the room) What was that?

Mordecai: Huh? Oh, hey, Benson. We were just saying maybe we should keep... looking for someone to keep... these ducks!

Rigby: Yeah! Yeah, that's it!

Benson: Are you guys done cleaning the fountain?

Mordecai: Oh, well, no. Because we're still looking for people to take these ducks.

Benson: I don't care! Find someone to take care of these ducks right now and get back to work or you're fired!

(Benson angrily leaves the room)

Baby Ducks: OOOOOOHHH!!!

Mordecai: Not cool, guys.

(Scene changes to Mordecai, Rigby and the ducks in the kitchen sitting at the table. Mordecai finishes a flier for the baby ducks and shows Rigby)

Mordecai: Okay, how about this?

Rigby: Man, I dunno. Fliers? The only people who are gonna see these are some creepy old dudes in the park. We can't just give the ducks to some loser.

Mordecai: Come on, dude, we have to do what Benson said. Besides, someone cool will take the ducks, you'll see. It's the right thing to do.

Rigby: Alright, let's go put these things up.

(Scene changes to outside of the house. The baby ducks are swimming in a kiddy pool and Mordecai and Rigby are sitting on the stairs at the front. The duck collector arrives at the house in a green truck and Mordecai, Rigby and the Duck Collector walk up to each other. The baby ducks are seen beating each other.)

Duck Collector: I like the looks of these babies. Here. (he opens up a cooler so the ducks will go in)

Mordecai and Rigby: No.

(The Duck Collector closes his cooler and the scene changes back to where Mordecai is sitting on the stairs, and Rigby is in the pool sitting on a pool ring with the baby ducks)

Mordecai: Let's face it. These ducks are too cool. We're not gonna be able to find someone who we can trust to take care of them.

Rigby: See, I told you.

Mordecai: I don't hear you come up with any great ideas (a jet of water is squirted at Mordecai). Hey, cut it out!

Rigby: Hahahahahaha! (keeps squirting water at Mordecai with his hand)

(The bunch of baby ducks are mimicking Rigby and squirting water at each other)

Rigby: Maybe we can keep the ducks if we just hide them from Benson.

Mordecai: There's no way! He'd find them anywhere.

Rigby: Not if we hide them in plain sight. They can stay in the bathtub and I'll train them to act like rubber duckies. Like this.

(Rigby makes a face of a rubber ducky and the baby ducks copy Rigby's face)

Mordecai: Dude, that could actually work.

Rigby: Okay, now squeeze me so I can train them to squeak.

Pops (standing at the porch): Mordecai and Rigby! Telephone call for you inside!

Mordecai (picks up the phone): Hello?

Mother Duck (voice): Um yeah hello, I'm calling about your ad. Are these ducks small and fluffy and yellow?

Mordecai: Yes.

Mother Duck: Ohhh, my babies! Thank goodness. I leave the fountain for one minute and next thing I know they're gone.

Mordecai (covering transmitter on the phone): It's their mom. She wants her babies back.

Rigby: Tell her "no". We got the rubber duck plan all worked out!

Mordecai: Come on, Rigby, think about it. We don't know anything about raising ducks.

Rigby: It can't be that hard.

Mordecai: You can't even feed yourself. How are you gonna feed a bunch of ducks?

Rigby (his stomach grumbles): Good point. I don't think I've fed them at all yet. Have you?

Mordecai (returns to the phone): When do you wanna pick them up?

Mother Duck: I'll be right over.

(Mordecai and Rigby are walking out of the house)

Rigby: Do you even know what they eat?

Mordecai: I feel like dog food might...

(The duck collector is seen loading the baby ducks into his cooler)

Mordecai: Hey!

Rigby: Stop!

Mordecai: We shouldn't have left them alone!

(The duck collector rushes off to his truck while Mordecai and Rigby chase after him but Mordecai slips and falls into the kiddy pool. The duck collector tosses the cooler into the back of the truck and the ducks are heard chirping inside. Mordecai and Rigby run up to the front of the truck)

Mordecai: (banging on the truck window): Hey! Open the door!

Rigby (climbing up the hood of the truck and banging on the windscreen): We want our baby ducks back!

Duck Collector: Oh, I think you mean my baby ducks. Sure was mighty kind of you boys to hand them over so nicely!

(The duck collector starts the ignition of the truck using a key with a duck chain on it. The windscreen wipers are activated and knocks Rigby of the truck and falls to the ground and Rigby grunts in pain)

Duck Collector: Ta ta! (waves and drives off)

(Mordecai walks and stops. Rigby runs up to Mordecai)

Mordecai: This isn't over. Uh-oh.

(Mother Duck is flying over to Mordecai and Rigby and lands in the kiddy pool. Mordecai and RIgby walk over to Mother Duck)

Mother Duck: Where are my babies?

Rigby: That guy just took 'em!

Mother Duck (jumps out of kiddy pool): What?

Mordecai (about to walk away): I'll get the cart!

Mother Duck: There's no time for carts! Hurry, get on!

Mordecai: Uhh, are you sure that's... I mean I dunno if...

Mother Duck: Get on!

(Mordecai is sitting himself on Mother Duck)

Rigby: Whoa whoa whoa! I'm not sittin' behind you.

Mordecai: Dude, just sit in the back.

Rigby: You sit in the back!

Mordecai: Let's play rock, paper, scissors for it.

(They play rock, paper, scissors. Mordecai gets rock and Rigby gets scissors)

Rigby: Aaagh!

(Rigby sits behind Mordecai and Mother Duck takes off)

Mother Duck: Where'd he go?

Rigby: Over there!

(The duck collector's truck is seen driving and Mother Duck dives down as Mordecai and Rigby are screaming. Mordecai jumps off Mother Duck onto the top of the truck and the Duck Collector hears from inside. The Duck Collector swerves as Rigby just lands on top of the truck, but is hanging from the edge. Rigby struggles, but Mordecai holds Rigby's hand and lifts Rigby up on top. Mordecai runs across to the open window and swings in where the Duck Collector is sitting and kicks the Duck Collector. Rigby jumps in and tries to push the Duck Collector away. Mordecai manages to punch the Duck Collector, causing the truck to rotate, but the Duck Collector pushes Mordecai and Rigby across the area of the driver's room.)

Rigby: Give me back my ducks!

(Rigby gets a hold of the Duck Collector's head and slams it on the driver's wheel several times and the Duck Collector punches Rigby. Mordecai comes up and punches the Duck Collector, causing his hat to fall off, and Mordecai and the Duck Collector push each other for the control of the driver's wheel. Rigby holds onto the wheel and spins it right, and the truck tumbles and Mordecai, Rigby and the Duck Collector are screaming. The park's fountain is destroyed by the tumbling truck, and stops with its top on the ground and smoke emerging from the bottom of the truck. Mordecai, Rigby and the Duck Collector fight, and Mordecai is kicked and crashes into a tree. The baby ducks watch Mordecai crashing and walk over to him. The Duck Collector gets up and Rigby rolls away. Mother Duck flies in to attack the Duck Collector and pecks him on the head, and Mother Duck is knocked unconscious. The baby ducks look worried and Rigby pulls his fists in front of him ready to fight)

Duck Collector: I'm taking those ducks.

(The Duck Collector draws a sword from his cane and threatens Rigby with it, and Rigby shuffles backwards whimpering in fear)

Mordecai: Rigby!

(Rigby backs away and the baby ducks' eyes shine red in fury and all transform into a giant with a duck's head. Mordecai, Rigby and the Duck Collector look up to the duck giant in shock. The scenery has a slight tinge of orange)

Duck Giant: Step off!

(Duck Giant's hand engulfs in flames and karate chops the Duck Collector into half. A huge explosion occurs and the scenery is all clear again. The Duck Giant transforms back into the baby ducks all chirping casually and Mordecai and Rigby are still shocked. The baby ducks run over to Mordecai and Rigby and jump up and down)

Rigby: You guys are so cool!

(The scene changes with the destroyed park fountain and the truck in the background. The baby ducks are cradled in Rigby's arms and Mordecai and Mother Duck are standing)

Rigby: We're really gonna miss you guys!

Mordecai: Yeah, take it easy, guys!

Rigby: Remember what we taught you! High five?

(Rigby holds out his hand and the baby ducks fist bump it. Mother Duck and the baby ducks are walking away)

Mordecai: And keep practicing your video games if you ever want to make a living at it!

Baby Duck: Hey, Mordecai and Rigby, thanks.

(The rest of the baby ducks face Mordecai and Rigby. Mordecai and Rigby look at each other and smile. )

Baby Duck: For being the coolest losers we knowww!

Baby Ducks (waving): OOOOOHHH!!

Mordecai and Rigby: Woooooooaahhhhhh!!

(Mother Duck walks away and takes flight while the baby ducks follow. Mordecai and Rigby are waving. They turn around behind themselves smiling and see Benson frowning. Mordecai and Rigby stop smiling and look a bit worried)

Mordecai: Woa-hoh, hey, Benson. Alright, so there's good news and bad news. The good news is that the ducks' mom came back and picked them up! The bad news is the fountain is destroyed. So we're probably gonna need another chore to do. Is there any other things that might need cleaning?

(Benson walks away still frowning)

Mordecai: Benson?