The Christmas Special/Transcript

(This page is a transcript for "The Christmas Special".)

(Episode begins with Santa's Workshop, but then it explodes alarms go off and a man in a winter jacket (which is covering up his face), and has goggles is running away with a big red present. He escapes the destroyed workshop and uses a gun to destroy the lock to a door to a dome where a bunch of airplanes and Santa's sleigh with the reindeer are. He heads to the outer limits of the North Pole he takes his goggles off and unzips his coat revealing he's an elf named Quillgin. Before he looks inside the present the sleigh is hit by a man (Santa) on a flying snowboard with a scarf and bigger goggles (also hiding his face). He jumps in the sleigh grabs the present and tells Quillgin)

Santa: I can't let you do this Quillgin.

Quillgin: You don't have a choice!

(Then Quillgin trips Santa and the two get in a fight for the box, but Quillgin crushes Santa's neck with his foot but before Quillgin opens the box Santa says)

Santa: Rudolf! Deine nase! (Use your nose!)

(Then the first reindeer with a glowing red nose blasts Quillgin's hand and Santa grabs the present and jumps off the sleigh. But Quillgin shot 3 bullets in Santa's stomach knocking him out with Quillgin saying)

Quillgin: Merry Christmas Santa Claus.

(Then after the title screen it shows the house with decorations and inside is a Christmas party with the song Rock Around the Christmas Tree is being played, then Muscle Man (with a hand full of cookies drops a cookie and says)

Muscle Man: Man these cookies are great you know who else makes great cookies my!..uncle's bakery on 5th and western you been there?

(Then in the living room Audrey says to Benson)

Audrey: Oh my gosh that sweater is so cool.

Benson: Oh! You like it? Yeah.. you know its just fun, festive. I like to get loose on the holiday's.

Audrey: I mean that's got to be winner for ugliest sweater, right?

Benson: (nervous) Oh! Oh yeah tsh! Isn't it funny how ugly it is? (sips his soda) I'm gonna get more soda.

(Then Pops is collecting the candy canes from the tree and putting them in his wallet)

Pops: Ha! Ha! Ha! ♫Christmas!♫

(Then Mordecai and Rigby are siging a song to Margaret on the phone)

Mordecai & Rigby: ♫ We just wanna wish youse a Merry, Merry Christmas! M: Bells jingle! R: Kris kringle! Both: Wrap your gift like this, son! Wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap....tape, tape, bow!♫

(Mordecai picks up his phone) Did you see it? Yeah, well you gotta see it with the moves, ha. All right, well have fun with your parents. Merry Christmas, Margaret!

Rigby: Did she like it?

Mordecai: Yeah, i think so.

(The scene goes to the kitchen with Mr. Mallard and Benson. Mallard is tucking in his scarf before heading out)

Benson: Oh, are you leaving already, Mr, Mallard?

Mallard: It's Christmas Eve and i'm a busy man. Six more parties to attend. That sweater is terrible. Good party, though (leaves)

Benson: Hey, i'll take it. Merry Christmas, sir! (chuckles) Well alright. (goes to get a refill of soda and notices the bottle is empty) Aw, man. Thomas? (Thomas' head is stuck between the stairway) Oh hey Thomas. Could you get some more soda from Skips' garage?

Thomas: Uh..Well i'd love too...(wiggles his head) but...uh...

Benson: Mordecai! Ri--  (the two arrive just before Benson finishes)

Mordecai: Yeah! We'll go!

Rigby: We'll get the soda.

Mordecai: This counts as your Christmas gift from us, right?

Benson: My gift is you getting me more soda? Fine..whatever...

M&R: Ha ha yeah-yuh! (both high-five each other)

Mordecai: Tis' better to give than to receive! (the two go to do the errand)

Thomas:Uh.... Can someone give me a hand?

(Clock transition to a windy and chilly night outside. Mordecai and Rigby are on their way to Skips' garage)

Mordecai: Man, don't you just love Christmas?

Rigby: If you mean getting gifts, then yeah.

Mordecai: Dude, of course thats what i mean.

Rigby: Christmas should be like minimum, like once a month.

Mordecai: ♫ Minimum! ♫

(the two see a meteor falling down towards the earth)

Mordecai: Whoa, what is that?

(Meteor swiftly crashes into Skips' garage with a large noise)

Mordecai: (gasp) Come on! (The two go to investigate and find a man with a white beard (A.K.A Santa Claus)

Both: Whoa..!

Mordecai: Dude! Are you alright?

Santa Claus: (Somewhat slurred and weakened voice) Please...take the box ( turns his postion to M&R) Oh, man! You two?

Rigby: What, this box? (picks up the red box and prepares to open it. An ominous moaning comes from inside) What's in it?

Santa Claus: NO! (groans) No, don't look into it! Destroy it!

Rigby: What? Why?

Mordecai: Wait..Who are you?

Santa Claus: I'm Santa.

Mordecai: What? Santa Claus?

Santa Claus: (rudely sarcastic voice) No, Santa McMurphy.Yes, Santa Claus! (groans in pain)

Mordecai: Come on you don't even look like Santa Claus.

Rigby: Yeah. Santa's all fat and junk

Mordecai: And he smells like gingerbread cookies.

RIgby: He's got rosy cheeks.

Mordecai: Yeah your cheeks are more bruised colored.

Rigby: And you smell like you stepped in something.

Santa Claus: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but i was just shot at, fell 3,500 feet and crashed through a garage. (groanns in pain) Besides, all that other stuff was just made up by advertising companies. Trust me! I'm the real Santa Claus.

Rigby: (Not convinced of what he said at all) Prove it.

Santa: (sighs) Okay, look. You're Mordecai and Rigby. I've been getting letters from you ever since you were little.

(Mocks their voices from their letters) "Dear Santa, dude, give me an invisibility cloak." "Santa, dude, don't be a jerk, just give me an invisiblity cloak."

Rigby: This is Santa!

Mordecai: Yeah i know!

Rigby: Hey, what gives? How come we never got'em?

Santa: Look, It's against the rules to give magical gifts.

Rigby: Whoa, even Santa has to follow rules?

Santa: (slurred) You have no idea...

Mordecai: Okay, so, you're Santa, but are you doing here?

Rigby: Yeah, whats in the box?

Santa Claus: Actually its not whats in the box. Its the box itself that matters. (Flashback to Santa's workshop)