Category:Season Two Transcripts

Peeps/Transcript
The episode begins with Mordecai and Rigby at the park washing the park's truck.

Mordecai - Okay. (rubs eyes) Ready?

Rigby - (rubs eyes) Give me a second! Ready?

Mordecai - Stare!

Rigby - Ooh, I think you're gonna blink!

Mordecai - Yeah, right.

Rigby - Ha!

Rigby - Pschoooo!

Mordecai - Hey, no laser pointers! That's not regulation!

Rigby - Street rules, man!

Benson - What are you doing? I asked you to wash the truck 20 minutes ago! I can't trust you guys to do anything!

Mordecai - Uh, we were just taking a break!

(Mordecai and Rigby go back to washing the truck.)

Benson - Ugh.

Benson - Uh--

Infomercial VO: Hey bosses! Are you sick of slackers?

Benson: Yeah.

Infomercial VO: Is this a familiar sight?

(The TV shows two cafe workers asleep.)

Infomercial VO: Well, turn this to this!

(Shows workers back to their job with a bunch of cameras surrounding them.)

Infomercial VO: Peeps! Get your workers to work harder!

Manager: Thanks, Peeps!

Infomercial VO: Now with 4 different levels! Level 1, Level 2, Level 3, and for the ultimate worker productivity, Jeepers Peepers X Infinity, with a Peeps lifetime guarantee! Act now and get the Peeps lens cleaning kit, free! Call now! Cleaning can be extremely flammable. Offer not valid or void. Peeps may be illegal in your country or province. Requires sign...

Benson: Hey, you two!

Mordecai: Oh, uh, hey Benson. We were just getting back to work.

Benson: It's okay Mordecai. I trust you.

Mordecai: Really?

Benson: Of course I do, because now I have this! Say hello to Peeps. It's a surveillance system. Now I'll be able to see what you're up to all the time, 24/7, 365. Isn't that great? Well, I'll let you guys finish your work. And remember, I'm watching you! (whistles)

Rigby: Dude, I don't think Benson trusts us at all.

Mordecai: Of course he doesn't. He just put a camera in front of us.

Rigby: What's the big deal, anyway? I mean, we were working. We're gonna get it done.

Mordecai: Come on. We'll show him. We'll get this done in no time.

Five minutes later...

Rigby: Dude, forget this. Let's just finish our staring contest.

Mordecai - We can't. Benson's watching us.

Benson - You gotta check this out, Skips. Those slackers are finally working. Yep, Peeps is working like a charm.

Skips - Why is there a jet outside?

(A drawing of a jet saying "You guys are doing great" is shown.)

Benson: Huh? What? RAUGGH!

Mordecai: Oh! Benson, uh--

Benson: Get back to work, NOW! I'm gonna take those slackers to level 2.

Phone operator: You have reached Peeps. Please hold.

Later at the coffee shop...

Mordecai: This sucks.

Rigby: I know! Mine's really chaffing me.

Mordecai: Well, at least we're on break. We can finish our staring contest.

Rigby: Yeah, it's on.

Mordecai: Ugh, this is lame.

Margaret - Next. Hey guys! What's with the cameras?

Mordecai - These? Uh, we're making an Indie documentary.

Margaret - Whoa, that's cool!

Mordecai - Yeah, it's pretty obscure arthouse stuff.

Rigby - It's so Indie only one dude's gonna see it.

Margaret - What's it called?

Benson - (over microphone) It's called "Slackers 2: The Return of Mordecai and Rigby To Their Job". Break's over!

Mordecai - Uh, I guess we'll take two lattes.

Benson - Then go!

Pops - Ooh! What a fancy new fangled giga! How does it work?

Benson - Pops, come here. I'll show you. It's called Peeps. This window here is hooked up to a camera on Rigby and this one is hooked up to Mordecai. It's foolproof. They'll never slack off again!

Pops - Hmm! Oh, I meant that!

Benson - Wow! I can't believe they've been working for 3 hours!

Pops: 3 hours? They deserve an award!

Benson: Good idea. Time to bust out the Employee Incentives. I hope these babies are still good.

Pops: Ooh! Luigi's One Free Personal Pizza with purchase of equal or greater pizza!

Benson: Let's go!

Pops: Mordecai and Rigby, we've got coupons!

Benson: What the?! World Dishwashing Championship 1982?

Mordecai: You blinked! You wish!

Benson: That's it! I gotta make a phone call.

Mordecai: AAAH!

(Many cameras are seen in different places around the park.)

Mordecai: Rigby!

Rigby: Oof! Ooh! What the?

Benson: Ha!

Mordecai: Crap. Dude, this has to stop.

Mordecai: Did you bring the hacking device?

Mordecai: Ahhhhhh.

(Coffee spills Benson's system.)

(A blackout comes when the electricity zaps.)

Benson: Ahhh. Huh? What the?!

(Mordecai and Rigby run out of the room.)

Benson: AAAHHH!

(Benson flips through the Peeps manual.)

Phone operator: Peeps Surveillance Systems.

Benson - Yeah. Upgrade me to Jeepers Peepers X-Infinity NOW!

Phone operator - I'm sorry, sir, but that requires a signature on our lifetime contract.

(Rips a few pages in manual, and throws it down.)

Benson - All right, whatever! Just make it happen!

Phone operator - One moment, please.

(A contract comes through Benson's system.)

Benson - There!

Phone operator - Thank you for choosing Peeps Surveillance Systems. Have a nice day.

(The contract disappears.)

Benson - Ha ha ha ha! AAAH! What are you?!

Peeps Eyeball: I am Peeps.

Mordecai - Benson! This has gone too far!

Skips: Yeah. We can't work.

Pops: I haven't been able to sleep in a fortnight!

Muscle Man: I've been so stressed I'm losing muscle power.

Benson: I know guys. I'm gonna take care of this mess. Peeps! Hey Peeps!

Peeps Eyeball: Yes?

Benson: Listen, Peeps. You're creeping everybody out. You've got to go.

Peeps Eyeball: I'm here to stay. If you've read the lifetime guarantee that you signed I'm going to watch you 24/7, 365 until you die.

Benson: GRAAAH!

Peeps Eyeball: That's cool. I made copies!

Mordecai: Peeps? We've got a proposition for you.

Peeps eyeball: Oh yeah?

Mordecai: A staring contest. If we win you have to leave the park.

Peeps Eyeball: Ha ha ha! Are you kidding me? You don't stand a chance.

Rigby: You're the one that doesn't have a chance, you giant eyesack!

Peeps Eyeball: Fine. If I win I'm taking your eyes. All of your eyes.

Mordecai: Accepted.

Benson: Wait, you guys can't even do the dishes. How can I trust you to win?

Mordecai: You can't trust us to do the dishes or wash the truck.

Benson: What?

Mordecai: Nothing. What you can't trust us is at pointless skills at work time.

Benson: Wow. I really can't argue with that. I guess it's our only chance.

Peeps eyeball: So which one of you is it gonna be then?

Rigby: Mordecai, you should do it. You're a better starer than me.

Peeps Eyeball: Mordecai, your eyeballs are mine.

Skips: Ready, set, stare!

Rigby: Peeps is gonna blink! You got this, Mordecai!

Rigby: Hey, that's cheating!

Peeps eyeball: I'm not blinking, am I? Don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink, don't blink. Don't blink. HA HA HA HA-- OW!

Rigby: You cheated first! Now it's time to kiss your greasy eye sex good night!

Rigby: Tchoo! Scphoo! Tchoo! Schoo!

Mordecai: Hey, Peeps, don't blink.

Peeps eyeball: This isn't a regulation, isn't it?

Rigby: Street rules, man!

Peeps eyeball: Aaaaaaah!

Benson: Get out and stay out! And you two, I hope you learned something from all this.

Rigby: Yeah, make sure we do our chores so you don't nark on us.

Mordecai: Actually my eyes won't blink anymore.

Mordecai: Uh... does anybody have any eyedrops?

Mordecai: Take me to the hospital.