House Rules/Transcript

[Mordecai and Rigby are playing Karate Choppers. The swordsmen on the game both destroy enemies, as a popup appears on screen:]

Announcer: Double death combo!

Mordecai and Rigby: WHOAAAAA! Double death combo!

[Benson comes in, carrying a book]

Benson: Hey guys, listen. When you've got a minute, I need you to take a look at these.

[Mordecai grabs the book]

Mordecai: Sure, Benson. [sees front cover: it reads "Benson's House Rules"] Oh, the house rules. Thanks, but we already have these.

Benson: Uh, no you don't. Cause I've added a few new ones in there, and I'm gonna need you to sign off on them. Okay? [walks off]

Rigby: Aw, man, more rules? He's gotta be joking!

Mordecai: Alright, let's see. Rule #114: No feet on the table. [M&R's feet are on the table, then, they take them off, moaning] Rule #115: No food on the table. [food is seen on the table, so they knock it all off]

Rigby: Fine!

Mordecai: Rule #116: No food on the floor.

Rigby: WHAT?! That's going WAY too far! [growls] Come on, man, help me flip the table!

Mordecai: No, dude. Just chill out. There's only one more new rule left.

Rigby: What is it?

''[Mordecai flips the page, then, a shocked look comes to his face as the camera zooms in. Cut into Benson's office]''

Mordecai: No video games?!

Rigby: Are you nuts?!

Benson: [holding up rule] Rule #47: No yelling!

Rigby: You can't take video games away from us, man, what're we supposed to do?

Benson: Work. You're supposed to work.

Mordecai: You know what? We're sick of all your rules! No prank calls, no rock-paper-scissors, no punchies, no unicorns? What does that even mean?

Rigby: These rules are all totally random, Benson, and they're all aimed at us!

Benson: That's not true. #68: No harpsichord playing after 10 PM.

Rigby: I actually kind of like that one.

Mordecai: Yeah, but that's the only good one in there. The rest of them are terrible!

Benson: Look, I'm doing you a favor. Life without rules is chaos.

Mordecai: Fine. But we're only signing off on the rules we like.

Rigby: Yeah, like the harpsichord one!

Benson: It doesn't work that way! If you can't agree to live by all the house rules,... [turns red] ...then you can't live in this house!

Mordecai: Well then, we won't live in this house.

Rigby: Yeah, cause your rules are whack!

Mordecai: We'll show you. [zoom in] We're not gonna live with any rules at all.

''[cut to outlet and plug, leading out of the house and into a tent. M&R are back to playing Karate Choppers]''

Announcer: Double death combo!

Mordecai and Rigby: WHOAAAAA!

Mordecai: Heheh. Dude, we should have moved out a long time ago. I feel like I just got out of prison.

Rigby: That's 'cause Benson built a rule prison around us. But we busted out, and now we can do whatever we want!

Mordecai and Rigby:  [rapping] Rules are for fools! Rules are for fools! Save your stupid rules for fools that need a schoolin'!

''[the tent begins to get destroyed, and the impact of it breaks the TV and sends Mordecai and Rigby flying out of the tent. Muscle Man is revealed to be the one destroying the tent, and he falls through the tent, but continues to punch and scream]''

Mordecai: Muscle Man, what are you doing?!

Muscle Man: My job, bro. Read it and weep, ladies. [holds up Rule #118: No overnight camping]

Mordecai and Rigby: Aw, what? Come on!

Muscle Man: While I sympathyze with your quest to break free of the man's rules, this guy's still gotta put food on the table.

Mordecai: Fine! But you didn't have to ruin our campsite!

Muscle Man: Yes I did.